by H. Q. Frost
When the front door opens, two women step onto the porch and Magdelena is right behind them. Her arms cross over her front like she's trying to hold herself and she looks around like she's looking for someone. One of the women turns back to hug her. It's her sister; I recognize her. The other rubs her arm and a fake smile graces Magdelena's face. It's sad to see and I'm sure I'm the cause of her having to pretend to be happy. Her already fearful life was turned upside down and she learned the threat is closer to her than she realized. There really isn't any comfort to offer her, I know, I've been living this life since the birth of my child. Sadly for her, she let the problem fuck her.
"Fuck," I grunt, slamming my fist to the steering wheel.
That thought isn't predominant, but it's in my head that he's touched her and she's wanted him to.
When the women get into a car down the street, Magdelena looks around again. I shouldn't, but I open the door and get out, standing at the car. She sees me almost immediately and we stare at each other. I'm too far to make out her facial expression but after a few minutes she closes the door at her back and walks down the steps. I want to meet her halfway but I stay at the car.
"Get in," she tells me as she approaches and rounds to the passenger side.
"I couldn't help but notice you seem to be looking for someone. Me?" I taunt her when she gets in.
"No, but it's a little creepy you're stalking me, Callum."
"I'm waiting for your guests to leave. Not stalking. I planned on walking right into your house again."
"Well this time the doors would have been locked," she spits back as if that would have stopped me.
"So if not me, who?"
"Kip." She looks out the back window. "I gave him his ring back and he didn't take it well."
It was stupid of her to get involved with him to begin with. But giving back his ring means she's not as stupid as I assumed.
"Did you tell him why?"
"Yes, that it was moving too fast."
I chuckle and she shifts to glower at me. "You've been with him for what? Three years?"
"He offered me protection from you, Callum." As if that's a reason to get into a relationship. Though, no worse than a family contract, I suppose.
"Ah, look how well that worked out. He offered you protection from himself and my grandmother. Now he knows everything about you."
"Fuck," she huffs and covers her face. "Why didn't you contact me!"
"I tried!" I roar as sudden anger fills me. I wanted her back and I was ready to beg for it. She would never take my calls.
"You didn't try hard enough! You never showed up! And all your messages only ever said 'call me'!"
"I wasn't going to force you to be with me, Magdelena."
"I don't mean then, I mean when you found all this out."
Do I tell her I jumped on the first flight here when I discovered the truth? When I discovered she didn't give up our son and possibly doesn't hate me as much as my grandmother portrayed.
"I just learned of the truth. I haven't known for years. For years I thought you actually gave my son away willingly."
"That's just stupid."
We cannot go back and forth about this.
"Why are all these people at your house?" I look over at her multi million dollar house and almost smile, but what's there to smile about? It's not our house. At least she's been using the necklace I gave her to take care of herself and our daughter.
"It's my mother's birthday. Kip said he was going to show up, he hasn't yet. But…I'm scared." When she looks into my face I can see the fear all over hers.
The tables have turned. I am the trusted one now. I could use this to my advantage, but sadly only one advantage, and that's to feel her. It can't go beyond that.
"You should be. If my grandmother finds out I'm here, and telling you everything, she wouldn't hesitate to have us both killed."
"What if we go to the police?"
I almost laugh at her but don't have to because I see the realization register.
"It'll buy some time until we come up with another plan."
"I'm sorry, Magdelena. The only thing you should plan is to pack up your daughter and leave."
"That is not a plan," she grits out and her fists ball.
"What have you been conjuring in that pretty head since I've left, Magdelena? Please tell me your plans. Do they involve me? Us? Our children? You back on the estate, back in my bed, back in my heart? Please, tell me."
"Fuck you, Callum." She grabs the handle. "You have no heart."
I snatch her arm. "What were you thinking?" I mean that question on so many levels.
"I didn't think of a plan." She jerks her arm out of my grasp. "But they wouldn't involve you. They involve me and my children. I want my son back."
"I dare you to try." I mean that threat very literally.
"Why did you show up here!" She's on the brink of tears.
"To warn you that you've let the enemy inside your body."
"I did that the first time I fucked you." The tears are gone, now it's just hate.
"Very true but very different kinds. I would have protected you, cared for you until death."
"You were killing me! Ever day in that house I tried. I tried so hard but your cruelty and hatred were killing me. I just wanted you to love me!" There's the breakdown she's been holding back and now she's weeping into her hands.
Telling her I did love her won't make me feel any better, so I won't say it.
"You had it made. Money, maids, staff at your every beck and call."
"That is not what I wanted from you."
I know that. God I know that more than anyone. What she wanted, I wasn't capable of, and clearly I'm still not.
"That's what I had to offer and you refused it."
"That's why I ended up with Kip, because he proved to be ten times the man you are."
Throwing my head back I laugh to keep from smashing the dashboard. "Yes, Magdelena, yes. Look how well that worked out. He tainted you, used you up, left you soiled, unwanted and unloved." I don't mean those fucking words but she cuts me so deep that I want to make her bleed.
Gentle hands wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks. No longer willing to let me debase her, she takes a calming breath. "Did you come back to offer me the chance to meet my son?" She knows this answer but apparently she needs clarification one more time.
"I did not."
"Then don't come around me, my family, or my home again. Or I'll inform your grandmother and let her deal with you however she sees fit." Grabbing the handle again, I almost let her go, but I can't.
"Magdelena." I take her hand this time. Flesh on flesh. Her warm, soft skin makes me want to pull her into my lap to feel more of her. "If I could, I would." It's the truth.
"Why can't you? Don't you raise our son?" Narrowed eyes glare at me as if I'm a lesser man because I don't have that control.
"She took him from you. Not I. She wanted a male heir prepared for when I…step down. Our son is in my custody, but she has a hand in his upbringing. If I could change that, I would. But as you now know, the Carbon name is much more tainted than you thought. Until she is gone, nothing is fully mine."
"When she dies?"
It'll be too late before she dies a natural death.
"I'll gain everything. But the female Carbons beared children at young ages. If her health is that of her parents, she'll live for another fifteen or so years."
Her head drops and a quiet sigh leaves her. Against my better judgment, I reach out and touch her hair, moving my hand to cup her cheek.
Looking up, I see I'm the one she trusts now. This look on her face isn't one I've ever seen, even when we were married.
"In fifteen years, will you allow me to be in my son's life?"
"Yes." Another truth, but it'll be too late by then. I'll be fifteen years gone.
Both her hands grab mine and I expect her to shove it away but she pulls it to her lips, kissing my knuckles. "Tha
nk you. If that's my only chance, thank you." This time when she grabs the door handle, I don't stop her.
When I walk back into the house I forget to put on a smile and my mom approaches me. "What happened?" she asks as if she knows what's going on.
She doesn't, Mary doesn't; I kept it all from them to protect them.
"Upset stomach." I place my hand on my stomach that is swirling, but not queasy.
I didn't want to walk away from him but there's nothing I want from him. That doesn't even make sense and I'm lying to myself, but I don't know about what. Even if this wasn't Callum's complete doing, he started it. I should still be his wife and we should be living on the estate happily with our children. And his great grandmother should only come around for birthdays and holidays. I'm not sure what triggered her, probably me, but why? Why is Callum being punished as well? As much as I want those answers, I won't seek them out.
I told Kip I'm not ready to get married again and that he was moving too quickly for me. We don't have a close enough relationship for me to marry him. Yes he's my boyfriend, but he travels a lot and he isn't constantly around. It's not odd for me to tell him I won't marry him. He was confused and acted so hurt that I almost felt bad, but I kept remembering what Callum told me.
Kip's been trying to talk things out since I gave him back the ring and asked him to leave; he's persistent so I know I won't be able to avoid him too long. His persistence, and lies, is how I ended up with him. I never wanted a boyfriend so soon, and especially not a man that used to be close to Callum, but it happened. I was living in fear and was offered a sense of fake protection. I denied it in the beginning, over and over but he wouldn't give up. It took me almost eight months to sleep with him once he started calling himself my boyfriend. It's perfectly normal for me to ask for some space. Hopefully over time he'll move on. I should have asked Callum for a divorce, then I wouldn't have anything to offer. The document I signed giving up rights to my son apparently wasn't real, and while that makes my soul feel lighter, it's also burdening because they want something from me I'm not even aware of.
When my mother finally leaves after her last guest, uneasiness makes me wish me and Poppy weren't alone. I get her in the bath and take my time brushing her hair and reading her a story. I have a little boy that I will never do this with. I hope Callum is good to him. The thought of what sort of father he is makes me worry. He couldn't even be a husband, why would he be able to be a loving father?
As I tuck Poppy in, the knock at the door makes my stomach flip and my heart flutter. It's either Callum or Kip and I'm stupid wishing for the first one.
Pulling open the door, I'm disappointed when Kip steps inside.
"Let me help you clean," he says walking past me. He doesn't hesitate to start cleaning the mess I insisted my mother leave behind.
This is why I eventually gave in. The type of man he is. Or pretends to be. It was all a lie.
"Kip, I don't want you here right now."
"We have to talk, Mag."
"We talked," I say in frustration. "I told you what I had to say and I asked for space. You're not giving me space!" I try to keep my voice down but I'm so angry I let this happen to me again.
Though I don't love Kip, I thought I had this relationship thing down.
"You're all I have." He walks toward me and I roll my eyes.
He's been telling me he doesn't have any family, but it's probably a lie. I can't believe anything he says anymore.
"I uprooted and moved here for you!"
"Shh." I scowl. "I just put Poppy down. And I never asked you to move here. In fact, I asked you not to move here."
"Mag." He grabs my face and looks into my eyes. I believe he cares for me but using me as leverage isn't something I can accept.
Had he been honest off the bat…I don't know what would have happened. I don't even understand what I'm worth to him as far as the Carbons go.
"Where do you work?" I ask him, staring him in the eyes. His gaze flits away and I pull out of his touch. He's trying to think of what to say. "When you travel, where do you go? What do you do?"
"You know what I do. I deal in finances."
"Whose?"
"You know whose." He furrows his brows.
"Callum Carbon's?" I know he works for Germaine, but I want to know if he deals with more than just her finances.
"No," he grits out.
"Do you ever see Callum?"
"No," he repeats in the same tone.
I scoff. "How often do you see Germaine? She wants me dead and you still work for her."
"She doesn't want you dead. Callum does. She wants to protect the Carbon name and fortune. She's not your biggest fan because it belonged to you before the divorce."
"It didn't belong to me. It belonged to Callum."
"You were his wife," he grits out. "Why are we talking about this?"
We've never talked about Callum. I never wanted to, and I'm sure he didn't either.
"You always promised you'd protect me. If not from Germaine, then from who?"
"Callum!" he stresses. "He wants you off the face of the earth!"
"I haven't heard from Callum in four years. I'm dead to him."
"And that's what we wanted. All ties to that man to be erased."
"I want all ties to that family to be erased."
"They are! They are, baby." He grabs my hand with a chuckle. "That's why you signed everything you did. You have no ties to the Carbons anymore. It's like it never even happened."
It happened and it will never be erased. I think about my time in that house daily.
"Except you, Kip. You came from the Carbons."
His brow creases and he looks down only briefly. "I…" Stepping back from me a few feet, he rubs his chin like he does when he's annoyed. "What are you saying?"
To be honest, I don't know what this man is capable of and I don't want to piss him off. My eyes stay locked on him and I try to think of one instance that I looked at him with lust or want. There have been plenty times out of need, but not a need for him. I've played him as much as he’s played me.
"I'm saying I want space." I look away.
"For how long?"
"I don't know, Kip." I move around him and head into the kitchen. "That's not the point of a break. The point is to see what I need and for time to hopefully make the answer clearer."
"What about me, Mag? What I need?"
"Why do you need me?" I didn't mean to snap at him but this is his chance.
Me and Callum will never be an option again, but Kip can come clean and I will continue living out of necessity. Unfortunately his ties and knowledge is what will keep me and my family safe, but I can't look past what I’ve learned if he doesn't tell me what asset I am for him.
"I don't need you. I want you."
"Because you want to hurt Callum."
"Why the fuck do you keep bringing him up?"
I turn toward the sink, unable to look him in the face.
"Magdelena." He tugs my arm.
"Don't call me that." I don't bother turning around.
"Why? Because only Callum can call you by your full name? Admit it, Mag, you never got over that lowlife."
I drop my head. We will not be having this argument.
"Huh?" His grip on my arm yanks and makes me spin. "Is that why? You're still caught up on your ex after all this time? After everything I've done for you?"
"You've done for me?" I snicker. "What have you done for me?"
"I've kept you and your family safe. Alive."
"Me giving away my son did that." I won't give him the satisfaction to learn he did offer a sense of protection.
"Ungrateful bitch."
"Get out." I point toward the door and can't look at him.
I want to sleep this away. This fight and this feeling that I need Callum here to protect me from Kipper. The tables turned so quickly I still feel like I'm spinning. There's a very real possibility I can't trust anything Callum's told me, bu
t why would he lie? He genuinely appeared to not know of Poppy's existence so it wouldn't have been to take her from me. I wish I understood, because why would Callum care? He's never cared about me.
"You're going to be sorry you're pushing me away, Magdelena," he says my name with spite but he's headed for the door and I'm not going to stop him.
The front door slams and I jump, placing my hand on my pounding chest. I don't move until I hear Poppy start to cry. Rushing to the front door I lock it then hurry to her room.
Once again, Callum Carbon has come into my life and kicked up so much shit I'm on the brink of madness. I don't know what to do and this time I can't run away from the problem.
"Mommy, watch. Watch me jump!" Poppy climbs to the top of a spongy piece of bacon and jumps to the play mat.
"Great job!" I praise her, clapping my hands as I watch her run to the strawberry. She begins introducing herself to everyone around and I grin on at my extrovert.
Three days ago Kip stormed out of my house leaving a threat I wasn't sure how to take, but I've been watching my back more than I did when I thought Callum wanted me dead.
Three days ago I held and kissed Callum's hand and an unspeakable feeling started brewing inside of me. I know I'm obsessed with him. That's why he haunts me. This is why I'm in therapy. But I thought it was only on a sexual level. The feelings I conjured that day taunt me because I'm not just obsessed, I'm still in love. I thought I was over him but now I'm thinking I need to double up on my therapy. Maybe get prescribed some crazy pills.
For the past few years I thought I hated him. He stole from me, threatened me and the people I love, yet I fantasized about fucking him daily. Therapy only seemed right. But things have changed and my feelings are burning from the inside out.
"She's beautiful."
I jump and shift to look at the man next to me.
"Lol!" I blurt and throw my arms around his neck.
I haven't seen Lol since he took me to the airport to get away from Callum. The last communication we had was a text from him claiming Callum was upset that I left him. I was pissed off and told him if he couldn’t prove it to stop texting me. I never got another text. I thought of contacting him but then I found out I was pregnant and I was trying to avoid stress. Then the threats started. I lost my friend. But the fact he's here right now is unsettling.