by Karyn Bosnak
Going over the night in my head soon had me remembering what Daisy said about Ally, which soon had me thinking about the odd phone call Nate said he had with Charlie about Cristin being sick. After double-checking to make sure he was asleep, I found Nate’s cell phone and, before I could stop myself, started going through all the calls he placed and received that day. I hated myself for doing it because I’ve never been a jealous girlfriend, but my gut told me something wasn’t right. Although I prepared myself to find the worst, I didn’t find anything, which in a way was the worst. The entire call history on Nate’s phone had been erased. Not a good sign. At that point I started to wonder if maybe I rushed back into things too quickly. Although I’ve known him for fifteen years, I don’t really know Nate. Realizing this got me thinking about Colin again. I was so worried that I’d feel this way about him when I got back from my little trip, but the opposite proved to be true. I feel like I know Colin now better than I know Nate.
I fell asleep on the sofa that night. When I woke up the next morning, I felt slightly better. Things were still awkward between Nate and me, but without the martinis to cloud our minds, everything was a little easier to deal with. We ended up going to a place around the corner for breakfast, a place called Bubby’s. By the time the food came, we started talking but still hadn’t said anything to each other about the previous evening. On the way home, I decided to let it go and instead brought something else up. “Hey, do you by any chance know a girl named Ally Hathaway?” I casually asked him.
Nate shook his head. “No. Should I?”
“Not necessarily. She went to our high school, that’s all. I was just thinking about her and was curious if you knew her.”
“No, sorry.” He seemed sincere; I believed him.
I ended up going home Monday night. When I did, I bravely knocked on Colin’s door. I was hoping to tell him that I was sorry, but he didn’t answer, so I left him a message asking him to call me. By Tuesday he hadn’t called back, so I sent him an e-mail. Again, I got nothing. Wednesday evening I went to Michelle’s for dinner—I hadn’t seen her in what seemed like ages—and while I was there, I asked if she had seen Colin recently.
“Yeah, I saw him leaving early Monday morning with a suitcase,” she said.
“A suitcase?” I asked, and then I couldn’t breathe.
I ended up telling Michelle everything. When I did, when I was done, she shook her head and told me she wasn’t surprised. “Going back to when you checked yourself into rehab, when I knocked on Colin’s door freaking out, he was really concerned about you,” she explained, “more concerned than a random neighbor would be.” She said she had a funny feeling about the two of us that day. Hearing this made me want to cry again because the reality of the situation sunk in—what if I never saw him again? I mean, assuming he took the soap opera job in LA. What if he moved away for good and we never talked to each other again?
After consoling me, Michelle encouraged me to reschedule my Vintage Vogue interview, saying that I needed to get some structure back in my life. She couldn’t be more right. We ended up calling her boss that night and setting something up for next week. As much as I’d love to go on vacation and run around the world with Nate, I can’t put my own dreams on hold to do so.
Anyway, while packing my bag for the Waldorf this morning, I begin to feel as if I’ve been lived a hundred years in the last few months. Thinking back to when all this started, thinking back to Roger, it seems so long ago.
After Eva hops in her bag, the two of us make our way downstairs and try to flag down a taxi, which proves to be hell. It’s been raining for a week straight, ever since Nate and I were walking back from Bubby’s, actually. After waiting on the corner for a while, we eventually get one.
After arriving at the Waldorf safely, I wait at the check-in counter and wonder what kind of room I’ll have. I hope it’s a nice one, one with a good view. I need to look out at this big beautiful city and clear my mind. When the man standing behind the counter is done pressing buttons, he hands me a key card. “You’re room is Five-D,” he says.
“Five-D?” This concerns me. “Does that mean it’s on the fifth floor?”
The man nods. “Yes.”
I make a face. I’m disappointed. “I was hoping for something higher, something with a nice view.”
“I’m sorry, but right now we don’t have another room available. We’re totally booked. But I assure you, you’ll like the room.”
“Okay,” I say, reluctantly taking the keycard. “Thanks.”
After a short elevator ride, I locate my room and unlock the heavy wooden door. When I push it open, I see that it’s decorated in rich burgundy and burnt mustard tones. It’s warm and cozy, which, with all the rain, is actually kind of nice. I put Eva down and then walk over to the window and pull back the bulky curtains to see the view. Looking out, I’m pleasantly surprised to find myself with a view of Park Avenue. Things definitely could be worse.
After meeting Daisy, my mom, Patsy, and Ruth in the lobby for spa day, we all catch a cab to Bliss, a spa in Soho. For the rest of the day, while being steamed, massaged, plucked, painted and waxed (which my upper lip did not need, for the record), I think about what to do. Things have been too weird with Nate and I need to make a decision. I need to either put everything behind me, give him the benefit of the doubt, and move on, or I need to confront him and possibly end things. Seeing me in deep thought, Daisy can tell something’s wrong. She asks if it’s about Nate. I tell her yes.
“Did you say something to him about Ally?” she asks.
“Kind of,” I say, “and he denied even knowing her.”
Daisy gives me a compassionate smile. “Del, when you’re really in love, when it’s the right guy, it’s not this hard, you know? Things fall into place; they work. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out.” I nod; I know it will. “Is he coming to the rehearsal dinner tonight?”
“Yeah,” I say, “against Mom’s better judgment.” As I tell Daisy this, I make a decision. Sort of. I decide to make a decision at the end of Daisy’s wedding weekend. If things between Nate and I go well, if they seem like they’re going back to normal, then I’ll forget about everything and concentrate on making it work. If not, then . . . well, we’ll see.
That evening after the rehearsal, my family and Edward’s family go to the Manhattan Ocean Club for dinner. When we arrive my low spirits perk up when I look across the room and see my grandpa (or a man who resembles the grandpa I remember) standing in front of me. Standing next to him is Gloria. They just drove in from Vegas and came straight here.
“Grandpa!” I scream, running toward him. I throw my arms around him. “I’m so happy to see you!” After giving him the biggest hug ever, I let go, back up and give him a once-over. Oh, dear . . . I love my grandpa, but I don’t know what to make of him. He’s dyed his hair and eyebrows an unnatural dark brown color, and he’s wearing a white linen shirt unbuttoned down to his belly, three necklaces (leather, silver, turquoise), an oversized Western silver buckle on a carved brown leather belt (which I’m guessing is the one he made), and a scarf tied around his neck. He looks like a . . . a . . . a gigolo. Seeing me eye him, Gloria hits his chest with the back of her hand (which is, yes, waxed smooth.)
“This one,” she says, “thinks he’s Warren Beatty in Shampoo.”
Or yes, he looks like him, too.
“The next thing you know,” she continues, “he’s gonna start carrying a blow dryer around in a holster and trade in his Camaro for a motorcycle.”
My grandpa rolls his eyes. “Please, Gloria! Enough with remarks already!” He sounds slightly irritated. When Gloria rolls her eyes and walks away, I turn to him.
“Grandpa, what’s wrong?”
“Well . . .” he says, hesitating for a bit. “Gloria and I broke up.”
Broke up? I’m thrown for a loop. “Why?”
“To be completely honest, Darlin’, I never realized how many fish there are in the sea.�
�
Come again?
“We haven’t been getting along that well and I keep meeting all these other ladies—nice ladies—who made me realize that it was silly to force something that wasn’t working.”
“Okay,” I say slowly, understanding this all. “Then why is she here?”
“We already made the plans so she came with anyway. You know, we still get along, but she just isn’t it.” My grandpa looks sad as he says this.
“You’re upset about this, I can tell.”
“Yeah,” my grandpa nods. “You know, even if you know something doesn’t have a chance in hell of surviving, it’s still sad when it dies.”
Just then I look up and see Nate walking through the door. Dressed in a blue suit, he smiles when he sees me. As he walks in my direction, I look back to my grandpa. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out. So what are you gonna do? Are you going to go back to Vegas? Or stay here?”
“I’m not sure yet.” He shrugs. “I’ve got some thinking to do.”
As Nate arrives to where the two of us are standing and takes my hand, I can’t help but think, Me too.
Dinner ends up going exactly as I suspected it would, but not as I hoped. While Nate and I talk to other people, we barely speak to each other. Every time we do say something to one another, I feel like it’s forced. I feel like I’m pretending. I don’t know what’s happening and I don’t know how to explain it. I just think some relationships can handle problems and some can’t. I don’t think this is going to work out. I need to tell him.
After arriving back at the hotel with Nate, I suggest we go for a drink at a bar in the hotel; he says yes. While racking my brain trying to think of what to say, fate steps in and makes things a whole lot easier. While walking through the lobby, we happen to bump into Ally Hathaway as she checks in.
“Delilah, hi,” she says, bouncing over to me with her fluffy brown hair, hair that appears to go flat when she sees Nate standing next to me.
“Hi,” I say. After giving her a brief hug, I glance over at Nate and see that his face is beet red. The three of us stand in awkward silence for a few moments. “Ally, do you know Nate?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she says coldly. “Long time no see.”
“Yeah,” Nate mumbles uneasily.
When I look at Nate standing with the two of us fidgeting uncomfortably, I see the same guilty look I saw after I walked away from Colin that evening. He doesn’t have a poker face, to say the least. Suddenly I turn to Ally. “Ally, would you like to have a drink with us?” I do this simply to fuck with him.
After looking at Nate and then at me, Ally smiles. I think she realizes my intentions. “I’d love to,” she says graciously. “Just let me run to my room quickly, and I’ll meet back down here in a jiffy.” As Ally walks away, Nate turns to me.
“Why’d you do that?” he asks.
“I should be asking you that question.”
Looking away, Nate lets out a nervous laugh. “Delilah, are you really mad at me for something that happened eleven years ago?” he asks.
“No, I’m mad at you for lying to me about it six days ago.”
“Well,” he says rudely, “I’m not gonna stay here and have drinks with you two. I mean, if that’s what you think, then you’re crazy.”
“I’m not crazy,” I say, “and I’m not average either. I don’t know why I was so hung up on thinking I needed to be.”
Nate gives me a confused look. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing,” I say, shaking my head.
“This isn’t working, is it?’ he says. I shake my head. “No, it’s not. Nate, I think you should go.”
He nods. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”
Nate doesn’t kiss me good-bye, he simply turns around and leaves. And I let him. I don’t press for the truth about the phone call or about what happened the night with Colin, because I already know. When he walks out the revolving door and disappears from my sight, I let out a sad sigh, then a glad one, and then another sad one. I’m sad things didn’t work out with Nate, glad I wasted only a month on him, and sad I screwed things up with Colin in the process. I care about Colin; I can’t deny it. I care about him more than I’ve cared about any man maybe ever. I can’t believe it, but I think I might love him.
Oh, God.
When Ally walks back into the lobby a few moments later, she looks around for Nate. “Where did he go?” she asks.
“Home,” I say.
“Thank God.” She sighs. “He’s such a lying dick.”
one hell of a ride
saturday, june 18
The next morning, after waking up, I put a smile on my face and, with Eva, head up to Daisy’s suite on the twenty-ninth floor of the Towers, the fancier part of the hotel, where the Starlight Roof is located, to get ready for the big day. When I get to her room, I know I’m in for a treat when I see double doors. After I ring the doorbell (neat, huh?) and wait, Daisy answers, wearing a silk robe and a smile that stretches from ear to ear.
“Vwelcome, madam,” she says in a bad Russian accent. “Vwelcome to my humble abode!” As she playfully grabs my arm and whisks me into a lavish marble foyer, I’m speechless.
“Your room has a foyer?” I ask, looking up at a sparkling crystal chandelier.
“Oui, oui!” Daisy squeaks giddily, moving on to French. After closing the door behind me, she leads me into the living room and gives me a mini tour. Like my room, Daisy’s suite also has a view of Park Avenue, but that’s where the similarities end. Aside from being significantly larger, her suite is decorated in light blue and green hues, giving it a very serene feel. Soft cream-colored linen covers cushioned wall panels, and layers upon layers of gold silk drapes cascade down windows. A fireplace dominates one end of the room, while a plush upholstered sofa, settee, and winged chair embellish the other. Gold candelabras and gilded mirrors hang from the walls, and fresh flowers arrangements adorn every table. Off the living room sits a small kitchenette, currently overflowing with gift baskets.
After we pass through a set of sliding wooden doors, Daisy shows me the bedroom, which, with its hand-woven needlepoint floral carpets and lavish king-sized bed, is just as lush as the rest of the place. Adjacent to this is an enormous dressing area and, of course, a whirlpool bath.
After heading back to the living room, we plop down on the sofa. I look at her, sitting there, surrounded by all this opulence. She looks blissful, but anyone would, right? Out of nowhere, she suddenly reaches over and grabs my arm. “You ended it, didn’t you?” she asks.
I let out a sigh and nod. “Yeah.”
“But that’s not why you’re sad today, is it?” she asks. I give her a confused look. “I’m going to take a wild guess at something; tell me if I’m right. You thought you loved Nate, realized you didn’t, realized you loved Colin in the process, but lost him.”
I look at Daisy; I’m amazed. “Wow, you’re good.”
Daisy smiles. “I know. I’m not as dense as I seem to be sometimes.” She scoots over and puts her arm around me. “Remember what I said. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out.”
I nod. “I know.”
“Does Mom know yet?”
“No,” I say rolling my eyes. “She’s gonna think I’m a lesbian once again.”
“Well, look on the bright side,” Daisy says, as she pets Eva on the head. “If she does then at least you’ll match your dog.” I laugh, and then Daisy and I hug.
A few moments later, when my mom comes up to Daisy’s room, she freezes when she sees both our faces, knowing something’s up. “The last time you two looked liked like this,” she says, “was when you melted your Barbie doll onto my antique coffee table.”
I don’t remember this; I look to Daisy.
“We were trying to give her a tan in the Easy-Bake Oven,” she says, “remember?”
“Oh, right,” I say, as it comes back to me. (Kids, don’t try this at home.)
As my mom takes a seat
between us on the sofa, I tell her about Nate. I don’t tell her about Colin though—I don’t want her to give me grief for ruining things. When I finish, she sits in silence for a bit. After looking up and seeing my face, she then reaches over and hugs me hard. Remembering what she said in her message about a month ago, I give in and don’t fight it. When I do, I realize that, by God, she’s right. It is easier to breathe.
“Delilah, you and Daisy are my angels,” she says, as she feels my body soften. “I know I give you a hard time about being single and I don’t mean to, but I just want you to be happy.”
“I want to be happy too, Mom. But I’m not gonna be someone just to be with someone. I can’t force it.”
“I know,” she says, sighing loudly. “You’re right.”
“Yes, I am. I have to figure things out for myself on my own time schedule. Just because I don’t live life like the rest of your friends’ kids, doesn’t mean something’s wrong with me.”
“I know,” she says.
“Good, but I need you to know always, Mom, not just now because you’re in a good mood because Daisy’s getting married. If I’m still single in a year, you need to be fine with it then too. And know that it doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian.”
“I know you’re not a lesbian, honey,” my mom says, “and I’m sorry.”
After Daisy leans in and we all group-hug, I begin to feel better. Do I expect my mom’s nagging to stop forever? No, but it’s nice to know that at least for today it will.
After letting go, Daisy looks at Mom and winks at me, signaling she’s up to something. “Delilah,” she then says, “I know you’re not a lesbian, but didn’t you experiment once in college?”
I choke. Even though I know Daisy is saying just to mess with my mom, she doesn’t know how close to the truth it actually is.
“Uh . . . yeah, once,” I say going along with her. “But it was above the belt, so I don’t really count it.”