by Leann Harris
Kaye dried off her hands. “It will be Memorial Day weekend.”
Reverend Charlie grabbed his cowboy hat and held it in his right hand. “I’ll make sure I’m here.”
“Wait, Charlie. I’ll give you the email address where you can contact us and give it out to others.” Kaye raced into the dining room and grabbed a handful of business cards the mayor had printed for the rodeo. “Here, spread them around.”
“Good thinking, Kaye.” Charlie tucked the cards into the front pocket of his Western shirt.
Joel slipped his arm around her and hugged. “She’s a pro at this. That’s why I convinced her to do it.”
“Maybe I should have her schedule my services for me.”
“Talk to me after the rodeo is over.”
He nodded and walked out to his truck, waving as he pulled away.
“Well, I think I’m going to check to make sure there are no cows down in the stream,” Caleb said. He turned and walked to the barn.
“You think you should help him?” Kaye asked her brother.
He frowned at her. “No.”
“Okay.”
“You’re not going to argue?”
“No. I understand the man needs his space.” She turned and walked inside. She might need a long ride this afternoon herself, for there were lots of things rolling around inside, and she needed some time and space to deal with them.
She also needed to talk to God.
* * *
Caleb rode like the hounds of hell were after him. If he could ride fast enough, maybe he could leave behind the truth Charlie had told him.
Tag would soon be released from the hospital. He was in a body cast and would stay that way for a couple more weeks. How was the man going to provide for his family?
The incident haunted Caleb, sitting on his shoulder like a vulture, ready to swoop down and pick the bones of his carcass clean. This was the first time he’d doubted his skill in the ring.
He rode down to the stand of trees where he’d held Kaye while she’d relived her nightmare. Dismounting Razor, he walked to one of the trees and sat, using the trunk as a backrest.
“Lord, what am I going to do? How can I make my failure right?”
He rested his head on the trunk and stayed quiet. The pain he’d been keeping at bay slammed into him. He’d failed. He’d failed Tag, letting him be injured. He’d failed to protect his brother from his mom’s boyfriend’s abuse. He’d failed his mom—never being able to make things just right so she could function. The order he’d thought he’d built in his world had shattered the night of Tag’s accident, leaving him among the rubble of his life. “Oh, Lord, what am I to do now? I no longer know who I am.”
There were no words for his pain, no tears, just the soul-deep ache that he couldn’t outrun, no matter how hard he tried. Charlie’s reassurance that Tag was doing okay hit Caleb hard. He relived those terrifying twelve seconds when he’d held Tag’s life in his hands. Surely he could’ve done something else.
Time ceased to matter and only after Razor walked to where he sat and nudged Caleb with his nose, did he move. “Stop.”
Razor didn’t pay attention. He nudged Caleb again.
“What?” Caleb looked up and saw the sun had moved in the sky just above the Western horizon. Amazed that he’d been here that long, he stood, mounted Razor and started to the house, knowing he hadn’t settled anything yet, but God was dealing with the pain he tried to bury. Charlie’s sermon had grabbed his heart and forced him to deal with the incident.
* * *
Kaye spent the afternoon going through her emails from the other members of the organizing committee. She was happy to learn that registration for the different events in the rodeo had risen, and they were filling up quickly.
“Are you working on Sunday?” Gramps asked as he walked into the room.
“I am.”
“Back in my day, it was frowned upon to work on Sunday, with the exception of feeding your stock.”
“So how’d that work, Gramps?” Kaye remembered her grandmother scolding her mother about ironing on Sunday.
“The way you did it was getting your work done on the other days.” He sat at the table. Gramps’s bruises were just about gone and he wasn’t wearing the sling. “Your grandma did all her cooking on Saturday. Dishes stayed in the sink until Monday morning.”
“But didn’t she have to work twice as hard on Monday?”
“Indeed, but she could count on resting on Sunday. It was just the way it was done.”
Kaye realized the fierce pain that always accompanied thoughts of her grandmother wasn’t as intense. Being home made her confront the past.
“Charlie had a good sermon this morning.”
The reason for Gramps’s visit became clear. She eyed him. “It was good.”
He studied her. “I’ll tell you, at the oddest moments I miss your grandmother. When I see a baby lamb out in the field, or a sunset that sets the whole sky on fire, I think of her. Your grandmother loved to see those sunsets. Sometimes we’d sit on the porch and just thank the Lord He’d helped us through the day.
“Like Charlie says, you bury those hurts—they don’t go away.”
Gramps knew why she enlisted. That New Year’s Eve tragedy overwhelmed her, and the army had given her a different focus, allowing her to push away all her baggage. But her heart still ached. With time and different locales, it’d been easier to bury that ache. Here, she found them again, and this time she needed to face them.
“I hear you.”
He searched her face. “Pain like that, child, can’t be left behind. It goes with you.”
Gramps had hit it on the mark. Leaning forward, she kissed him on the cheek. “I know.” Maybe that was why she’d overlooked so many of the warning signs that had been there with Richard.
Gramps leaned back and studied her. “Then make peace like the preacher told ya.” He nodded, stood and left the room.
Added to those old wounds were the new ones she accumulated on the way—a broken marriage and the death of those Iraqi women. She took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to handle all this, Lord.”
As she stared at the listing of registrants for the rodeo, the names blurred. The air turned heavy, pressing in on her. She stood and raced outside, needing to be astride a horse. Her legs had grown stronger from her constant riding and the normal chores of a ranch. It was like a confirmation in her soul that she’d needed to come home.
She saddled Midnight, mounted and started riding. It didn’t matter where, just being on top of a horse and galloping across the ranch land, feeling the freedom, brought her a brief reprieve.
She let the horse have her head and raced across the rolling prairie. How long they galloped, Kaye had no idea, but when she saw the stand of trees where Caleb and she had taken shelter, she pulled up on Midnight’s reins. The horse slowed down. She passed the trees and headed for the river, hoping there was some water there for the horse to drink.
The rain had brought the stream up to a trickle and her horse drank.
She heard a horse behind her. Turning in the saddle, she saw Caleb and Razor coming toward them.
“What are you doing out here?” Kaye asked.
“I could ask the same question.”
“Clearing my head.” Maybe Charlie’s sermon had touched Caleb, too. “It seems a lot of us are doing some thinking.”
“That’s the sign of some good preaching. The old timers called it conviction.”
Kaye leaned on the saddle horn. “I know.” She looked over at the stand of trees. Added to all the other memories she was fighting, this was where she’d flipped out.
“Would you like to walk our horses?” Caleb gently asked.
Midnight could use a walk after the hard ru
n Kaye had put the mare through. “Sounds good.”
They both dismounted and started walking along the creek bank. “Do you ever wonder why things happen?” What happened to the stoic officer who could deal with the chaos and demands of a company of soldiers? Or the demands of dozens of native civilians?
“I do.”
“Being here, I’ve run into the teenage Brenda, who wonders why things happen. Why did my parents have to die? Why did my marriage fail so miserably? And why did I survive that bomb blast when the others didn’t?”
Caleb stopped and faced her. “I think Charlie was right. We have to deal with stuff. Sometimes there is no explanation for what happens, but heaven knows the reason. We need to ask the Lord to help us come to peace with those things.
“As for your husband, well, he doesn’t seem too bright.”
A choked laugh escaped her.
“Sorry. That probably wasn’t in the spirit of what Charlie would’ve said, but I know this—your husband was wrong.”
Caleb’s words settled into her heart as if God had sent His blessing on the ragged edges of her memories. She took a deep breath. “So were you dealing with your own problems?”
“Yeah, I was wrestling with some old wounds.”
“Was it about the accident? I couldn’t help but overhear what Charlie said to you.”
He gave her a self-effacing grin. “Yeah, it was.”
“Well, then, both of us have accidents that we need to face.”
They continued walking. Swallowing hard, he opened his mouth then closed it. Finally, “You’ve heard several folks talking about Taggert Johnson?”
She glanced at him. “Yes, I’ve heard his name.”
“Tag was the last rider of the night at the Albuquerque rodeo. He made his ride, but after the buzzer went off, he didn’t release. It looked like his glove got caught under the grip and he couldn’t get his hand loose. I rode close while the other pick-up man tried to block the horse, and I was able to grab Tag around the waist, but just as I was pulling him free, Mankiller turned hard to his flank and jerked Tag away. I lost my hold and he slipped in my grip. I didn’t completely lose him, but he was just hanging in my arm, a perfect target for that horse. A couple kicks caught Tag’s lower abdomen and legs. Mankiller caught me, too, on my upper arm, but I didn’t drop him. The other pick-up man was able to grab the trailing reins of the horse and lead him away.
“Tag was in surgery that night to remove his spleen. He also was in traction for a while. He’s still in the hospital.”
The man’s shoulders slumped and Kaye could see the weight of the guilt riding him hard.
“It sounds like an accident to me.”
“You’re not just saying that because you feel sorry for me?”
“Why would you think that?”
“To ease my guilt.”
“No. I call them as I see them. I was never one to excuse bad behavior, but accidents happen. What happened sounds like something you had no control over.” The words stopped her as their meaning sunk into her soul. “Kinda like a car wreck,” she breathed.
Caleb watched her face. “Yeah, kinda like that.”
Kaye realized that she had a lot of things in common with the man. She understood his pain. “I guess God sent us Charlie this morning to help us get things straight. Now, if only I can put into practice his message of letting it go and giving it to God.”
He stepped closer to her and his tender expression made her knees weak. He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and gently moved her face up. His lips covered hers. She allowed the tenderness of the kiss to wash over her. When he pulled back, she could see the warmth in his eyes.
Her cell phone rang.
Caleb nodded toward her phone. “I think that’s probably your brother wondering where you are.”
Kaye answered her phone.
“Hey, Sis. I’ve got Mike, Laurie and Nan here. They said you were supposed to have a meeting at the house at three-thirty.”
Kaye looked down at her watch. She’d forgotten the meeting. “Tell them I’ll be right there.” She disconnected and looked at Caleb. “Rodeo board is at the house. We had a meeting this afternoon that should’ve started ten minutes ago.”
“Then let’s mount up and ride.”
Kaye looked at the stirrup. Caleb stepped to her side and offered his locked fingers as an aid. She stepped into his hands and he lifted her up, then mounted his own horse.
“Thank you, Caleb.” There was so much more she wanted to say to this man who’d helped her deal with her ghosts. “I’m going to get well enough to mount by myself.”
He nodded, looking up at her. “Want to race?” The corner of his mouth kicked up.
She didn’t bother to answer, but kicked Midnight into a run.
“Hey, that’s not fair.”
She laughed.
Chapter Ten
Caleb had thought he could escape the board meeting at the house. It didn’t work out. Joel laughed at Caleb, but his laughter quickly died when Kaye nailed him, too.
Caleb listened as the members finished going over the lists.
“I think every church in town has a committee to help with the rodeo,” Nan said. “I know several of the ladies at First Community have been talking it up at their workplaces in Fort Worth. Shirley Owens works with a law firm. She told several of the lawyers about it. They’re going to talk to some of their clients about helping to sponsor events or just to contribute to the cause of buying seed for the ranchers.”
Kaye smiled. “That’s terrific.”
“And I think Shirley might contact one of the local TV stations about doing a piece on the charity rodeo.”
“That will get us some free publicity,” Mike added. “It might add to some more cowboys registering for the rodeo, too.”
The chatter continued.
Joel leaned over and whispered to Caleb, “You’re smiling.”
Caleb jerked his gaze to Joel. “What?”
“You’re smiling. And when you and Sis raced up to the barn, she was laughing.”
“So?”
“What’s up?” Joel waited, his gaze penetrating.
“What do you think, Joel?” Kaye asked, breaking into their whispered conversation.
“Huh?”
“Do you think we need to pursue more sponsors? Nan thinks Shirley might get another law firm to help sponsor an event.”
“Sounds good.”
“Okay. Let’s go with that.” Kaye looked around the table. “Anything else?”
No one added anything.
“Then we’re adjourned.”
The others left the room. Joel caught Caleb’s arm.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Joel pressed, not letting go of his question.
Caleb didn’t know whether to laugh or shake his head. The man was acting like Kaye was his sixteen-year-old sister and not a woman who’d been in the army for over a decade and achieved the rank of captain. “We discussed Charlie’s sermon. I think both she and I might have left a few burdens down by the river.”
Joel cocked his head. “Really?”
“Yup.”
“Anything else?”
“What’s wrong with you, Joel?”
He frowned as if realizing he was acting like an overprotective brother. “She’s been through a lot. I don’t want to see her hurt.”
“I understand. Your sister’s amazing, and I wanted to tie her ex to one of the bulls in the rodeo and give him a good ride.”
“Good thinking.”
Caleb patted his friend on the back and walked to the barn. Razor needed a good rubdown.
Later, Caleb stretched out on his bunk, his boots off and sitting beside the bed. Hi
s hands were folded behind his head, the events of the day running through his mind. Charlie’s preaching had jerked some things in his heart. And Kaye, well, Charlie had gotten to her, too. It still amazed him that when he’d told her that she should listen to Charlie’s sermon, those words had echoed in his spirit and he’d nearly winced. Sometimes there is no explanation for what happens, but heaven knows the reason.
His heart reverberated with the insight that he’d had no control over Mankiller. Tag being hurt was an accident.
Why was that so hard to accept? Surely he could’ve done something. Maybe it was from the way he’d grown up. He’d learned early on after his dad died to try to have things just right to ease Mom’s burdens, so there was nothing that she or later, one of her boyfriends, could get upset over. If he could have everything in place, things would go smoothly or relatively more smoothly. But if something wasn’t right, or things weren’t exactly so—he’d lived with too many fallouts to count.
Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why he was so neat. Other cowboys looked at him as weird for how tidy he was.
His thoughts turned to Kaye and the times he’d held her.
He had feelings for her, no matter that this wasn’t the right time, no matter that he tried not to, no matter if it scared him stupid. The instant he’d seen Kaye in the driveway, zap. He could’ve run the house for days with all the electricity he’d felt.
His cell rang. Caleb sat up, walked to where he’d left his phone charging and answered.
“Hey, bro.”
“Sawyer, how are things going there in Tyler?”
“If I decided to beat my head against the wall, it might be easier.”
Caleb laughed. “Going that well, huh?”
“Sometimes what’s obvious to outsiders is beyond what insiders can see.”
“They can’t see their nose on their faces?”
“No, they can’t,” Sawyer moaned. “I didn’t call to report on my trials but to see how you are doing. Are you still at Joel’s place?”
Sawyer’s concern came through loud and clear. The instant Sawyer had heard about the accident a couple months ago, he’d called. He’d been ready to come to Albuquerque to be with Caleb. Caleb had refused, telling Sawyer he was fine. “It’s going well.”