We walked out to Josh's car in silence. He didn't take my hand. He didn't open the car door. It took him much longer than necessary to make his way around to his side of the car.
He was stalling, but I needed answers. His dead mother, his conversation with his sister at dinner, and his handsie brother-in-law topped my list.
I waited to see if he would say something first, but we rode a good ways down the highway in silence.
"So, tonight was interesting." I asked in an attempt to break the ice.
"Yeah," he said.
"Your sister Erin seems really nice."
"She is."
"And Amanda is interesting."
"That's one way to put it." He stared straight ahead. I placed my hand on his, and he took it.
Warmth spread from my fingers throughout my body and I settled in the seat, staring out into darkness. I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed mine back.
"I'm sorry to hear about your mother."
He dropped my hand and placed his on his lap.
"What about my mother?"
"Amanda told me she passed away recently. I’m sorry. Were you two close?"
Silence.
"Amanda said you had a hard time when she passed away."
"Why did you talk to her about my mother?"
"She brought it up. She said she was happy you were doing well and kind of thanked me."
A headlight coming from the other direction illuminated his face, and I caught his expression. I gasped as he pulled off at an exit and accelerated down the road. He turned off onto another street.
"Josh," I yelled and braced myself in time before he slammed on the brakes. He shut off the ignition and started in on me.
"Why would you do that?"
The darkness sent a chill through my body, and I felt heat coming from Josh's side of the car. "If you want to pry into my business, you ask me. You don't corner my family and question them."
My head snapped around, ready to defend myself, but my voice softened when I saw his face.
"I didn't. Amanda—"
"I don't believe you. If I wanted you to know, I would have told you."
"I'm sorry, Josh, but I—"
"God, you're like all the rest of them. You get all hyped over the money and my baseball star brother-in-law."
"What are you talking about?"
"You loved it. Having Brian's hands all over you." His fist started pounding the center console, and he had trouble catching his breath.
"You are ridiculous." I found my voice.
"Am I? Don't think you’re special because he paid attention to you. You're not. He does that to every hot girl. You're no one special."
"Josh?"
I gripped my leg and tried to stay calm although my heart broke hearing his words. I did nothing to encourage Brian's advances.
Josh continued his rant. He stopped speaking to me, but he spouted words for his own benefit.
“I don’t fucking believe this. God, I shouldn’t have brought you.”
I grew tired of his self-pity, poor little rich boy rant quick.
I opened the car door and stepped out. He reached out to grab me, but I pulled away and slammed the door behind me. Although muffled, I heard his solo rant continue inside of the car.
My eyes adjusted to the darkness, but the chill in the air ran through me.
This is not a good idea.
And when Josh started the car and peeled away from the side of the road, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere, it confirmed it. This was a stupid idea.
I stood there in the dark on the side of the road, rubbing my hands up and down my arms as I hugged myself. I watched his taillights disappear in the distance and thought to myself that any second he would come back for me. No way would he leave me stranded on a deserted road in the middle of Florida.
I started walking. I remembered a gas station a couple of miles back, but we were no longer on the main road. We had exited and turned down a side street before Josh stopped. At twelve am, the placed was probably closed.
I walked in the direction Josh drove. The deserted road spread out in front of me. There were no street lamps, and I could only see a few feet in front of my face. I hadn't seen a car pass since we pulled over.
I bit my lip and rubbed my arms to ward off the cold. It was seventy degrees outside but to me, alone and cold felt the same. Tears formed in my eyes, and I tried to hold them back. If they started, they would be impossible to stop, and nothing seemed more pathetic than a girl stranded on a deserted road crying her eyes out.
I held out for one more minute and then the floodgates opened. I sounded like a wounded cow dying on the side of the road. My sobs shook me to my core. I walked a little faster, trying to control myself.
Up ahead, I saw a bend in the road, and I prayed I would find something or someone willing to help. I started jogging to get to it quicker, but I slowed my pace when I turned the corner, and Josh's silhouette came into view illuminated by the taillights on the back of his car. He squatted with his back to the bumper. I continued my slow pace, and I hated myself for being not only relieved, but also happy to see him.
***
Joshua Elijah Griffin, IV
I turned the light on in the car and stepped out. I wanted to go back and get her. The magnitude of what I had done weighed on me, and I needed to let her make the decision on how this would go. I hoped she would get back in the car and accept my apology. Hell, I hoped she would give me a chance to apologize and not walk right past me.
I squatted near the ground. I wanted to crawl into a ball and move time back by sure will. I half hoped a car would come by, pick her up, and run me over, but I was too much of a chicken shit to throw myself in front of it.
I watched her walk toward me. Her face hid in the shadows, but she slowed down and hugged herself. She sighed when she saw me.
She continued, slow and steady. She walked right up to me. I stood up and leaned on the back of my car. I crossed my arms over my chest. Her face became visible as a car from the other direction illuminated her tear stained face.
My heart dropped, and I held my breath. She was devastated, and I did that to her. Her wet face scrunched in a painful flex, and her lips quivered. She turned away, and I started to reach out for her. As my right hand grazed her left arm, her right hand connected with the side of my face.
Whack.
The force radiated through my whole body, followed by a stinging pain. A scream rang out, but not from me. The sound emitted from a deep dark place I didn't want to visit. The pain emitted from her in waves and each one tore into my heart. The pain from her slap seemed insignificant compared to the pain in her eyes as she desperately tried to understand why I would treat her this way.
I reached out and grabbed her, wrapped my arms around her waist. She resisted, pushing and punching my arms and shoulders. I wanted her to fight me—to hit me and scream and show me what I did to her.
After a while, she collapsed in my arms, exhausted from fighting, but her sobs continued for several more minutes. My neck and chest dampened from her tears, and her whole body convulsed when she released an uncontrollable series of coughs. It shook us both, but I held on tight.
The vibration of our bodies glued together made me hard, and I found it difficult to concentrate. I tried to push those thoughts out of my head. I wanted her to understand. It tore me up to know I caused her even an ounce of pain.
I held her tight with one arm and stroked her back with the other. With each stroke, her body softened. As her last bit of energy drained, I turned us around and her back was up against my car. I placed my hands on her hips; she whimpered as I lifted her up and sat her on the trunk.
Her damp hair stuck to her face, and I pushed it away. I wiped her eyes and lifted her chin.
"How could you leave me like that?" she asked. The desperation in her voice fucked with my mind. I hated myself.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as my lips swept across her cheek.
She tensed. I expressed my gratitude by kissing her other cheek. She whimpered, and my heart cracked.
I kissed her forehead, dropped my hands to her waist, and her head fell forward without my support.
"Why?" she asked. Her voice sounded defeated but defiant. She wanted an answer. She deserved an answer.
"Since I met you, I've had the time of my life." I kissed her jawline as I placed my hands on her thighs. “I’ve never met anyone like you before." As my lips moved to her ear, she leaned into me. I pushed her legs apart. I wanted to hold her, get closer to her. She relaxed more with every kiss. "I want to be with you so bad." When I reached her earlobe, I bit it, and she moaned. "But eventually you're going to leave me."
Carrington's head snapped back. She grabbed the side of my face and stared into my eyes. I tried to avoid her gaze, but she wouldn't loosen her grip. I waited for her to yell. Instead, she placed her lips on mine, and I tensed. I watched her face as she kissed me, biting my bottom lip and sucking on it.
Her hands moved over my shoulders and her arms wrapped around my neck. At the same time, she wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me close. I became painfully aware of my hard on pressing into her and wanted to pull back, but she wouldn't let go.
I stopped fighting it.
I pressed into her further, and she moaned and pushed back. My hands found their way under her shirt, and I unhooked her bra in the back and moved to massage her tits. They fit in my hands so nice, and she groaned as my palms pressed against her nipples.
She kissed me deeper, sucking on my tongue as it entered her mouth. I squeezed her nipple between my fingers as my other hand moved between her legs.
I touched her, and she sat up straight. I blinked not sure what happened. I stopped, but my hand remained between her thighs. I pinched the fabric on her panties, and I thought she would protest or worse, push me away, but then she leaned back against the car and something in her eyes gave me permission to continue.
The heat radiated off of her skin and clung to my body. The more I touched and teased, the more her breathing sped up to meet my movements.
I pushed her skirt up and watched my hand working her. I removed all barriers between her bare flesh and myself. When my fingers made contact, she moaned and bit her lip. She rocked back and forth, and her eyes fluttered as her body shook and vibrated.
When she recovered, she sat back up and pulled me closer, kissing me hard. She reached for me, unbuttoned and unzipped my pants without removing her lips from mine. I tried to stop her, to slow her down. She wanted no part of going slow. She pushed my pants and underwear down my thighs, scratching me in the process. I had a condom in my pocket, but my mind went blank when her bare hands wrapped around me.
She pushed me into her, and when I nestled deep inside, she sighed and leaned back down on the car.
She watched me—studied me. I was under scrutiny but didn't know what she was looking for.
Her face showed blank, but she moved her hips for a better angle.
She rocked back and forth and unable to hold her gaze, my head dropped and my forehead rested between her tits and stayed concentrating on the feel of her moving under me.
I lifted my head when she began to slam into me, her tempo fast and sharp. Her expression hovered somewhere between blank lust and anger, but deep in her core, I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her.
My head ached, and I noticed the tension in my body. I braced myself while she fucked me.
Carrington moved underneath me, in total control. I remained relaxed and let her take out her frustrations on me. I reached out to caress her tits remembering how nice they fit in my hands, but as soon as I touched them, she put her hand over mine and squeezed hard. She communicated how she wanted it. I pulled my hand away and placed them on her hips, trying to coax her into slowing down, but it was no use fighting her. She wanted relief. She needed it.
This was not how I imagined our first time. This was raw, hard, and dirty. Don't get me wrong—it was hot as hell, but unexpected.
Carrington gasped as she gripped my dick. I grunted, pushed into her, and watched her ride another orgasm. Her body shook and convulsed. Her eyes remained closed. She was in her own world. When she came back down, she relaxed. I remained hard inside of her. She licked her lips and stopped moving. She got what she wanted and laid there watching me. Daring me.
Her indifference pissed me off. When I pulled out of her, she started to protest, but I reached out and pulled her up, covered her lips with mine. She relaxed into the kiss and wrapped her hands around me and tried to pull me into her.
I yanked her off the car, turned her around and bent her over the trunk. I pushed into her completely, and she gasped. I paused for a second. The taillights illuminated the tattoo on her hip. I had forgotten about it since the first time I saw it. It read Do as I wish, be who I am!
She tried to stand up, but I pushed her back down and kept my hands between her shoulder blades. I fucked her hard and fast, like she fucked me. I wanted her to feel every inch of me. She whimpered every time I slammed into her. She stopped struggling and laid flat with her cheek against the trunk. I slowed down, and she started to move her hips. I was so close. I knew my orgasm would be epic, but I held out. I wanted to make her come again.
I didn't have to wait long, she moaned and shook as her body tried to push me away, but I held on. I pushed in one last time. "Oh fuck."
I groaned and collapsed on her back. My weight pinned her to the car. Our breathing synced. It felt too intimate for the occasion, so I pushed off of her.
I placed a hand on her lower back to steady myself. My legs were weak, and I needed a minute to catch my breath.
A chuckle escaped from my lips as I bent over to pull up my pants. Carrington found her footing and pushed herself up, smoothing her skirt back down. She bent down to pick up her underwear off the gravel. I anxiously watched her, scared to see what she would say or do next. My eyes were glued to the ground when she stood up.
A soft sound emitted from her throat, and she covered her mouth. Her shoulders shook.
I looked up, moved her hair out of her face let out a sign of relief when a smile played with the corners of her mouth. I leaned in and kissed her so soft and sweet. She sighed and kissed me back.
I walked her to her side of the car, opened the door, and she sat down. I checked out her legs and smiled as she pulled her skirt down.
Chapter Fifteen
Carrington Olivia Butler
We remained silent the rest of the ride home. When we arrived back on campus, Josh pulled up in front of my dorm and turned off the car. He got out of the car, opened my door, and helped me out. Heat rushed through me when our fingers touched. I remembered what his fingers did to me a few moments earlier, and I broke out in a sweat. He walked me to the stairs, kissed me, and whispered, "Good night."
He turned and headed back to his car. I went upstairs and climbed into bed. We never discussed our sex session on the side of the highway, but it changed our relationship.
I wanted to talk about it. Dissect it. It was rough and dirty, but it made me feel closer to him. He spelled it out in the way he touched me, the way he reacted to my indifference, and the way we both allowed each other the comfort of being in control—a trait we both lacked in our regular life. We co-existed in a kind of give and take type relationship dynamic with an unspoken understanding. It gave both of us the power.
#
We spent most days and nights together. We had sex a lot, but it never returned to the intensity of our first time. A strange beginning to our sexual relationship, but we didn't need to return there to feel connected. Although, I often wondered if I did something or said something to challenge him, would it escalate to the same level? The sex was amazing, but it scared me. I didn’t know I had it in me.
A couple of weeks after our side street sex session, we were walking back to the frat house. We came upon a couple having an all-out scream fest on the side of the road.<
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We both slowed our pace to hear how the argument would end. The guy got in the car and drove away. The girl stood there for a minute but eventually headed back to the house, stopping when she saw us. She attempted a smile, but then lowered her head and continued.
I grabbed his hand.
"I wonder if he's going to come back for her," I asked.
He let out a sigh, smiled, kissed my hand, and we continued on to the frat house.
We entered the house and headed straight to Josh’s room. Josh opened the door for me, and I entered, but before I crossed the room, he grabbed me from behind, turned me around and pressed me up against the wall. I reminded myself to breathe. For a minute, I flashed back to the side of the road, and I shivered, but not in a good way.
He pressed into me as he moved my hair away from my neck, but the gentle way he kissed me allowed me to relax. I pushed back into him, and he groaned. He placed his hands on my hips and pushed me further into the wall, but he pushed himself into me and his hard on poked me in my ass. I attempted to turn around, but he pressed his chest up against my back and trapped me against the wall. I stopped struggling, it was only turning us both on. He kissed me on the shoulders and my neck.
"Don't move," he said with a growl. His tone sent a chill down my spine.
He reached around and unbuttoned my jeans and yanked them down. He massaged my butt, and it made me cry out when his fingers dug into my skin.
"Take off your shirt." He gave orders, and I followed them, another power play. I didn’t even question him, and I wasn’t scared of him. I did what he said. I trusted him.
I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it at my feet. He removed his clothes, all with one hand, arm, or leg holding me in place against the wall.
I placed my hands back on the wall and braced myself and waited.
I heard him tear open a condom wrapper, and I experienced a moment of clarity, a pause in the universe, which allowed me time to ask myself if this was what I really wanted. Before I could answer, he placed a hand over mine and with his other hand guided himself in me. It took forever for him to enter me, and his self-control made me crazy. Finally inside me, he remained with my body pressed against the wall. I tried to flex my muscle from the inside.
Hope for Her (Hope Series Book 1) Page 9