by Tina Susedik
“You could say that.”
“Sorry I wasn’t more of a help to you and Tommy.”
She huffed a breath. “You don’t need to be sorry. You were busy helping with the wagons and rounding up animals. You did what you had to do, and so did I.”
How she wanted to touch him, but a woman didn’t make the first move. “I certainly didn’t and don’t expect you to take care of me. Besides, you were there to help protect us from the storm.”
Jack stayed silent. What was he thinking?
“How’s your leg?” she asked.
“A little sore. It’s nothing more than a bruise.” He shrugged. “I’ll live. Can we go for a walk? I need to talk to you.”
Sarah pushed away from the wheel and followed him to a copse of trees far enough away to not be overheard, yet close enough to keep an eye on her wagon and Tommy. She didn’t trust Horace to try something, and if her son woke up, she could get to him quickly.
With his back to her, Jack tossed his hat to the ground and raked his fingers through his hair. He faced her. “Sarah, I need to explain a few things.”
“All right, I’m listening.” She leaned against a tree as he paced before her.
“I’m attracted to you.”
Her heart skipped.
“I’m not sure why, but I am.”
Well, that wasn’t quite the way to endear a woman to a man. “Maybe it’s because I’m beautiful, witty, charming, and can cook over a campfire with the best of them?”
He stopped and chuckled. “At least the first three are right.”
Warmth spread through her. A woman could never be told enough that she was beautiful.
“I was married once.” He continued his pacing. “Lily and my parents were best friends. We grew up together. Falling in love with her was as natural as breathing. Our life together was going to be an adventure.” He paused and scrubbed a hand down the back of his neck.
“We bought some land north of Fort Laramie, built a cabin and barn, and began to ranch. Life was good. Then she announced she was expecting.”
Sarah didn’t know what to say because she knew what happened to his wife. She didn’t want him to know Greta had talked about him, so she kept silent.
“I was so damned excited. I was going to be a father. Toward the end of her confinement, I took her to Fort Laramie where there would be other women and a doctor to help her.” His laugh was dark. “There was no way in hell I wanted to deliver a baby. I was a rancher, not a doctor.”
Sarah recalled how Peter had left the cabin during her labor time. “I suppose delivering a baby would be slightly different than delivering a calf or colt.”
As if he hadn’t heard her attempt at levity, Jack went on. “A month before she was due, we headed into Fort Laramie. There is barely a road from my place, just a path. With her in the back, I went slow so as not to jar her and the baby. Instead of a day’s ride, we took nearly three. Halfway there a storm hit. Even though it was summer, the rain was cold, the wind sliced through us. We stopped and burrowed beneath our slickers.
“The next day Lily started sniffling, then coughing. By the time we got to the fort, she was feverish and coughing so hard, she could barely walk.” He tipped his head back and stared at the star-filled sky. Tears ran down his cheeks onto his neck, and disappeared into the collar of his shirt. “I took her straight to the doctor’s office. Her cold turned into pneumonia, and she went into labor. For two days she fought to bring our son into the world.”
A sob caught in the back of Sarah’s throat. Except for Tommy, she couldn’t imagine loving another person as much as he loved his wife or having someone love her that way.
“Even though the doctor and women in the room insisted I leave, I couldn’t. I wanted to be there to see our child be born. I wanted to be with her to help her through the pain.” He stared at his hand and flexed his fingers. “She gripped my hand so hard, I had bruises. I didn’t know she was so strong. Through her pain she told me how much she loved me, how much she was looking forward to being a mother to our child.
“Except for when she was pushing, she stared into my eyes, like she wanted to pass her love into me as our son was born. The last thing I told her was that there would never be anyone else like her.”
Jack’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I stared into her eyes as the blood drained from her body, and she no longer had the strength to keep them open. Until she no longer had life.”
He sank to his knees and dipped his head until his chin hit his chest. “There was so much blood. I’ll never forget the smell. Someone had wrapped the baby in a blanket and put him in Lily’s arms. I couldn’t understand why they would do that when Lily was gone, until I realized the baby wasn’t breathing. It took the doctor and three other men to pull me away from the room. I vaguely remember striking out at anyone in my way. I only wanted to crawl into that bed with my wife and son.”
Sarah had never seen a man cry before and his sobs filled her with pain. Tears pooled in her eyes as she knelt on the ground next to him. “I’m so sorry you lost them.” She smoothed her hand up and down his back like she did when Tommy fell and needed comforting. Beneath the oiled cloth duster Jack’s muscles trembled, but he seemed to accept the comfort. Would he accept a hug?
“So now you understand, Sarah.” His words came out in a shudder.
“Understand what?”
“Why I can’t be with you.”
What was he talking about? Did he mean he still loved his wife so much, he could never be with another woman? Or was it that he didn’t think she could understand losing a spouse? In that he would be right. It sounded as if his marriage was nothing like hers, so her relief at Peter’s death couldn’t compare to the way he lost someone he loved with all his heart. It would probably be best to be honest with him.
“I’m not sure I do understand.”
He shrugged her hand away from his shoulder. “I can’t put another woman through that.”
“Through what?”
Jack jumped to his feet. “Don’t you see? It was my fault she died.”
Viewing him from her perch on the ground, he seemed much taller, commanding; his scowl a bit frightening. “I’m not sure how you believe her death was your fault.”
Jack kicked at a rock. “I’m the one who got her with child. I’m the one who decided to take her to Fort Laramie early. If I hadn’t she wouldn’t have gotten sick and had the baby early. She and our son would still be here.”
Sarah’s long skirts tangled around her legs as she tried to stand. Jack paced before her as if she wasn’t there, ignoring her outstretched hand. “Could you please help me up?”
After sitting there a few seconds, she hiked up her skirts, rolled to her knees, struggled to her feet, and placed a hand on his sleeve. “Jack. Listen to me.”
He stopped, his eyes blank. His lack of reaction scared her. She slapped him on his chest and took a step back when his eyes finally refocused.
“You can’t blame yourself for their deaths.”
“Why not? They’d still be here if it weren’t for me.”
“Did you love Lily?”
He hung his head. “Yes, with all my heart.”
“Did she love you?”
“I know she did.”
How did she explain? Men and women didn’t discuss the bedroom side of marriage, especially to virtual strangers. Somehow, she needed to get through to him. “When two people love each other, one of the results of that love is a child. You did nothing more than share your love through having a child.”
Jack shook his head then glanced at her. “Maybe.”
“When you decided to take Lily to Fort Laramie early, didn’t you do it because you loved her and were worried about her?”
He huffed a breath. “That
and the fact that I was scared to deliver the baby myself.”
“Scared you couldn’t do it or scared because you loved her?”
“Both.”
“When you decided to go to Fort Laramie, did you know there was going to be a storm?”
“Hell, no. How could I possibly know that?” He turned his back on her.
Sarah’s heart leapt in her throat. Good, maybe he’d understand what she was going to say. “So if you didn’t know there was going to be a storm, how can you possibly be responsible for her getting sick from being caught in one? Many women die in childbirth. From all the blood you said there was, she might have died if you’d stayed at your cabin. Then you’d be blaming yourself for not taking her to the fort. Either way, you’re accepting responsibility for something you had no control over.”
He glanced over his shoulder at her. “You don’t understand the guilt I feel.”
“I do understand the guilt, only mine is different.”
He pivoted to face her, creases forming in his forehead. “What would you have to feel guilty about?”
Sarah sighed and this time she turned her back on him. She plucked a leaf from a tree and stripped it from the stem, piece-by-piece. “You may have guessed from things Tommy said that my marriage wasn’t a good one. Peter spent most of his nights drinking and taking up with loose women. He didn’t like me or Tommy.
“We had a big fight the night he died. He wanted to bring Tommy to the tavern to sing for money. I protected my son. After Peter left I wished he’d never return. Can you imagine the guilt I felt when he didn’t? I didn’t wish him dead, just gone.”
Jack stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “How did he die?”
“He was drunk as usual. He and a bunch of men bet on who could race down Main Street the fastest. It had been snowing. The streets were slippery. The horse fell. Peter was thrown. He broke his neck.”
Shivers ran down her spine when he spoke into her ear. “Did you tell him to get on a horse while drunk and ride down a slippery street all hell bent for leather?”
She shook her head.
“Did you wish for him to die?”
“No, but . . .”
Jack spun her around to face him and kneaded her shoulders. “So why should you feel guilty? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Sarah poked him in the chest. “My point exactly. Why should you feel guilty for Lily’s death when everything you did was because you loved her? Sometimes guilt is simply a way of handling events in our life that are out of our control.”
After a moment of silence while he searched her face, his lips turned up at the corners. He nodded. “You’re right. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He released her and took a step back. “Except I made a promise to myself that I would never fall in love again or get a woman with child, just to have her die.”
Sarah rubbed her forehead. “What does that have to do with me?”
“I’m attracted to you. I don’t want to hurt you, so I’ve decided once we get to Fort Laramie, I’m leaving the wagon train and going back to my place.” He kept his head down.
Sarah’s heart sank like a distant falling star crashing to Earth. She was attracted to him, too, and it shouldn’t matter if he was leaving the train. She didn’t love him and was getting married in a few months. So why did it hurt so much?
It would probably be better to let him go. But what if her future husband didn’t excite her the way Jack did? What if this was her only chance to find out what it was like to have someone make love with her? Maybe she was being a hussy, but she wanted to be sure his kisses weren’t a fluke.
“Jack?”
After a moment’s pause, he glanced up. “What?”
“I have a request.”
“I think I’m afraid to ask.”
Sarah stood before him and placed her palm on his chest. “Would you kiss me again?”
Jack raked his fingers through his hair. “Why?”
“Because I want something to remember you by.”
“Aren’t you going to be married in a few months?”
“To a man I don’t know. It’s not as if I’m going to him as a virgin.” She clutched his shirt in her fist. “Please. Just one kiss.”
When Sarah thought he’d turn away, he grasped her shoulders and pulled her against him.
“Aww, hell,” he murmured before he covered her lips with his.
The kiss was as hot, demanding, and drugging as she remembered. A shudder passed through her. Even if Mister Sampson was the best lover in the world, she’d never forget Jack’s kisses. He swept his tongue over her lips and urged her to open her mouth. She let him in. Sparks radiated through her system, settling in her lower regions. Lights sizzled behind her eyelids, like candles flickering in a breeze.
Wait. Lights?
~ ~ ~
A flicker of lights brought Jack out of the lustful haze that enveloped him. His limbs were weak, his cock ready to explode. As much as he wanted to lay her down, bury himself inside her, and relieve the throbbing in his groin, he couldn’t. He’d made a promise to his wife. He broke the kiss.
“Jack,” she whispered, tugging on him. “Look.”
Had someone seen them kissing? Was Manny lurking behind a tree watching them, ready to pounce?
“Open your eyes. It’s amazing.”
Doing as she asked, he gaped. “The tree? You see it, too?” Unable to believe his eyes, Jack shook his head. “I always thought it was a dream.”
Sarah nodded, and holding his hand, touched one of the shimmering leaves. Long branches cloaked them in a secure cocoon, where nothing mattered but the two of them. Warmth spread from her hand, up his arm, settling in his heart. His breath caught.
“Did you feel that?” Sarah’s eyes shimmered. “The tree is telling us something.”
Jack wasn’t sure what the tree was telling her. To him, the tree whispered, “Don’t hesitate. Love her.” Or maybe it was his imagination, since he wanted so desperately to make love with Sarah. The many reasons why he shouldn’t touch her melted away.
He cupped her face. “Yes,” he whispered before drawing her into another kiss. The world beyond the branches ceased to exist. It was just him, Sarah, and a wagonload of lust.
Sarah broke the kiss. “I want you.” She pushed the duster from his shoulders, then unbuttoned his shirt’s top button. “Here.” Second button. “Now.”
His cock surged with each button she released, until his chest was bared to her roaming hands and he was ready to explode. He hadn’t been touched by a woman since his wife died. He would probably respond to any woman like this, so it couldn’t be just Sarah.
The tree hummed. Had he actually heard it call him a liar? Impossible. Trees didn’t talk, but something was surely happening within its shelter.
He smoothed his hands down Sarah’s shoulders and cupped her breasts. Through the fabric, her nipples pebbled. Even though he was as hard as he’d ever been in years, his cock strained even harder against his trousers.
~ ~ ~
Sarah’s breath hitched. Could he feel her heart pounding against her ribcage? The way her body reacted to him was new and exciting. Was this what she’d been missing all these years? She wanted him on top of her, inside her. “My legs won’t hold me. I need to lie down.”
“Then by all means, let’s lie down.” He bent to gather the duster and smoothed it out on the ground, close to the trunk of the massive tree, safe within its sheltering branches.
They faced each other on the spread oilcloth, chest to chest, hip to hip. Tingles zapped from her nipples to her toes and every place in between as he ravaged her with his tongue.
Jack’s fingers fumbled with the small buttons of her blouse until she finally pushed his hands away and fini
shed the job for him. In seconds he slid the garment down her shoulders, taking the straps of her chemise along with it. Warm air caressed her exposed flesh.
His kiss deepened as he cupped her breast. Molding it into his large hand, he tweaked her nipple, sending shards of desire spiraling through her.
Sarah moaned when he moved his mouth from her lips to her nipple, licking, then sucking. Her other breast ached for the same attention.
“Delicious,” he whispered, inching his hand down her leg, raising her skirt until it was at her waist. He slipped his hand into her bloomers, trailing lower and lower until his fingers reached her most private parts.
Jack pressed her onto her back. “Spread your legs, Sarah.”
As if she had a choice since her legs separated without any thought on her part. He toyed with her damp flesh, then skimmed a finger between her folds.
Sensations like she’d never experienced before shot through her body. Her skin was on fire. Her nerve endings boiled. Her heart was surely going to explode from her chest. Would she ever be able to catch her breath?
He slid in one finger, then another. Her body shattered. She bit her bottom lip to keep from screaming out as wave after wave of intense pleasure flooded her.
~ ~ ~
Jack eased Sarah’s bloomers down her legs and tossed them to the side. He was ready to erupt. His cock was so hard, it hurt. Watching and listening to Sarah climaxing was as exciting as spending himself. While Lily said she enjoyed their lovemaking, she’d never let loose like Sarah.
He unbuttoned his pants and slid them down to his knees. Finesse was not in order tonight. “I’m not sure I can wait any longer.”
He pressed the tip of his cock at her opening and hesitated. What if he got her with child? Then Sarah bucked her hips and gripped his ass. He was lost. With one quick shove, he buried himself to the hilt. His mind centered on nothing but the pulsing of her muscles around his cock. Only Sarah and her heat.