by Allegra Skye
Cooper was immediately sorry. He didn’t know what he was saying, thinking or feeling. Everything had happened too fast. When Keira was around, he realized suddenly, he felt more balanced, able to know how to proceed.
“And don’t even think of leaving,” Ilyana said then in a faltering tone. “I couldn’t bear losing you again, Cooper. Couldn’t bear it. Don’t do that to me.”
Cooper hung his head.
“I don’t want to hurt you, mother,” he said. “Please believe me. I never wanted to hurt anyone.” Then he opened the door and walked out.
He had to think everything over, find the truth of the matter, understand where his true loyalties lay.
*
He walked down the hallway to the dining room to get some food to calm his mind. The moment he walked in, he saw Tua waiting for him at an empty table. As soon as she saw him she stood up, sparkled and waved. But he stopped cold, couldn’t take another step. He just stood there gazing at her. Today she seemed foreign and strange. Who was she, really? She was beautiful, perfectly proportioned, fragrant, inviting, but she was not the woman he wanted, he realized– not the one he longed for.
As he stared at Tua, Cooper realized how much he craved Keira, how deep his love had gone. There was no way he could stay here. Keira was out there alone now, facing danger. What would happen when she called to him? He couldn’t hear her in this place. The Torchs vibrations here blocked her out. And he refused to believe the horrible things his mother said about her. That wasn’t the Keira he knew.
Without taking another step, Cooper turned his back to Tua and walked through the dining room door. He couldn’t stay here. This wasn’t his true home. He would leave in the evening, under the cover of darkness. He had to find Keira. She was his other half.
CHAPTER 13
Keira arrived back in Everstock from Chicago, very early in the morning, before most people had woken up. The bus from Chicago cruised over the dark roads, bringing her back to her family in no time at all.
She got off the bus, with nothing but her backpack, wearing the same clothes she’d worn for days. It didn’t matter anymore. In fact, it gave her comfort to wear the same clothes she’d worn when she and Cooper had been together.
Before she took a local bus to her house, she got a cup of coffee and sat in the bus station, drinking it slowly. A few homeless people were sleeping on benches, others were up, walking around. Some other travelers were buying tickets, or waiting on line for their buses in separate aisles.
Keira felt nervous about being alone, without Cooper close by. He’d been part of her world since the accident, and it was hard to believe he was gone forever now. She had to keep reminding herself that it was over, that he’d been swept into a world of his own that had no place for her, and couldn’t stand her.
It was confusing, too. Keira still couldn’t put it together. If the Torchs were dedicated to bringing light to the world, how could they have treated her so horribly, just because she wasn’t one of them? She kept trying to figure it out, but couldn’t. When Keira thought of Cooper’s mother, she cringed. That woman had been a horror to her. And Keira felt like fainting when she realized that Cooper had fallen in love at first sight, with someone else – someone perfect for him, from his tribe, just like him. Keira could never measure up to her, no matter what she did. Her worse nightmares had come true. And she’d have to live with that for the rest of her life.
As Keira sat and thought about it, it started to get later. There was no point staying here, drinking coffee all day. She had to face her family sooner or later, and she wanted to see Amanda before Amanda left for school. Keria got up from the bench, walked out of the station and went to a local bus stop that would drop her a few blocks from her home.
*
The bus arrived on time and Keira walked slowly to her family’s home, and then up the path to the door. It was still very early and nothing stirred. It felt as if everyone were still sleeping inside the house. She reached for the doorknob and turned it, hoping it might be open. It wasn’t. Should she ring the bell and wake them all up, or wait outside on the stoop? If she just waited, her father would come out naturally on his way to work at the hospital and be shocked and horrified to find her sitting there. That was no way to greet him.
Keira gathered her courage and rang the bell. Then she waited. In a few moments she heard footsteps coming down the stairs, then voices.
“Who could it be so early in the morning?” It was her mother’s voice.
Keira braced herself as the door flung open and her mother stood there, her eyes still swollen with sleep. She blinked her eyes when she saw Keria, and then froze in shock.
Her mother did not move, just stood blocking the doorway.
Keira breathed deeply. What was she supposed to do, beg for forgiveness, fall to her knees?
“Can I come in?” asked Keira.
Numb, her mother just echoed her words. “Can you come in?”
Keira saw that her mother didn’t really know what she was saying. Her eyes looked glazed and uncomprehending, like when she’d sat beside Amanda all those days in the hospital.
Keira decided to take charge of the situation, and walked a few steps towards the door.
Despite herself, her mother swung to the side, making room, letting her in.
“Thanks,” Keira said as she walked into the familiar foyer and then on into the large, open living room.
“Who’s there?” her father was calling from upstairs now.
Her mother raced in after her, slamming the door loudly. “It’s Keira,” she started yelling at the top of her lungs. “Henry, come down right away.”
“What did you say?” Keira heard her father replying, his voice shaky.
“I said Keira’s here. Come down this minute!” her mother was shrieking now.
“Keira?” he bellowed.
“Come downstairs, come downstairs!” Her mother was practically out of control.
Keira watched her father come running down the stairs. He’d been dressing for work and his shirt was only half buttoned up. Halfway down, he stopped and stared at Keira.
Keira stared back, watching his face grow white.
“Hi,” she said and waved at him.
He did not wave back, just collected himself and walked down the rest of the steps deliberately, like a man gearing up for battle.
Keira did not say another word. This wasn’t easy for anybody. She hadn’t been in touch, no one was expecting her. It seemed like her parents were trying to make sense of an incredibly difficult situation. Keira wondered, in that moment, if they’d contacted the police? Was she considered a missing person?
The moment her father came to the bottom of the stairs, her mother sank into the sofa and put her head in her hands. Then her father walked over to where Keira was standing.
“Sit down, young lady,” he said grimly, a muscle trembling under his eye.
Keira sat down in a plush chair. He took the chair opposite her.
At that moment Amanda came to the head of the staircase, leaned over and called, “Who’s there? Who’s there?”
“Keira,” her father called back.
After a moment of shock and silence, Amanda called out. “Keira? Really? I can’t believe she’s come home!”
Keira looked up at her sister, so grateful to see her alive, talking, seemingly same as before. She lifted her hand and waved at her.
“Oh my God, Keira,” Amanda yelled, racing down the steps, then running ran over to hug Keira. “Where were you? What happened? You drove all of us crazy? The police have been looking for you all over town. I told everyone you’d be back, but no one believed me. We couldn’t find you. You didn’t leave even a trace behind.”
It hadn’t occurred to Keira before that the police would be called in.
“You were gone for almost ten days,” Amanda went on breathlessly.
Ten days –Keira had completely lost track of time. It felt as if she’d been gone for yea
rs, or centuries. She felt like a stranger returning here now.
“I didn’t realize it was that long,” Keira replied slowly.
“Did you realize anything? Anything at all?” her father said heatedly. “Did you care that you drove all of us crazy with worry and with fear?”
Somehow, that hadn’t struck Keira either. It didn’t occur to her that it would matter to her family so much if she was gone. She thought it might be a relief, even. Deep down she knew she’d always come back. If only for a visit, like this.
“I’m so sorry,” Keira said. “I got caught up. I didn’t realize.”
Her mother snapped her head up from the couch. “How could you not realize? I don’t buy that. Just don’t.” She spoke so heatedly, Keira felt dizzy listening to her tone.
“Take it easy Madge,” her father tried to calm her.
“Don’t you dare tell me to take it easy,” her mother turned on him. “You suffered more than I did. How many nights did you lay awake tossing?”
“She’s home now,” her father tried again.
“Oh is she?” Her mother rose and whipped her robe tight around her. “Just like that? First she drives us crazy, leaves town on her own, tells nobody, creates a scandal in the community, humiliates us totally. Then she waltzes back in? I don’t think so.”
“Cool it, mom,” Amanda said.
Her mother paid no attention. Venomous rage poured out of her, rage she’d kept under covers all of Keira’s life.
“What makes you think that this is your home any longer?” she blasted at Keira.
“What made me think it ever was?” the rage in Keira began to respond. She was doing her best to keep it from rising and hurting anybody.
“You were born rotten,” her mother’s voice got louder. “From the second I saw you –.”
Keira’s father came over and put his hand on her mother’s arm. “It’s enough,” he said. “You’re in shock, Madge. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Oh I know all right.”
“No, you don’t. I told you that sometimes this happens after trauma to the head. Keira could have disassociated – might have had some amnesia. The medical records indicate that--.”
“You’re making excuses for her, her mother interrupted fiercely, “You’ve made excuses for her, her whole life long. But I can’t take it any longer. I count too, Henry.”
“Of course you count,” her father softened. “I never said you didn’t count.”
“And I don’t want to see her anymore.” Her mother broke into terrible sobs.
Amanda rushed over and put her arms around her mother. “Mom, please, relax.”
“She’s hurt me too much,” her mother was moaning.
“It’s okay,” Amanda said.
“I deserve better,” her mother was babbling. “I deserve a daughter like you. Not like her.”
Her father paced back and forth then, almost like a wooden soldier. Keira could see he was figuring out what to do. He wanted to make everything right, but most of all he wanted to make her mother happy. She was the one who really mattered. The pulse in Keira’s head began beating harder, and once again, she could hear her father’s thoughts.
What now? What now? How do I know what’s become of Keira, who I really have on my hands? Where did she run to? What did she do when she was gone? We know she dumped Ben at the dance and drove Ben’s family crazy. Did she go off with that weirdo, Cooper? Did she turn into a whore?
Keira shuddered to the base of her spine. This was her own father, calling her a whore. And he had not once even come over to welcome her or give her a hug.
“I did not turn into a whore,” she answered out loud.
Terrified, he stopped pacing and stared at her. “Who said you were a whore?” he said.
You thought it, Keira wanted to say. I can hear your thoughts clearly. But she couldn’t say that, he’d never understand it. But, whether he understood it or not, the time for playing games was over for Keira. She had to speak her own truth.
“Yes, I was with Cooper for a while. And I’m not with him any longer now.”
“So you come running back to us?” her mother started screaming again.
Amanda just gasped. “You ran away with Cooper? Where did you go?”
“You think you can run off with a guy and come running back any time you like?” her father seemed horrified.
Keira suddenly looked over at the window and to her great comfort, saw the indigo light shining there, warming her, letting her know she wasn’t alone. She clung to it with all her heart.
“It wasn’t like that,” she said to her father then.
“How was it?” her father started pacing again.
The more agitated he became, though, the clearer his thoughts were to her.
She knows too much, she reads my mind. That could also be due to the blow to her head.
“Get her out of here. Get her out, get her out!” her mother started shrieking again.
This is your daughter, her father thought. Give her a chance, let her talk. She might have something to tell us.
“Let her talk, Madge,” he bellowed out then, shocking all of them. “Give Keira a chance.”
“No, I will not give her a chance,” her mother re-doubled her shrieking. “And you have to choose, Henry. Her or me? Me or her?”
“There’s no choice, Madge,” he answered promptly. “Of course I choose you, of course. Only I thought we should give Keira a chance to talk.”
But Keira didn’t want a chance anymore, and she certainly didn’t want to talk to them. As the indigo light flashed more strongly she realized that no matter what she might say, she wasn’t one of them anymore. Except, maybe, Amanda. She still wanted to talk to her sister badly. And, she wouldn’t leave until she’d had a chance.
“I need time,” Keira said then calmly.
“Time for what?” her mother’s eyes grew narrow and dark.
“My God,” Amanda interrupted, confronting her mother. “Let Keira go to her room, change and rest up. Maybe she wants to go back to school? She can come with me.”
“You’re leaving for school in a few minutes,” her mother objected.
“So, she can rest today and come to school tomorrow,” This was the first time ever Keira could remember Amanda actually standing up for her. Not only was she standing up, she was pleading for her. It touched Keira deeply. She would never forget it.
Her mother got off the couch and walked to the window, her back to all of them. It was as if she were the one who’d been horribly wronged and hurt.
Her father followed her mother to the window, put his arms on her shoulders and pulled her close to him.
“Let Keira stay a day or two, Madge. We’ve all suffered so much. We need the time to sort it out.”
A day or two? Keira couldn’t believe it. They wanted her out. They would never forgive her for leaving with Cooper for a few days.
“A day or two at the most,” her mother snapped. “But that’s it. She’s shamed us enough for a lifetime. The whole town talks about it every day.”
“But where will she go?” Amanda piped up.
Her mother turned around, her face ashen. “Keira knew very well where to go before, didn’t she? Let her go there again.”
Keira looked at her father, hoping for him to say something, to claim her as his daughter. But he stood with her mother, silent. His thoughts were also silent. Keira could not hear another one of them.
“You may go to your room for now, Keira,” he said solemnly. “Rest up, and we’ll take it from there.”
Amanda ran over and gave her another hug as Keira pulled up her backpack and slowly climbed the stairs to her old room. She needed to rest awhile, and gather some more of her things, before she left forever.
CHAPTER 14
Keira walked into her room, dropped down on the bed and fell into a deep, motionless sleep. It was more than a sleep-- it felt as though she were journeying through different worlds, lo
oking for a guide, for a way to make sense of all that was happening. She was looking for Cooper too, but there was no way to find him. Whenever she called out to him now in her mind, all she saw were thick, billowy clouds.
Then her sleep changed and Keira began to dream. Cooper was standing on the edge of a mountain, his face over his eyes, scanning the horizon. He stood there bravely, alone, on the edge.
“Cooper!” she screamed in the loudest voice possible, but it was only the faintest echo to him. “Where are you? Tell me!” she kept screaming. But her words were dim and muted.
He just stood there, scanning the horizon.
Keira woke in a sweat, not having any idea how long she had slept. It was dark out, so she guessed that most of the day had passed. She got out of bed, went into the bathroom, turned on the hot water and took a long, wonderful bath. It had been so long since she’d had the luxury of doing that. She wondered when she’d ever be able to do it again.
After the bath she felt better. No one had knocked on her door all day. Was Amanda home from school yet? Would she come up and talk? Keira desperately wanted to talk to her but didn’t want to go downstairs now and confront her mother again. It wouldn’t be good for either of them.
Keira changed into a pair of jeans and her favorite, yellow sweater. Then she looked in the mirror. A completely different person looked back at her. Her face had grown more angular, her eyes deeper and her mouth more full. Her eyes also had a strange haze to them, as if they’d seen sights that she had no right to see, that had changed her forever. Her eyes now looked as if they could not be fooled. For a second Keira wondered if she looked prettier. She looked stronger, much more confident, as if she could take on the world.
She turned from the mirror and gathered some clothes from her closet and began packing. She had to gather herself together quickly, since she had no idea how long she’d be welcome here.
There was a knock on the door. Keira went and opened it immediately. To her delight, Amanda stood there.
“I didn’t want to bother you,” said Amanda.
“You never bother me,” said Keira. “I’m so happy to see you. I miss you.” Her voice was stronger than usual.