Reason to Breathe

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Reason to Breathe Page 27

by Deborah Raney

Phee couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Oh, he had to be such a patient man to get through that year.”

  Quinn laughed. “At the risk of sounding really old, I actually remember that. Your dad about pulled his hair out trying to figure out how to help you pass that stupid class! You’d probably be surprised how much your dad talked about his daughters at work.” He looked across the lane to the cabins with their tidy new roofs, a faraway look in his eyes. “Maybe that’s why I was so crazy about you when you were barely a teenager. Your dad was always bragging on you. All of you girls. But you first, Phee. You were his firstborn. However it all came about, he’s loved you the longest.”

  Phee swallowed back tears. She’d never considered that, even though she might not share Dad’s genes, he’d been her father even longer than he’d been Jo and Britt’s. And it would always be so.

  “Thank you for that, Quinn.” She took in a breath. “I told them everything yesterday.”

  “Your sisters? How’d they take it?”

  “About like I expected. They’ve been so sweet to me ever since, it makes me want to cry.”

  “Did you expect any less from those two?”

  “I shouldn’t have.” She stopped, overcome with emotion. “All of this … You were right, Quinn. It doesn’t really change anything. And you know, even if I decided to do the DNA tests to find out if this other guy was actually my father, it’s not like I would look him up or try to have a relationship with him. Not at all. Dad said this man was abusive to Mom. Did he tell you they got an emergency divorce? The man may not have ever known—if Mom was already pregnant with me before she married Dad.”

  Quinn nodded. “It sounded like your Dad didn’t think your mom even knew for sure. And like your dad told me, he’s the one who held your mom’s hand in the delivery room. And cut your cord. And brought you home from the hospital—”

  “Dad cut my cord? Really?”

  Quinn nodded, looking like he might have slipped and said something he shouldn’t have. “That’s what he told me.”

  “I never knew that.” It was such a simple, primal thing. But to her, that image of her father in the delivery room, cutting her umbilical cord, felt profound—a symbol of how fully and completely Dad was her father in every way that counted. From her first moments of life. Her very first breath.

  She sighed and relaxed back into the lawn chair. That thought somehow settled everything for her. “I don’t think I need to know. I don’t need to know anything about that man.” She heard the awe in her own voice. “I already know my father.” She stood and went to the edge of the porch, leaning over the rail to watch a glowing sun that promised to put on a show later.

  Quinn rose and came to stand beside her. “That’s so true, Phee. And you got a good father.”

  It was such a simple statement, yet somehow those words seemed to set everything right. About Mom. About Dad. But even more, about Quinn.

  Why had it taken her so long to see that this man standing beside her was … well, pretty much perfect? She turned to him. “Thank you for being so patient with me, Quinn. For helping me see my dad through your eyes. For being a good friend.”

  He gave her what her sisters called the stink-eye, his shoulders slumping. “And there it is. We’re back to being just friends.”

  “Now don’t put words in my mouth.” A slow smile started. “I never said just friends.”

  His eyebrows arched. “In that case, will you go out with me Friday night? A real, honest-to-goodness date?”

  He laughed at the surprised look she gave him. And with brown eyes twinkling, he turned to put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on her cheekbone. His kisses traced a path to her lips, but he kept his touch light and gentle.

  Heart soaring, she let him kiss her. But tempted as she was to let his kisses deepen, she took a step back, unable to stop her smile from fully blooming. “Wow. So much for taking it slow.”

  “Hey, when you’re as old as I am, you can’t waste a minute!” With that, he winked and turned on his heel. He headed for his car but called over his shoulder to her. “See you Friday. I’ll call you.”

  Phee stood there, fingers to her mouth, not wanting to forget the gentle pressure of his lips on hers. She watched him drive away, pretty sure her own eyes were twinkling too.

  Chapter 34

  So, this is it.” Quinn cut the engine and turned in his seat to watch Phylicia’s reaction. He wasn’t disappointed.

  “Oh, Quinn! What a gorgeous piece of property. And the house looks like it was designed to sit right on this spot. It’s perfect!”

  He laughed softly. “You might want to withhold judgment. You haven’t seen the inside yet.”

  “Well? Are you going to give me the tour?”

  “I will. But I want you to know that Mabel is our chaperone for the evening, and she absolutely will not put up with any hanky-panky.”

  She gave him a look. “Well, don’t look at me. I’m the one who gave a lecture about taking it slow and then you—”

  “Shhh …” He put a finger to her mouth, wishing it was his lips. “We’re not going to talk about that. And I promise we’ll only stay for a few minutes, and then I’ll take you out to eat as promised.”

  He hopped out of the car, then jogged around to open Phylicia’s door. He held out an arm to escort her.

  She climbed out and looped her hand through the crook of his elbow, grinning up at him.

  He had to let loose to unlock the front door but was happy when she voluntarily took his arm again as they stepped into the foyer. It was new to have her so close, not a bit skittish the way she’d been with him until the night he’d first kissed her. He liked the fact that this was a woman who would take some wooing.

  “Now before we go any farther, I just want to remind you that this is a work in progress. I’m doing all the interior work myself, and I’d be a lot further along if I hadn’t had to stop working to help these three crazy chicks with some Airbnb scheme they came up with.”

  She laughed and gave his arm a gentle slug. “Crazy chicks? Excuse me?”

  He flipped on the lights as they entered the great room and kitchen. “This is probably the most finished space . . .”

  Her eyes widened. “Quinn, this is gorgeous! You’ve done this all yourself?”

  “Mostly. The inside. I had some help with the plumbing and electric, but I’m trying to do the finish work myself. Like I said, there’s a long way to go still.”

  “Maybe, but I can see what it’s going to be. You’ve been working on this for four years?”

  He nodded.

  “That’s dedication. But what a great home you’ll have when it’s all done.”

  “Actually, I’ll probably list it for sale the minute it’s finished. In fact, if you know anyone who’d want to buy it as-is—”

  “What? Why?”

  He looked at the floor littered with wood shavings and dog hair, despite the fact that he’d swept just yesterday. “I didn’t really want to get into this before dinner, but maybe it’d be good to get it out of the way . . . so we can enjoy dinner.”

  Her expression was a mix of curiosity and . . . was it fear?

  “This house started out as a project for . . . a girlfriend. We weren’t engaged or anything, and Heather never knew how much I’d invested—emotionally—into this place. For her. That whole thing . . . didn’t work out. And I’ve kind of lost my enthusiasm for finishing it.”

  “Her name was Heather?”

  He nodded. “The story is . . . complicated. And it doesn’t have a very happy ending. But I’d like you to know it.”

  “I’m listening.”

  He pulled out a stool from the kitchen bar and motioned for Phylicia to have a seat.

  Before taking the stool beside her, he looked around for Mabel. Their chaperone seemed to have walked off the job. He gave a low whistle and patted his knee. “Mabel? Here, girl . . .” The dog trotted in from the hallway that led to the bedrooms.
Quinn knelt and rubbed behind her silky ears. “Sit, girl. Right here.”

  Mabel obeyed. Quinn held out his palm and feigned a stern tone. “Now, stay. Some chaperone you are.” He looked up at Phylicia with a smile, trying to inject some humor into what had the potential to be a heavy conversation.

  She rewarded him with a smile.

  He straddled the stool and leaned one elbow on the high bar counter. “To make a long and boring story short, Heather had the decency to break up with me—and wait a whole month and a half—before she and my brother started dating.”

  “Markus?” He couldn’t miss the empathy in her eyes. “Oh, Quinn. I’m so sorry.” She briefly touched his arm.

  “Yeah. Slightly painful. Three months later, she and Markus were engaged. And now they are happily married—as far as I know—with a little girl. They live in Austin. I don’t see my brother often, for obvious reasons.”

  “That must be so hard. I’m sorry.”

  “It was beyond hard for a while. I know it sounds a little childish now to say this—especially after what you’ve just been through—but at the time, I wasn’t sure I’d survive the whole mess. The rejection.” He hung his head, feeling the shame afresh. “But worse, I felt like I’d lost my brother too. Not just Heather.” He reached for her hand. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to entwine his fingers with hers.

  She must have felt so too, because she didn’t withdraw her hand. “It doesn’t sound childish, Quinn. It sounds human.”

  “Thanks for that.” He squeezed her hand. “My parents kind of took a just-get-over-it-and-move-on attitude. Which hurt too.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “What I didn’t understand back then is that they couldn’t take sides. Or even defend me. Heather was going to be their daughter-in-law. The mother of their grandchildren—well, if they’d lived long enough to meet them. So they couldn’t take sides. In some ways, it put them in a more impossible situation than mine. They risked alienating all of us. And I’m sure it broke their hearts to know that my brother and I were at odds.”

  “Well, that explains why things are so strained between you. I’ve wondered. Do you think you’ll ever see him again? Ever meet your niece?”

  He thought for a moment, wanting to be honest with her. “I’ve forgiven Markus. We’ve talked about it a little. I can’t say it doesn’t still hurt. I can say I’m not ready to fly to Austin and face Heather. Not yet.”

  “I totally get that.”

  “I think the day will come when I’ll be able to be with them without it hurting so much.” He didn’t tell her that she was making that day seem more and more possible. “But I don’t have any illusions about us someday being one big, happy family the way my mom always hoped.” He met her gaze. “Mom got one thing right though.”

  Phylicia gave him a questioning look.

  “She said God must have something better in mind for me.”

  Phylicia gave a little smile, as if she hoped, but wasn’t sure, he was referring to her.

  He put his hand over hers on the counter. “That includes you, Phylicia. And God definitely had something better in mind. I believed in God at that time, but I wasn’t walking with Him. As much as I wish I didn’t have confessions to make, I want to be sure you know my history before you decide if you really are willing to be more than just a friend.”

  “Thank you for telling me, Quinn. For trusting me with the hard things you’ve been through and—”

  He removed his hand from hers and held it palm out to stop her. He needed to get this out before she thought this was only about him gaining her sympathy. He steeled himself with a deep breath. “Part of the reason the whole thing with Heather was so difficult was because we … shared things we shouldn’t have shared with each other—physically. Obviously, without benefit of marriage. Maybe that doesn’t surprise you, but I—”

  “I understand what you’re saying, Quinn. I don’t need details. And … I know you’re different now.”

  “I am. I hope you believe that. As much as I wish I could go back and … change things, I can’t. It’s my biggest regret. I know some people would think that sounds crazy, given how this culture has cheapened sex. And … I want you to know there was never anyone else—before or after Heather. And there never will be until that woman is my wife. I just never understood how much a physical relationship bonds you to someone—as God intended it to—in a way that is … excruciating when that bond is broken.”

  Phylicia nodded. And for a minute, Quinn wondered if she had a similar confession to make. From things she’d said, he didn’t think she’d ever had a serious boyfriend … not that “seriousness” made a difference to some people. But he didn’t think she was like that. He was pretty sure her faith had been strong from childhood.

  In truth, he would be disillusioned and sad if he learned she’d given herself to another man in that way. But he couldn’t very well ask forgiveness for his own sins if he wasn’t willing to offer her the same. “Is that … a deal-breaker for you, Phylicia?”

  She studied the counter for a long minute before looking up at him. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. But you said you weren’t walking with God then. I know that makes a difference in how you would … behave now.” She smiled down at his dog. “I’d say Mabel’s presence here today is proof of your intentions.”

  His relief came out in laughter. “Score one for Mabel.”

  She laughed with him, but quickly turned serious again. “So, no, it’s not a deal-breaker. As long as you know that I have the same goal. To be pure before God and to save that part of love for marriage.”

  “So when I kissed you the other night … did that offend you?”

  Her smile was pure joy. “No, it did not. In fact,”—her blue eyes shone—“I thought maybe you missed.” She tapped her cheekbone where he’d landed the first kiss.

  He laughed. “I’d love another shot at it.” He winked. “They say these things take practice.”

  She tilted her head, as if daring him.

  “Do you know how bad I want to kiss you right now? Properly.” He slipped from the stool and edged closer. But he didn’t want to take any risks. Not after the conversation they’d just had.

  But she didn’t flinch. “If Mabel approves—and if you promise not to miss this time.” She tapped a finger to her lips, marking the spot.

  He looked down at the dog. “What do you think, Mabel?”

  His dog gave him a look that said, What are you waiting for, dummy?

  Phylicia must have read Mabel’s expression the same way because she giggled—and slid from her own stool.

  Quinn took her in his arms and kissed her forehead, breathing in the intoxicating scent of her. He took a small step back and cupped her beautiful face gently between his palms. He tilted her chin up and kissed the space between her eyebrows.

  She looked up and met his gaze, all hesitance gone. She stroked a finger down his cheek.

  He kissed each eyelid, then—with a knowing smile—the spot on her cheekbone where he’d kissed her that night on her porch.

  “You’re getting warm,” she whispered.

  Heart swelling, he touched a finger to her lips. She kissed his fingertips, and he captured her hands in his own and held them to his chest, then bent to match his lips to hers. He wondered if she could feel his heart hammering.

  Mabel’s dog tags jingled as she rose and moved closer with a little whimper.

  Quinn broke the kiss with great reluctance and looked down at his dog. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Time to go.”

  Phylicia’s laughter was music, and Quinn joined in the song while Mabel’s tail wagged in double time.

  Chapter 35

  April

  Phee trailed behind Mary as her boss picked up a vase of freshly arranged flowers and carried it to the walk-in cooler at the back of the shop. “Mary, are you sure about this? I’ve already taken so much time off—when Mom was sick and then when we were moving
out to the property.” She studied her boss. “Are you sure?”

  “Phylicia, if you ask me that one more time, I’m going to change my mind! I wouldn’t have offered you the time off if I didn’t mean it. I figure with your dad’s house selling and the work on your cabins, you have plenty of other things to do.” Mary rested a hand on Phee’s arm, letting it linger, her eyes full of concern. “How are you feeling about that—your house selling?”

  The gesture was so like one that Mom would have made. That choked her up more than the thought of the house she’d grown up in, the house where Mom had spent her last days, now belonging to someone else. The closing had happened last week, and it hadn’t hit Phee as hard as she’d thought it might. Britt took it a little harder, having lived there more recently, but they were all resigned.

  “I know it had to happen,” she told Mary. “It’s kind of sad, but I guess it’s not as sad as having the house sit empty. I drove by yesterday, and there were already bicycles parked on the driveway. That kind of made my heart happy.”

  “Then it makes my heart happy too.” Mary smiled and tucked a strand of graying hair behind her ear. “I’m serious about the time off. Now, if you decide you need the hours, I can always find things for you to do, but in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s been pretty dead around here. So if you’d like the time off, please take it.”

  “That would be amazing.”

  “I’ll want you back here regular hours in time for Mother’s Day, of course—” A look of chagrin shadowed Mary’s lined face. “That was thoughtless. I’m sorry. I know that will be a hard season for you. I remember my first Mother’s Day without my mama.”

  Tears pressed heavy behind Phee’s eyelids, as they so often did whenever people offered sympathy. She prayed the tears wouldn’t fall. “It’ll be a hard weekend whether I’m working or not. But thank you so much for the time off. That would be wonderful. There’s so much we want to get done on the cottages, but there just aren’t enough hours.”

  Mary patted her shoulder. “You take the time you need. All I ask in return is a tour of your place once everything is done. It sounds amazing!”

 

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