by D T Dyllin
26
~Kylie
The whole listening party was a mistake. Being on the road, as a performer, is extremely lonely. It didn’t matter that my backup band, Marie and a host of other people, surrounded me. I didn’t have a husband, or children or any other close relationship. The lack of those things always left me feeling isolated. Because of that, in the past, I couldn’t wait to be on a break to head back to Nashville so I could reconnect with friends. Everything was different tonight though, and it had nothing to do with Noah. I’d just nearly OD’ed a matter of days ago. People were looking at me funny, I could feel it. Eyes burned into my back, turning away when I faced them. And yet, no one was saying a damn thing, no one so much as whispered. It was unnerving me, setting me more on edge than I’d been before. I needed a drink. Just one. What will one little drink really hurt? The drugs have all been flushed from my system. A shot. A tiny little shot. A tiny little shot to relax me a bit.
I glanced over my shoulder at Noah to make sure he wasn’t watching me, and I veered off course from the ladies’ room to head to the bar instead. I pushed into an open spot and made eye contact with the one of the bartenders. She made her way over to me quickly. “What can I get ya?”
“A shot of silver Patron, chilled, no training wheels. And a bottle of water.” I wanted to chase the shot with a beer but I wasn’t about to chug one and I knew Noah wouldn’t be happy with what I was doing. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
“Here ya go.” The bartender slid me my order and I handed her a twenty.
“Keep the change,” I muttered just before slamming back the shot. I twisted the cap off the water bottle and took a few swigs. Barely a second passed before the tequila hit me, the icy chill causing me to shudder even as my throat and stomach burned.
I leaned over the bar again. “Hey, hit me with another.” One shot wasn’t going to do the trick. Before the bartender walked away I called, “make that two more.” Three’s a charm. I’d stop at three, my lucky number.
After pounding both shots I headed off to the ladies’ room, the warmth of the tequila pleasant but not overwhelming. I’d have to hurry before Noah began to wonder where I was. I’d fix my lipstick and chew a few mints. It was a solid plan, and in a few minutes my nerves wouldn’t be threatening to drown me anymore.
“Hello?” I called when I entered the ladies’ room, I wasn’t really sure why. I made my way over to the sinks and—
I dropped my clutch and backed away. I had to be hallucinating or maybe the tequila had affected me more than I’d thought. They didn’t call it te-kill-ya for nothing after all. But no matter how many times I blinked it didn’t go away. Scrolled across one of the mirrors in lipstick, at least I hoped it was lipstick, were the words:
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
I moved closer, still partially hoping I was having a paranoid delusion of some sort. But the words didn’t disappear, or change. I stood staring at the message, my own reflection meeting my gaze, panic in my eyes. Whoever was harassing me had been or still was at The Stage. They knew every move before I made it. I needed Noah.
I flew out of the ladies’ room but slowed once I was back in the bar, not wanting to ruin the event for anyone with such a revelation. I didn’t want to turn into ‘that girl’. If I did, despite the fact I was being harassed, I’d garner myself a reputation for being a drama queen.
As I approached Noah, I noticed a tall blonde was standing too close to him for my liking. I couldn’t see her face but I could tell by her body language that she was gushing all over Noah. The blonde was being particularly aggressive, rubbing against him and smiling. She tugged at Noah, obviously wanting him to go with her somewhere. Noah turned towards her and smiled. My heart sputtered. I’d been waiting for him to turn her away, rather rudely, I was hoping. I glanced at Blake and Miranda to see what they thought of the situation. Maybe I was missing something. They were both smiling too, but not just at Noah, at the two of them.
Noah dipped down to whisper something in the blonde’s ear. She threw her head back and laughed. My stomach roiled. She reached for Noah’s hand and began to lead him towards the bar. I couldn’t watch anymore. I spun on my heel and ran as fast as I could up the stairs, and out the back entrance of the bar. Tears blurred my vision.
I’d been gone for less than five minutes, and already Noah’s head had been turned by someone younger and prettier than me. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t seen her face, I just knew she was beautiful. I have never and would never compete for a man’s attention. If Noah James didn’t want me, then that was fine. I’d just have to learn to deal with it. Yeah, because you’ve been doing a bang up job all these years. “Shut up,” I growled at myself. “He doesn’t get to disrespect me like that. I won’t let him have flings on the side. It just isn’t happening no matter how much I love him.” I never was the sharing type. I fled the bar, and quickly hailed a cab, not wanting to deal with Billy, who would surely summon Noah.
I abruptly changed my mind. No. Noah is mine. Maybe I really didn’t understand what had been going on. Maybe the girl just wanted to buy him a drink. Maybe he’d seen what I’d done and was trying to make me jealous. I was overreacting. I’m going back in there and claiming my man. Showing someone you care isn’t competing, it’s doing just that, showing them that you care, that they matter to you. I wasn’t about to repeat past mistakes by jumping to conclusions.
I waved off the cab that had pulled over for me. I marched back into the bar and sought out Noah with a single-minded purpose. He was standing by himself, no blonde in sight. My nerves settled. I’d been jumping to conclusions again, assuming the worst because of my dark thoughts. Noah wouldn’t do that to me in front of all these people. He’d probably just let the blonde buy him a drink so she’d leave him alone. Hell, maybe she was a fan of mine, or friends with mutual acquaintances. There were so many explanations. And in order not to start a fight with Noah, I wasn’t even going to ask him about the girl. I was simply going to do what I started out to do…claim my man.
27
~Noah
Kyle slid up beside me. She laughed softly, her eyes twinkling. “Hey there sexy,” she cooed, pressing her breasts into my arm. “I’m bored. Let’s have some fun.” She tugged on my arm, smiling up at me.
I liked seeing her happy, smiling...laughing. I didn’t miss the overpowering scent of mints on her breath though. I knew what she’d done. I bit back the urge to ring her out for it. She rose up on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear. “Let’s finish what we started earlier.” How was a man supposed to think when the woman he loves puts sex on the table like that? The answer: He can’t.
My own lips parted in a smile to match hers. I dipped down to whisper back to her. “What did you have in mind, darlin’? Because if you don’t have any suggestions, I may have a few.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, I’m sure you do, you naughty, naughty man.” She took my hand in hers and led me off towards the bar. “I need another shot first. And you’re doing one with me.”
I snorted. “I’m surprised you admitted to the other shots. With all that mint waftin’ out of your mouth, I was sure you were tryin’ to hide it.”
She shrugged. “No secrets?” It came out sounding like a question.
“No more shots for you,” I stated sternly.
“Don’t be such a party pooper, Noah. Just one more shot here and then we’re hitting the road. We’re gonna be tourists tonight. We’ll go to Legends, Crossroads—all the Honky Tonk bars here on Broadway. We’ll get drunk like we used to and fuck ourselves sober when we’re done.” She stuck her lower lip out in a demonstrative pout. “I need this. Things have been so stressful lately. Please. I want us to just have a good time together, like old times.”
I heaved a huge sigh. It wasn’t a good idea. I knew that. But I just wanted to make her happy. My emotions and logic warred with each other. Kyle turned her back to me, doing a little shimmy shake move that br
ought her ass up against my dick, rubbing it. “Please,” she play moaned.
Battle fought, war won. My emotions, or rather my cock was now officially in charge. It looked like we were getting a little sideways tonight. “All right. But my men are following us.”
“Whatever,” she said, tugging me towards the bar again. “Just as long as we get to play.” She abruptly turned and wrapped her hands around my neck, yanking me down to her level. Her tongue plunged into my mouth, intertwining with mine aggressively. By the time Kyle pulled away, I was ready to take her right there on the bar. I didn’t know what’d gotten into her all of a sudden, but I more than liked it. It was as if all of her insecurities and shyness had temporarily evaporated.
I grunted as she turned away to order shots, of tequila no less. It’d always been her go to liquor of choice, and it always meant trouble. I opened my mouth to say something and stopped when she shoved a shot glass at me. I begrudgingly took it.
“Here’s to those who’ve seen us at our best and seen us at our worst, and can’t tell the difference.”
I snorted, offering my own cheers, not really caring for Kyle’s. “Here’s to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one.”
I waited until Kyle brought her shot to her lips before following suit. The familiar burn ran down my throat and settled in my stomach. Kyle handed me a Newcastle bottle. “What the fuck is this shit?” I grumbled.
She rolled her eyes. “It’s called a beer. Please don’t tell me you’re still drinking Budweiser.”
“Budweiser’s a good beer.” She obviously hadn’t been in the fridge back at the house. I set the Newcastle on the bar, wanting no part of it.
“Come on!” She shouted in my face. “Let’s go!” She darted in between people, heading for the front door. She left me little choice but to follow her.
I spilled out onto the street, having to shove through people to get out of the bar. Being a great deal bigger than Kyle, I couldn’t move through the crowd the way she could. I glanced right and then left, somehow she’d already managed to disappear. “Shit,” I muttered. Where the he—
“Noah!” Kyle peaked her head out of Layla’s a few doors down. “Come on! I like the band that’s playing in here!”
I scowled, sparing a furtive glance over my shoulder to see Mikey making his way towards us. He’d catch up. I couldn’t stand the idea of Kyle being alone with everything that’d been going on lately. I coughed as I passed by several smokers trying to get their fix out on the street. The bouncer at Layla’s nodded at me, but didn’t ask for my I.D. I sucked in a sharp breath as I got a good look at the hell I was about to enter. Layla’s was packed. It wasn’t the subdued event I’d just come from. I took a step back, balking, fresh air all of a sudden seeming mighty important, even if it was slightly tainted by cigarette smoke. The bar was smaller than I remembered. And there were too many people packed into it. Way too many.
Before I could pick Kyle up and forcibly remove her, she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the mess which was Layla’s, and to the bar where she ordered more drinks. With the crowd and the band, I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I started to sweat. The lights were too bright. The band too loud. My shirt was too tight. I dug my fingers into the bar trying to take in full deep breaths. When Kyle slid a shot my way, I pounded it without question. Then another. My vision wavered. I needed out. I needed to get the hell out. I wrapped my arm around Kyle, and propelled her towards the back door.
“Noah! Wait! Noah! We just got here!” Kyle exclaimed with confusion, struggling against me.
I’d explain to her once we were outside, once I could breathe again. I was a step away from a full-blown panic attack. Someone like me, someone with PTSD, didn’t deal well with crowds and loud noises. Layla’s had been full up on both of those things. I exploded into the back alley, still clinging to Kyle for dear life. I spun around wildly. “Billy!” I roared. I couldn’t be out of control and protect Kyle. I needed to focus on calming myself down. I couldn’t calm myself when I was worried about Kyle. It was a Catch-22.
Mikey popped out of the bar right behind us. He took one look at me and swore. “What do you want me to do?”
“Watch her. Make sure she’s safe. Get her to the car with Billy. I need to take a walk or somethin’.”
Billy dashed down the alley towards us. “What happened?”
“Noah? Noah? I’m scared. What can I do?” Kyle’s words were slurred. I knew she was drunk already, and I wasn’t entirely sure I wasn’t slightly buzzed. I was unaccustomed to hard liquor, especially tequila. My tolerance was probably a step above bitch level.
“Listen. You need to give him some space,” Mikey said. “He’ll be fine soon. Just give him some space.”
“Go. Take care of yourself,” Billy said off to my right. “We got this.”
I nodded, my vision still blurred. I couldn’t even look at Kyle. I didn’t want her to see me like this. It’d been so long since I’d had a freak out. Of course I was careful to avoid situations like Layla’s. Not to mention the alcohol I’d ingested. Whenever I worked a specific kind of job, I made sure I always positioned myself where I could handle it. Like if I’d been on duty while Kyle performed a big show, I would have stayed back stage, away from the crowds. I’d skulk around in the shadows where I felt most at home. It’d been a bad judgment call to let Kyle talk me into reveling like we used to. I wasn’t the same person, and never would be again. No, excuses only went so far.
“I’ll be back,” I rasped, stumbling away from Kyle.
“Noah, wait!”
“Leave him be, he needs space,” Billy rumbled in a comforting tone. “He’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Kyle didn’t say anything else, but I heard her choke back a sob. Fuck, like I didn’t feel like shit already. Now Kyle was crying because of me. Haven’t I made her cry enough over the years? I hurried away, hating myself just a little bit more than I’d started the day out doing.
28
~Kylie
I swung my gaze back and forth between Billy and Mikey. I searched for signs that they were lying to me, that Noah wasn’t okay. Both of them seemed calm enough, just focused on me. I fought to breathe, sob after sob wracking my chest. I didn’t know what to feel, what to think. Finally, I settled on self-loathing, since I was so good at it.
“It’s all my fault. I should have known better. I made him come tonight, I practically poured liquor down his throat and then I dragged him into Layla’s. I should have known. I just—I didn’t. He was okay at The Stage.” I swiped at my tears with the corner of my clutch.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him have an episode,” Billy said. “It’s not just tonight that’s a factor. He’s been under a lot of stress lately, worrying about you and the blackbird thing. Stress makes the triggers easier. Layla’s was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“None of it’s your fault,” Mikey added. “He knows his limits. He should have shut you down if you were pushing them.”
“No. No, I’m really hard to say no to. Once I get something in my head I’m like a bulldog. I wouldn’t have taken no for an answer.” The tequila in my stomach sloshed around unpleasantly causing me to burp. Everything was getting kind of fuzzy around the edges.
Mikey chuckled. “I knew he was going to have his hands full with you.”
Anger reared its ugly head. I chose not to say anything though, and scanned the entrance of the alley for Noah’s return. “How long will he be gone?”
“Not long.” Billy placed a hand on my shoulder and gently pushed me so I’d start walking. “Let’s get you to the car. You can wait for him there. I don’t want you standing out here.”
“I don’t wanna go to the car,” I protested.
“Noah wanted me to take you.”
“Oh.” If Noah wanted it then I’d go.
I settled into the backseat of the Lincoln, fighti
ng to stay upright. I was suddenly sleepy. Billy turned the car on. “Do you want to listen to some music?” he asked from the front seat.
“No, I—I don’t feel so good. Where’s Noah?”
“He’ll be back soon, I promise.” Billy’s voice had taken on the tone of someone who was either talking to a child or someone who was really drunk. Am I drunker than I think?
I propped myself up so I could stare out the window. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity before I saw Noah approaching. I flung the door open and ran straight at him. “Noah!” I threw myself into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. “I was so worried!”
His large hands went under my ass to support me as he continued walking. “I told you I’d be fine. I just needed a little space and some fresh air.”
We slid into the car with me still attached to Noah like some kind of deranged monkey. I pressed my face into his neck, inhaling. “I love how you smell,” I murmured against him. I snaked my tongue out to taste his skin. It was slightly salty from sweat. “Mmmm… you taste good too. I love you so much, Noah—so much.” I tightened my grip on him.
“You all right now, chief? Need anything?”
“I’m good. Let’s get out of here. She’s drunk.”
Billy laughed. “You think?”
“I’m not drunk. Just buzzed. Bzzzz-zzzz—buuuzzzzed.” I giggled.
Noah shifted under me, his hands moving up my back. “Whatever you say, darlin’.”