“If there’s an exam, I’ll step outside.”
She looked at him then, finally. And even shielding himself, the resigned, grateful look pinched his heart a little.
“Thanks.”
Blair had made him feel that way once. Like he would do anything to take care of her. And she’d proven he was a fool. And he had to admit, he hadn’t felt for her half of what he felt for Veronica. The fall would be that much longer, the landing that much harder.
There was likely no coincidence that he’d woken up in a cold sweat, hearing screams in his mind, echoing in the darkness of the pre-dawn morning. For the first time in a while, he’d woken up without Veronica curled up next to him, without her calming influence. Without the security of her affection locked tight in his heart.
A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts in time to see a woman slip in and grant Veronica with a warm smile.
“Ms. Gibson?” Veronica nodded and the doctor’s smile brightened. “Excellent. I’m Dr. Smithson; nice to meet you.” They shook hands, then the doctor turned to him. “And who have you brought with you?”
“This is my…” Her voice trailed off, and he knew she was about to introduce him on autopilot. As her boyfriend. God, he hated that she’d stopped. Things were weird. They weren’t great. But still.
“I’m Dwayne.” He stood and shook her hand, ignoring the raised brow at his lack of title. He could easily read her mind. Friend? Lover? Husband? Why no clarification?
He’d love to answer that. But just now, not happening.
“Well, okay then.” She turned to the table and opened the file. “Your HCG levels from the initial testing look great, so that’s on track. I assume you are hoping for a dating ultrasound here.”
“Sorry, HCG?” Veronica looked as overwhelmed as he felt. Glad she asked, ’cause he had no clue either.
“HCG. The hormone that indicates pregnancy.”
Veronica’s hand slipped over her stomach, trembling a little. He wanted so badly to reach over and grab that hand, squeeze it. But at this point, he wasn’t even sure what was going on.
Clearly seeing neither of them were following, the doctor laced her fingers together and set them on her lap. “The HCG hormone is what a home pregnancy test measures. It says on your file that you had a positive home test, and then an official test at a local clinic. Is that correct?”
“Yes. I didn’t know if it was false, or wrong or…” She trailed off, and everyone was silent for a moment.
The doctor glanced between them, clearly sensing the unease there. “There are options. If this pregnancy isn’t planned, isn’t wanted, then you—”
“No.” The sharp fierceness of her voice had both him and the doctor blinking in surprise. But Veronica’s face was set, unapologetic. “Not planned. But it’s here. Right?” She looked to the doctor for confirmation, who nodded. “Then wanted.”
At the doctor’s direction, Veronica laid back on the table and pulled her shirt up. The doctor must have told her something, but he suddenly found he couldn’t hear anything but a low buzz. Like he’d had target practice at the rifle range and didn’t wear his earplugs. The doc dropped some gloop over her stomach, and he realized he promised to leave the room. Standing up, feeling numb, he started for the door.
“Stay.”
Looking over his shoulder, he raised a brow. “I said I would—”
“Please.”
She looked so small on the exam table, so scared that he couldn’t say no. He walked back to stand close to the head of the table. There, but not invading her space.
“Okay, let’s see what we’ve got here.” The doctor pressed some wand thing to her stomach, making her gasp a little, and gave her a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, I know. Cold, and definitely not fun when your stomach is already upset. I’ll hustle.” She clicked around a few times, and the black screen went sort of gray, like a TV without signal. Wiggling the wand around a little, she found some weird black circle. And then some gray bean-looking thing.
“Is that a kidney?” He couldn’t look away now if he tried. Morbidly curious, he leaned closer, watching the screen.
“That would be the fetus. And this,” she added with a few more clicks, zooming in slightly, “is the heartbeat.” With her finger, she pointed to a flicker that he’d first thought was just a blip on the screen.
He heard Veronica gasp, saw out of the corner of his eye when her hand covered her mouth that her eyes watered. But he couldn’t stop staring at the screen.
Heartbeat. His baby had a heartbeat. And it looked like a kidney bean.
Holy shit. There was a baby in there.
“Looks like everything’s on schedule, from what you told the nurse. I’m going to say right now that we’re measuring around nine weeks.”
Nine weeks? But that wasn’t right. They’d had sex for the first time less than two months ago.
“The weeks are a little deceptive,” the doc went on as she handed Veronica a few tissues to wipe her stomach off. “You likely conceived seven weeks ago. But how we count, you go back to when your last period was. So, nine.”
Now it made more sense.
“Do you need to sit down?”
He looked at Veronica, expecting her to look faint. But she was already lying down.
“No, I meant you, big guy. You look like one poke away from pulling a timber like a felled tree.”
“No, I’m…” A little lightheaded, now that she mentioned it. He sat down with a thump in the plastic chair. “Okay. Now I’m good.” What a lie.
“Can you tell me how this happened?” Veronica asked. “I was on birth control from the start of…” She waved a hand around. “I took them every day at the same time, like they told me to.”
The doctor glanced back through her charts. “If the information the clinic faxed over is right, you started birth control just about two months ago.”
“Yes.”
“And you conceived about seven weeks ago. That’s not enough time for it to become effective. Odds are, they didn’t mention that part at whatever clinic you got the pills from. Usually, hormonal birth control takes a month or so to fully be active. It’s suggested to use a backup method for the first month of use.” The good doctor gave him a look that would have shriveled his balls on any normal day. But he was too intent on breathing properly to care.
“Oh, it’s not his fault. The condom broke, but I thought…” She trailed off again, looking pale. “This is my fault, isn’t it?”
“Takes two to tango, as we often say in this office. I’m going to leave you two in here. Check out with the nurse at the front desk, okay, sweetie? They’ll have information on nutrition, prenatal vitamins, all that good stuff. And they can schedule you for another appointment in about a month.”
Veronica nodded, pulling her shirt back down. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” She looked between the two of them, then made the pointed gesture of turning her back to Dwayne and facing Veronica alone. “And if you need to talk about anything, please call me. I’m always willing to chat.”
Even in his stupefied state, he knew what that was reference to. Him. As in The jackass you brought to the appointment isn’t disrespecting you, is he?
Much as he wanted to be upset about that, he could appreciate a doctor that cared.
Dwayne waited until she checked out from the nurse’s desk, carrying a folder full of papers and a little white sack that he overheard contained a thirty-day supply of vitamins. And still, he couldn’t talk. They walked to his truck in silence, and she didn’t fight him when he gave her a boost up to the seat.
The drive back was painful, to say the least. He had to say something. Anything. “Um, when we’re married, if you want to see a doc on base, we can probably fix that up.”
“No, thank you. This doctor is fine.” She was still as a
picture, staring out the window, voice so taut it might crack the air.
“Well, I’m sure we can figure out how to keep you off base if you like this doctor.”
She said nothing.
Annoyed? Pissed? Terrified? Probably a combination of all three, just like him. Now he knew it wasn’t a joke. He was going to be a dad in approximately seven months. But holy hell, what was he supposed to think? The one time the condom breaks, her pills fail? Or, rather, they weren’t working at all. Did she really not know? Was this her first go-round on birth control?
Exactly what were the odds of that? He didn’t think to ask, or see if Veronica knew. He filed it away for something to think of later. The kid was here now. Or, well, sort of. It existed, no going back there. Time to man up, do the right thing, and make sure his child had the best life possible.
But he realized she hadn’t actually agreed to marry him. At first he thought it was resistance based on the unknown. But it was official now, and they couldn’t look back. But the fear that she might reject him was almost overwhelming.
Time to man up, grow a pair, and do the right thing.
“I need to know. Are you going to marry me?”
***
Veronica stared out the window of the truck, her body on autopilot. Despite the fact that she was sure the test was right, confirmation from the doctor meant she couldn’t ignore it any longer. Couldn’t pretend or bury her head in the sand. She was, officially, the very picture of what her mother always feared most out of her daughter.
And though she knew—knew to the bone—that her mother was wrong about many things… this wasn’t what she’d wanted for herself either. And yet here she was.
“Um, when we’re married, if you want to see a doc on base, we can probably fix that up.”
“No, thank you. This doctor is fine.” It was automatic, saying no. He could have asked if her name was Veronica Gibson and she likely would have said no.
“Well, I’m sure we can figure out how to keep you off base if you like this doctor.”
Her fingers tightened, crunching the bag holding her vitamins. She forced them to relax and rolled her neck once to release as much tension as possible. Not that it helped much.
It hurt. It hurt so much that he might have ever doubted whether she planned it or not. And he still hadn’t taken it back. She watched as another exit flew by, and felt like her grasp on her own life was following the same path. Falling back farther and farther behind her.
“I need to know. Are you going to marry me?”
Just another knife in the wound. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling and swallowed a few times. This was definitely not morning sickness that made her nauseous. It was knowing the man she loved just asked her if she was going to marry him… because of an obligation.
And knowing she wouldn’t be able to say no.
“Can we talk about it later?” Her voice was hoarse, probably from not speaking much. She thought she would have to repeat herself when he surprised her and nodded.
“Yeah. Sure. Just think about it. Please.” His hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white.
Was it stress of impending fatherhood, or the idea of marrying her that made him so tense? “Thank you.”
The scenery rolled by and she did her best to block out anything resembling a conscious thought. More often than not, those thoughts were tinted with her own mother’s voice. Not helpful. Not in the least.
When he pulled up to her complex, she waited for him to help her down. Though touching him wasn’t on her short list of things she wanted to do at the moment, jumping down and spraining an ankle was the worse of the two evils. So she sat silently as he walked around the truck and opened her door. But when he normally would have grasped her waist to lift her down, he slung an arm over the door, used his other to prop himself up on the frame, and leaned in just a little.
For a man of Dwayne’s size, just a little was more than enough to crowd.
“I lied.”
She blinked and refocused on his face. Nope, not joking.
“I lied about waiting for later. I need to know now. If you’ll marry me.”
His drawl was thicker, she realized. And she doubted he would have liked to hear it. “I don’t know why we need to—”
“Rush?” He rubbed a hand over his neck. “Yeah. See, I think we were doing a pretty bang-up job of going slow in our relationship. But things changed. And there’s a lot more at stake now. So if you’ll step into my boots, you need to know where I’m coming from. The simple practicality of the situation is enough for me. Health insurance for you and the kidney bean, you moving in to make things easier on you, someone there to take care of you. Help. Easier for me to be there for the baby. And I want to be there. I need to be there.”
Practicality. The word didn’t quite invoke a passionate swoon. But she had to set aside her romantic ideals and embrace the reality. Everything he said was true. She couldn’t afford a baby while she was waitressing and finishing up a GED. That alone was true. But what’s more… wait.
“What’s the nonpractical reason?”
His face twisted like he was trying to mentally translate Latin. “What?”
“You said that the simple practicality was enough. But is there more?” Let it be love. Please let it be love.
“Oh.” He sighed and stared at his feet. “Can we just say that the thought of my kid growing up without me there every night makes me really uncomfortable? That kidney bean’s mine too, and the idea that I would have to schedule days to see him… it doesn’t taste right. I don’t like the thought of leaving either of you behind.”
She closed her eyes and refused to let him see her fight back tears. No, not love for her. For the baby. Which was more than many other women could say. With that mental slap she swallowed what tears were close to the surface and opened them. And she nodded.
He blew out a breath and gently wrapped his arms around her in a sort of semihug while lowering her to the pavement. “Thank you,” he whispered in her hair. There was no kiss, no sweet caress. Just a man, thankful for the opportunity. And a woman who already wondered if she’d made a mistake.
She couldn’t have said no. Never intended to. But oh, it hurt to say yes.
Chapter 23
Dwayne entered his apartment and looked around. He wanted to go back with Veronica. Wanted to be there with her constantly. But she’d made it clear with her body language that, although she’d said she would marry him, she wasn’t in the mood for spending time with him.
She agreed to start looking into packing and moving in with him as soon as possible. He just hoped she wouldn’t actually start the packing itself. He would handle all that. As much as he wanted things to go fast, he refused to have her lifting heavy boxes.
Hm. Should she still be working at the restaurant? All those heavy platters of food, the long shifts on her feet… would it be out of line to call her doctor and ask for himself?
And why did he need to call a doctor when he had an expert within his own family calling plan? He pulled out his cell and hit speed dial three. She picked up on the second ring, and for once there were no toddlerlike sounds greeting him before his sister said, “Hello?”
“Congratulate me.” Dwayne sank onto the couch. His head hit the back of the couch with a thud, and he winced a little.
“Congratulations,” Natalie said on cue. “For what?”
“I’m going to be a daddy.”
Dead silence met his declaration. Not even a squeal from his niece. It dragged out so long he pulled the phone away from his ear to see if he’d been disconnected. “Nat?”
“I think I heard that wrong. Did you say…”
“Yeah. I did.”
“Oh my God,” she breathed. “Veronica?”
“Well, yeah,” he said, annoyed. “Who else?”
“Yes, she really is pregnant. I went to the doctor with her, saw the ultrasound as the doctor did it. No faking that.”
“Oh. Well, she didn’t sound like the type to fake it anyway. So things happen. At least it’s with someone you love.”
Love? He hadn’t gotten around to figuring that part out when he got hit with the bomb. “It shouldn’t have happened at all.”
“I know, but sometimes these things do happen. Protection fails. Mistakes are made. And then you get to nine months later, and you forget you thought it was a mistake.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “I can’t ever look at my little girl and think she was a mistake.”
“Of course she isn’t. Speaking of, where’s the little rugrat? It’s too quiet over there.”
“On my way to pick her up from day care.”
“Should you be driving while on the phone?”
“Easy with the big brother routine. Even my crappy cell has speakerphone. As we speak, you’re sitting in the cup holder.”
“Comfortable. Should she be working?”
“By she, I assume you mean Veronica. And working where?”
“At all.”
Natalie laughed. “Well, does she work on a construction site? Is she often exposed to hazardous chemicals?”
“Natalie.”
“Oh, come on, Dwayne. Pregnant women aren’t disabled. She sounds like a smart person. I doubt you would have fallen for a moron. If she needs a break, she’ll ask for one. If she is struggling, she’ll take time off. If she keeps up with her doctor and listens to her body, she will be fine. I worked up until the day Suzanna got here.”
The pause stretched out ten seconds before his sister spoke again. “Dwayne? Are you happy?”
Happy, scared shitless… same thing, right? “I don’t know what I am.”
Officer and the Secret (Semper Fidelis. Always Faithful.) Page 24