As I was coming back down the steps, Chantelle walked past. ‘Savannah’s not in there,’ she said.
‘Where has she gone?’ I asked.
Chantelle shrugged, then winked. ‘Maybe she’s gone looking for love amongst the locals.’
‘Yeah, very funny,’ I said.
‘Actually, I think she may have left. I think she did the last of her scenes the day before yesterday.’
I sat on the steps and put my head in my hands. Savannah, gone? Maybe she didn’t see the paper. Or maybe she did and went into hiding. I wouldn’t blame her, but I’d thought we were friends. At least she could have said goodbye.
‘Hey you,’ said a friendly voice to my right.
I looked up.
It was Mac. ‘You look down in the dumps,’ he said, sitting down next to me.
‘Just been fired.’
‘Ah, for snogging Savannah?’
‘For that and for daring to breathe the same air as Roland. So you’ve seen the paper?’
Mac nodded. ‘Fame at last. Um, probably not what you wanted, eh? Tough luck. But best not sit here with that long face. It looks like you’re pining for Savannah.’
‘Chantelle said she may have gone.’
Mac nodded. ‘Yeah, Becca said she’d split.’
‘Have you spoken to Lia?’ I asked.
He shook his head. ‘Bec said she’s out for the morning with her dad and Donny. She doesn’t know if Lia’s seen the paper. What are you going to do?’
‘Try and explain. Put things right. What a mess.’
Mac put his hand on my arm. ‘Yeah.’ Then he laughed. ‘Love rat.’
‘That’s a joke,’ I said. ‘I’ve only ever snogged three girls.’
‘Well, don’t let anyone else know that. Having a reputation as a love rat can do wonders for your babe magnetism.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, girls always love a bad boy. They like the challenge of being the one to tame them.’
‘But the only girl I’m interested in is Lia. She’s going to kill me if, or rather when, she sees that newspaper.’
‘Not your day is it?’
‘Not my week. I’d almost saved enough to replace my camcorder, as well. Would have done, in fact, if I hadn’t forked out for the flowers for Lia. I guess they were a total waste of money.’
‘Maybe not. You don’t know how she’s going to react to the piece in the paper. And she was really knocked out by the flowers. Becca told me that she thought you were the most sensitive boy she’d ever met.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah,’ said Mac. ‘On a par with Dawson from Dawson’s Creek.’
‘Dawson?’ I pulled a face. ‘Mr Sensitive. Oh, double yuck. He’s so wet. I’m not that wet. Oh, please. Oh, God, my life is over.’
Mac started laughing. ‘OK, maybe not on a par with Dawson – I made that bit up. You could never be that wet. But Lia did say that she thought you were sensitive. Anyway, the newspaper story. How are you going to get out of that? I mean, you did kiss Savannah. No doubt about that.’
‘Yeah, but she asked me to. She wanted to rehearse a scene from the movie and Donny wasn’t around. It was innocent. It really really was.’
‘What was it like?’
‘Mac . . .’
‘Oh, come on. I’d tell you.’
‘Well . . . Pretty hot actually,’ I said. ‘But it was innocent on my part, honestly. I even tried to pretend that I was kissing Lia, so that it wouldn’t be cheating.’
Mac cracked up laughing at that. ‘So how come you didn’t tell me?’
‘I wanted to tell Lia first. And I was going to, I really was. I was just waiting for the right time. Plus, I didn’t think you’d believe that it was innocent.’
Mac squeezed my arm. ‘I believe you, mate. Thousands wouldn’t.’
I grimaced. ‘I just hope that Lia isn’t one of those thousands.’
I DIDN’T hang around at unit base after I’d finished talking to Mac. Not with everyone nudging each other when they saw me and staring at me with knowing looks. I got on my bike and went down to Cremyll, where I sat on a bench and considered my options.
There wasn’t too long to go now until the film wrapped here and the crew went up to London to shoot the scenes up there. The holidays were almost over. Was it worth going to Roland and begging for my job back as I still needed money for a camcorder? No way, I decided. He had made it very clear that he wanted me off the set. He hadn’t liked me from day one. I could live without being involved in the last few days of the shoot, in fact, it would be cool to have a few days to myself. It bothered me that Charlie might think badly of me, though. I’d liked her. Maybe I’d drop her a line and put the record straight when it was all over.
Savannah and the photo? Just got to let that one go, I told myself. No doubt I’d be teased about it for months to come, but the gossip would die down in the end and it was a good lesson in how the press can make something out of nothing. Shame I never got to say goodbye to her, though. I really did think that we’d become friends. But that’s another lesson, I told myself. Some people are like life: they take you up; they take you down.
And Lia? When I thought about Lia my stomach churned. But where it used to churn in a nice way when I thought about her, now the only sensation I felt was a knot of anxiety. Savannah, Charlie, the whole film set and everything that went with them would be up and gone in a few days. But Lia . . . She was a part of my life. I’d still see her every day at school. It had to be sorted, or seeing her would be a constant reminder of how things might have been if only I’d kept the promise I made to her that day on Whitsand beach. If only I’d told her about the rehearsal kiss. If only I could turn the clock back just a few days, we could maybe have had a laugh about it and she would still be my girlfriend.
This has to be one of the worst days of my whole life, I thought, as I sat there on the beach. I’d never felt so mixed up. I felt angry with Roland: sacking me had been so unfair. I felt hurt by Savannah for taking off and leaving me in it, and without even saying goodbye. Not even a phone call. And, from the reactions of the crew that I’d seen this morning, not a word in my defence. She could have said something but it – or rather, I – obviously wasn’t important enough for her to have taken the time out for.
I felt like a total reject. But there was still Lia. She hadn’t rejected me; not yet. And maybe I could still rescue things with her. She was bound to see the newspaper sooner or later, but maybe if I came clean, apologised for not having told her about it, grovelled, begged, offered to carry her school books for the rest of eternity, she might give me a break. As my mum says, nothing is ever over until it’s over.
I reached into my pocket, pulled out my mobile and tried Lia’s mobile again. Still switched off, but this time I left a message for her: ‘Lia, I really need to talk to you. Have you seen the paper today? There is an explanation. Call as soon as you get this message. Please.’
I waited at Cremyll for half an hour and watched as a couple of ferries came in and passengers got off. I felt numb, unsure what to do. Should I get on a ferry to Plymouth and go and look for Lia? Maybe not, I decided. For one thing, I didn’t know where they’d have gone – they’d probably taken Donny to some posh place for lunch. Plus, there’s no way I’d want him around when I see Lia. She’d probably have seen the paper by now and it would be so humiliating if she gave me the cold shoulder with Primadonny looking on. And if Lia’s dad was there too . . . I like Zac Axford and we get on really well normally but he might not be so friendly if he thought I’d been cheating on his daughter.
I thought about going up to Lia’s house and waiting by the gates. I’d get her on her own and explain everything. It was all innocent after all. But I couldn’t get away from the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. The promise. The promise that we’d made to tell the truth to each other. I might be innocent as far as the kiss was concerned but I hadn’t kept that promise. Promise to tell the truth, even if i
t hurts, no matter what. That’s what she’d asked me.
I went home and luckily no one was there, as I didn’t feel much like talking to anyone. Apart from Lia that is. I made a sandwich but I couldn’t eat it. I went up to my room. It looked like a bomb had hit it – I hadn’t tidied up since the beginning of the shoot. Half-heartedly, I began to put things away. Every fifteen minutes, I tried Lia’s mobile. I didn’t care if I seemed desperate. I wanted her to know how badly I wanted to get through to her.
Around one o’clock, I decided to phone her house and see if her mum had any idea when she might be home.
‘Oh, they’ve just got back,’ she said. ‘Hold on, I’ll call her.’
I felt my heart begin to thump in my chest as I waited for her to come to the phone. A few moments later, her mother came back on the line. ‘Sorry, Squidge, she says she doesn’t want to talk to you.’
‘Oh, right,’ I said. So that means she’s seen the paper, I thought.
‘Is something going on?’ asked Mrs Axford, who clearly hadn’t seen the paper but probably soon would.
‘You could say that. Please tell Lia that I can explain everything. Please ask her to call.’
I put the phone down and stared at the wall. Then I stared at the phone and willed it to ring. Five minutes went by, ten minutes. Ring, ring, please ring, I thought. Maybe Lia had shown her mum the paper and they were all there calling me all the names under the sun. It felt awful to think that they’d all think so badly of me.
After half an hour, I couldn’t stand it any more so I called Lia’s mobile. Amazingly, this time, it wasn’t switched off.
‘Hello,’ she said. I could tell instantly by her voice that she’d been crying.
‘Lia, it’s Squidge. Are you . . . Are you on your own?’
‘Yes.’
‘Lia, I can explain. That kiss – it was nothing. Savannah had to do the scene with Donny. A scene with kissing in it. She wanted to rehearse it and asked me to play Donny’s part. There was nothing more to it than that, honestly. I didn’t even want to do it, but how could I refuse?’
There was silence at the other end of the phone.
‘Lia, please say something. I was going to tell you, I really was. I promise.’
‘I . . . I can’t believe your promises any more,’ she said quietly.
‘I know, I know,’ I groaned. ‘I know I should have told you before and I was going to. I tried to tell you that day I brought you the flowers, that day at Cremyll, but you looked so happy and we were having such a good time and I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I guess I . . . I guess I chickened out.’
Again there was silence at Lia’s end of the phone.
‘Please Lia, say something.’
‘Leave me alone,’ she said. ‘Just leave me alone. I don’t want to see you any more. Just leave me alone.’
Then she hung up.
A HAT-TRICK of rejections. I ought to get a prize, I thought as I rode up the windy lanes that led to Rame Head.
Fired by Roland.
Abandoned by Savannah.
Dumped by Lia.
That’s three: a hat-trick. Mum’s always saying that things come in threes so that’s me done. And now I need to be on my own to look at the sky, or contemplate my navel, or whatever else it is you’re supposed to do when life is grotty with a capital Grot.
Rame Head is one of my favourite places in the world. Not that I’ve travelled very far. But I reckon even when I have, I’ll still treasure it. The actual spot is the ruin of a tiny church on top of a small hill on the peak of the Rame Peninsula. Once you’ve climbed up to the top, the view is astounding. Just sea and sky as far as the eye can see. But it’s more than a beautiful location. There’s a stillness up there. It makes me feel energised when I go there. If ever I feel low, I know half an hour up there and my battery will be recharged.
Once I got to the car park at the bottom of the hill, I locked my bike to the fence then climbed up to the ruined church. When I’d reached the top, I sat on the wall in front of the ruin and stared out to sea. This was the place that I’d brought Lia when we’d had our first kiss. It felt like a lifetime ago now. I knew that I’d blown it with her.
I’d never felt so low in my life. I’d tried to be everything to everyone. Tried to be the perfect boyfriend. Tried to be the perfect employee. Tried to be the perfect son. And where had it got me? On top of a hill, on my own, without a girlfriend, without a job and without enough money to replace the camcorder I broke. The fool on the hill. There was a song by the Beatles called that. Well, that’s me, I thought: the fool on the hill.
I had a sudden urge to scream my head off. I’d read in one of Mum’s mags about a therapy called primal scream therapy, where people do just that: scream their heads off. I remember thinking that it was a bonkers thing to do. But I didn’t think that anymore. Not today. I took a quick peek down the hill to make sure I was all alone and wasn’t going to scare some poor tourist stupid. Nope, no one on the horizon. I went back to my spot, took a deep breath and let it go:
‘ArrrrrGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH . . .’
I gulped in some air and let go again.
‘ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.’
Suddenly the situation felt absurd and I started laughing and laughing. God, I really am the fool on the hill, I thought. If anyone saw me, they’d think I was totally mad. But somehow, the screaming did seem to have worked. I definitely felt better, like I’d released some of the tension from the past weeks. It was all fading away: Roland, Charlie, Savannah, Donny, Sandra, Chantelle, Martin Bradshawe – they’d all be gone soon and life in the Rame Peninsula would be back to normal. So my work experience had been a complete and utter disaster? So what? It wasn’t the end of the world. School would be starting again. I could get my paper round back, finish saving up to replace the camcorder. Life would go on. Maybe I’d even tell Dad the truth about what had happened – that I’d fallen and damaged the lens. In fact, I don’t know why I hadn’t in the first place. He’d understand. He’s cool, my dad, and he and Mum are always tripping over stuff that Amy has left lying around. These things happen. Things get broken. Nobody’s perfect.
I just wished I hadn’t lost Lia.
As I sat there, looking out to sea and thinking, one line kept going through my brain: everything passes, everything passes. Too right, I thought, as my eyes started to close, my limbs began to feel heavy and . . .
I must have nodded off because, the next thing I knew, someone was shaking my shoulder.
‘Squidge, Squidge . . .’
It was Cat.
‘Hey, what? Where . . .’ I blustered.
She laughed. ‘You’ve been asleep.’
‘How did you know that I’d be here?’
‘Where else would you be?’ she smiled down at me. ‘You always come here when things aren’t working out for you and I know you’ve had a tough day.’
‘That’s an understatement.’
‘You OK?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah. Er, how long exactly have you been here?’ I asked, panicking that she might have seen or heard my primal scream/maniacal laughter act.
‘Just arrived.’
‘Oh, so you didn’t hear anything?’
‘Like what?’
I glanced at my watch. I was amazed. I must have been asleep for over an hour. ‘Oh, nothing.’
‘So, is there anything I can do to help, Squidge?
‘Nah, just needed a bit of time by myself. You know, to think things over.’
‘Do you want me to go?’
I shook my head. ‘No, course not.’
‘Heard you got fired.’
I nodded. ‘And dumped. And abandoned.’
‘Savannah?’
I nodded again. ‘Apparently she’s gone. I thought we were mates.’
She linked her arm through mine. ‘No, we’re mates,’ she said. ‘You and me and Mac and Becca and Lia.’
I smiled back at her. Dear old Cat. ‘Not Lia, I don’t think. I’m well in her bad books. Funny old business, isn’t it?’
Just at that moment, my mobile bleeped. I took a quick look but didn’t recognise the number. I saw that I had four missed calls. I must have missed them when I was yelling my head off or sleeping. No matter. I didn’t want to speak to anyone apart from Lia and I’m sure she’s not ready to talk to me again. Not yet.
‘So, back to school soon,’ said Cat.
‘Yeah, I was just thinking that. The crew will all be gone and it will be like it was all a dream. Or a nightmare.’
‘Was it how you expected?’
‘Yes and no. I don’t know what I expected. Maybe that everyone would be, I don’t know, a bit nicer. I was so thrilled to be working on a film set. But, like anywhere, there are all sorts of people there: nice like Martin Bradshawe and nasty like Roland. I guess I’ve learned a lot in a way. I’ve learned to watch my back, that not everyone’s on your side, just because you’re all working on the same project . . .’
My mobile bleeped again.
‘Aren’t you going to answer that?’ asked Cat.
I shook my head. ‘I’ve been at everybody’s beck and call for weeks now. If someone called, I jumped. And now it’s back to my time again.’
‘Might be Roland calling to apologise . . .’
I grimaced.
‘OK, maybe not,’ she said. ‘Look, I’m starving. Let’s go back to my house and grab something to eat. When the going gets tough, the tough have a good nosh.’
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