by Robin Wells
It was all coming to an end. Tomorrow morning she’d pack her things and return home. After that, she’d only see Nick at the office, and rarely see Jenny at all.
She headed down the hall, her heart heavy. She hated to leave. The fact that the three of them had acted more and more like a real family as the week had progressed wasn’t making her departure any easier. She and Nick had spent a wonderful time with the baby in the neighborhood park this morning, watching Jenny play in the sand and taking turns pushing her in a swing. Jenny had gurgled and laughed and kicked her legs, protesting only when it was time to leave.
Nick had stopped at a toy store on the way home and bought Jenny a swing of her own. He’d hung it on the back porch as soon as they’d gotten home, then pushed the child until she’d nearly fallen asleep.
He might not want to think of himself as a father, but he was turning into a wonderful, doting dad all the same. He was patient and affectionate and tender, and Rachel was finding new things to love about him every day.
Love. Oh, dear, there was that word again. She’d tried to avoid thinking about it, but the more time she spent with Nick, the more often it cropped into her thoughts.
Well, she had to figure out a way to keep it at bay. She was going to have to work with him every day, and if she didn’t want to be miserable, she’d have to find a way to squelch these warm, tender feelings every time they started to emerge.
She needed to remind herself of all the reasons he was a heartbreak waiting to happen, she told herself sternly. Instead of looking for things to admire about Nick, she needed to look for flaws and faults.
She didn’t have far to look. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, his voice drifted out of his study and into the hallway. “Barrington Resort on St. John, please,” she heard him say.
Curious, Rachel froze and listened.
“Could you please connect me to the marina?” There was a brief pause, then he spoke again. “Yes. I want to charter a boat for a couple of scuba expeditions next month.”
Scuba expeditions? Rachel could hardly believe her ears. The first thing he did after hiring a nanny was to plan a trip away from the baby?
A sense of outrage pulsed through her. He evidently couldn’t wait to resume a freewheeling bachelor life-style, Rachel thought hotly. Never mind that an emotionally fragile, orphaned baby was just learning to trust him and starting to regard him as her father. Rachel had thought he’d enjoyed staying home this past week with her and Jenny, but the little stint at domesticity must have left him champing at the bit.
She waited until Nick hung up, then marched into the study. Planting her hands on her hips, she glared at him across his desk. “I’ve never heard of anything so selfish in my life.”
Nick’s eyebrows rose and his forehead creased in surprise. “What?”
“Planning to go off and leave Jenny the moment you hire a nanny so you can take a vacation.”
Nick’s eyes narrowed. “Who said anything about a vacation?”
“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with the resort in St. John.”
“Oh, that” Nick waved his hand dismissively. “I’m just planning the annual hotel controllers’ retreat.”
“I heard you setting up some scuba expeditions.”
Nick’s mouth curved in wry amusement. “Yes. I’m setting up several different outings for the controllers who care to stay over an extra day.”
Rachel was flustered. “But—but what about Jenny?”
“She’s going, too. So is Mrs. Evans. I discussed it with her yesterday after you left the room.” Nick rose from his chair and circled his desk, his expression serious. “I wouldn’t leave Jenny just as we’re starting to bond.”
Remorse poured through Rachel. “I—I’m sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion.”
“Well, I guess I can understand why you would.” Stepping closer, he took her hands. “It’s sort of what I did to you, isn’t it?”
The pain and sadness in his gaze filled her chest with an unwanted tenderness. For a long, heart-stopping moment, they simply gazed at each other, their eyes locked, their souls talking. The air grew heavy with emotion, and for a moment, Rachel thought Nick was about to kiss her.
Then he abruptly turned and rounded his desk, placing it between them. He cleared his throat and picked up a pencil. “Jenny and Mrs. Evans and I aren’t the only ones going to St. John. You’re going, too.”
“Me?”
Nick nodded. “I’m going to need some assistance selling the staff on the need to conduct internal audits. Think you can pull together a presentation on that?”
The question left her completely flustered. “Well, yes, but...”
“But what?”
But I hadn’t counted on seeing you outside the office, after tomorrow. Rachel gazed at him, emotions battling inside of her. One part of her was delighted at being included in his plans. The other part feared it would only make it harder to create the self-protective distance she needed.
“I know it’s beyond the realm of your usual job responsibilities, but it would be a good experience for you,” Nick continued. “Besides, if you’re looking to move up the career ladder, you’ll need to start doing presentations like these sooner or later.”
She had to separate her feelings for Nick from her job, she told herself sternly. Otherwise she’d never be able to work with him. This was a business issue, and she needed to base her decision about it on the basis of what was good for her career, not what was good for her heart.
She drew a deep breath. “I’ll be glad to do it. Of course, I’ll need a lot of information—what data you want collected, how you want the audit conducted and so on.”
Nick nodded. “We’ll work all that out. In fact, if you have a moment, why don’t we sit down and brainstorm it now?” His smile was heart-meltingly winsome. “I’ve always really valued your judgment.”
And she’d always valued feeling needed.
He’d always known exactly what button to push, she thought glumly, easing herself into a chair as he pulled up one beside her. She couldn’t allow herself to fall for it again. Nick didn’t really need her—not in the way she longed to be needed, anyway. And if she let herself imagine that he did, even for a moment, she’d end up more heartbroken than she already was.
Rachel glanced at her bedside clock late that night—2:37 a.m. With a sigh, she pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed. She’d been lying awake for more than an hour, thinking about leaving, and growing more depressed by the minute.
Maybe a glass of milk would help put her back to sleep. Pulling on her short satin bathrobe, she tiptoed down the stairs and into the pitch-black kitchen. She groped along the wall until her fingers found the light switch.
“Oh!” she gasped.
The bright lamp over the breakfast table revealed Nick sitting there, staring out the bay window at the darkened backyard. He abruptly turned toward her, his expression as startled as she felt.
She backed toward the doorway, feeling like an intruder. “I—I didn’t know you were in here,” she stammered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
Nick rose, his chair screeching on the hard tile floor. “You’re not disturbing me. I could use a little company.”
Rachel swallowed hard. He was wearing only a pair of sweatpants. His bare chest was tanned and muscled, covered with dark, masculine curls. His hair was rumpled, and a lock of it fell over his forehead. He looked like he’d just rolled out of bed.
She’d never seen a sexier sight in her life.
She was embarrassed to realize she was staring. She was even more embarrassed to realize that Nick was staring back.
She glanced down. Oh, dear—no wonder. Her robe hung open, exposing the sheer pink camisole and tap pants she’d worn to bed. Clutching her robe protectively around her, she reached for the sash and cinched it tight.
She searched her mind for something—anything—to say to relieve the awkwardness she fe
lt. “What were you doing, sitting here in the dark?”
“Thinking. What about you? What are you doing awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep. I thought a glass of milk might help.” She headed to the refrigerator and drew out the milk carton. “Want some?”
“Sure.”
Rachel selected two glasses from the cabinet, splashed milk into them, then carried them to the table. “What were you thinking about?” she asked, lowering herself into a chair.
Nick sat down next to her. “Nothing.”
“Looked like a pretty serious nothing,” Rachel observed.
Nick ran a hand down his jaw and sighed. “The truth is, I was thinking about Ben.”
Rachel’s heart flooded with sympathy. “It must be hard, losing a brother.”
“The hardest part is how unfair it all is.” His voice held a sad, bitter edge she’d never heard before. “Ben’s whole life was unfair.”
“What do you mean?” Rachel asked softly.
“I’ve done just about all the things that Nick and I used to talk about doing when we were kids. I’ve gone skiing and scuba diving and hang-gliding. I’ve gone sailing and spelunking and on safari.” Nick looked down at the tabletop, tracing the wood grain with his finger. “But Ben never got to do any of those things. He was too busy shouldering the responsibilities I ran off and abandoned when I left the farm.”
“‘Abandoned’—that’s a pretty harsh word.” Rachel said softly. “Is that what you’re feeling? Like you abandoned Ben?”
Nick blew out a ragged breath. “It’s what I did, isn’t it?”
“No,” she said softly. “It’s not.” She reached out and placed her hand on his. He looked up, his mouth tight. “You went to college. You didn’t commit some kind of crime.”
His mouth curled sardonically. “You’d have thought it was. My father told me I’d let four generations of relatives down by not carrying on their family tradition.”
“I don’t believe that, and I don’t think you do, either. You never would have left if you honestly did.” Rachel tightened her grip on his hand. “You know what I think? I think you set a great example for your brother. You found the courage to follow your own dreams, and by doing that, you encouraged him to do the same thing.”
Nick stared at the tabletop. “It didn’t work that way. He stayed behind, trying to fill the role I was supposed to fill. Do you have any idea how guilty that makes me feel?” Pulling his hand free, Nick stood and paced the kitchen. “I tried to make it up to him. I offered to pay his way through college, but he wouldn’t leave the farm. I offered to get him a job with Barrington. He could have worked at any of our resorts, anywhere in the world. He wouldn’t leave Oklahoma. Then, when he got married, I gave him and Nancy an all-expense-paid honeymoon to Hawaii as a wedding gift, and do you know what he did? He cut the trip short because he was worried about an early freeze at the farm.”
“He sounds to me like a man who loved what he was doing,” Rachel said softly. “Maybe he was following his dream.”
Nick leaned against the kitchen cabinet and gazed at her. “I wish I could believe that.”
“People change,” Rachel said gently. “And when they do, sometimes the things they want out of life change, too.” She hesitated. “Do you know what I wanted to be when I was in high school?”
“A preschool teacher. And you let your parents talk you out of it, just like Ben let my father control his life.”
His words stung, but Rachel didn’t let him derail her from the point she was determined to make. “I meant before that,” she said quietly. “Believe it or not, I wanted to be a rock musician.”
Nick looked up, his eyes incredulous.
Rachel gave a wry smile. “I know, I know—it’s ridiculous. I’m shy, I’m conservative, I don’t like crowds, I don’t play a musical instrument and I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. In the whole history of the world, there’s never been anyone less suited to a career. It’s funny to look back on now, but I used to sit around for hours, dreaming about how great it would be and talking about it with my girlfriends.”
“I don’t understand how that applies to Ben.”
“Don’t you see? It was an alter-ego fantasy—a way of mentally trying on a life-style I’d never have, a life-style that was fun to think about, but would have made me miserable if it ever happened. Maybe that’s what all the talk of travel and adventure was to your brother. Maybe Ben’s real definition of happiness was something completely different.” She rested her hand on his arm and waited until he looked up at her. “Maybe having a wife and a child and working the farm were what really made him happy.” Rachel hesitated. “Maybe he was afraid to tell you that because he thought it wouldn’t sound exciting enough.”
She couldn’t read Nick’s expression, but he at least seemed to be listening. Encouraged, Rachel forged ahead. “You showed Ben that anything is possible if you just have the courage to pursue it. I wish I’d had someone set an example like that for me. I’ve lived my whole life feeling like the lion in The Wizard of Oz, looking for a way to acquire some courage.”
“Really?” Nick’s brow knit together, his gaze acute and penetrating. “What are you afraid of?”
“Oh, lots of things. Making a fool of myself, mostly. Failure. Swimming. Asthma attacks.”
“I thought you’d outgrown the asthma.”
Rachel looked down at her fingers. “It ruled my life for a lot of years, and it left me with a lot of emotional scars. It made my parents overprotective, which left me overly cautious and afraid to take risks. Sometimes I feel like a timid little mouse.”
Nick reached out and took her hands. “But you’re not timid now.”
The touch of his fingers sent a electrical charge racing through her. “Oh, yes, I am.”
“I don’t see you that way.”
And that’s one of the key reasons I love you, Rachel thought suddenly. When I’m with you, I’m most like the person I’ve always wanted to be.
Chances were, she’d never find anyone who made her feel that way again. The realization sent an empty ache through her chest.
“I don’t see you that way at all,” Nick repeated.
“That’s probably because I don’t feel so timid when I’m with you.”
His fingers softly rubbed the back of her hands. “I’m glad,” he said softly.
Rachel’s heart pounded furiously. She knew she should look away, knew she should do something to end the escalating sexual tension, but something deep inside her refused to do so. “I still don’t have the courage to go for the things I really want,” she murmured.
“Sure you do. What do you want?”
Nick’s eyes held hers, as tightly as his fingers held her hands. His gaze was compelling, making something she never knew she had rise and well up inside her.
“Come on, tell me,” he urged. “What do you want more than anything else in the world?”
Only their hands were touching, but he was close enough that she could feel his body heat.
“You mean right now?” Her voice came out uncharacteristically husky and low.
“Right this very second.”
His eyes were dark green pools, both tempting and dangerous, luring her, daring her to tell him. She gazed into them, drew a deep breath, then dove headfirst. “For you to kiss met.”
The words were feather soft, barely even a whisper, but they hit Nick with the force of a jackhammer. In a heartbeat, he closed the distance between them and gathered her into his arms.
He was flooded with sensation. The cool satin of her robe, the heat of her body underneath. Her breasts, full and warm, flattening against his chest. The sweet weight of her arms winding around his neck. The soft, familiar scent of her perfume. The tremulous flutter of her lips beneath his, the salty taste of her mouth as the kiss deepened and grew.
There was nothing timid, nothing hesitant about her now. She kissed him with a hunger and an urgency that matched his own. She ran her fingers
through his hair, pulling his head closer. Her lips moved and moaned beneath his mouth, opening for him, urging him on.
“Rachel.” As if from a great distance, he heard himself murmur her name.
“Nick,” she breathed. “I want...”
The rest of her words were lost in the kiss. The sash of her robe slipped to the floor, and one of her long, silky legs wrapped around him. The feel of it inflamed him. Before he knew what he was doing, he’d picked her up and lifted her to the kitchen counter. The neckline of her camisole hung provocatively low, barely covering the pebbled tips of her breasts. He bent his head and kissed the valley of her cleavage, just above the delicate medallion of lace.
He was like a man dying of thirst in the desert. He wanted to drink her in, to drown himself in her, to come up for air, then dive down all over again. Dozens of buried memories fluttered through his mind like butterflies bursting from their cocoons. The velvet softness of her mouth the first time he kissed her on Squaw Mountain. The way her hair gleamed with copper highlights the day they’d hiked in the desert. The way her eyelashes fell in soft shadows against her cheek in the lamplight of her doorway when she used to close her eyes for a good-night kiss.
A low moan escaped her throat. Her head was thrown back, and her hair spilled down her spine as she leaned back. Nick kissed his way up her neck, his lips lingering at her throbbing pulse point, then sliding upward to again claim her mouth.
His hands drifted up her back to her shoulders, where they toyed with the thin straps of her gown. He kissed her ear, reveling in the responsive way goose bumps formed on her flesh. She wound her legs around his waist, pressing herself intimately against him.
“Rachel...” His blood roared in his ears. The need to remove all barriers between them grew hot and urgent. He claimed her mouth in a shattering kiss, his fingers easing the straps off her shoulder. And then...
Rachel suddenly went stiff and rigid. Her hands froze on his back.
“What’s wrong?” Nick whispered.