by D T Dyllin
“Yo, chief,” Billy rumbled from my right. He’d obviously been waiting for me to wake up. “You good?” He arched a dark brow in understanding. Most of the men who worked for me were veterans. Billy knew my story and would have recognized what was going on right away.
I let go of Kyle and stood, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Yeah, any news?”
“Nope.”
I followed Billy out into the hallway. “How about the cameras from the hotel? Anything suspicious?”
Billy shook his head with frustration. “Nothing suspicious at all. Which is mighty suspicious if you ask me.”
“I agree.” The question was how was the mystery person gaining access to Kyle and her things?
“And before you get yourself all twisted, but I’m thinking it’s too late, none of this was your fault, chief. We were just called in and we didn’t even have our men in place yet. Nothing that happened so far made it seem like things couldn’t wait a day or two with her tucked away in her hotel. Now we know. Now we step up our game.”
He was wrong. I should have had things in place faster. I should have been more vigilant. Everything that happened could have been prevented. I cleared my throat. “With everything that’s happened, Kyle is forced to postpone some of her shows. I already talked to Marie. As soon as she’s released, we’re takin’ her home to Nashville. I want you to send a few of our men ahead to get things ready. Until this blows over, Kyle’s stayin’ at my place.” Billy quirked an eyebrow. “Whether she likes it or not.” I responded to his silent question. “She needs savin’ and I’m doin’ it, dammit.” I ground my teeth together. “She nearly died on my watch. It’s not happenin’ again.”
Billy snorted. “Understood, chief.” And I could tell he did understand, about everything. Even the part where I did blame myself no matter what he said.
“Good,” I muttered on my way back into Kyle’s room. I would be saving Kyle even if it killed me.
12
~Kylie
“Don’t do this! Don’t let me walk away! Dammit, Noah! Don’t you love me anymore?” I fell to my knees in front of him sobbing. I knew since he got back from Iraq the journey for us was going to be tough but I hadn’t expected him to give up on us—on me.
He remained stoic, seemingly unmoved by my tears. “Noah, please! Once I walk out that door I’m not coming back! This isn’t me being dramatic! I can’t take it anymore! I can’t take you not looking at me! I can’t take you not touching me!” I reached for him but he stepped back. It only made me sob harder. “What do you want from me? Haven’t I been here for you? Haven’t I always been here for you? I’ve said and done everything that you’ve needed me to! But you checked out emotionally! You never came back! You left me here! Plea—” I could barely breathe anymore. “Please.” I hiccupped and fell to the ground. He just left me there without a word.
I hovered near consciousness, my thoughts swirling around my dream memory, or really nightmare. Leaving Noah had been the hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my entire life. It definitely wasn’t by choice though. I cried myself out in the middle of our living room, and as soon as I could manage to pull myself up, as soon as I packed, I’d left for good. The problem was, I’d forgotten to bring my heart. I’d left it bare and bleeding there in our house, precisely where I’d let him rip it out. Thinking about that night still gutted me. It’d been the inspiration for so many songs, one in particular. The lyrics ricocheted around in my head.
I tried so hard to reach out to you
I said and did what you needed me to
And yet you left no word where you’d be
As for me I’ve been here
Point in fact I’ve been here
Fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. I lifted my right hand to swipe at them but I met marked resistance. My eyes fluttered open. I was confused. What the hell’s going on? Why am I in the hospital? The last thing I remembered was being in my hotel room and working on some new song. I’d been tired. So tired. Realization hit me. I must have OD’ed. Panic swelled up in me and the heart monitor beeped faster and faster.
Noah was suddenly by my side, his azure gaze dancing over my features like he was starving for them. “You’re fine, darlin’. Don’t panic. You’re just fine.” The second his warm hand swallowed mine, the beeps evened out. His face hardened and anger rolled off of him. “Don’t ever fuckin’ do that to me again. You hear me?”
His reaction confirmed my suspicions. “I OD’ed?” Why was I even bothering to ask. I instinctively knew the answer already.
“Something like that,” he muttered. Before I got a chance to ask him what he meant, he was embracing me. His face pressed into my hair and he inhaled a shaky breath. “This world just wouldn’t be right without you in it. My world has never been right without you.”
My heart monitor went crazy. I ran my free hand up into his soft hair. With the memory of the day I’d left him so sharp, I wanted nothing more than to cling to him. “Don’t leave me,” I whispered.
“I’m here for you, Kyle. I’m here,” he rumbled, his voice gruff.
I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn’t mean now. I meant forever. I wanted to go back to that night and stay. I wanted him to make me stay. I wanted—I wanted—I just wanted him anyway I could get him. Knowing that I’d almost died made me want to never let go of Noah ever again. “Noah—I—” My throat closed off, seizing my words. I couldn’t bring myself to say any of it out loud though.
“Shhh…darlin’, you need to rest. But don’t you worry, I’ll take care of everything.”
We stayed like that, him holding me tightly and my hand entangled in his soft hair, the two of us breathing each other in, until I started to doze again. My last lingering thoughts before sleep stole me from Noah were: I’ve never stopped loving you, you stupid, stupid man. And it’s killing me. You’re killing me.
13
~Noah
I sat beside Kyle’s hospital bed, watching her sleep. It was something I used to do a lot right before the end of our relationship. I’d stare at her peaceful face, trace the spattering of freckles across her nose with my eyes, and wonder if I had the strength to let her go. When she was unconscious was the only time her features weren’t lined with worry—worry for me and for us. I knew what was happening. She was wasting the one shot she had at making it big. She’d stay home with me, fawning, instead of putting in the extra hours in the studio. She was blowing everything for me. I loved her too much to let her throw away her biggest dream on a broken man. There was no way I would ever be able to handle being on her arm in the spotlight. The crowds, the noise—I’d have a meltdown. I knew I had to let her go. I loved her too much to be selfish enough to keep her. I wouldn’t drag her into my downward spiral. She was meant for bigger things. It’d never just been about the loss of my leg and my scars. I’d let Kyle go because I hadn’t been enough for her in any way anymore, physically or emotionally. I wouldn’t have been able to take care of her like I needed to.
“Fuck,” I mumbled as I rubbed my hands over my rough whiskers. Why the hell am I rehashing all of this old bullshit? Nothing’s changed. You’re still not enough for her. Or maybe that was a lie. A lot had changed in the years we’d been apart. I was still a work in progress, but I’d dealt with a lot of my baggage. Some days I regressed, fell back on bad thought patterns. Felt guilt for not saving Matt. He’d died and I’d lived. I’d come home to Kyle without her brother. I felt like I’d failed them both. Their daddy died when they were kids, suicide. Her mama died when Kyle was nineteen, cancer. All she’d had left was her brother and me. Then she’d had none.
Alone. I’d left her to fend for herself all alone. Why hadn’t I seen it that way before? No wonder she was falling apart. She didn’t have a good support system. I hadn’t helped her at all. I’d fuckin’ broken her. What kind of arrogant prick am I to tell her what she needs and doesn’t need? Maybe she would want me still—maybe she needs me. That thought made warmth bloom in my chest a
nd my heart beat faster. I wanted her to need me. I wanted her to need me like I needed her. The way we used to need each other. I wanted what we used to have.
“Has she asked about me?” a familiar male voice asked, causing my head to jerk up.
I let go of Kyle’s hand and stood slowly to face the persistent S.O.B., Mikah Cooper. There he was, looking like he was ready for his close-up and holding an extravagant bouquet of flowers. He obviously never bothered to find out that Kyle preferred hand-picked arrangements to store bought. Not that he’d dirty his hands. “What the hell are you doin’ here?” I growled.
“I heard about what happened. It’s all over the news. I came to see if she was okay. I knew she’d need me here.” Mikah moved towards her bed and I saw red.
“Listen here, you jackass.” I stepped in front of him, blocking his path. “She wants nothin’ to do with the likes of you. She didn’t ask ‘bout you and she’s not gonna. You need to take your attention-starved, movie star ass right back out the way you came.” My fingers dug into my palms, tightening into fists as I imagined the gratifying crunch Mikah’s nose would make.
Mikah stared me down, obviously too stupid to know that I was seconds away from snapping. “I’m not leaving her. She’s going to need me when she wakes up.”
“MmmmHmmm…” I stalked over to the window and glanced out. Just as I’d suspected, the sidewalks were littered with fans holding signs and the media. Yeah, let’s not forget the media. I was sure Mikah hadn’t. “You wanna be here for her?” I couldn’t believe this was the kind of guy Kyle had been fuckin’ around with since me. He obviously didn’t care about her at all. And she obviously doesn’t care about him. That thought made me smile. Maybe I’d had it all wrong. I’d been jealous of the men Kyle had been with since me. But maybe I had no real reason to be. Maybe they were the same to her as the women I’d fucked… Nothing but a distraction and a way to get off. All right, that did not make me happy. An image of Mikah balls deep inside Kyle—my Kyle—turned my mood sour again.
“Get the fuck outta here,” I snapped at Mikah. “If you don’t go willingly, I’ll throw you out…again.”
Mikah’s face reddened. “I have every right to be here. She needs me. It was a misunderstanding before. We had just a little tiff. She’ll be over it by now. And—”
“She needs me,” I growled. “You can’t even begin to understand what someone like her needs.”
Mikah snorted condescendingly, causing my blood to boil. “Yeah, you understand what she needs. You—a redneck security guard from who the hell knows where.”
“I’ve known Kyle almost all her life. I know more about her than anyone alive.” Why was I even talking to this guy? I didn’t owe him any explanations. All I owed him was a good right hook to the face, which I was fixin’ to do at any second.
Uncertainty flooded Mikah’s features. “You’re Noah—Noah James?” He looked me up and down, assessing me with new eyes. “I expected you to be—different.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “So you’ve heard of me?”
“Yeah. You’re her ex-husband. You’re the name she used to call out in her sleep.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re the name she’d moan when I made her come, and I made her come a lot.” He smiled smugly.
Fuck. Another flash of the two of them in bed assaulted me. “And I’m the name you’re gonna say when they ask who flattened your face.” I stalked towards Mikah, rage pumping through my veins. He would not be here to upset Kyle when she woke up. He would never be around her again if I had a say in the matter.
“You can’t make me leave. I have a right to be here,” Mikah protested even as he backed up towards the door.
I smirked at him. “You really think she’s gonna want you ‘round now that I’m here? I don’t give a shit how many orgasms you gave her. She said my name when she was comin’. She wished you were me. Now I’m here so she doesn’t need a substitute anymore.”
Mikah blinked, rapidly processing what I’d just said. I could tell he knew I was right, and he hated me for it. “You can’t keep me away from her.”
“Yeah, watch me.” But before I could get my hands on him he was out the door. “Good riddance to bad rubbish,” I muttered. Turning back to face Kyle, I realized her green eyes were watching me.
I stabbed my hand through my hair and flicked my gaze away from her. “How long you been awake?”
“Long enough,” she whispered.
14
~Kylie
Something had changed in Noah. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me, and I’d heard it in the words that he’d said to Mikah. Can I dare hope again? Hope can sometimes destroy. Could I risk utter devastation by way of Noah… again? Was I so pathetic that I would risk everything just for the outside shot at a second chance with him? YES! My heart screamed. I had nothing left to lose. Lyrics swam inside my head:
But I’d trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday
To be holding Noah’s body next to mine
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose
Nothing, that’s all that Noah left me, yeah…
Instead of Bobby, Janis was singing about my Noah. What was I trying to say to myself? That I was free to give him another chance because I didn’t have anything left to lose? And I would—I would trade all of my tomorrows for just one single yesterday with Noah. Just one. Where had all my resolve to stay away from him gone? I’d remained stalwart in my efforts not to cave in and beg him to take me back all these years. It looks like almost dying has changed my perspective on things.
“Noah,” I said, my voice cracking. I opened my arms to him, beckoning. Would he come? The gesture meant more than an invitation for a hug or comfort. I was offering to welcome him back into my life with open arms. It was symbolic. Would he understand?
He took two steps towards me, then slowed, faltering. His eyes darkened as he considered. I knew in that moment he did understand. I waited, assessing him. He was all hard lines and bronzed skin, shaped by the hell he’d gone through. I knew his scars weren’t merely physical. I didn’t care. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen both inside and out. I could still see traces of the boy I fell in love with. It was there in the vulnerability in his eyes. It was there in the way he held himself, unsure of his next move. And I was still the girl who’d fallen head over heels for him when I was just ten years old. I was still the girl who dreamed about what it would be like to kiss him, touch him—the difference was the woman in me knew. She knew and yearned for the man she’d merely gotten a taste of. Tears welled in my eyes. I was offering Noah a second chance, what if he didn’t take it?
“I came back from Iraq broken, darlin’. You sure you want—you sure you really want me like this?”
Tears streamed down my face. I tasted salt on my lips as I licked them. “I’ll always want you, Noah. Always. Don’t you get that? I tried—I tried to forget you.” I sucked in a shaky breath in an attempt to steady myself. “Don’t you see what not having you has done to me? I’m dying without you. I’ll take you any way I can get you—because it’s you.”
He came to me then, sliding in within my arms and wrapping his around me. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. He was home to me. After all these years I was finally going home. For the moment at least, all my insecurities were held at bay. I knew I’d have to deal with so much later, but for that moment in time, the mere promise of a second chance with Noah chased all of my demons away.
“I love you, darlin’. I never stopped,” Noah rasped. “I just thought you’d be better off without me.”
Guess I wasn’t the only one whose perspective changed since my near death experience. I dug my nails into his muscled shoulders. “I never stopped loving you either.”
There I said it. Now let the chips fall where they may.
I’d been so determined to not let anything stand in the way of my career, and yet I’d been the one who’d ultimately fucked it all up. Noah was r
ight, I was my own worst enemy. Popping pills had been a recipe for disaster, not the quick fix I thought it would be. It didn’t matter that the cops were looking into whether or not someone had tampered with the meds. It wouldn’t have been a problem if I hadn’t taken them. I’d painted a bull’s eye on my back and then danced around at target practice.
The only good thing that had come out of any of it was Noah. I tried to study him covertly from under my lashes. He was talking to his bear of a friend slash colleague, Billy. He stood a good few inches over Noah’s six foot three, and he was almost twice as wide, I swear. The two of them were talking in hushed whispers as I waited for my discharge papers. Noah’s arms were crossed and his face fierce. I knew they were discussing my trip back to Nashville and how to keep me safe. Personally, I thought as long as I kept away from popping pills while boozing I’d be just peachy. As usual, no one was listening to me though. I didn’t really care all that much at the moment either. I was ready to get the hell out of the hospital but I was still feeling exhausted. Nearly OD’ing and dying apparently takes a lot out of you.
Despite everything, excitement pinged through my system. Noah and I had so much to talk about, years of things that we would hopefully be able to work through. Hope, sometimes it destroyed, but sometimes it gives you the motivation to rebuild too. We’d both uttered the big L word to each other, and a silent promise had been made. We’d try to work things out. There was a lot of pain and regret still between us. It wasn’t like in a movie or a book where we’d proclaim our love for each other and magically all our problems would be fixed. Relationships are hard work. The important thing was that we both seemed willing to put the effort in.