by Lynne Graham
‘And that’s why Luke was so taken with you at our wedding—he knows he’s your half-brother!’ Cesario guessed, frowning at her in sudden comprehension as he made that familial connection. ‘Madre di Dio! Is that why you married me? To get Halston Hall?’
Thunderstruck by that suggestion, Jess stared blankly back at him.
‘I can see that my ownership of the house would have been a major attraction to someone in your circumstances,’ Cesario said drily.
Jess had turned pale. ‘Someone in my circumstances?’
‘You said yourself how fitting it would be that you should own the former ancestral home of the Dunn-Montgomerys, when your birth father refuses to even acknowledge your relationship,’ Cesario extended. ‘I don’t mind. In fact it’s a relief if Halston Hall can in some way compensate you for the way in which I’ve screwed up your life.’
There was a note of finality to that assurance. His dark golden eyes were cool, his stubborn sensual mouth composed in a firm line. For the first time since her arrival she knew exactly what he was thinking: he had said all he had to say to her and now he was ready for her to leave. For several seconds she withstood the steady onslaught of his gaze, because a crushing sense of rejection was holding her in a near state of paralysis, and then she moved away on feet that felt as if they didn’t belong to the rest of her body.
Cesario was making a phone call in his own language but both his voice and actions seemed to be happening far away at the end of a long dark tunnel. Jess felt detached from her surroundings and horribly lightheaded.
‘You’ll be driven home…no, don’t argue with me,’ Cesario urged as her lips parted. ‘You’re pregnant. I don’t want you struggling to find a seat on a packed train during the rush hour.’
With enormous effort, Jess focused on him. She dimly recognised that she was in a state of shock so profound that she could barely think, but there was one question that she could not suppress. ‘You said your condition had got worse…how long?’ and her voice ran out of steam altogether and just vanished in the awfulness of what she was saying.
‘They’re not quite sure. Not more than six months,’ he proffered with unnatural calm. ‘I do have one favour to ask…’
‘What?’ Jess prompted shakily, for the number six was whizzing round and round inside her head as if someone had turned on a manic mixer.
‘Would you mind if Weed and Magic lived with me? For as long as that’s practical,’ Cesario extended tight-mouthed.
Jess felt as if someone had their hands squeezing round her throat: it was that hard to breathe and there was a pain building in her chest. She was recalling the patient way he had learned hand signals so that he could communicate with the deaf terrier. ‘No problem,’ she said, schooling her voice to control it. ‘No problem at all.’
Rigo Castello escorted her in silence down to the basement car park and tucked her into a limousine. She remembered the older man’s behaviour when Cesario had collapsed and realised that he had been in on the secret as well. It seemed that of all the people close to Cesario she had been just about the only one kept in the dark. Deceived, lied to, shut out of the charmed circle and, although he wanted her dogs for company, he didn’t want her.
CHAPTER TEN
THE instant Jess laid eyes on her mother that evening she started to cry. Once she had let that flood of pent-up grief and despair flow freely there was no stopping it.
Shaken by the state her daughter was in, Sharon Martin took some time to grasp the situation that her daughter was describing between heartbroken sobs. When Jess had finally mopped her eyes dry, her eyelids were so swollen she could hardly see out of them. But she had only to think of Cesario and more moisture trickled down her quivering cheeks.
‘You’re the first person in my family ever to go to university and yet when it comes to a real crisis you act as if you’re as thick as two short planks!’ Sharon pronounced, shocking her daughter right out of her self-preoccupied silence.
‘How can you say that?’ Jess gasped.
‘The man you say you love is dying and you’re still whinging on about how he lied to you! What are you thinking of?’ the older woman demanded.
The man you love is dying. And there it was, the simple fact that had frozen Jess’s ability to reason at source. That news had torn her apart, both angering and terrifying her, for she did not know how to handle something so enormous and threatening that it affected her entire world and destroyed even the future.
‘Cesario lied to protect you and, by the looks of it, he knew what he was doing when he lied, because you’re sitting here being useless!’ Sharon scolded. ‘Where is your brain, Jess? He doesn’t want you to feel that you have to stay with him because you’re his wife and he’s ill. He knows you didn’t sign up for that and he clearly never intended to tell you. Obviously he thought he was going to have more time with you. He doesn’t want your pity. That’s why he told you that you could have a separation right now, so that you are free to do whatever you like.’
Blinking rapidly, Jess stared back at her mother. ‘What I like?’ she echoed.
‘A week ago you were in Italy with Cesario and you were both very, very happy, weren’t you?’ Sharon voiced that reminder gently.
‘Yes, but—’
‘No buts. Cesario can’t have changed that much in the space of a few days. He’s just giving you the chance to escape getting involved in his illness.’
‘You honestly believe he’s trying to protect me rather than get rid of me?’ Jess whispered shakily.
‘I think that’s the only reason he lied all along. He’s trying to be a tough guy and deal with his condition alone.’
Jess swallowed the thickness in her throat and stared down at her feet with glazed eyes. ‘I don’t think I can handle losing him,’ she framed gruffly.
‘Then don’t give up. By the sound of it, he’s already given up, so he doesn’t need more of the same from you. There may still be room for hope. You tell him he has to give the treatment a go—for your sake and the baby’s,’ the older woman proffered briskly. ‘With any luck, it won’t be too late for him to change his mind.’
Jess grasped that thought like a mental lifeline and held fast to it. ‘I’ve been stupid, blind, self-obsessed…’
‘You were in shock and now you’ve had the chance to think things through. You have to fight for most things in life that are worth having.’
‘I’ll go back to London…’
‘Tomorrow. Right now you’re exhausted and you need a good night’s sleep before you do anything,’ Sharon told her firmly. ‘You have to look after yourself and the baby now.’
The next morning Jess had a routine surgery to carry out and it was the afternoon before she had the leisure to think. A deep longing for Cesario’s presence clawed at her, filling her with fear of the future all over again, but also hardening her resolve to take action. She drove back to the hall, gazing out at the gracious old house, and while marvelling that it was now her home she frowned at the sight of the pair of vans already parked outside.
It was an unpleasant surprise to walk into the big hall and see a stack of boxes piled up. Looking beyond them, she could see the amount of activity going on in Cesario’s office, people moving about busily while desk and cupboards were cleared and packed. Her heart sank to the soles of her feet and she felt sick: he was already moving out!
Without any warning, Cesario appeared in the doorway, Weed and Magic at his heels. That he looked so healthy with his vibrant golden skin tone hit her like a slap in the face, while the cloaked and unrevealing darkness of his gaze simply hurt her. Once again she felt excluded, on the outside when she wanted to be involved in everything he did.
He strolled fluidly closer, as elegant as he always was in a pearl grey business suit, only the absence of a tie striking a less formal note. He looked gorgeous. In spite of the pain Jess was fighting to hold at bay, her heart started to pound very, very fast inside her.
‘I’m
sorry—this isn’t how I planned this. I intended to be gone before you got back from work,’ he admitted levelly.
‘It won’t do you any good,’ Jess told him tartly. ‘I’ll just follow you to London and camp out on your doorstep.’
His brow indented and he gave her a bemused look. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘I want to be with you. I need to be with you,’ Jess said boldly. ‘Blame yourself for that. You dragged me into this.’
‘We’ll talk in the drawing room,’ he breathed tautly, lush ebony lashes lowering to screen his gaze from the intrusion of hers.
‘Nothing you could possibly say will change my mind,’ Jess warned him, lifting her chin as he closed the door on the hall and the bustle of the packers.
‘You’re taking an emotional view of this situation and that’s wrong.’
‘Maybe it would be wrong for you, but it’s not wrong for me,’ Jess cut in with assurance.
‘You’re thinking of me the way you think of your rescue animals—all starry-eyed compassion and do-gooding instincts to the fore,’ he condemned, his lean, strong face rigid with censure. ‘I don’t want that. I can’t live with that.’
‘And I can’t live with you dealing with this alone and away from me, so it seems that we’re at an impasse,’ Jess pronounced, taking in the disorientated look starting to build in his beautiful dark golden eyes and the anger that she was behaving in a way he had not foreseen. ‘We’re also about to have a major argument.’
A black brow lifted. ‘About what?’ he challenged, an aggressive angle to his strong jaw.
‘You have to go for that treatment you refused—’
‘No.’ The rebuttal was instant.
‘Stop thinking about you and think about this baby you decided to bring into this world.’ Jess shot that fiery advice back at him without hesitation. ‘Our baby deserves that you fight this by any means open to you. If there’s the smallest chance that you can survive this, you owe it to us to take it!’
Cesario gazed back at her with unflinching force but he had lost colour. ‘Strong words…’
‘Strongly felt,’ Jess traded, holding that look with intent grey eyes that willed him to listen, for she felt as if she was fighting for both their lives. When the tumour had first been diagnosed he had taken a stance and, in her opinion, he had taken the wrong one.
‘And what of the consequences if the surgery doesn’t go well?’
Jess squared her slim shoulders. ‘Then we’ll deal with that when and if it happens. We’ll manage. You’re luckier than most people in that you can afford the best medical care and support if you need it.’
‘But what if I’m not prepared to live with the risk of being maimed?’ Cesario pressed darkly.
‘Life is precious, Cesario. Life is very precious,’ Jess whispered vehemently, longing for him to accept that truth. ‘I can tell you now that our child would rather have you alive and disabled than not have you at all.’
‘I’m not going to ask you how you feel!’ Cesario shot back at her in a derisive attack that cut a painful swathe through her anxiety. ‘I’m talking to a woman with a three-legged, half-blind dog and a deaf dog and several others with what you might term a “reduced quality of life”, so I already know your liberal views. But I’m not a dumb animal and my needs are a little more sophisticated!’
‘But you are also putting your pride and need to be independent ahead of every other factor and you’re assuming that the worst case scenario will result,’ Jess condemned in a determined attack on his outlook. ‘Why so pessimistic? What happened to hope? What’s wrong with having hope? We have a child on the way. I’m asking you to think about what having a father will mean to our baby as he or she grows up.’
Cesario compressed his lips. ‘I’m not the right person to discuss that with because I had a rotten father.’
‘All the more reason for you to think this over now, because you could do the job better. I had a rotten birth father as well. He gave my mother the money for an abortion and considered his responsibility to us both concluded. But Robert Martin was a wonderful father to me,’ Jess declared with passionate sincerity. ‘He’s not educated and he’s not clever or successful like my birth father, but I love him very much for always being there to love, support and encourage me. What’s in your heart is what matters, not the superficial things.’
‘You were fortunate.’
Her face took on a wry expression. ‘But sadly I didn’t appreciate just how lucky I was to have Robert, until William Dunn-Montgomery had a solicitor’s letter sent to me warning me to stay away from him and his family.’
Cesario frowned, taken aback by that admission. ‘When did that happen?’
‘When I was a student of nineteen and I tried to meet my birth father. It was after I got out of hospital following the stalker attack. I was going through a difficult time emotionally and I was madly curious about my beginnings and rather naïve in my expectations. Sadly, William Dunn-Montgomery took fright at my first approach and made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with me,’ she explained with a grimace. ‘It took that experience of rejection for me to realise how privileged I’d been to have a stepfather like Robert, who always treated me as a daughter he was proud of.’
‘I can understand the depth of your loyalty to him now,’ Cesario conceded heavily. ‘I wish I hadn’t taken advantage of it.’
‘Never mind that now. Having a father enriched my life. All I’m asking is that you try to give our child the same advantage.’
Dark eyes bleak and without a shade of gold, Cesario breathed curtly, ‘I’ll bear that in mind, but I have thought long and hard about this and I have already made my decision.’
Jess released her breath in a slow hiss, the ferocious tension holding her taut draining out of her again to leave her feeling limp and wrung out. ‘Decisions can be changed!’ she argued.
‘But that decision was made six months ago. Surgery may not even be an option any more.’
That risk hadn’t really occurred to Jess. Up until that point all she had focused on was getting him to change his mind and consider treatment. Now all she could think about was how cruel it would be if Cesario was destined to die because he had met her too late.
Cesario searched her distraught face. ‘You and that baby have me over a barrel.’
‘That’s not how I want you to feel.’
‘I’m meeting with my doctors tomorrow—’
Her eyes widened fearfully. ‘I’m coming too. From now on, you don’t shut me out any more.’
‘This was supposed to be a practical marriage. I never wanted you to get involved in this!’ Cesario derided in a sudden burst of very masculine frustration.
‘I decide what I want to get involved in,’ Jess responded squarely.
‘You’ll regret it,’ he told her grimly. ‘At any time, feel free to walk away from this and me.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Jess informed him stubbornly. ‘And, by the way, I didn’t marry you to gain the right to live in this house because it once belonged to the Dunn-Montgomery family. Nor did I marry you purely to save my stepfather’s skin. I also wanted a child of my own—you and I had the same agenda.’
His lush lashes cloaked his gaze and the lean hands he had coiled into fists loosened again. He released his breath on a sigh. ‘I know that, but it doesn’t alter the fact that I used your stepfather’s plight to put you under unfair pressure to marry me.’
‘That’s not how you felt about it at the time,’ Jess reminded him. ‘And if we’re staying together, please tell your staff to put the office contents back.’
A faint touch of colour edging his high cheekbones, Cesario went to speak to his staff and the moving operation went into sudden reverse. Jess started to breathe a little easier when the first box went back through the office doorway instead of out of the house.
Taking off his jacket, Cesario strode back to her side, beautiful dark eyes lustrous, rousing a tiny scream of pain a
nd fear inside her. How could he look so well and yet be so very far from well? Suppressing that negative thought, she sensed his uncertainty and she reached for his hand in an instinctive gesture of unity.
‘Let’s go upstairs where we’ll get some peace,’ he urged in the midst of the bustle around them, and he directed her towards the magnificent staircase.
‘There are things I have to say to you, mia bella,’ Cesario said very seriously before they reached the bedroom they invariably shared. ‘Things that I wanted to say weeks ago in Italy but which I felt then were better left unspoken.’
‘So, get them out of the way now,’ Jess urged, wondering in some apprehension what he had held back from saying to her. ‘We shouldn’t have any more secrets from each other.’
Cesario studied her intently. ‘I blackmailed you into marrying me, moglie mia,’ he intoned with regret. ‘I wanted you and I didn’t care how I got you. But no matter how you feel about it now, it was incredibly selfish of me to plunge you into this situation.’
‘You’d be surprised how resilient I am.’ Jess lifted her head high, her grey gaze soft and strong as it rested on him. ‘And, yes, you blackmailed me, but I was attracted to you as well and without the pressure you put on me I would never have done anything about it. Never mind what happens in the future; I’ll always be glad we did get together,’ she completed gruffly.
‘But I feel like I’ve trapped you now. You’re way too nice to put yourself first and walk away from a dying partner,’ Cesario derided in a frustrated undertone.
‘You may not die. You must look at the more positive angle,’ Jess breathed feelingly. ‘And I’m not too nice. If I didn’t want to be with you, I wouldn’t be here now because I couldn’t fake it, I couldn’t pretend…’