by Brenda Novak
Gavin didn’t believe the universe had anything to do with it. As far as he was concerned, it was plain bad luck. “It’ll be okay,” he said, but that was a lie. At least, it was for him. “We’ll get through it somehow.”
She gave him a funny look. Could she tell he was only going through the motions? That his heart wasn’t in those words?
“Is that a yes?” she asked. “You’re willing to try again?”
Apparently, his response hadn’t been entirely appropriate. Or it wasn’t what she’d been looking for. But he was picking up only about every other word. With effort, he focused harder. “I’m sorry. What’d you say?”
“Will you give me another chance? I think we’re good together. You couldn’t find anyone who would love you more.”
He squeezed his forehead. “Let me think about it, okay? This is... This is a bit of a shock.”
She sniffed as she attempted a watery smile. “Okay. Yeah, of course.”
“Thank you,” he said politely, and went inside, where he set his guitar carefully to one side and slid down the door.
* * *
In elementary school, Gavin had been fascinated by the story of Hansel and Gretel. His first theft—at seven years old—had been a worn copy of it he’d stolen from the school library and hidden under his bed. He’d loved the happy ending—even though it made him sad, given his own situation—but hated the book, because he couldn’t understand how the father could miss the evil in Hansel and Gretel’s stepmother. None of the other kids who read the book or were told the story seemed to hold the father responsible, but Gavin knew the woodcutter had to have seen some sign of the stepmother’s unkindness, just as his father had witnessed the way Gavin’s stepmother, Diana, had mistreated him. Diana had claimed he was a behavioral problem, had complained about him constantly—and he had been a rambunctious boy—but he hadn’t been seriously delinquent until well after she was out of his life. That was when he’d acted out in earnest.
He should’ve been able to depend on his father to look out for him. Since his birth mother died of a heart defect when he was two, he’d had only his father to act as his protector. Had Miles cared enough, Gavin’s stepmother would never have been able to leave him at that park.
Gavin had been only six when she drove off, but he’d never forget coming out of the bathroom to find her gone. The sickening almost instant knowledge that she hadn’t left him by accident. The gut-ripping fear when the hours dragged on and she didn’t return. Or the whispering of the stranger who came across him and called the authorities.
Letting his head fall back on the door with a thud, Gavin cursed under his breath. He was still on the floor, hadn’t moved since Heather left, and it’d been almost an hour. The news she’d delivered had decimated him, opened him up to his past in a way nothing else could—probably because he was terrified of being responsible for someone else’s happiness, terrified of failing the way his father had failed with him. It required all his focus and energy just to stave off the memories that were assaulting him like machine-gun fire.
Squeezing his eyes closed, he hugged his knees to his chest and brought his head forward again. Don’t remember. That was another life, someone else’s decision. You’re an adult now, in charge of your own fate and your own happiness. That was what Aiyana had taught him. He’d been much happier after she’d come into his life. He’d quit stealing, quit getting in trouble with the law, and had eventually found an inner peace that had always eluded him before. He managed that by refusing to give a mental audience to anything that’d happened to him before the age of fourteen, which was when he started at New Horizons and was adopted a few months later by Aiyana. But now that he was finally hearing from his old man every once in a while, it was more difficult to keep those old memories bottled up. Just the sound of Miles’s voice—or that name on his caller ID—dredged up the pain.
The fact that he might be having a baby seemed to be doing the same thing. Heather seemed fairly convinced he was the father. Was she right? Or was she simply feeling as though she finally had something with which to force him to commit?
Gavin pulled the tie from his hair and let it fall. They wouldn’t know the baby’s paternity for seven months.
How would he ever wait that long?
Finally, he stopped fighting the urge and called Aiyana. He hadn’t wanted to wake her. It wasn’t the thoughtful thing to do. And he considered himself too old to need her, hadn’t had to make a call like this in years. But he knew, from experience, that she wouldn’t mind. She would do anything for him. Maybe that was why her love had had the power to redeem him, to pull him out of the darkness. “Mom?” he said as soon as he heard her sleepy hello.
“Gavin?” she replied, her voice instantly filling with fear. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I mean...I’m not hurt.”
There was a slight pause, after which she sounded more lucid. “So what is it? Did something happen in Santa Barbara? Do you need me to come get you?”
“No. I’m at home. Safe.”
“Then...you’re drunk?”
“No.” He’d never had a drinking problem, but he had enjoyed some wild nights, especially when he was younger. Apparently, getting a call like this had triggered Aiyana’s memory of those days. “Haven’t had a drop.”
“Then what?”
“I shouldn’t have called, I guess. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“Wait,” she said. “I’m here whenever you need me. You know that.”
“I do. But now that I’m actually talking to you, I’m not sure I want to tell you what’s on my mind, so it’s a little crazy that I woke you up.”
“Say it, anyway,” she insisted. “We’ll work through it together, the way we always have.”
He couldn’t help smiling at how fast she came rushing to his rescue. She was an amazing woman, had saved so many lost boys. And he was extra lucky because he was one of the eight New Horizons students she’d officially adopted. “You remember Heather Fox?”
“Of course. You’ve brought her to many a Sunday dinner over here. But you told me she was with someone else now.”
“Scott Mullins.”
“That’s right. Is that what this is about? You haven’t been in a fight with him, have you? You told me you were glad Heather had moved on, that you were hoping she’d marry Scott. You—”
“I haven’t been in a fight.” He broke in to stop her before she could go any further down that road. “And I wasn’t lying when I said I was glad she’d moved on. That’s part of the problem.”
“So you’re not sad?”
“No.”
“Whew! Then what’s the rest of the problem?”
He didn’t see any way to break the news gently, so he blurted it out. “She’s pregnant.”
Silence. Then his mother said, “I see. But...what does that mean for you? Are you upset that she’s having a child with Scott?”
He could tell it was a leading statement. Aiyana was beginning to catch on to what this call was all about. “I’m upset that she might be having my child.”
“She told you it was yours?”
“She told me it might be. She doesn’t know for sure.”
“She slept with you both that close together?”
“She probably went straight to his house after I broke up with her. That next week, she tried hard to make me regret my decision, to evoke some jealousy. I saw them everywhere together.”
“I see. So...when will you be able to find out?”
He stared up at the ceiling. “Not until after she has the baby.”
Aiyana sighed deeply.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve run up against something that threatens my peace of mind like this,” he said, putting her sigh into words.
; “You didn’t use any birth control?”
He could hear the disapproval in that statement. “Of course we used birth control, Mom. It didn’t work.” He didn’t mention why. He wasn’t going to blame Heather for what’d happened. He was fairly certain she’d believed they were safe.
“So what are you going to do? Is she still with Scott?”
“No. They broke up tonight. I can’t imagine he was happy to hear that she might be pregnant with my child.”
“I can’t, either.”
“Now she wants to get back together with me.”
“She told you that?”
“Yes. She was waiting for me here at the house when I got home from my gig tonight.”
“How do you feel about the idea?”
“Between you and me? I’m not excited about it.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“Of course not.”
She sighed again. “It’s going to be a long nine months.”
“Seven—she’s at two months already. Not knowing will be terrible. I keep hoping that all of this panic and concern will be for nothing. But if the baby is mine, I could use seven months—and then some—to prepare for such a big responsibility.”
“You’ll be a good father,” she said.
He drew a deep breath. Maybe that was what he’d needed to hear. Maybe that was why he’d called her. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“You know your brother and Cora have been trying to have a baby, how excited and hopeful we’ve been for them.”
He did. But Elijah was married to the love of his life. Gavin’s situation would be entirely different.
“Damn it.” He’d thought he had his life all figured out. Sure, he battled a few demons late at night, especially if he drank too much, which was why he usually didn’t. But anyone who’d been left at a park at six and then raised by a family who’d only taken him in for the stipend they received from the state would have a few scars. If only he hadn’t gone back to Heather that last time, he would’ve escaped cleanly...
“Gavin...”
“What?”
“If it is your baby, you’re going to love him or her with all your heart. This isn’t the end of the world.”
“Right.” Just the world as he knew it. “Thanks, Mom,” he said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Gavin...”
He could tell she was reluctant to let him go. “I’m fine. Just tired.” As he disconnected, he forced himself to get up. He needed sleep. But as he walked to his room, pulling off his clothes as he went, he thought of his new neighbor. He’d been excited to get to know her. Not only did he find her attractive, she seemed different from any of the other women he’d dated. Unusually pure-hearted. Wise for her age.
Tragedy had a way of tempering people. Maybe that was why he liked her. They’d both faced unusual challenges.
But with what was going on in his life now, he knew he’d be crazy to pursue her. She’d be much better off if he just left her alone.
6
Elijah, the oldest of the eight ranch students adopted by Aiyana, woke Gavin the following morning by barging into his bedroom and letting the door bang against the inside wall. “Hey, you! It’s past noon. Are you ever getting out of bed?”
Gavin rolled over to gaze up at his brother. He never bothered to lock his house, not when he was home, so it wasn’t any wonder that Eli had been able to get in. It was much more of a surprise that he’d show up out of the blue—and alone. These days he was usually with Cora, his wife. “What’re you doing? You never drive all the way out here.”
“Why would I? We see each other all the time.”
They both worked at the ranch, and Eli lived there, too. It used to be that they also met in town quite a bit. But that didn’t happen much anymore. Since Eli had gotten married, Gavin was left at loose ends on the evenings they would’ve spent together. Fortunately, he’d started gigging, which helped to fill that hole. But the fact that he hadn’t yet found anyone he enjoyed hanging out with as much as his brother made him think that maybe it was time for him to settle down, too. He’d actually been feeling that way for a while.
Maybe having a baby with Heather would force his hand. She wasn’t a bad person. Surely, he could come to love her—now that he knew he might not have any choice. Then everything would end well.
“You haven’t answered my question,” Gavin said. “What are you doing here?”
“I came out because my calls kept going straight to your voice mail.”
Gavin covered a yawn. “Did it ever occur to you that I might’ve turned off my phone for a reason?”
“It did. That reason is why I skipped going to LA with Cora to visit her folks and came over here instead.”
He groaned. “Oh. I get it. You’re worried. Mom told you about Heather.”
“Was it a secret?”
“I’d rather not have the news spread all over town.” But Gavin had a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn’t be able to avoid it, and he knew Aiyana and Elijah wouldn’t be the ones responsible for doing the talking. No doubt Scott would have plenty to say—every time he was asked why he and Heather had broken up, he’d probably blame Gavin, make it sound as though she’d been cheating with her ex while she was with him, which wasn’t true.
“Mom’s concerned about you. And let’s be honest. She assumed you’d tell me eventually,” Eli added with a grin.
“I’m sure I would have.” Although Gavin struggled to get along with a couple of his brothers—not too shocking given that they all came from such difficult backgrounds and some were more damaged than others—he was totally devoted to Elijah. They couldn’t be closer if they were related by blood.
“So?” Eli said. “How do you feel about the news?”
Gavin felt sick about the pregnancy—and then he felt guilty for reacting so negatively. Despair wasn’t what Heather needed, and it wasn’t fair to the baby, who wasn’t to blame for Gavin knocking up a woman he liked but couldn’t seem to love. “Do I need to spell it out for you?” he asked with a wince.
“There must be something about Heather. You keep going back to her.”
Gavin shot him a look. “You know it was finally over for me.”
Eli frowned as he sat on the foot of the bed. “Yeah. It did feel pretty permanent this time.”
“That’s what makes this so ironic.” He shoved a few pillows behind his back.
“She’s been with Scott Mullins for a while. Are you sure it’s not his baby?”
Gavin wanted to reach for the hope that possibility evoked but didn’t dare. “I’m not sure, but...she doesn’t think so.”
“She could be wrong.”
“She would know better than we would.”
Eli scratched his neck. “She’s always had a thing for you. Could saying the baby is yours be nothing more than wishful thinking?”
Gavin had considered that. He didn’t think she’d get pregnant on purpose. Or that she’d tell an outright lie. But he could see her using a bit of doubt to get him to reconsider their relationship. “I honestly don’t know.”
“What does that mean? Are you going to give her another chance, or wait until—”
“I’m going to support her through the pregnancy and then decide about anything more permanent. If the baby’s mine, I’ll marry her.”
“You will.”
“Yes.”
Resting his elbows on his knees, Eli stared at the rug covering the hardwood floor. “What if you two get close over the next several months and it turns out that the baby isn’t yours?” he asked when he spoke again.
Gavin immediately thought of his new neighbor and the opportunity that would provide but pushed Savanna from his mind. Even if he wasn’t facing this proble
m, she’d made it clear that she wasn’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. So he wasn’t losing anything, even though it felt like he was. “If I could fall in love with her, that would be a good thing.”
“Regardless.”
“Isn’t that what commitment’s all about?”
“You’re saying you’d love Scott’s baby. Help raise it.”
“Of course.”
Eli got up and began to pace. “Okay. Playing devil’s advocate here...what if you two can’t make it work, and she goes back to him?”
Gavin kicked off the covers. “I hope that doesn’t happen. Scott already resents me. No doubt this will make him hate me all the more.”
“No man likes living in the shadow of a former lover.”
“I get that. But I didn’t put him there. I’ve always been honest with Heather, told her my feelings aren’t as strong as hers.”
“You couldn’t tell by the way you treat her. Maybe that’s the problem.”
“I’m supposed to treat her badly?”
“I’m not suggesting that. It’s just... I don’t know. Frustrating for me to feel as though you’re being railroaded. If only she could love Scott half as much as she loves you, you’d be off the hook.”
“No. I don’t want her to go back to him now, don’t want my child to be raised by a stepparent. Not after what I went through. Especially when we’re talking about this particular situation. The last time I was at the Blue Suede Shoe, Scott and Heather were there, too. Heather couldn’t take her eyes off me. Every time I looked up, there she was, and Scott didn’t miss it. They got into an argument before the night was over. Then Scott insisted they leave.”
“I see your point. Given her history with you, he’d always be jealous.” Elijah scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, bro. She’s really got you cornered.”
“She didn’t do it on purpose.”
Eli stopped moving and propped his hands on his hips. “I hope not!”
“She didn’t! At least, I can’t imagine why she would. She’s got to be as panic-stricken as I am. A kid makes life real, you know? Anyway, we’ll figure it out.” Although, at this point, Gavin had no clue how. He’d never been able to force his heart, wasn’t sure anyone could.