by D T Dyllin
“This isn’t Silence of the Lambs or some crap like that. You’re not going to go talk to the crazy guy in jail to get answers to catch whoever’s doing this. It doesn’t work that way. Also if I remember correctly, things went a little sideways in that movie before the ending. No.” I stomped my foot. “No, just no.” I spun around to face Billy. “Tell him no.”
Billy stood again and looked over my shoulder at Noah, ignoring me. “It’s not a bad idea. We need a lead, something. Otherwise I’m going to get someone in here to smudge the place.” He eyed me warily. “And you too. Maybe the damn thing is attached to you personally.”
My mouth dropped open. “I do not have a malicious spirit attached to me!”
“Shut up!” Noah roared. “This is gettin’ out of hand and utterly ridiculous. Billy please do us a favor and pick up some breakfast. Preferably somethin’ greasy. I’m not picky. We’re all gonna sit and calm down over a nice breakfast.” Noah turned and limped back into the bedroom. Worry became my prevalent emotion. Obviously Noah’s leg was bothering him and I felt responsible since I was the one who’d put him through hell with everything last night and I was the one being harassed, which was turning his life upside down more than a job normally would since it was for me.
I scrunched up my face and looked at Billy. “I do not have a malicious spirit attached to me. And I want bacon. Maybe pancakes.” I spun on my heels and marched into the bedroom after Noah, shutting the door. I paused a moment and locked it. I was feeling a bit paranoid after last night’s events with the mirrors and window. I didn’t want to let myself think about the fact that someone had been in the house, smashing things, while we’d been out cold. I shivered.
I approached Noah who was sitting on the bed, his prosthetic on the floor in front of him, his pant leg pushed up. “You’re not talkin’ me out of it. I’m gonna see Vreck.”
“We can talk about that later.” I was definitely talking him out of it. It was going to take some coercion though, and sex, probably lots of sex. It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it. I would change his mind somehow though. I was not one to take no for an answer.
“Do you need help with your leg? I noticed you were limping,” I asked before I could think better of it. I grimaced. There was a time when Noah didn’t want me to even mention his leg. Things were better now. I’d seen him without his prosthetic, and I felt like he’d opened up to me. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be slightly touchy about things, and I definitely didn’t think he wanted to feel like he needed anyone’s help.
Noah paused, the silence eating at me as I stood in front of him awkwardly. He slowly raised his head, his gaze meeting mine, almost shyly. “Yeah, I could use your help.”
My heart tightened painfully. I’d offered without thinking, but I hadn’t actually expected him to accept. Noah and I had been friends once—best friends, not only husband and wife. It wasn’t like I hadn’t or didn’t have friends, just not any that I told everything to, confiding in them my deepest thoughts and secrets. I hadn’t had intimacy on any level since I’d walked away from Noah. I missed that the most. I’d once shared everything with Noah—everything one human being could share with another. Him letting me help him, it wasn’t something small. He was letting me in all the way. Tears welled in my eyes and I blinked to rid myself of them before he could see.
“Okay,” I whispered. “Tell me what to do.”
31
~Noah
I’m a man, and sometimes my testosterone fucks up my brain. I’m well aware that the calendar hasn’t read nineteen fifty anything in a really long time. I wasn’t even alive when it did. Despite that, I find it hard to relinquish control. I want to be the one in charge; I want to be the one taking care of Kyle, not the other way around. The thing is, my mama didn’t raise me that way, she raised me right. She taught me to respect women, not to treat them like possessions or second-class citizens to order around. Women were just as strong as men, but in a different way. We needed each other—balanced each other out. My mama said I should treat a woman as my equal but to take care of her at the same time. She’d explained that women can do most things themselves, but they didn’t always like to. She’d also explained that when a man did things for his woman, it showed her that he cared. I loved Kyle with everything in me. I wanted to take care of her, make her feel cherished.
Somewhere along the line I’d gotten my mama’s lessons twisted in my head, and my fucked up chivalry was the reason why I’d pushed Kyle away. If I couldn’t take care of her then I wasn’t good for her. I’d been a kid still—immature when our relationship had fallen apart. Being physically vulnerable, having a weakness, didn’t make me less of a man. I used to think it did. I’m not even sure why. Now I knew if I wanted to keep Kyle, I needed to open up fully to her. I had to show her every part of me, because I would ask no less of her. And maybe she wanted to feel needed too.
When I finally opened my mouth to utter the words that yes, I could use some help, I didn’t miss the shocked expression on Kyle’s face. Her green eyes widened and tears welled in them, the sight causing a lump to form in my throat. I can’t think about this anymore right now. If I did I would chicken out. It was in that moment I realized, truly realized, that it took a stronger man to be vulnerable than to hide behind false bravado. Showing Kyle that I wasn’t perfect, that I wasn’t made of steel, that made me more of a man than I ever was before when I’d tried to shield her from what I had to go through. This moment could be a turning point in our relationship…if I let it.
I cleared my throat. “This prosthetic doesn’t fit quite as well as some of the others—“ I coughed, fighting to say the words. “I usually don’t wear it, but it’s more realistic and it fills out my pant leg better. I wanted—well—I wanted—”
She dropped to her knees in front of me. “You wore it for me,” she gasped. “Oh, Noah, you shouldn’t have to suffer because of me. I’m proud to have you on my arm, I told you that already.”
“I just—I didn’t believe you on some level, I guess, and I wanted to make you proud, darlin’. I didn’t—”
She threw herself around my waist, nearly knocking me over. She buried her face in my chest and sniffled. “You do make me proud. How many times do I have to say it? I could never be prouder of anyone. Please never do anything to cause yourself pain for me. Please, Noah.” Her grip tightened, her nails digging into my back where they’d slid up under my shirt.
“Growin’ pains. That’s all this is. We just got back together, it’s bound to happen. We gotta learn to trust each other again. No one ever said relationships were easy, just worth it. At least with you.”
“Are we officially back together? Because I want to be. I want to be your—” She stopped abruptly and sucked in a breath.
I palmed the back of her head, smiling, the tightness in my body loosening from what she’d almost blurted out. She wanted to be my wife again. It was a good thing because I wanted to be her husband again. We’d get it right the second time around. I refused to lose her. “Go into the bathroom and get the ointment that’s on the counter, the gauze and tape beside it too. Then in the middle drawer in my dresser you’ll find some things that look like sleeves or socks. Grab one of those. After you bring me all that, grab the little box in the top right drawer of the dresser.” I smirked, anticipation swimming through me as Kyle hurried to fill my demands.
When Kyle handed me the things I’d wanted, I set them on the bed beside me. I wanted to wait before treating the blisters on my leg. I had something more important to take care of first.
Kyle’s entire body tensed when she pulled the small black velvet box from the dresser. She glanced over her shoulder at me, her face flushed. “Noah—what—?” She popped open the lid and sucked in a sharp breath. “You kept it? All these years you kept it?”
“I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t let you go. Not really.” She turned around to face me, hope shining in her eyes. She didn’t say a word, just gazed at
me expectantly. “Here I am, laid bare for you, darlin’. I’m broken, scarred, fucked up in the head in so many ways, probably some I don’t even know ‘bout. But I love you with everythin’ I am. We were stupid kids—we screwed up. Both of us are to blame.“ I opened my arms wide. “This is me now. You can have me, all of me. We can make a new life together…if you want to. Just say you’ll be my wife again.” I swallowed, waiting.
“Yes—yes—I’ll be your wife again. I want it. I want it all with you. Oh God, Noah, I want it so much.” Kyle threw herself at me again, pressing her face into my chest, a ragged sob breaking from her lungs. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Fuck, Kyle, I love you so much. I don’t know how I’ve gone all this time without you.”
Kyle sobbed, my shirt already damp from her tears. She clutched me tighter than I thought possible. “I never left. I’ve been here with you this whole time.”
We clung to each other, both of our hearts beating erratically. Kyle was my lifeline when I hadn’t even known I was drowning. All those women I’d used, none of the connections had been real. I’d merely been trying to fuck away the pain that not having Kyle caused. I’d been a jackass, causing us both pain that wasn’t necessary. I’d have to spend the rest of our lives making up for it. It was a challenge I’d happily tackle.
A sharp knock on the bedroom door caused Kyle to jump. I ran a hand down her back. “It’s just Billy back with breakfast. Why don’t you head on out and get started. I’ll only be a minute.”
“But I was going to help you,” she mumbled against my shirt.
“You did. You got me the stuff I needed. Plus--” I tugged her away from me so I could look into her eyes. “There’ll be plenty more times in the future for you to help.”
She smiled, the glee dancing in her green depths like the sun coming out after a spring storm. “Okay.” She stood. “I am starving. You better hurry before I eat everything.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I growled.
She raised her eyebrows, smirking. “Wouldn’t I?” With that she hurried from the bedroom—our bedroom—and I hastened with patching up my leg so I wouldn’t miss out on breakfast.
Kyle is going to be my wife again. Try as I might, despite everything else that was going on, I couldn’t help the silly grin that spread across my face.
32
~Kylie
I bounded out of the bedroom, excitement bubbling in my veins. I must have been grinning like a deranged clown because Billy gave me a strange look. He was opening to-go containers of food from Cracker Barrel. I grabbed some plates and utensils and sat at the table. Billy did the same.
“What has you so peppy all of a sudden?” Billy asked before biting into some bacon. “Just a little while ago you were freaked out about what happened last night.”
I swallowed a mouthful of pancakes before responding. “Noah asked me to marry him—again.”
Billy snorted. “About damn time. That man has never gotten over you.”
My cheeks were going to pop they were stretched so wide. It was making chewing with some level of politeness kind of difficult. I’d probably spew food across the table at any moment. But I didn’t care. I was too happy to care about something so stupid. “Me either,” I said around another mouthful of pancakes. “I mean, I’ve never gotten over him, obviously.”
Billy shook his head. “I still don’t understand why you two broke up to begin with. I mean I’ve heard the explanation, or something that sounded like it should have been an explanation—but I never understood.”
I waved a hand in the air. “Mmmm…I’m not so sure I understand anymore either. We were young and stupid, I suppose.” Huh, maybe youth doesn’t have all the advantages. Now, that was a thought. Could aging actually bring something good with it? Like wisdom?
“Thank God there’s still food left. I’m starvin’,” Noah’s deep voice made me shiver pleasantly. He dipped to kiss me on the top of the head before sliding into the seat beside mine.
“Congrats,” Billy rumbled. “Kylie told me about marriage number two. Although I’m not sure how that works since you’re marrying the same person.”
Noah snorted. “Thanks, man.” He spooned some grits into his mouth from a plastic container. He chewed and then swallowed. My hormones being set on overdrive, I thought even the way he ate grits was sexy. I wanted to lean over and kiss my way down his body. Guess I was hungry for a little more than breakfast. “We need to get someone in here to clean everythin’ up and replace things ASAP. As soon as we’re done here I’m gonna make some calls to set up a visit with Conner Vreck. He’s probably gonna want his lawyer there or some shit.”
My fork hit my plate loudly. “No. I told you that I don’t want you to see him.”
“Nothin’ is gonna happen, darlin’. And it’s not like I’m askin’ you to face him with me.”
“What if he makes you mad enough to hit him or something? Then you could—”
“I have restraint. Just because I wanna hit the dirt bag doesn’t mean I will.”
“You could lose your temper.”
“I could, but I won’t.”
I sighed. “Noah, please, I just don’t want you to.” I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread in my stomach when I thought about it. I couldn’t use my seduction sway plan with Billy present.
“I’ll go with him if it makes you feel better,” Billy offered.
“No you won’t,” Noah snapped. “You’re staying here with her.”
“Mikey or Jake can—”
“You’re staying here with her. End of discussion.”
Billy eyed Noah but nodded. “Whatever you say, chief.” He stood abruptly and stalked from the room. Before I could say anything else, Noah stood and left as well, probably going to talk with Billy. I stayed where I was even though my appetite was gone.
I was up, I was down, I was up again, then down. My emotions, as always, at least lately, were a constant roller coaster ride. I drew myself up from the table and made my way back into the bedroom. I swooped up my guitar from its case and started playing. As happy as I was to be with Noah again, I had to find a way to let go, truly let go of the pain from our past. The memories of all the pain—being without him—they were still present, as much as I wanted to just move past them. Words formed, music slowly intertwining with them.
I’ve heard it said that when you spiral down
You’ve gotta bottom out
And only then can you head back on up
So as for me no doubt
I’m headed down again, I’m falling fast
It’s really nothing new
Though I’ve tried I’ve failed forgetting you
I never will it’s true
The wound I bear within my soul is deep
It never healed with time
The taste of love that I once found so sweet
Is now a bitter wine
I’m headed down again, I’m falling fast
It’s really nothing new
Though I’ve tried I’ve failed forgetting you
I never will it’s true
All I feel’s the sadness
That’s always a part of me
I’ve tried so hard to leave it all behind
The way you did to me
I’m headed down again, I’m falling fast
It’s really nothing new
Through I’ve tried I’ve failed forgetting you
I never will it’s true
Now as the days turn into weeks and months
They all remain the same
I bide my time within eternity
Without a hope of change
I’m headed down again…
I stopped strumming, my fingers tightening and my throat closing off. Ten years, ten brutal years I’d been without Noah. I’d somehow convinced myself I was okay. I’d never been okay. But I would be now. I had him back. I had him back and—
A new tune vibrated my guitar. I hadn’t even realized th
at I’d started playing again. New words, happier words, tumbled from my tongue.
Your love matters most to me
For it’s my true guide
I’m at peace as I know you’ll be
Evermore at my side
With your love—
With your love—
With your love—
My heart sings at the sight of you
My mind takes upon wings
My soul shines as I’m all anew
And I need not a thing
With your love—
With your love I am free
From all past misery
I could sing of love endlessly
As I gaze in your eyes
For I’m just where I want to be
And shall be when I die
With your love—
With your love—
With your love—
It was how I felt. It was as if I could do anything, be anything, with Noah’s love. Most people would think it corny at best, some kind of codependent relationship at worst. I didn’t care. I needed Noah. He needed me. We made each other better, stronger. How could that be a bad thing? The first song was how I’d felt being separated from him, and the second how I felt since he’d asked me to marry him again. Hell, I had probably hundreds of songs, maybe even thousands, I’d written over the past ten years that were what I liked to label broken love songs. They’d all been about Noah. Everything had always been about Noah. Call me weak, pathetic, I didn’t really care. Even with Noah back in my life, I had enough issues to still deal with. The daily battle with the mirror, my low self-esteem… He made fighting through all the shit worth it. He made life worth it. I wouldn’t just barely be keeping my head above water anymore.