He turned his phone off after seeing Joci’s name flash across the screen, too angry to talk to her now. He’d just coached a first-year team to the state championships—a rare and precious achievement. They should have been celebrating tonight. Instead he was going home to drown himself in a bottle of scotch. Sometimes life just sucked.
* * * * *
A full moon shone bright against the cool night sky. Jocelyn sat on her porch, a glass of red wine in her hand, the bottle at her feet. Funny how the liquid did nothing to fill the emptiness inside. She had not planned on missing the game. It had been scheduled on her calendar for weeks, just in case the team won. With the fundraising deadline only days away, Glenda Frederickson offered her the opportunity to double the amount of money she could raise. If she could pitch her case to Glenda’s software association meeting scheduled at the same time as the game. She had to do it. In those two hours, she fixed everything—the school budget, her integrity, Jared’s job. Didn’t she?
But Jared had not returned any of her calls, froze her out entirely. That had been as unexpected as the tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks. The last time she cried was at her mother’s funeral. This wasn’t over, it couldn’t be. If he wouldn’t take her calls, she’d confront him directly.
The next day, Jocelyn sat cross-legged in Len’s office, drinking black coffee. “Here it is, Len, a half million dollars raised through business donations, double what I promised. Fortunately, enough local businesses were appalled with the board’s decision to retract our prior commitments, and weren’t touched by the closure of Health Corp. Our economy is much more diverse and stronger than we all realized.”
“That’s probably thanks to you, Jocelyn. I don’t know how to thank you for this.”
She brushed off the compliment. “Just promise this will save Jared’s job.”
“I promise, Jocelyn. I didn’t want to lose that program or Jared. He’s been a godsend to this town.”
Jocelyn nodded, unable to speak with the lump of pain caught in her throat. Excusing herself, she headed to Jared’s office to hash this out only to discover he had not been to work all day. Since he was not taking her calls, the only thing left to do was to go directly to his house. She jumped in her car, turned the engine on and had no idea where he lived. He’d always come to her. Didn’t that speak volumes about their relationship? Pain mixed with a healthy dose of guilt churned through her bloodstream. Another part to the apology she needed to deliver.
First she needed to get there. A few phone calls later and she pulled up in front of a one-story brick house with a neatly trimmed postage-stamp-sized yard. The flower gardens were weeded, the front porch swept and the windows scrubbed clean. His Jeep sparkled from a recent washing. Jared had always worked hard and that philosophy flowed throughout his life.
After gulping in a few deep breaths, she rang his bell. The door opened quickly, as if it had been tugged. Bleary eyes, a day’s beard growth and the scowl on his face marred his chiseled features and added salt to the wounds that pain and guilt had slashed through her.
She wanted to touch him, to smooth away the ache she saw in his eyes, but the set line of his jaw deterred her. In silence, she followed him to his living room and took a seat on a plush purple couch nestled cozily in front of a working fireplace. An image of them naked, warming themselves here on cold winter nights, drinking hot spiced wine between long, wet toe-tingling kisses came as naturally as breathing. The strained look on his face and his rigid posture chased the vision away.
“I’m getting a beer, you?”
Jocelyn nodded. Holding something in her hands might help steady the trembling. Waiting, she glanced around the house, as tidy inside as it was outside. A freshly vacuumed rug, books stacked neatly in the built-in bookshelves, photos of past teams on the fireplace mantel and across the walls. No family portraits.
He handed her the beer, put two coasters on the coffee table and sat on the far end of the adjacent love seat. The distance between them was an arctic blast. His gaze fastened on to her, he waited for her to speak.
She sipped the beer to give her a moment to collect her thoughts. “I’m not sure how to start.”
“Why did you miss the game?” His surly tone scored an arrow into her heart and tightened her throat.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, Jared. I had the chance to earn double the money for the schools in one meeting. Then I could be with you. Don’t you see? I did it for us. Your job’s safe.” Why did he not understand she put him first?
“You really don’t get it, do you, babe?” he asked quietly.
Her hand tightened on the beer bottle. “What don’t I get?”
“What you did doesn’t upset me. It’s how you did it. I found out you weren’t coming from Kylie.”
“That’s where the trust comes in. You have to believe I had our best interests in mind.”
“Damn it, that’s the problem, Joci.” He slammed his beer bottle on the table, spilling the amber liquid. She’d really hurt him. Jared was always so controlled.
“We’re supposed to be in a relationship. That means we decide what’s in our best interest together. Not you, deciding alone like you always do. If you can’t see that, babe, this just can’t work.” He looked defeated, worn.
She didn’t want to lose him. She worked so hard to keep him here with her. “So you’re giving up? Damn you, Jared, I thought you were a fighter, but you’re not. You’re just like everyone else, you pick up and run when things get hard and messy. You want a home, a relationship—you have to build it, brick by brick, tear by tear, smile by smile, argument by argument.”
“I fight when something’s worth fighting for.”
That slapped her so hard she was sure she’d look in a mirror and see the hand print. “I guess I’m not worth it then.”
He expelled a breath and rubbed at his temples with one hand, as if staving off a headache. “You’re worth it, babe, but the relationship you’re offering me isn’t. I can’t live through that again, being sidelined to someone else’s ambitions. You are out there laying those bricks all on your own, Joci, asking me to trust you, assuring me I’ll like the final product. I don’t need you to take care of me. I want you to work with me, to design and build something together. Someone I respect gave me sage advice—that trust comes from actions, not promises whispered sweetly in the dark. I hear the words, Joci. I don’t see the actions. I wish I did.”
Her words. God help her, he was right. She loved him, but had never fully trusted him, never let him into her life in a way that mattered. What an idiot she’d been. Her throat choked up, eyes stung with the hint of tears. Hip deep in her own shame, she couldn’t breathe or process a single thought. The need for air overwhelmed her, she had to get out of there.
“I’ve never been any good at relationships, Jared. I was crazy to give it a try again. I’ll let myself out.”
Before she walked out the door, she turned to face him. “For whatever it’s worth, I love you. I’m just used to taking care of the people I love.” She ran to her car.
Chapter Thirteen
Jocelyn hit the showers after she and Kylie finished a five-mile run late Sunday afternoon. The demanding pace she set did nothing to exorcise the demons eating away at her heart. Once the hot water sprayed her back, the tears turned on and wouldn’t stop. The tremors rolling through her threatened to rip her body apart. She had lost so much—the trust of her board, the Chamber’s reputation, and Jared, mostly Jared. The secret hope that he would forgive her dwindled more each day. At sea, alone and directionless, for once she didn’t know what to do.
When tears ran out, she turned the shower off and went to make dinner. Sleep-walking through spaghetti sauce, she sliced her finger instead of the mushrooms, added vinegar instead of wine, and then over-boiled the spaghetti, leaving an inedible gelatinous mess. Dinner in the garbage, she ordered pizza and poured herself a scotch. Propriety be damned.
When the phone rang after dinner, Jo
celyn raced for it, hoping beyond hope it was Jared. Her brother’s number flashed on the screen. Disappointment was a physical lump in her throat.
“Gideon, what a surprise. What do you need?”
“Joci, you wound me. I don’t just call you when I need something.”
“Yes you do, big brother.” A smile snuck across her face.
“Well, tonight I’m just calling to connect. I can turn over a new leaf, can’t I?”
“Why are you really calling?”
“Kylie asked me to. She’s worried about you.”
Her mouth opened so wide birds could nest in it.
“What’s going on, Joci?
Pacing tracks through her carpet, Jocelyn started to talk and couldn’t stop. Grateful for someone to confide in, she unloaded everything—the collapse of Health Corp, the board’s betrayal, the school budget and Jared.
“Oh, Gideon. I’m so used to fixing everything that I just froze him out of something that concerned him. I guess I figured if I saved his job, he’d be forever grateful.”
“Like everyone else is?”
“I’m really awful aren’t I?”
“No, little sister. You just don’t trust anyone else to take care of things. It’s why you’re good at what you do.”
“Now, Gideon, it’s my turn to ask something of you. I need help taking care of Dad. We have to figure this out as a family, but you must start shouldering some of it.”
* * * * *
Jared entered AJ’s Gym, ready to beat the punching bag into a pulp. His heart was still in tatters, anger a constant companion. A tall, blond-haired man had gotten there first. Jared recognized the right cross.
“Gideon?”
“Jared, you come here now?”
He nodded. “Twice a week. What brings you to town?”
“Joci called a family pow-wow. We’re looking into options for our dad’s care. We’re interviewing home health aides, get dad used to me taking some of his calls. She’s been doing it all and finally put her foot down.”
“She did?” Had Joci heard him?
“You want the bag for a go? You look like you could use it. Hanging out with my sister is not always easy.”
“Yeah, thanks.” He took his sweat jacket off and threw it on the bench behind him. A white envelope dropped to the floor. The note Kylie had given him. He’d forgotten about it. Maybe it was time to read it. Jocelyn’s clear, firm cursive greeted him.
Dear Jared,
I’m sorry I can’t be at the game and have been hard to find lately, but the need has been urgent. I had a last-minute opportunity to earn double the money. If I don’t raise the funds, I will follow you if you need to move elsewhere. Whether we decide to stay or go, I needed to do the best I could for Madison. Here is my private number (321-988-4357). Only Kylie and my father have it. It’s always on. Use it when you need it. I know it may not feel this way now, but I have not abandoned you. In my heart, you come first. I miss you desperately. I love you.
Joci.
“What you have there?” Gideon asked.
“A note from Joci giving me her private number.” And so much more.
“Even I don’t have that. That’s huge for her. It’s for those she’s willing to drop everything for. Only Dad and Kylie have it.”
A smile started in his gut and worked its way up to his lips. God, he loved her and he’d been a complete idiot. She’d been speaking in her language, he’d been listening in his.
“I need to find Joci.” He moved to a corner for privacy and dialed the private line. She picked up on the fourth ring.
“Jared,” she said hesitantly into the phone.
“Hi, babe.” His throat tightened, forcing him to take a breath before continuing. “I’m sorry for the other day. Could we talk?”
“Of course. I’m at the office. Do you want to meet me here or come to my house later?”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he said, unwilling to wait. He said his goodbyes to Gideon and ran to the Chamber of Commerce two blocks away.
At the building, he raced up the six flights to her office, taking the stairs two at a time. He found her absorbed by the computer screen, chewing on the tip of a pen as she tapped her fingers haphazardly on the table. A notebook lay sprawled out in front of her on the desk and it appeared as if she had been jotting down notes.
“What’s got you so engrossed?”
She looked up and gave him a shy smile. “A new job offer.”
“Joci?” His eyebrows rose high in a question.
“At the Madison Foundation. Derrick’s retiring in a few months and they’re looking for a replacement.”
“Are you considering it?” He edged in closer to her, wanting to trace his fingertips along the black circles marring her peaches-and-cream skin.
“Yes. The board’s betrayal devastated me but it also gave me the jolt I needed to do something. I don’t belong here anymore. This job no longer reflects my values and it’s been eating away at me for some time.” Her eyes closed for a brief moment before fastening on to his. “Jared, I’m so sorry. You were right. I didn’t trust you enough to really let you in. I’ve been playing games in local politics for so long, keeping my own counsel, I don’t think I know how to trust anyone anymore. Losing you showed me that’s not who I want to be any longer.”
He moved to her side of the desk and gently cupped her face. “I’m sorry too, Joci. All I saw was what you weren’t giving me. When I bumped into Gideon and finally read the note you sent that I had buried in anger, I understood that you wanted to build something together. I didn’t trust you enough to recognize that you’d always been there for me.”
“Don’t let me off the hook. I’m so used to taking care of everything that I neglected to give you a choice in the matter.”
“I’m not. I’m also owning up to my own failings. We’ve both been struggling to overcome the scars carved by our pasts. I like the idea of you taking care of me, Joci, as long as you let me take care of you. Equal in all things.” He kissed her softly, her nearness a healing touch.
“I would enjoy being taken care of every once in a while.” She laughed as she stood to encircle him in her arms and snuggle her face against his neck. Relaxing into her embrace, his soul light with joy, he knew he could never let her go again.
“I do expect you to make amends for missing the state championship game however.” He stroked her back while planting several kisses on top of her head.
“Amends, how?” She looked up and frowned.
“By not missing any more games for the rest of the year,” he nibbled at her ear, “or the year after that or the year after that or the year after that.”
“Jared?” Her eyes shone bright, a rainbow of hope and questions.
“I’m in love with you, Jocelyn Wade. Marry me.”
“I love you too, Jared, but wouldn’t that be jumping in too quickly? Trust takes time.”
“I know, babe, but we need to figure the future out together. What better way than building a new game—our game?”
She nodded. Her smile, flushed cheeks and glistening eyes were all the answer he needed. Jared kissed her, leisurely at first, intensifying the passion as he pressed her closer to him with one arm. His free hand traced a path from her hip to her breast, finding the nipple peaked with arousal. “Now, my love, we have some unfinished business in the conference room,” he purred in her ear, his fingers massaged her breast, eliciting gasps of pleasure.
With a wicked grin, Joci took his hand, led him to a sleek business center and locked the door behind them.
After kicking a chair out of the way, he lifted her onto the conference table. Those long, lean legs wrapped around his hips and drew him to her. His hands on the table to steady his weight, he showered kisses on her lips, along her chin, down her throat. Apparently as eager for this as he was, she jerked his shirt out and groped underneath to knead the corded muscles running down his back. Her hands moved lower to unzip his pants and stro
ke him from tip to sac. He closed his eyes and gave himself over to the sensation of her hands on his cock and her mouth nibbling at his neck.
“God, I’ve missed you” he said thickly. His hands traveled up her legs to push her skirt up to her waist. Lace-edged black thigh-highs and a satin black thong a visual tease that had white heat burning through the base of his spine. He ripped that thong off to tickle the crisp auburn hairs and swollen flesh demanding his attention. Liquid dribbled from her channel, dewing his fingers. “You’re ready for me, babe.” He entered her in one deft motion and lunged, deep and fierce. They made love frantically, desperately. Pent-up emotions flooded into his bloodstream unlocked with every clench of her pussy around his cock. When she cried his name, he poured himself into her, claiming her body and soul.
“I love you, Joci.”
Resting on her elbows, she flipped her head to dislodge several strands of hair that had fallen out of its knot and into her eyes. “I love you too.”
The hard table did not invite cuddling, so he stood and pulled her into his arms for a searing kiss.
When he caught his breath, he needed one question answered. “Joci, when we had dinner at the airport restaurant, did you turn off your phone?”
“I turned my Blackberry off, so I kept my word to you that night, of a sort. I never turn the private phone off. I’m always there for those I love. Angry now that you know?”
He hugged her close. “No, babe, I’m proud of you. That’s always the right move.”
Epilogue
Nine months later
Joci ran into the house, kissed Jared and Kylie on the tops of their heads and raced upstairs to get ready for the black-tie gala. Jared, she observed on her way in, already wore his tux. She made a mental note to admire him in it later. They had been married for three months and her heart still did little flips when she saw him. Out of her clothes, she jumped into a hot shower to scrub herself squeaky. This was the first big event since starting her new job as Foundation President, and she wanted everything to be perfect, including her appearance.
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