by Angel Lawson
I bite down on my lip as pleasure rolls over me and he yanks me forward, our bodies crashing together. His lips press against mine, tongue pushing forward, and he comes, groaning into my mouth.
His knees buckle and he grips my body as he slumps forward, forehead sweaty against mine.
“I love you,” he says, kissing my ear.
I loop my arms around his neck, my heart beating like a thousand drums. “I love you, too.”
33
Ozzy
I carry the list through the store, dodging shopping carts and frenzied customers. It’s Christmas Eve and even in a town the size of Thistle Cove, things get hectic.
I’m starting to think my mom tricked me into agreeing to come for her.
“Seriously? You’re out of rolls? How can you be out of rolls? My family will revolt if there are no rolls on the table tomorrow!” The shrill voice echoes through the frozen food section. I take a step back and start the other way.
Unfortunately, I bump right into someone, slamming into their grocery basket.
“Sorry!”
“It’s fine, Drake. I won’t break.”
“Oh, Alice, hey.” I look at the currently dark-haired girl. She’s in a short plaid skirt and tight, white, turtleneck sweater. I’m still trying to get used to this new look. More school girl—less edgy fangirl. “Yeah, sorry. Things were getting tense back there. I figured I’d hit the dair section instead.”
“Thanks for the warning.” She tugs at her high collar and gives me a smug smile before heading toward the canned goods.
I walk toward the dairy case, thinking about how I still haven’t figured that girl out. She’s had a full change this year—although to be fair, Kenley has made some changes, too. Her relationship with me, Finn, and Ezra. Her “sexual revolution,” as she calls it. But she hasn’t really changed her looks or her personality. If anything, she’s kind of shed the baggage that’d been holding her back.
I grab the eggs and everything else on my mother’s list and squeeze back down to the checkout. Alice is two rows over, paying for her items. I walk out a few people behind her and inadvertently follow her through the parking lot. It’d been packed when I got here, and I was forced to get a spot way in the back. Alice walks over to a black SUV idling in the far corner and gets into the passenger seat. I frown when I see the person behind the wheel.
Jason Chandler.
I duck behind a beat-up minivan so they can’t see me, but can still see them—and the kiss Alice gives him on the cheek. My heart jumps anxiously and I duck as they drive past.
What. The. Fuck.
It was obvious something was going on with them—with Alice, it’s hard to know what game she’s playing—but that kiss. That kiss broke this wide open. Again.
And Kenley doesn’t know.
Kenley, who promised not to dig into Chandler’s life anymore—to let it all go. For her safety, to uphold the deal we made with Mr. Baxter, we have to. Which means that I can’t tell Kenley what I just saw, because there’s no way in hell she could let that go.
34
Kenley
As traditions go, the Christmas Eve festival is one of my favorites. The whole town comes out to see Thistle Cove decked out in twinkling lights. There’s the annual pageant at the church, a light display in the park, different groups sing carols around town and there’s a general feel of excitement, particularly from the children, as the clock ticks down to Santa’s visit.
A crowd surrounds the gazebo and a flash of blue glitter catches my eye, and a lump forms in my throat. I’d been so busy that I’d forgotten about the Snow Princesses. Little girls come out in their best winter clothing and are bestowed crowns. Former participants dote on them—Rose would have been one of them. I see Regina Waller draping sashes over their shoulders.
I used to see this as a fun, cute tradition. Now I see it differently; it’s more like organized grooming. It’s completely ingrained in our community.
I turn away and spot Finn’s broad shoulders and Ozzy’s trademark cap by the hot chocolate stand; I separate from my parents and join them. My stomach flutters just walking over to them. Last night with Finn had been amazing, and Ozzy looks adorable bundled up in his coat. I hate the fact we’re in such a thick crowd. I want to kiss them so bad.
“Hey,” Finn says, eyes lighting up when he sees me. That rush of desire ebbs between us. Suddenly I feel warm in my sweater and jacket. Ozzy smiles.
“Happy Christmas Eve,” I say.
We stand awkwardly—all of us wanting a little privacy. Finn jerks his head and says, “Come on,” and we follow him through the park. The crowd is still thick, walking down the well-lit trails, but near some thick shrubs he cuts behind a tree and we follow. A few minutes later we arrive at a small deck that overlooks the water. During the day people fish out here—but it’s Christmas Eve, maybe the only time the fishermen are inside.
In the distance is the bridge—the one where Rose’s car was found. Lights dot the pillars jutting into the water. It’s hard to stop thinking about her when we’re surrounded by her memory.
The wind whips off the water—a little warmer than usual—I turn away from the view and look at the boys. Both look a little anxious.
“What’s going on?”
Ozzy clears his throat. “We have a Christmas present for you.”
“I have presents for you, too. At home.” It’s a picture book—photos of us when we were little, then more from the last few months. I’d been inspired by all my yearbook work to make one of our own.
“Well, we have ours here and we wanted to give it to you,” Finn says. “Together.”
He looks over his shoulder and Ezra steps through the thick brush. My heart leaps when I see him. He looks tired; dark circles smudged under his eyes, his hair an inch too long. The guys smile when they see him—a sense of relief passing through them. I’m not relieved. I’m scared. I hate not having him in my life—our lives.
He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a silver box.
“What’s that?” I ask, heart fluttering.
“Your gift,” he says, clutching it in his hand. “But first, I need to apologize. Things have been a mess for me lately and I took it out on you.” His eyes dart between us. “My dad…he just has a way of fucking everything up, and even though I tell myself not to let him have that much control over me, I do. I’m sorry.”
I keep my distance even though all I want to do is go to him. My heart pounds in my ears. “It’s been a hard few months, Ez. No one blames you for being overwhelmed.”
“I’d lose it if something happened to you, KK.”
“Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“Damn straight,” Finn says. “Our eyes are open. We know who and what we’re dealing with—and we’re keeping our end of the deal.”
Ezra looks down at the box in his hand, then up at me, holding it out. “Merry Christmas, Kenley.”
I take the box and all three boys watch as I tug off the bow and slowly open it. Nestled in the center of soft, white satin is a ring—four intricate threads, or vines, woven together. Silver, gold, bronze, and platinum.
“It’s beautiful,” I say, hands trembling.
“It’s hard keeping this on the downlow all the time, but this is a way for us to mark you as our own. Four strong,” Finn says, taking the box from me and plucking the ring out of the center. He nods at Ezra, who takes my hand, igniting an electrified current between us—only heightened by our time apart. Ezra splays my fingers and Finn gives the ring to Ozzy.
“Will you wear this for us?”
Tears burn at my eyes. “Yes, of course.”
Ozzy slowly pushes it down my left ring finger. It’s a perfect fit.
I’ve never been so attracted to them—all of them before. This whole relationship had been my idea—my need to explore my desires—push my boundaries. I didn’t know if they’d take to it or not.
I reach for him and kiss him, mouths a perfect fit. His to
ngue slips between my lips and his breath, chocolatey, warms me; sending tremors through my body. This is the boy that took me by surprise—that I gave my virginity to—that I’ve connected to physically and mentally. His blue eyes bore into mine and my heart pounds.
I release Ozzy and face Finn, running my hands behind his neck and into his thick, magnificent hair. The spark flickers between us—the one that’s burned for years. It starts in my heart and travels to my belly, then drops to a low burning heat between my legs. He’s strong and powerful and I feel safe just being in his arms.
His kiss is gentle. Sweet. Brimming just beneath the surface.
It’s too damn short, that’s for sure, but this moment isn’t about us—it’s about us.
Ezra leans against the railing, eyes hooded, jaw tight. I approach him, and he shakes his head. “I don’t deserve a kiss like that—not until I earn it.”
I stand before him and say, “Although I wish you’d done it another way, I can’t fault you for trying to keep me safe.”
He blinks, and I see the shimmer in his eyes. Ezra Baxter is crying in front of me and my soul threatens to shatter. I reach for him, touching his cheek, his chin. I force him to look at me with those dark, piercing eyes. “I love you, Ezra Baxter. We’ll get through this.”
That jaw clenches, tighter than before, and a tickle of fear rushes through me, terrified that he’s going to run. But he reaches for me, pulling me into a tight, bone-breaking hug.
“I love you, too,” he says quietly, mouth close to my ear.
I reach my hand back and warm fingers thread through mine. Another cups my neck and soon we’re huddled together. I look out to the water, to the bridge in the distance, the ghosts of the past shadowing us, while we do everything we can to step toward the future, whole, healed, and together.
35
Kenley
The chill of winter has returned the morning we arrive to leave for the retreat. Everyone rolls in sleepy and bundled up, an air of excitement about the trip. Juliette walks by with Dave Reynolds. His hand is on the small of her back and he looks at her like she’s a queen. That seems to have escalated. Since the trip was paid for by a sponsor, the entire class is here. I see Alice climb the steps to get on the bus, dark hair pulled back with a long pink ribbon. I take a breath, knowing I need to brace myself for dealing with her for the next few days.
“Kenley?” I hear my name called. I turn and see Shannon Hughes standing by the bus. A red suitcase sits at her feet.
“Hi! What are you doing here?” I ask, crossing the space. I haven’t seen Shannon since everything went down with Monica.
“I finished cleaning out my mother’s house and it’s ready to go on the market at the beginning of the year.” She glances down at the suitcase. “Turns out they needed an extra chaperone. I told Mrs. Gimple I’d be happy to go.”
“Wow! That’s awesome.” Shannon’s pretty cool and should be fun to have on the trip.
“How have you been?” she asks.
“Things have calmed down lately—sort of.”
Her eyebrow rises. “Sort of?”
I bite my tongue. I’d promised to stop looking into or talking about SugarBabies and anything to do with Rose’s disappearance. “I just mean final exams and the holidays. You know how that is.”
She nods, looking not entirely convinced. “I do. Hopefully things will settle down for you—maybe you can relax on the trip.”
Her eyes dart over my shoulder. I turn and see Finn and Ozzy walking over. Finn’s wearing purple and gold plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a hoodie.
“Hi, Shannon,” Ozzy says. Finn nods in greeting.
“She’s going to be a chaperone on the trip.”
Her smile is tight. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure, but when I heard that Jason Chandler was also chaperoning, I decided to go.”
“Wait, Coach Candler is going?” Finn asks. Ozzy’s eyes dart to mine—a line of worry on his forehead.
“Yep.”
“What the hell?" Ozzy says. “That sounds…”
“Crazy,” I interject. “He was under investigation for inappropriate student relationships less than a month ago.”
“Shows how little credibility they put in those accusations,” she says.
“Well, thanks for volunteering. It’s good to know that someone we can trust will be there.” I say, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and squeezing.
“You’re welcome.” She glances toward the bus. “I should load this up.”
“I’ve got it,” Finn says. Ozzy holds his hand out and takes my bag.
“Thanks. I guess I’ll go see what my duties involve.”
She walks off and I force myself to swallow back my anger. “There’s no reason Coach Chandler should be on this trip. What’s next? Brice Waller is going, too?”
“Well, the trip did get taken away from them all those years ago. I’m sure they feel entitled to a do-over.”
We all turn and see Ezra standing nearby. His hands are shoved in his leather jacket and his dark hair dips in front of his eyes. My heart aches having him so nearby.
“And before you find out from someone else, my father is going on the trip, too.”
Ozzy tugs off his cap and runs his hands through his hair. “This sucks.”
“Yeah,” Ezra says. “He says he’s doing it to keep an eye on everything, but I don’t know. I have a bad feeling about this.” He looks across the parking lot and the three of them stand by Mr. Baxter’s Mercedes.
A high school trip with a known predator, a conniving politician, and a lying, manipulative lawyer?
There’s no way this is going to end well.
Snow greets us as we approach Jasper Lodge. Several feet thick and perfect for winter sports. I’m able to get a seat to myself—the boys a few rows ahead. With Waller, Chandler, and Baxter on the trip (all sitting toward the front), it seems better to keep our distance. It’s fine by me. The boys talk the entire bus ride about snowboarding and I use the opportunity to read my long-neglected book.
Ezra drops in the seat next to me and peers over my shoulder.
“Is that your sexy book?” he asks quietly. I slap him on the arm with it.
“No. And don’t smut shame me.”
“I would never.” He shifts closer and I’m distracted by a waft of detergent and mint. “I like that you’re into smutty stuff.”
My heart skips a beat. “You sure you’re not mocking me?”
“Nope. I’m thinking one day you pick one of those scenes that turns you on so much and we replicate it.”
And like that he’s back, the Ezra that’s been missing for weeks as he worked through everything with his father. I study him—some of the dark rings that he’d had under his eyes are gone. He looks a million times better than he has for the last few weeks. “Feeling better?”
He takes my hand and spins the ring. “Yeah. Thanks for being patient during my emotional crisis.”
“You’ve been patient with me before.” I think about the first time he got me off, painstakingly slow. His eyes darken and his cheeks flush, giving me the idea that he’s thinking about it too—or maybe one of the other times we were able to be together. My stomach twists anxiously. God, he’s gorgeous.
“I assure you,” he says, standing, so tall his head grazes the bus ceiling, “that the next time we’re together, alone, I won’t be so patient.”
He gives me a sexy, lopsided smirk and walks down the bus to sit with the guys. I’m left hot and bothered, pulse thumping…anticipating. Any and all thoughts of taking advantage of our room at the lodge are dashed when we’re given roommate assignments.
“This isn’t going to work.” I hold up my room key that has the assignments written on it in Sharpie. Alice, with her fluffy non-Harry Potter themed scarf wrapped around her neck, holds the matching key.
“Sorry, Kenley, we made random room assignments to keep things fair. The good news is that we won’t be in the room much anyway. You’ll be fine.
” She hands me my itinerary and a schedule of activities and events, then turns to the student behind me.
The tips of my ears burn, and I grab my bag off the floor. Our room, along with all the other girls’, is on the second floor of the massive lodge—a beautiful stone building with a cozy sitting area on the main floor. I pass the granite fireplace and soft leather couches to go up the wooden staircase. I quickly find the room—Juliette is next door. When she sees Alice, her lips tug down in sympathy. I can’t even imagine what she thinks of her—another conquest of her father’s? Another stupid girl looking for trouble.
I shove in the keycard and it unlocks. I don’t speak until we’re behind closed doors.
“You had something to do with this, didn’t you?” I toss my bag on one of the beds.
“How would I have anything to do with room assignments, Kenley? You’re the one on the committee.” There’s an accusation in there.
“I helped plan the New Year’s Eve party. I had nothing to do with this.”
“Maybe they thought you needed a responsible roommate, you know, so you don’t try to sneak in one of your lovers on the trip.”
I press my fingers to my temples. “I swear to God, Alice. If you’re spreading bullshit rumors about me…”
“They aren’t rumors if they’re true.”
“Then maybe I was assigned to room with you to keep you responsible and not get Coach Chandler fired for inappropriate relationships with a student.”
“I know you’re obsessed with having everything Rose had, but unfortunately, your behavior ensures that you’ve lost your shot with Jason.”