Forgive Me Copyright © 2015 by Kaithlin Shepherd
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Forgive Me is a work of fiction. All names, characters, events and places found therein are either from the author's imagination or used fictitiously. Any similarity to persons alive or dead, actual events, locations, or organizations is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author.
For information contact the publisher, Hot Tree Publishing.
Editing & Formatting: Hot Tree Editing
Cover Designer: Claire Smith
ISBN 13: 978-1-925448-00-9
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Excerpt from Heart of the Music
About the Author
About the Publisher
Dedication
For anyone who has ever given themselves a second chance.
Chapter One
No matter where he looked, the women's faces all blurred into one familiar one: Amanda Watkins. Ever since moving back to Montana, Drew Callaway saw her face everywhere, and no matter what he did, he couldn't get her out of his damn head. The countless one-night stands he'd had over the years to try and forget her didn't matter anymore, because since she was back, there was no way he would ever escape her.
After five years, he' expected to be over the woman who broke his heart, who had left town in a cloud of dust, but could anyone ever forget their first love? He sipped his beer, trying to numb the feelings creeping over him, when he felt a small hand on his shoulder, which wasn't uncommon for a Friday night. The women knew what he was after, and he never had to search very long to find a willing participant to help him forget Amanda—not that it ever worked, of course. No matter how many women spent the night with him, every face he saw was hers.
"You want some company tonight, Drew?" He turned sideways as the woman spoke to him, hoping like hell she wasn't a blonde. He didn't do blondes; they reminded him too much of Amanda. When he faced her, she flashed him a smile he'd imagined had worked on many men before him, not that he gave a shit. This wasn't about a relationship. It wasn't even about comfort. This was about sex.
"I might be, darling. You offering?" he asked her, running his finger down her neck.
She leaned closer to him, wrapping her hands around his neck. "I'd like to take you for an eight-second ride, cowboy."
He held back a laugh and a snarky comment. She was definitely from the city, throwing lines like that around. At that point, however, she could be speaking Spanish and he wouldn't care. He needed to try and forget about Amanda, at least for a couple of hours. He lowered one hand to her ass and brought her closer to him. "Well then, darling, you're in for one hell of a ride."
"You going to buck me off?" she whispered in his ear as her hand covered his cock through his jeans.
Seriously, where did this girl get lines like that? He normally didn't care for games but right then, he was up for anything. "Darling, I'm going to give you the ride of your life."
"Show me what you got." She leaned closer to him and kissed him. She was sloppy and trying way too hard, but she would have to do for the time being. He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and tilted her head to the side, kissing his way down her neck, softly licking and biting as he went along. When she gripped his shirt and started grinding on him, he knew he had to take this outside. She wants a ride? Well, she's going to get the real cowboy experience.
He pulled away from her, dropped some cash on the bar, and grabbed her hand before walking out. "You ever fuck in a truck, darling?"
She looked at him with wide eyes and for a second, he thought she was going to back out. But she just smiled at him. "No, but I've always wanted to."
"Well, sugar, you're about to know what it's like to fuck a cowboy." Shit, he sounded so lame; he couldn't believe he was saying this crap. He pushed her back against the side of his truck, caging her face between his arms. Her hands went straight for his belt, undoing it with quick fingers. He should stop her, since anyone could just walk out and see them, but he didn't care. She unzipped his jeans and freed his cock, just staring at it. They needed to move this along before boredom crept into the back of his mind. "It's not going to bite you, darling."
She flashed him a smile before he watched her body slide down until she was on her knees, in the parking lot of the bar. This was a first, even for him, but when she licked the tip of his cock with her tongue, he didn't have it in him to tell her to stop. She wrapped her lips around him and started sucking. His hands went to her hair, coiling it around his wrist, directing her movements. "Shit, that mouth of yours feels so good."
He heard her moan around his cock, sending little vibrations down his spine. Closing his eyes as she worked him, he let his thoughts drift off. Suddenly, the girl on her knees wasn't a stranger, but Amanda. His whole body tightened at the image in his head, and before he knew it, he was fucking her mouth hard and fast. He knew he would blow soon, but it felt so good and the image of Amanda on her knees was so damn hot, he couldn't stop. When he noticed a hand grab his balls, he bucked his hips and his release built. "Oh, fuck…yeah, that's it. Suck me just like that. Harder. I'm so close."
The mouth around his cock moved faster, and he knew he was about to blow. "God, yes…shit, I'm gonna come. Amanda…yes…fuck…yes! Amanda!" He blew right there, his release hitting him like a freight train. The mouth released his cock way too soon. When he looked down, he saw the girl from the bar with anger and shame written all over her face.
"You know, when a girl is down on her knees sucking your cock, you might want to make sure you don't call another woman's name as you blow in her mouth." He watched the girl rise from the ground, fix her dress and walk away from him as she called him an asshole. And shit if he didn't feel like one.
He fixed his pants before leaning against his truck, "Fuck, fuck, fuck! Get out of my damn head, Amanda."
Driving back home, Drew couldn't stop the waves of memories from crashing into him. All the nights he and Amanda had spent driving around with no destination in mind, just enjoying being together, were some of the best memories he had. Right then, however, they didn't feel like a blessing; they were like a curse anchoring him to the past. By the time he pulled up to the main house, it was past 1 a.m., which was perfect, because the last thing he wanted to do was answer his brothers' line of questioning as to why he was home so early. If he told them what had happened, he would never hear the end of it.
The house was quiet as he walked in, but he noticed a light still on in the main office. When he stood in the door frame, he saw his brother, John, still buried in paperwork. Drew worked as hard as anybody, but John had them all beat when it came to how many hours they put in each week. Cole might have stepped into the role of dad, but John had become the businessman their father had been.
"It's one in the morning, John. What the hell are you still doing in
here?"
His brother jerked his head up as he spoke. There was no missing how tired he looked.
"Looking at these fucking numbers again. Why are you home so early? Couldn't find a willing candidate?"
Drew sat down in one of the leather chairs in front of John's desk, running his hands over his face.
"Wasn't feeling it tonight." He lied because what else was he supposed to say? Yeah, I found a girl. She gave me a blow job in the parking lot, and I called out Amanda's name as I blew in her mouth. That just made him sound like an asshole, and he didn't need to be reminded of that.
"You weren't feeling it?" That was exactly why he wanted to avoid his brothers, this line of questioning that never ended.
"That's what I just said." He knew his aggravated tone was giving him away, but he couldn't help himself.
His brother closed his laptop and took a sip of whiskey before asking the one question he knew would set him off, but apparently couldn't be avoided "This wouldn't have anything to do with Amanda, would it?"
"Why does everyone always assume it's about Amanda?" He hated that he was so transparent when it came to her, but he couldn't help it. No matter how many years passed, he still adored her like crazy. She was it for him, the love of his life, and no amount of time would change that.
"She was your high school love, Drew. The one girl you loved and never got over. And because everything in your life has always been about Amanda, you haven't had one relationship since she left. Doesn't that tell you something?"
He took a deep breath, fighting the urge to punch his brother in the face. He hated that his brothers felt like they knew what he was feeling. They had no idea; they never did. Even if John had a point, it wasn't a conversation he wanted to have—not then, not ever. "Yeah, it tells me you guys need to get a fucking life."
He watched his brother circle his desk. By the look in John's eyes, the same look their dad used to get before a heart-to-heart, Drew had a feeling the next comment was going to cut him deep. "Get mad at me all you fucking want, man. I don't care. I'm used to your shit by now, but you better get that shit together, Drew. This isn't who you are."
He jumped out of the chair and shoved John back against his desk, sending papers on the floor. "You don't know anything about who I am, John." The second the words were out and he saw his brother's face go hard, he knew he'd just gone too far. Damn Amanda, pushing all of his goddamn buttons.
John shoved him backwards. "Whose fault is that, asshole? When she left town, you shut us all out. You think we didn't see how fucking hurt you were? Get your shit together and get that girl back, or get the fuck over her already. It's been years since she left, and you're still acting like a teenager. Man up! This is not how Dad raised us, you—using women to try and forget another. He would be so fucking ashamed of you right now. I'm sick of your bullshit."
Drew watched his brother walk out of his office and for the first time in a long time, he didn't try to hide his feelings. He felt like a fucking disappointment to his family, to the memory of his dad, for using women the way he had. He grabbed a picture of him and his dad and in that moment, he made a promise he would stop at nothing to keep.
"I'm going to be a better man, Dad, a man you would be proud of. I'm going to fight for her, just like you would have fought for Mom. She reminds me a lot of Mom, you know. She's strong and independent, and doesn't take crap from anybody, least of all from me. It won't be easy, but nothing worth it ever is. We're not the same people we were in high school. Hell, I know I'm not. I get why she had to leave now. I understand she had to go and make something more for herself, but she's back now and I'm not letting her get away a second time. I'm going to make you proud, Dad, I promise."
Seven months. Seven months of being back in Montana, seven months of being back in the house she grew up in which was falling apart, seven months of avoiding Drew…. If anyone would have told her she would end up back in Montana after swearing to never come back, she would have never believed it. Yet there she was, alone on a Friday night, watching a sappy romantic comedy and making conversation with a dog. She had worked hard to make a good life for herself in South Carolina as a sous-chef. But just when she was up for a promotion, she received the call that changed her whole life: "Your dad has passed away."
It had been months since she'd buried her dad, and she still couldn't believe he was gone. But he was, and she was back in Montana running her dad's diner while doing her best to avoid seeing Drew, which wasn't easy. In a small town, it was hard to avoid seeing someone as popular as one of the Callaway brothers, but she'd managed to do just that.
She pulled the blanket up her body and Tango snuggled closer to her. "We make a good team, don't we, Tango? Who needs a man when you have a dog?" she told him, running her fingers through his fur, which was more white than golden. Tango looked at her like she was crazy, which wouldn't be too far-fetched from the truth, considering she was talking to a golden retriever.
"I don't need Drew Callaway in my life to be happy, okay? Don't look at me like I'm crazy, Tango. Drew and I were done a long time ago. It's not like I still love him or anything, 'cause that would be crazy, right? Right, like talking to a dog isn't crazy." Tango snuggled closer as if he knew she needed comfort. That was why she was head over heels for this dog; plus, he couldn't call her out on her bullshit.
She turned her attention back to the movie that was playing just in time to see a scene where the man kissed the woman with so much passion, Amanda's cheeks warmed. Tango barked, and she laughed. "Yeah, boy, I know. A dog can't do that."
When the movie finished, she cleaned the living room and washed her dishes before heading to bed. Her eyes glared at the ceiling, which would probably fall on her head any time soon. She couldn't believe how much her dad had let the house go; it was practically falling apart. Tango climbed into bed with her at her feet. "I love you, Tango, but sometimes I wished you looked like Drew and not like a golden retriever." She closed the light and hoped like hell she wouldn't dream of Drew, even if deep down, she knew she would. For five years, he was all she ever dreamed about, and that was all he would ever be: a dream.
When she woke up the next morning, Amanda glanced up at the ceiling, which seemed to be holding up by a thread. She was convinced that if she didn't find a way to fix her house soon, she would wake up one morning looking at the Montana sky. As she got ready, the cold shower she was forced to take was just another reminder of something else that needed to be fixed. Just like her life, the house was crumbling.
By the time she opened the diner the next morning, there were already people waiting outside. That was the one thing about owning the only diner in town—she was always busy. She served people coffee and took order after order, trying her best to make small talk with the people she'd known all of her life, but really didn't know anything about.
Around 8 a.m., she smiled when she saw Cole Callaway and Jamie walk into the diner. She and Jamie had become quick friends since the first time they met. She watched as Cole possessively put his hand on Jamie's growing baby bump as people said hello to them. They had the kind of relationship people wrote about in romance novels. Amanda leaned against the counter and took a few seconds to look at them. She envied what they had so much, someone to care for you unconditionally, and someone who would fight for you until their dying breath. That was what she and Drew had promised each other before she left their love in the dust. She shook off the cobwebs in her head, grabbed the decaf pot and headed for their table.
"Hey, guys, how's it going?" she asked them as she poured coffee into their cups.
"I feel like I'm a whale about to pop. This baby cannot get here fast enough," Jamie told her while shifting in the booth, obviously trying to find a comfortable position.
"You look beautiful, baby."
Amanda smiled at the adoration she heard in Cole's voice. If there was one thing the Callaway men were good at, it was making the women in their lives feel special. Cole definitely had it dow
n to an art with Jamie.
Jamie laughed at his comment. "You have to say that if you want sex, Cole Callaway. Don't think I don't know what you're doing." Cole flashed her a smile that said it all: he didn't need words to have sex.
Ah, sex. Just the thought of it made her skin tingle. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd felt a man's hands on her. She didn't want much out of life, but she also didn't think that wanting a man to hold her like that was too much to ask for.
Amanda laughed at the interaction and pressed her hand down on Jamie's shoulder. "I think you look beautiful, Jamie. Pregnancy definitely suits you." She wasn't kidding, either. Jamie was a beautiful woman, but she had this glow around her at the moment that just shined.
"Thanks, Amanda. How are you doing? Are you adjusting to being back? It must be a big change for you."
She knew exactly where this conversation was headed, and she knew she had to change the subject before they started on the topic of Drew. "Oh, I'm good. It's been interesting being back, but nothing much has changed here, so it still feels like home. How are the wedding plans going?"
Jamie tilted her head to look at her, obviously aware of what she had just done, and Amanda just smiled at her innocently as she felt Cole watching them closely. "Slowly but surely…I never thought planning a wedding would be so much work. I swear every time I cross something off the to-do list, five more things pop up."
"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do. I know weddings can be stressful," she told them, thankful Jamie hadn't pushed her on Drew.
A silent conversation passed between Cole and Jamie, but before she could ask questions, Jamie spoke up, breaking the silence. "We might just take you up on that."
"How's the house holding up, Amanda?" Cole asked her, obviously concerned. There was a lot of work that needed to be done, but with the diner not making a lot of money, she knew there was no way she would be able to afford renovations anytime soon.
Forgive Me (Callaway Book 2) Page 1