by Mandie Tepe
“What?”
“I went to the baby’s gravesite,” she said in a small voice.
“Jeez . . . Gracie . . .” he choked out. “Why wouldn’t you tell me what was going on with you today?” He dropped down on her sofa.
She carefully sat down beside him, keeping as much distance as she could between them. “I don’t really know.”
“We were together all day yesterday. You think you can’t talk to me . . . that I don’t understand. But you have to know I’d try to. Right?”
Gracie realized he was hurt. “I’m sorry. I’ve had people carry my load for me for the past two years. I’m finally feeling strong enough to carry it myself. I have to carry it myself.”
Sonny stared into her eyes, his amber eyes darker and bleaker than she’d ever seen them. “It’s not about me trying to carry your load for you, Gracie. It’s about me caring about you enough that I just want to be there for you. It’s about you caring enough about me that you want me to be.”
“But, you see, Luca . . . it’s not. I do care about you—Mom and Dad and Matty too.” Tears started falling, which made Sonny feel like he had hit her. “I just can’t be weak any more. I can’t.”
“Angel, please . . . don’t do that. Don’t cry.” He moved closer and gathered her in his arms. “I’m sorry. I was just so scared. But letting me be there for you doesn’t make you weak.”
“I’m sorry. I thought I’d be back before you knew I was gone, and then I could tell you all about my trip. About how much better I feel about things now.”
Sonny drew back and looked into her stormy brown eyes. “Do you really? Feel better, I mean?”
“I do. It was hard at first, but I feel a peace about Jolie now.”
“Jolie.” Sonny gave her a gentle smile. “That’s her name?”
“Yes. Jolie Laurent Chilton. Jolie is French for pretty. We used Laurent because we hadn’t picked out a middle name yet.”
“I think it’s a perfect middle name. That’s the one you should have picked from the beginning.”
Gracie brushed at the tears on her face and smiled. “You really think so?”
“Oh, yeah. Come here, angel, and tell me all about your visit,” he said as he pulled her against him to rest her head against his chest.
So she did. They talked it all out and then she called Mathias and her parents, to apologize for going off the grid. She explained that she’d turned off her phone when she boarded the plane that morning and never thought to turn it on again, preoccupied as she’d been all day.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Friday night Gracie was feeling sassy—in a sexy new black, white and gray tank dress, the short skirt made up of several layers of ruffles, and stiletto-heeled black boots—singing Kellie Pickler’s Red High Heels. It was a good crowd, she thought, as she noticed a large group just walking in the door. As they came closer, she realized it was Meg, Jenna, Kelli and some of the other SEAL wives . . . only this time, they had their men in tow. Tobi, Scott, Declan—with a couple of their other friends from the SDDI—along with Sonny and Charley had already been there awhile. Gracie had spent a little time with them before the first set started. Val and Javier must have found a babysitter, because they showed up soon after.
Sugar Creek had a few more songs to go before the set ended, and she put Sonny’s friends out of her mind. She was a little embarrassed to see Meg and Trace after what she’d put them through on Monday. Charley, though, had made her feel comfortable. He was just fun to be around and didn’t make her feel uneasy at all. It was easy for her to let herself get lost in the performance, focusing on the messages in the music and letting the satisfaction wash through her as she watched the packed dance floor. If people were enjoying the music and dancing, she knew they must be doing something right.
After the final song of the set, Montgomery Gentry’s Gone—Colby always said to leave them wanting more, and his rendition of that song always made the crowd want more—the band left the stage. Gracie took her time as she moved through the crowd toward Sonny and his friends. She spent a little more time chatting with some of the regulars than she might have. She finally took herself in hand, told herself to stop stalling, and went over to greet the group.
They were all crowded around two adjacent tables and spirits were high. Gracie stood beside Sonny’s chair until he tugged her by the hand to perch on his good knee. She noticed he’d ordered a glass of water with lemon and had it sitting there waiting for her. It gave her heart a little jolt. After Charley got up to go over to the bar and flirt with Maggie, she started to shift over to his seat, but Sonny kept a grip on her. And, truth be told, she was happy to stay where she was. It was fun to sit and laugh with his friends, pretending they were hers too. Everyone pulled her right in and made her feel welcome. She regretted having to leave them, but she wanted to spend some time with the band before they took the stage again.
The next set was as much fun as the first. By now the bar was filled to capacity, and she noticed Savannah had called in one of the off-duty bouncers to help keep an eye on things. It was a fairly well mannered crowd, though, and if security was having problems, they were able to keep a lid on things in a low-key manner.
Between the second and third sets, Gracie decided she needed to clear the air with the McKennas and Charley. She made her way to their table and was relieved to see Sonny over by the bar visiting with Savannah. Gracie quietly asked if the three would join her outside while she went out for some fresh air. She noticed they looked curiously at one another, but stood up and followed her out.
“I just wanted to talk to you for a minute,” she said as they walked with her toward the parking lot next to the building. The three of them sat down on the low wall dividing the lot from the sidewalk and she stood in front of them. “I want to apologize to all of you. I know you were worried, and I never wanted that to happen. Thank you so much for being there for Luca, but I really expected to be back before anyone missed me. I wasn’t trying to be secretive or anything . . . truly.” She stepped closer. “It’s just . . . Luca probably filled you on in what’s been going on in my life the last couple of years . . .”
Meg’s heart was aching for her. “It’s okay, hon . . . you don’t have to . . .”
Gracie squared her shoulders. “Yes, I do. I want to explain it to you. I want to try to help you understand.” She wrapped her bare arms around herself against the chilly night air and cleared her throat. “I’ve let myself be a weak person for the past couple of years. I can admit that I completely lost my footing, so to speak, and my family swooped in and just loved me and took care of me. I was so broken that I let it happen. I’m not really that ashamed of it, either. I think sometimes you have to do that. But, I’ve come to realize I can’t be that person anymore. I wouldn’t respect myself. So a couple of months ago, when I was given the opportunity to move down here on my own and start a new life, I had to do it. That doesn’t mean all my baggage gets left behind, though. I’m still learning to deal with all of that. And it is working for me. I’m feeling so much stronger . . . and happier. I never thought I’d feel happy again.” She looked into their eyes and—beneath the soft glow of the streetlights—saw understanding, which gave her the strength to keep talking. “Monday was the first time I’d been to Jolie’s—that’s my baby girl—to her gravesite. I felt compelled to go and it was a good thing for me. It was hard . . . but it helped me feel more at peace about everything. The thing is . . . it was something I had to do alone. If I took my parents or Luca with me, I might just fall back into letting them carry me through it. I have to do it on my own now.” She saw tears running down Meg’s cheeks.
“Anyway . . .” she continued. “I don’t want you to think I’m a cold person. Maybe some of my actions have seemed that way to you. I’m guarded, I know. My confidence has been shaken and I’m having a hard time with trust lately. I was with Rob from the age of fourteen. I would have sworn up �
�til that horrible afternoon that I knew him inside out—but, of course, I didn’t. If I could be so wrong for so long about him, how can I trust my instincts about the new people in my life? Please believe me when I say I know what wonderful people Luca’s friends are. I’ve watched you take care of him and love him so well it makes my heart ache. I want to be in that circle too—so badly. If I seem skittish, it’s only my own insecurities. I’m praying you’ll be patient with me.” Her breath hitched. “And Luca . . . I look at him and I see so many wonderful things in him. I see things I never even knew I wanted . . . or needed. If I let myself fall . . .”
“Do it.” Gracie jerked her head around at the sound of his raspy voice. He was standing not ten feet away from her and she had no idea how long he’d been there. She looked into his hypnotic amber eyes. “Do it, angel. Let yourself fall. I’ll catch you . . . and I promise I won’t ever drop you.”
She whimpered as she lunged toward him. She never heard his crutches hit the ground as he crushed her to him and pressed his mouth to hers. They never noticed their friends quietly stand up and melt away, either.
CHAPTER 13
Over the next several weeks, Sonny and Gracie’s lives fell into a pleasant rhythm. They spent every Sunday together—even attending church with Meg and Trace a couple of times. They sometimes spent the day out, Sonny keeping her company while she explored San Diego. But the best Sundays—in his opinion—were the ones spent just hanging out at her place or his, talking or watching movies, and running to the grocery store for the ingredients to cook dinner.
He was still working on base—on a restricted basis—about three half-days a week. His therapy was going well, but slowly. He was trying to be patient, but some days were better than others. He’d been able to get rid of one of the crutches, and just use one on his weak side. That had been a morale booster . . . just having that one arm free.
Gracie’s schedule was a lot more full, but she was happy to spend whatever free time she had with Sonny. Since she didn’t have to be at the daycare center until mid-day and most of her evenings were occupied, they’d gotten into the habit of seeing one another a couple of mornings during the week. Sugar Creek had practice Tuesday evenings, and of course they were playing Savannah’s Wednesday through Saturday nights. Sonny tried to be at the bar a couple of those nights to see her, sometimes bringing friends along.
Gracie was surprised at how happy she was. She hadn’t expected to ever feel this way. Sonny was the polar opposite of Rob, and she would never have pictured herself with someone like him—or imagined someone like him would be interested in her. So much about him surprised her. He was such a tough guy, yet he was always doing unexpected little things for her . . . gassing up her car while she was on stage at Savannah’s—then running it through a carwash . . . bringing her gift certificates for manicures and pedicures because he realized that was a weakness of hers . . . showing up with little pots of herbs because she mentioned she’d always wanted to try fresh herbs in some of her recipes . . . fixing her hot tea and soup—even if it was the canned kind—when her throat was giving her trouble . . . attempting to vacuum her apartment on one leg while she ran out to pick up something at the grocery store . . . and never letting her clean the kitchen if she had cooked him a meal. She couldn’t imagine Rob doing any of those things. Those thoughts would never even have crossed his mind. And if they had, he certainly wouldn’t have followed through. She remembered Sonny had once told her that most people wanted to do things for those they cared about. Now she knew he believed that . . . and lived it.
She was falling so hard for him. It was difficult for her to let herself trust those feelings when she was alone in the dark of night. What if he wasn’t what he appeared, either—like Rob hadn’t been what he appeared to be? But when she was with him, she knew deep down who he was and there wasn’t a selfish bone in his body. He appreciated all the little things she did for him and made sure she knew it—unlike Rob, who took all of those things as his due. She made a conscious decision every day to trust and care for Sonny . . . and to be honest, it wasn’t a difficult thing to do.
Sonny watched Gracie open up before his eyes. With every new trust she placed in him, he melted more and more. She was so willing to help him carry the load of his recovery, encouraging him and being his best cheerleader. She was also letting him help carry her load . . . even on her difficult days. Every time he looked at her, every time he heard her laugh, every time she kissed him or snuggled up next to him, he felt regret that they hadn’t met again sooner. He cursed Rob Chilton for what he’d put Gracie through. But if she hadn’t been through all of that, he never would have found her—and that thought always made him feel guilty and selfish.
He was careful to not push her too far physically. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her . . . of course he did. He just wanted her to understand how important she was to him. He’d wait as long as it took because she meant that much to him. Even if she caused him some uncomfortable moments, he’d wait.
As many relationships as he’d had—both the important deep ones, as well as the fun but shallow ones—he’d never felt this way before. He always had an inkling in the back of his mind that there was someone out there who was different than the rest . . . someone he was meant to be with. He’d worried a little that maybe he’d missed her—that she had somehow gotten away from him without him even knowing it. But now he knew Gracie was that someone he’d been waiting and watching for. He recognized her and he’d do whatever it took to make her understand that too. He was definitely in love with her . . . in love—italicized. He just prayed she could love him back someday.
What he didn’t realize was that Gracie already did.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
It was a Sunday evening in mid-October and Sonny and Gracie were on their way to her place after spending the day at the McKennas’ beach house. Meg had made her famous chili and the guys had vegged out all day in front of the football machine—Trace’s big screen TV. Charley had shown up mid-afternoon with a new girlfriend and joined them. The girls spent the afternoon being ignored—mostly, except during halftime—and playing Scrabble while visiting. Charley’s girl, Misty, didn’t have the biggest vocabulary, so she sat out after her first game. To her credit, though, she insisted the other two keep playing when they started to put the board away after she quit. She was a good sport and seemed to enjoy visiting with them while they played.
Gracie had been quiet on the drive and Sonny glanced over at her. “Are you upset with me for ignoring you most of the day?”
“No! Why would you think that?”
“You’re awfully quiet over there.”
“Oh . . . I don’t mean to be. Just tired, I guess.” She reached over and took his hand, smiling at him. “I’d ask what’s new with the guys, but something tells me you weren’t over there sharing your feelings.”
“Sure we were. We shared quite a few of the feelings we were having about some of the officials’ rotten calls,” he grumbled.
“Uh oh . . . one of those kind of days on the field, huh?” she laughed.
“It was pitiful,” he said with mock disgust. “What about you girls? I don’t know that I want to know about your feelings—but what’s new?”
She threw his hand back in his lap and folded her arms. “Don’t care to know about my feelings? Seriously.”
He reached over with his rejected hand and took hers back. “You know I’m kidding, angel.”
Gracie laughed. “I know.” She threaded her fingers through his. “Turns out that Meg’s show at the SDDI is the first Friday in November. She said she’d give us tickets, if we want to go,” she said nonchalantly.
Sonny knew she really wanted to go, though she wouldn’t come out and say it. “It’s on a Friday . . . don’t you have to be at Savannah’s that night?”
“That’s the night Savannah picked for her quarterly comedy night. Sugar Creek happens to have the n
ight off.” She watched him, hoping he’d catch the hint.
“Well, we should go see Meg’s show then,” he smiled at her.
Gracie leaned over and threw her arms around his neck. “Watch it!” he exclaimed. “Trying to drive here. Put your seatbelt back on.”
She plopped back into her seat. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly.
Sonny grinned at her. “Seems to me there’s something else going on that day.”
He knew that was also Gracie’s birthday and that was one of the reasons Savannah had picked that night to give the band their quarterly Friday night off. If she could work it out on a specific day the band would prefer to have off, she always did.
Gracie didn’t say anything, but he kept baiting her. “Wonder what it could be. It’s right there in the back of my brain, but I just can’t remember.”
She huffed out a breath. “Come on, Luca. Don’t do anything big. Okay?”
He looked at her tenderly. “You come on—you only turn twenty-three once, Gracie. We should do it up big.”
“Going to see the show is big. Maybe we could go out to dinner too. I really don’t want you to make a big fuss, Luca. You do so much for me already.”
“I don’t do any more for you than I want to, angel. I want you to have a happy birthday.”
“It will be happy if we’re together. That’s all I want. Really.”
Sonny raised his eyebrow at her, but didn’t make any promises. He already had big plans for her. If she only knew. He’d better get crackin’ though. There was a lot to do in the next couple of weeks.
Changing the subject, he said, “Do you want to get together for dinner tomorrow night?”
“I can’t. Kelli and I are going to the salon for mani/pedis. I’m sorry.”
Gracie had gotten close to Meg, but even closer to Kelli, who was her bff. They were both unmarried so they had more free time than the SEAL wives. They were similar in temperament—being a little on the shy, quiet side—and they had a lot in common. They went out to see chick flicks and shared books back and forth—their own unofficial book club. Kelli worked as a nurse at the medical center, and her shifts rotated each week, giving her a flexible schedule. Gracie had even been after Sonny to find some nice young sailor to fix Kelli up with so they could double date. He was avoiding that in every way possible. No way did he want to get caught up in that trap. If it didn’t work out, he’d never hear the end of it.