by Brenda Novak
Gavin turned his drink around and around on the scarred old table. “She’s so sure we belong together, and that I’m making a mistake, she’ll do what she can to punish me, make me regret my decision.”
“Gavin, you were relieved when she seemed happy with Scott, remember? That right there tells you all you need to know. That has nothing to do with Savanna. But since Savanna has come into your life, we should probably talk about her, too. There’s something between you. I can feel it. Even Mom and Cora noticed it—the way your eyes kept going back to each other at the barbecue today. Mom said she’s never seen you so excited about someone.” He took a sip of his drink at last. “I’m going out on a limb here, but I doubt you could make it work with Heather, baby or no.”
Gavin agreed, or he wouldn’t have done what he’d done. “But if I don’t get back with her, I’ll have so little control. How will I protect my child?”
“You’ll do everything you can to ensure you get proper visitation, even if it means going to court. And you’ll keep a close eye on the situation to be sure the child’s treated kindly. There are a lot of couples who aren’t together, and their children are fine. It doesn’t have to go the way it did with you. I say wait and see if she’s carrying your baby before you worry too much about that, okay?”
“So I should give what I feel for Savanna a chance.”
“Definitely. Get to know her, see what happens.”
“In spite of the fact that another woman might be pregnant with my child?”
“Life is messy. If she cares about you, she’ll understand how it happened and that you want to be a good father. She’ll support you in doing the right thing.”
“What about what she’s been through recently?”
“What about it? Can you think of a time when she might need you more?”
No, he couldn’t. And Gavin wanted to be there for her. Her kids mattered, too. If Gordon went to prison, they wouldn’t have a father, not even one who could take them on weekends. Why should they be any less of a consideration than the baby Heather was carrying, even if it was his? Every child mattered. “Okay. Here’s hoping she hasn’t decided she never wants to see me again,” he said, and stood.
Eli gestured at what remained of their drinks. “Wait. We haven’t finished our whiskey.”
“I don’t feel like drinking anymore. We both have to work tomorrow,” Gavin said, and Eli started to laugh.
* * *
After she hung up with Reese, even after she’d put the kids to bed and had a shower herself, Savanna wouldn’t let herself go out of the house, not even to stand on the porch and enjoy the stars. She knew she wouldn’t look at the sky for long. She’d head down to the creek to see if Heather was still at Gavin’s, and what would be the point of finding out? Why continue to torture herself? He’d told her he was getting back with his former girlfriend. She needed to accept that, despite the confusing encounter they’d had at the barbecue earlier. Those few seconds of unbridled passion had flared up out of nowhere—and then nothing. The way he’d behaved, both before and after, suggested he hadn’t changed his mind about the future. She needed to accept that Heather was going to be around a lot—at least until they moved to Nashville—and quit cringing every time she thought of running into them together.
The next day when she drove past his place on her way to the grocery store, she told herself not to even glance over, but she couldn’t help it.
The Pathfinder wasn’t there. Neither was Gavin’s rental car, which he was still driving because he didn’t yet have his truck back from the collision repair place. But the absence of both vehicles didn’t tell her anything. This time of day, they’d both be at work.
“She’ll be there again tonight,” she muttered as she came to a stop in front of the mailboxes.
“Did you say something?” Branson asked.
Savanna looked over at her son. He rode in the passenger seat, while Alia sat in back, since she was smaller and it was safer there. “Me? No. Nothing important, anyway.”
“It’s my turn to get the mail!” Alia called out. Branson had done it yesterday, so Savanna gave her daughter the key.
It took Alia longer than Branson. She had to stand on her tiptoes, and the lock wasn’t always easy for her small hands to manage. But she enjoyed the challenge, so Savanna didn’t mind the wait.
“We got three letters and a magazine,” Alia announced as she climbed in the car.
“I hope the letters aren’t all bills,” Savanna joked.
Branson reached back to take the mail and glanced through it. He handed Savanna the magazine, then a notice from the power company and a solicitation for a new credit card.
“What’s that one?” Savanna asked when he held the last envelope for several seconds.
“It’s a letter from Daddy,” he replied softly.
She could tell her son missed his father.
Branson was a good reader for third going on fourth grade, but she didn’t dare let him attempt to read what Gordon had sent, whether he missed him or not. She had no idea whether Gordon would be sending his love or villainizing her for leaving him.
Fortunately, Branson didn’t ask to open it. Pretending he didn’t care what Gordon might have to say, he handed off that letter, too. “I wish he’d just leave us alone,” he grumbled.
Savanna wished the same, except, if she hoped to get any information on Emma Ventnor, she needed to keep up a relationship with him. That he’d sent a letter came as a bit of a relief, since he hadn’t called in so long. She hoped it might give her a better idea of what to expect when she paid him a visit in two days.
She put his letter in her purse for later, when she wasn’t around the kids, and was about to shift into Drive when her phone beeped. Since she was already stopped, she took a moment to look at the text.
Can I bring you and the kids dinner tonight?
It was from Gavin.
Savanna felt her heart pound as she stared down at his message. She wanted to see him in the worst way, but she knew it wouldn’t be wise. She was complicating her life when it was already complicated enough.
And where will Heather be? she wrote. I know I was the one who insisted on remaining friends. I wanted to hang on to some small part of you at least. But it’s getting too confusing for me. You’re such a great guy, and I appreciate all you’ve done for us, but at this point in my life I don’t have the emotional resilience to deal with the ups and downs. The kids and I will be okay now. You’re free to do what you feel you should with Heather, and I wish you both nothing but happiness. Honestly. You deserve it. Thanks for helping us get a solid start here. And please know, especially for when you leave, I’ll always remember you fondly.
She stared down at that text for a long time without sending it, so long that Alia and Branson grew impatient.
“Mom, come on!” Alia said.
“What are you doing? Aren’t we going to go to the store?” Branson added.
“Yeah. We’re going.” After briefly closing her eyes, Savanna forced herself to hit Send, even though it felt like she was running her heart through a shredder, and dropped her cell in her purse. She hoped what she’d done would finally release her from the constant preoccupation she had with Gavin. She had to do something; he was all she could think about.
But as the day progressed and she got no response, sending that text only made her feel worse.
24
Gavin walked to Savanna’s door and, three different times, turned away without ringing the bell. He had no idea if his involvement in her life would turn out to be a positive thing, and he didn’t want it to be a negative. If they wound up in a serious relationship, he could easily imagine Heather being unkind whenever she and Savanna bumped into each other. And if Heather would soon be the mother of his child, they’d bump into each other
on a regular basis.
It could get difficult; he had to acknowledge that.
He also had to acknowledge that he wasn’t simply choosing between two women. There was more at stake than that. If he didn’t get back with Heather, there was a possibility that he wouldn’t be able to move to Nashville. He couldn’t leave if he had a child here in Silver Springs. He’d owe it to that child to stick around and help raise him or her.
Bottom line, he and Savanna were both in such complicated situations. He couldn’t imagine a relationship between them would work—and yet he felt something that was hopeful and promising enough to make him risk his best chance for a successful music career.
That, more than anything, told him he might as well ring the bell, see if she’d refuse to have any more to do with him, or if he could change her mind.
She answered wearing those cutoffs he’d taken off before, the ones that showed her legs to perfection. She had her hair down, too, which he also liked. But he was determined not to focus on the physical. He needed to slow things down, make sure they weren’t letting sexual attraction cloud more rational thinking. The sexual attraction had been so instantaneous and strong...
Instead of acting excited to see him, she bit her lip, so he quickly lifted the bottle of wine he’d carried over. “It would be rude to turn away a neighbor who’s bringing you a peace offering.”
“And I wouldn’t want to be rude.” Although she spoke those words with a slight smile, she sobered almost immediately. “But I’d better not invite you in. The kids are in bed.”
Still hoping to get her to soften, he winked at her. “That’s okay. I wasn’t going to offer them any.”
She laughed in spite of her general reluctance to be welcoming. “I meant they wouldn’t be around to make sure you and I didn’t...you know, do anything you might have to explain to Heather later.”
“You mean like yesterday.”
“Yes, like yesterday.” She raked her fingers through her thick, curly hair. “What was that, anyway?”
“I was a jealous ass yesterday. Seeing Roger chat you up and follow you around drove me nuts. I’m sorry.”
“Roger was only being nice!”
Gavin gave her a knowing look. “He was being more than nice.”
“Even if he was, it doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in him.”
“You’re sure?”
“Without question! Do you think I’d make out with you upstairs if I had even the slightest attraction to him?”
“Jealousy isn’t always logical or trusting. But I’m glad to hear you’re not that into him, because what happened when you came out of the bathroom was totally honest.”
“Honest,” she echoed.
“Yes. Real. Spontaneous.”
“And yet you walked out without even saying goodbye.”
“Heather was texting me to let me know she was back, and I wanted to talk to her.”
She propped one shoulder against the doorjamb. “Did you tell her?”
“I didn’t bring that up specifically, no. But I did let her know that things have gotten physical between you and me in the past, and I’d like the opportunity to explore what I feel for you.”
Her eyes widened in apparent surprise. “What about the baby? And moving to Nashville?”
“If the baby’s mine, I’ll have to stay in Silver Springs.”
“And that’s okay? You love music. And you’re so good at it. I wouldn’t want to be the one holding you back.”
“You wouldn’t be holding me back. I’ll do what I can from here and possibly LA. Granted, that doesn’t put me in the best position for success. There are far more opportunities in Nashville these days, despite what others might think of LA. But if I have a child, I won’t move away from him or her.”
“If you married Heather, you could have both,” she pointed out.
“I’ve considered that. But then there’s you, and there’s no getting away from the fact that you hold some magic for me.”
Another smile threatened, but she seemed to fight it off. “As much as I like hearing that, I don’t know if I can let you make such a choice.”
“Because...”
“I want you to have what will make you the happiest.”
The sincerity in her voice destroyed any doubt he had left about breaking off with Heather. This was the type of woman he wanted. “How do you know that won’t be getting together with you?”
She stepped outside and closed the door. “Think about it, Gavin. I don’t have a lot to offer. I have two kids who are great, but they are struggling, especially Branson. Since his father went to jail, he’s been wetting the bed. I thought it had stopped, but he had another accident last night, so I’ll probably have to figure out a way to afford therapy for him. Beyond that, I’m not officially divorced. So if Gordon doesn’t go to prison, I might not be able to finalize the paperwork, at least for some time. He could sue me for custody of Branson and Alia, demand visitation even if he doesn’t get custody, balk at paying child support and generally make me—and anyone who’s attached to me—miserable. It’s not even as though I have many possessions or money to make life easier, only this broken-down house that I’m trying to fix up and barely enough savings to carry me until fall, at which point I’ll be searching for a job. Why would you ever want to get involved with me?”
“There’s a lot that’s broken in your life right now.”
“Exactly.”
“Well, I happen to be really good at fixing things,” he said.
She laughed. “But don’t you think we’re up against too much? Why would you ever be willing to jump into such a mess?”
He stepped closer so he could cup her cheek with his free hand. “Because I think I could love you like I’ve never loved anyone else.”
He’d told himself he wouldn’t kiss her tonight, that they’d just talk and get to know each other better. But the way she looked at him, with an endearing yet modest expression, he couldn’t help himself. As his hand slid to the back of her head, he lowered his mouth to hers—and was soon lost.
* * *
Savanna let her eyes slide closed as she gave herself over to the taste of Gavin’s lips. They’d kissed before, and those kisses had all been good, but this one was filled with a fragile promise—the promise of something new and untried—and while that made succumbing to Gavin feel far more risky, it also made the contact more meaningful.
“I love that you’re different,” she told him when he lifted his head.
He smiled as he looked down at her. “In what way?”
She could tell he’d heard those words before but was curious to hear her specific take. “You’re so emotionally honest and unafraid. You’re willing to bare your heart and actually feel something regardless of the risk. I admire your courage.”
“It’s hard not to feel something for you.” He bent his head to kiss her again, but she stopped him.
“Except...I wasn’t exaggerating about what we’re up against, Gavin. Before you commit yourself to getting any more involved with me, maybe you should come in and hear the latest.”
He seemed concerned. So was she. Her world was threatening to fall apart again—and he’d shown up right in the middle of the latest crisis. “Something’s changed?”
She nodded. “And not for the better.”
Savanna had cleaned off the other chairs in her living room—everything was now unpacked—so there were plenty of places to sit. When Gavin took the couch, she perched on the edge of the chair across from him, too upset and nervous to sit back.
“What’s happened?” he asked.
“A couple of things. First, I heard from Gordon today.” She held up the letter she’d left on the coffee table, which she’d been reading and rereading when Gavin had rung her doorbell.
“What does he have to say?”
“I’ll let you read it, if you want, but it says that he’s shocked and heartbroken that I would be disloyal enough to believe he could rape those women. That he’s innocent and will soon be getting out, and then I’ll be sorry that I didn’t stand by him.” She let her breath go in a sigh. “That’s the gist of it.”
Gavin’s eyebrows drew together. “Sorry in what way?”
“He doesn’t specify. Just blames me for breaking up our family, which he claims didn’t need to happen if only I’d had a little faith and remained true to him.”
“But...that’s the type of stuff he’s been saying all along, isn’t it?”
“For the most part. It’s when you take this letter and couple it with what Detective Sullivan just told me on the phone that it all gets worrisome.”
“What’d Sullivan have to say?”
The panic she’d felt when that call first came in welled up again. “He told me that the DA is thinking about dropping the charges.”
Gavin came to his feet. “What?”
“I know.” She stood, too. “I can’t believe it myself. I’ve been over here pacing another hole in this old carpet, wondering what I’m going to do.”
“Why would the district attorney ever even think about dropping the charges?”
“Remember the victim—Theresa Spinnaker—whose blood was found in our van?”
“Yes...”
“She’s admitted to having accepted a ride from him.”
“So?”
“So the district attorney feels the DNA evidence is no longer what it needs to be. Proving Theresa was in Gordon’s van doesn’t mean what it did when she was swearing up and down that she’d never met Gordon before the attack, and he was saying the same.”
“But it was her blood.”
“They don’t seem to care about that, since it was found in such small quantities. They said taking that to court might actually backfire because the defense would argue that it was negligible, that if she’d really been hurt as badly as the pictures prove she was hurt, there would be a lot more blood than a few tiny droplets.”