I spread her with my fingers and traced the inner lips of her pussy, then leaned in and lapped at her opening, again only enough to tease.
She was panting hard, and I noticed, still hadn’t answered my question.
I sucked her clit back into my mouth again, harder this time, but not hard enough. “Answer me.”
I kept my eyes on her, as she thrashed. “Yes,” she gasped. “Yes, I think about you.”
Another suck and lick of her slick clit, but softer this time. “Yeah?”
Her thighs started to shake, her belly quivering. “Yes,” she said louder. “I think about you all the time. I think about you when…when I’m…” She bit her lip, cutting herself off. “Ahhh, a lot.”
She was keeping things from me, things I didn’t have a right to demand from her, but this, this was about me, and I wasn’t going to let it go.
“That wasn’t what you were going to say, was it, Willa?” I lapped at her opening again, keeping her spread wide for my mouth, my tongue. “When, Willa? Tell me.”
She shook her head, hair wild on the pillow. “Please, Jude.”
“I’ll let you come when you tell me what I want to know.” I circled her clit, not giving her what she needed, watching her while I did it. She was flushed, tits shaking with each panted breath, as close to the edge as you could be. Spectacular.
I didn’t know how much more I could hold off. I was so fucking hard, desperate to get inside her, but I wanted—no, needed—this from her. I pushed two fingers inside her, not deep, just enough that she felt the stretch. “Willa,” I said, voice hard. “Answer me.”
Sweat slicked her skin and she shook harder. “I think of you when I’m…when I’m dancing. When I’m on stage. I’m…I’m dancing for you. In my head, I’m dancing only for you.”
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
“Were you thinking of me that first time, your first dance?”
“Yes.”
Fuck waiting. I reared up, yanked my jeans open, freeing my cock. It sprang free, thick and long, and now, thanks to Willa’s confession, leaking precum like a tap. Tearing a condom from my wallet, I rolled it on and came down on top of her.
“Because you were honest with me, I’m going to reward you, beautiful.” I dragged my cock along her slit. Her legs came around my hips and she tried to grind up against me.
“I need you inside me. Now,” she said, so lost in her need, I doubted she fully understood what her confession meant.
My cock, the hungry bastard, found its way to her opening all on its own, and I was lost.
“Don’t scream,” I managed before I slammed up inside her.
Her head jerked to the side and she bit down on the bunched-up duvet, a muffled sound bursting from her as I filled her hard and fast, and I kept up the brutal pace, my balls slapping her ass, my cock driving in deeper with every thrust.
I kissed and sucked her shoulder, her neck, her jaw, then finally lifted up on my hands and stared down at her when I slammed in again. Her eyes were screwed shut, her smaller body jolting every time I fucked into her. “Too much?” I gritted out.
Her eyes popped open, wide, her lips parting.
She started coming again.
Her tight pussy clamped down on me hard, squeezing and releasing my cock in a way that was so intense, there was no way I could hold off my own release.
I dropped back down and buried my face against her throat, slid in deep one last time, and groaned against her smooth skin as I shot hot and so damn hard I shook.
Christ, I shook all the way down to my soul.
19
Willa
Jude’s panted breaths exploded across my skin, lifting goosebumps all over me.
I never wanted him to move. I wanted to stay like this, right here forever. His cock inside me, the warmth of his body surrounding me, cuffed to this bed. I couldn’t walk away from him like this. I didn’t have to think about tomorrow, or why being with Jude was a bad idea.
Giving him control took all of that away. All the doubt and worry. It all went away when I was his to command. It was freeing in a way I’d never experienced before. And something I needed so damn much.
He made a rough sound and planted a kiss to the underside of my jaw, lifting to his elbows so all his weight wasn’t on me. “Okay?”
His brown eyes were so tender when he looked down at me, I had trouble holding them, and had to swallow several times just to talk. “More than okay.”
He grinned and reached over the side of the bed, getting something, then one of those large rough-skinned palms slid up my arm to the cuffs. “These looks so pretty on you, I don’t want to take them off.”
I didn’t want him to either. The minute he did, the real world would invade. I lifted my head and licked his throat. “Then don’t.”
His hips automatically pressed deeper and he chuckled. “Don’t worry, baby. If you want me to use them again, I’m more than happy to oblige.”
“You don’t need to beg, Willa. All you need to do is ask and it’s yours, you know that, right?”
His words from earlier swam through my mind. I’d never met anyone like Jude. I didn’t know that men like him existed.
Evan had never treated me like this. He was always more concerned with himself and how everything affected him.
Jude used the key he’d grabbed from his jeans on the floor to unlock the cuffs and uncoiled my tank top from around my wrists gently, using his fingers to rub away the pins and needles. The care and attention he was giving me made my heart swell in my chest, made it ache for more of this, more of Jude.
He kissed both wrists, then lay back, curling me into his side, still moving his hands over my arms and holding me in a way that made me feel precious. This man, God, he was busting down my walls day by day, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
“Did you always know you wanted to be a cop?”
“I knew I wanted to help people,” he said.
That didn’t surprise me, not one bit. “Must have been hard, leaving the force?”
“It was time,” he said cryptically. “What about you?” he asked. “What did you want to be when you grew up?”
I snuggled closer. “I wanted to cut hair, have my own salon. I used to chop all the hair off my dolls.” I chuckled. “Rebecca’s dolls, too. I got my license when I left high school, got a good job.” I shrugged. “Things change, though, life gets in the way.”
“Yeah,” he said, squeezing me closer.
“I envy you,” I surprised myself by saying against his chest.
His hand that had moved to my back stilled. “Why is that, beautiful?”
Jude’s skin was warm and smelled amazing, and I nuzzled against him, my body relaxed in a way I couldn’t ever remember being. It was scary, but I knew whatever happened between us, I needed him to know how incredible I thought he was. “You’re fearless, unshakeable. You take charge and you don’t hold back. You have this way…” I shook my head against him. “You make everyone around you feel at ease, safe.”
His chest rose with his indrawn breath, and his hand started moving slowly over my skin again. “Does everyone include you?”
“Yes,” I whispered, still not sure I wanted him to hear the truth, but needing him to at the same time. I took a steadying breath and pushed on. “I can’t ever remember feeling like…like that before.”
“I’m glad, baby, you have no idea how much.” He started playing with my hair. “But I’m not as fearless as you think. I’m not perfect. I’ve let people that I love down, and in ways that, shit… I’m not perfect,” he repeated.
His voice had gone hoarse, a raw whisper that lifted the hair at the back of my neck. I curled into him more, so I was half on top of him, and lifted my head, looking into his eyes. “What happened?”
No, I had no right to ask, but I wanted to know what caused the pain I heard in his voice, that shone from his eyes.
He brushed my hair back from my face. “You really want to know?�
�
“I do,” I said, taking his hand and kissing his palm. This was probably a terrible idea, and could only make things more complicated between us, but they were already complicated, and maybe, just maybe, I could help ease some of that pain I saw in him. People say talking helps, and I wanted to listen. A small thing, but right now, that’s all I had to offer. It wasn’t much, after all he’d done for Tilly and I, but if it helped, I wanted to do that for him.
“My sister, Kate, was in an abusive relationship. She hid it from me for a lot of years, made excuses why she couldn’t see me when she had bruises to hide, stuff like that.”
Jesus. “I’m so sorry, Jude.”
His fingers were still in my hair, but he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking inward, at memories that hurt. I could tell by the strain on his face.
“She was in that hell for seven years. They had son together, Louis, and she finally made the choice to get out when Wayne turned his fists on their son. She came to me, and I moved her out, to a new place while I looked for something more permanent. I was still on the force then, doing a lot of hours. We’d slapped a restraining order on Wayne.” Jude’s jaw tightened. “I thought she was safe, that it was over.”
I remembered the K & L tattooed in his arm. Dread filled me. “What happened?”
“He found them, lit the apartment on fire, then killed himself. They died in their beds. I wasn’t there to protect them. I wasn’t there, and because of that, I lost them both.”
I felt ill, sick to my stomach and unable to bear the agony I saw in his eyes. I moved so I was straddling him and leaned forward, hands going to either side of his face. “I’m so sorry,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. “But that’s not why you lost them.” I held his haunted gaze. “You lost them because a sick and twisted person was determined to take them away. It wasn’t your fault. It just wasn’t.”
His hands tightened on my waist and he drew in a sharp breath through his nose. “Thank you, for saying that.”
“You don’t believe me.” It wasn’t a question, because I could see it on his face.
His hands moved on my waist, sliding down over my hips and back. “I was her big brother, it was my job to make sure she was safe, that they were both safe.”
“Jude…”
“I’m okay, beautiful.”
Another lie, but how could I convince him otherwise, when he was the self-proclaimed judge and jury? The man had sentenced himself to a lifetime of guilt that couldn’t be changed in one night, with one conversation.
“Why did you leave the police force?” I asked, instead of pushing like I wanted to.
“I didn’t believe in the system anymore. Wayne had a restraining order. A piece of paper that said he had to stay away from them. A piece of paper. That’s what I believed would protect them.” He met my eyes. “I lost it after I lost them. I handed in my badge and never looked back. I’ve known Van since we were kids. He offered me a job, helped me get my head on straight.” His hands were on my thighs now, and his fingers flexed. “Gave me something to get up every morning for.”
I looked at him, this big, strong, sexy-as-sin badass, who also happened to be the nicest guy I’d ever met, and knew I had to repay him for what he’d given me. He’d given me a part of himself; a sacred, painful, private piece of himself. I felt privileged that he’d given me that, and I wanted to give it to him in return.
“You know my sister died,” I said.
He nodded.
“Well she died of an overdose. She’d been using since before she had Tilly. Amazingly, she managed to stay clean while she was pregnant, which meant staying away from my brother-in-law. But she went right back to using after she had Tils. Trent wouldn’t leave her alone. He wanted her using, wanted her dependent on him. She was in and out of rehab, but it never stuck. Trent was always there, waiting when she came out, luring her back. You think your sister and nephew dying was your fault? Well, I know my sister dying was mine.”
Jude frowned and tried to tug me closer, but I held him off. I couldn’t get through this if he was holding me. Looking into his eyes was hard enough.
“I told myself I was doing all I could for them, but I wasn’t. I had no idea that Trent was verbally abusive to her and Tilly, that they were using as much as they were. I left Rebecca and Tilly to fend for themselves, while that monster did what he did.” A hot tear surprised me, streaking down my face. “I gave up, Jude. I gave up on my sister. I can admit that. I was tired, of fighting her, of worrying. Tired of cleaning up the messes she and Trent made.” Another tear. I swiped it away. “I was too busy trying to keep Evan happy, trying to keep his parents happy, trying to hide where I came from, and who I was, to fit into a world I didn’t belong in.”
“Christ, Willa…”
“We were engaged. I thought I’d finally found someone I could trust. But when he found out I was keeping Tilly, he bailed. Like everyone else in my life. Like my dad, my mom. Leaving when the going got tough, or when the burden of looking after us, the sacrifice, got too much. I let Rebecca and Tilly down for that, for a man that never really loved me in the first place. I failed them. I could have stopped it, Jude, I could have. But I didn’t because I’d given up. I know you,” I said to him. “You would’ve moved heaven and earth for your sister, to protect her. I, on the other hand, walked away, because it got too hard.”
Saying it out loud, it sliced through me, cut deeper than ever before—and reminded me of my promise, that I owed Rebecca, and that I’d keep my promise at any cost.
To do that, I needed to make sure Trent was out of the picture, for good.
Jude’s hand curled around the back of my neck and he brought me down against his chest, his chin resting on the top of my head. The tears came then, tears I had been holding back since my sister died, tears I didn’t believe I deserve to shed. Jude held me while I sobbed, so tight, I knew he had no intention of letting me go until I wanted him to.
And God help me, I didn’t think I ever would.
It took some subtle questions around the club, some eavesdropping, and a bit of light bribery, but I managed to find Tomas’ apartment building in Greenwich Village. I decided approaching him at Stilettos was too risky, too many eyes and ears. Too many chances our conversation would get back to Raul or Jude.
I stared up at the brownstone. It was beautiful, not what I’d expected. I envisioned Tomas in a towering, mirror-glassed skyscraper, the penthouse suite. A crime boss residing over the city like he owned it.
My nerves revved higher as I walked up the stairs to his front door. I wanted to turn around and run the other way.
This is your only option, your only chance to get rid of Trent for good.
I knocked before I could chicken out. A few seconds later, a voice came through the intercom by the door.
“How can I help you?”
I glanced up at the camera aimed at me above the door. “I’m here to see Mr. Mendoza.”
“Is he expecting you?”
“Ah no, he’s not.” He’d probably tell me to get off his doorstep and rat me out to Raul. My palms started to sweat.
“Can I have your name, please?”
I rubbed my sweaty hands on my jeans. “Um, can you tell him Willa Hartley from Stilettos is here to see him?”
“One moment,” the voice said, and I was left cooling my heels on the front stoop. It felt like forever before the sound of the locks disengaging on the other side of the door finally came.
When it opened, an older man with gray hair, weathered skin, and bright blue eyes stood there. He was wearing a black suit, white shirt, and black tie. He looked like an undertaker. Apt, maybe, if what they said about Tomas was true.
“This way, please.”
I gripped my bag so tight I started to lose feeling in my fingers. A flash of memory of the night before, cuffed to my bed, Jude looking down at me as he undid them, as he rubbed away the pins and needles, fired through me, sending zaps of electricity through my belly.
Tomas’ butler…servant…house dude? Whatever the hell he was, he stopped by an open door and motioned me to go in. “Mr. Mendoza will be with you shortly.”
“Right, thanks.” I walked into the large room, a library. The room was all dark wood and leather bound books. I never would have taken the guy for a lover of the classics. Probably just for show.
“Can I get you a drink?”
I turned to Tomas’ man servant guy. “No, I’m fine, thank you.”
The guy dipped his chin and shuffled off.
There was a large desk at one end of the room, beside a pair of large sash windows. I could see fine wire embedded in the glass and when I looked around, spotted more than one camera. Not surprising, the security would be intense for a guy like Tomas, the kind of man who would have more than a few enemies.
Fighting down my nerves, I waited for the crime boss to arrive.
I heard footsteps, someone’s shoes hitting the marble floor, and turned. Tomas was dressed in dark trousers, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up his tattooed forearms. His hair looked a little mussed, like he’d been running his fingers through it, and his dark—God, black—eyes were on me, probing. I took a startled step back before I could stop myself.
He walked in, and that’s when I got a good look at his expression. He was seriously on edge. “What’s going on, is it Stephanie?”
I blinked at him. I was so nervous, it took me a minute to work out what he’d said. “Stephanie?”
His mouth flattened.
“Oh, Steph.” I quickly shook my head. “No. No, she’s fine. That’s not…she’s not why I’m here.”
His nostrils flared, and I watched his expression smooth out, as whatever I’d seen vanished, and those black eyes sharpened.
“You better take a seat.”
I did as he asked, while he moved behind the desk and sat as well. He leaned back in his leather chair, his stare not wavering from me.
The guy was kind of terrifying, the intensity he threw off made it hard to think straight, to get the words right. Which was the goal since I wanted him to agree to my request, and not laugh me out of his house.
Ruthless Protector (A Lawless Kings Novel Book 4) Page 20