by Leann Harris
Razor trotted up to the edge of the fence and greeted them.
“I think my horse is jealous,” Caleb whispered.
“Or he just wants a treat.”
“You’re pretty good at reading horses,” he teased.
“No. I’m good at reading males, human and equine.”
He arched his brow.
“You remember I spent a lot of years around mostly males in uniform before I went to Iraq and my commander established the all-female battalion to deal with the local women. You learn quickly to read body language.”
They laughed and walked inside to get Razor a treat. After they fed Razor a carrot, Caleb walked Kaye to the back door and kissed her good-night.
* * *
The next morning at breakfast, Kaye and Caleb kept exchanging looks. When she walked to the coffeemaker for another cup, Caleb joined her.
“I would’ve brought the coffeepot to you.”
He stepped close enough that his body brushed hers and he held out his mug. “I know.”
Kaye bit back her smile, but high school giddiness bubbled up. She poured him a cup of coffee.
“Thank you.”
Her heart nearly melted at his tone.
“Anyone else want coffee?” Kaye turned to the table and held up the pot.
Joel rolled his eyes. As Kaye sat down, the phone rang. Joel answered it.
“Yeah, he’s here.” Joel held out the phone. “It’s for you.”
Caleb stood and took the phone receiver. “Yes.” Caleb looked at the people seated at the table. When his gaze locked with hers, Kaye’s heart skipped a beat. “I’m working a charity rodeo a week from this Saturday near Fort Worth.”
Kaye’s muscles tightened and her stomach rebelled the longer Caleb was on the phone. “I understand. There’s time, but a lot of work still needs to be done.” He looked at the people sitting at the table. “I’ll think about it.” He hung up and walked to the table.
When he didn’t say anything, Kaye leaned over her plate. “Well, are you going to tell us what that was about?”
“Sis.”
She ignored the warning in her brother’s voice. “It sounded like whatever that call was it would affect our event.”
Gramps’s steady stare added to her brother’s objection.
“That was the head of the Western Rodeo Association. There’s a rodeo in Oklahoma City tomorrow and their pick-up rider got sick. I’m the closest guy to fill in. I’ve filled in for him before.”
“I don’t see a problem.” Gramps grabbed his mug and downed the last of his coffee.
“You should consider it,” Joel added. “We’ve got things under control here, so why not?”
Kaye could hardly believe her ears. Why were her brother and grandfather urging Caleb to do this? “There are tons of last-minute details that come up.”
“I agree. Things are getting hectic around here. I don’t think I should leave.”
The knot in Kaye’s stomach eased and suddenly her eyes felt wet. Echoes of Richard shivered through her. When the phone rang, and they had some gig, it didn’t matter what the two of them had planned, he was out the door without discussing it with her.
“I think our stockman might arrive this weekend and I want to be here to help him with the animals and get them settled in,” Caleb explained.
That call at breakfast haunted Kaye all day long. Her trip into town to talk to the fairgrounds manager about some last-minute decisions was spent telling herself Caleb wasn’t Richard, but the tension didn’t leave. She’d seen this pattern before. The first time there was a good reason, but it was the countless times afterward excuses weren’t needed.
Kaye’s morning meeting with Ken worked out the last-minute kinks of the rodeo.
Twenty minutes later, Kaye left the county building. Walking to her car, she heard her name called. Kaye turned and saw Billye with Branigan.
“I’m glad I ran into you while I was in town. I have about a half hour before I have to pick up Amanda. I wanted to look at the booth you’ve assigned the church. The ladies’ auxiliary wanted to see how we’re going to split the space. They want cell phone pics of it to plan their part, as if they haven’t lived here forever and seen the booths countless times before.”
As they walked to the fairgrounds, Billye glanced at Kaye. “What’s wrong?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, friend, don’t try to fake me out.”
Kaye fought off the fears that had been dogging her heels since that call this morning. They stopped before the booth assigned to their church.
Billye grasped her shoulders. “Why aren’t you smiling and giddy? This rodeo has taken off. I’ve never seen so much excitement from the townsfolk. There’s not a person who isn’t thinking of some way to add to this rodeo. I’m getting calls from folks I don’t know, after our segment aired on the network, asking me if they can help. Or send money. And here you are, looking like you lost your best friend.”
Kaye’s knees went weak and she leaned against the booth.
“Sweetie, what is it?”
Kaye told her about the call Caleb got this morning.
“He told the man he’d think about it. He didn’t say he’d do it. So what’s the problem?”
“He might.”
“Is he planning on deserting you? Not coming back?”
Hearing Billye put her fears into words, it sounded petty and small. “No, he isn’t going to desert us.”
“Then why borrow trouble?”
“You’re right.”
That night at dinner, the phone rang again.
Kaye answered this time. “May I speak to Caleb Jensen? This is Steve Carter.” The big boss that called earlier.
Kaye held out the phone. “It’s for you, Caleb.”
Kaye sat down and watched Caleb, her fear roaring back.
“I’m sorry, Steve. I thought about it, but I’m not interested. It’s cutting things mighty close.” Caleb fell silent, listening. “Twice the rate? Really?”
Her stomach bottomed out.
Joel’s brow arched. “Wow,” he whispered.
Caleb placed the receiver on his chest and turned toward the table. “What do you think?”
“I’d say you can’t afford not to. If you want to start a breeding ranch, that money will come in handy,” Joel replied. “You could’ve bought that little filly you saw the other day in Fort Worth.”
“I’d say if you can guarantee to be back in time to help with our shindig, go for it,” Gramps added.
Caleb turned to Kaye. “What do you think?”
Her heart felt torn in two. Caleb’s words echoed her ex-husband’s explanation that he wanted to play with his group one more time to get money for the new couch they wanted. The one time turned into two, then ten. “If you want to go, that’s fine.” The words sounded hollow.
Caleb put the phone back up to his ear. “Steve, I can’t. I’m obligated here.” He hung up the phone and returned to the dinner table.
They finished the meal in silence. Joel cleaned up the dishes while Kaye walked into the formal dining room and looked over the spreadsheet on the table. She saw nothing, fear blinding her eyes.
“If you don’t let him go, he’ll always wonder.”
She jerked, looking up at her grandfather, who stood on the other side of the table. “What do you mean? I told Caleb he could go. It was his choice.”
Gramps sat down in the chair at the end of the table. “No, that’s not what you did. You said the words, but your voice said ‘don’t go.’ You made it an impossible situation for him, because he would be wrong any way he chose.”
Words of defense popped into her head, wanting to deny it, but she closed her lips around the
excuse.
“If you don’t encourage that man to go and face his fears, he will always wonder about it. He won’t be whole. And neither will you. You’ll always wonder, and not trust Caleb. Is this about Caleb or about your ex?”
Kaye struggled with the truth. Gramps was right, but the echoes of another similar situation wrapped steel talons around her heart. Hadn’t she given this to God? So why was she struggling with this now? “I’m afraid, Gramps. What if one time leads to another? What if he discovers he can’t give up traveling and the freedom it gives?”
“And what if he discovers he doesn’t want to travel anymore? If he goes, you both will know the answer to the question. It will be settled and that fear will lose its power. You’ll know that that young man is nothing like your ex. And you’ll know he wants to be here.”
He’d hit the nail square on the head.
“Your grandmother was afraid when I went off to college, then when my number came up in the draft. But when I was in Korea, I wrote the woman every day. Our love endured, and there was nothing that could shake us.
“Once I came home, we married and I finished my degree.” He leaned forward and took Kaye’s hand. “I know that man loves you. Anyone with eyes could see. Trust him.”
“You’re right, Gramps.”
“He’s out there in his trailer.” He stood and kissed her cheek. “This time, it is your choice with your loved one.”
Gramps’s parting comment nearly knocked her off her chair.
As she sat there, praying, the scripture passage “perfect love casts out all fear” came to her mind.
“Okay, Lord.” She needed to talk to Caleb.
* * *
Caleb sat in the barn on a bale of hay. He hadn’t planned on working the rodeo in Oklahoma City, but Steve sounded desperate. He could make it. And double the money. That would help with buying some land and breeding stock. When he’d looked into Kaye’s eyes, he’d known he couldn’t leave her. Her mouth may have said it was fine to go, but her eyes said “don’t listen to my words.”
He understood about her ex-husband and her fears. Professional cowboys traveled the circuit. It’d taken him a while to understand he judged all women using his mother as the standard. A woman had to prove she wasn’t like his mom. But could he live in the shadow of Kaye’s first husband, always fearing he’d do the wrong thing?
But as Steve kept calling, it was as if God was saying that Caleb needed to get back up on that horse, face his fears and walk in faith.
“Caleb.”
His head jerked up at Kaye’s voice. She slowly walked into the barn and sat next to him. She grabbed his hand. “I want you to go and work for your friend.” Her hand squeezed his, but she didn’t look at him. “You have to face your doubts and fears. If you don’t, you’ll be running like I was running.”
His hand cupped her chin and raised it. “Are you serious?”
An uncomfortable laugh rang in her throat. “I am, and I know what I’m talking about. Remember the Reverend Charlie’s words.”
The words burned in his brain.
“You’ll have to hurry back, but I think you should work this weekend. Between Joel and the others on the rodeo board, we should be able to handle things here.”
He knew it had cost her to come out to him, encouraging him to go. “Steve has been a good friend and always more than generous with me. I’ve spent a couple Thanksgivings and Christmases with him and his family. Letting him down is hard. Besides, the money is great.”
“Then please call him now and tell him you can work.” She brushed a kiss across his lips.
He pulled her to his chest and hugged her. “You’re a gem,” he whispered into her ear.
She shook her head. “No. I’m just a practical woman, and this makes sense.” They kissed and she left the barn.
In his trailer, Caleb took his cell phone from where he’d left it on the dresser and called Steve, telling him he’d take the job.
“I’m glad you changed your mind. I was afraid I’d have to cancel the bareback riding if I didn’t have a pick-up rider. Thanks, friend. Can you be in Oklahoma City by three o’clock tomorrow afternoon?”
“I’ll be there.” Caleb ended the call.
He knew that Kaye had fought her way through her fear, and that encouraged him. Besides, if she saw he was nothing like her ex-husband, he might not have to live in that small man’s shadow. As he started to pack his trailer, getting it ready for the long drive tomorrow, his phone rang. When he looked at the caller ID, he smiled.
“Hey, Sawyer, what’s up?”
“I wanted to talk to you, see how things are going on that charity rodeo.”
“Everything is in place. You thinking of coming?”
“I am.”
Caleb nearly dropped the phone. “To compete? Are you finished with the job?”
“It’s winding down. I’m next scheduled to go to Tucumcari, so on the way there, I thought I’d stop and see you. I might try to compete. I’m not that old that I can’t ride and rope.”
“I don’t know, Sawyer. You might just want to enter the calf scramble. You know, if you haven’t been riding, you might be rusty.”
“Can’t be. I’m younger than you, Caleb.”
Now was the time to hint at what he was thinking. Sawyer and Caleb always talked to each other before they had major life changes. “I’ve been sorting out what happened in Albuquerque. I’ve wanted to quit for some time, only the accident made me face it. I want to settle down and buy a place and breed stock for the rodeo. With the accident, well, I didn’t know what to do. I’m going to quit, but I’m doing one last rodeo in OKC, which they’re paying me a handsome fee for. I need to ride once more. Put those bad memories to rest.”
The line remained silent, worrying Caleb.
“About time. I was wondering how long it would take you,” Sawyer replied, a lightness in his voice. “Caleb, you’re the best at what you do, but I understand wanting a home. The last real home we had was that apartment behind the church in Plainview.”
“So you like that idea?”
“I do, and although I haven’t seen Joel’s sister since you never sent me that picture, I’ve heard something in your voice when you’ve talked about her.”
His brother’s comment came as a shock to Caleb. He didn’t realize he’d been that obvious.
“Cat got your tongue?”
“Sawyer, in spite of what’s happened to her, Kaye hasn’t ever let that tragedy stop her. She’s directing this entire charity rodeo. She’s truly amazing—”
“Unlike Mom.” Sawyer filled in the balance of Caleb’s sentence.
“There’s no comparison.”
“You’re that serious?”
Caleb surprised himself with his declaration. “I am, I think.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, I don’t know.” Caleb felt stupider by the moment, but there’d been something nagging at him. “I guess if you always wanted something, then when you get it, you don’t know how to handle it.” Caleb rubbed his neck. “I guess I’m unsure of how to act. You knew what to expect with Mom, but were always hoping for better. With Kaye, she gives her best no matter what she feels. I guess her time in the army taught her that.”
“Or she’s one remarkable lady.” Sawyer nailed it.
“You can meet her yourself when you come to the rodeo.”
“That’s fine.”
“Then I’ll see you the end of next week.” Sawyer hung up.
Caleb sat for a moment, mulling over his feelings. He kinda, sorta thought he was in love? How’d that work? He’d always wanted a strong, independent woman, the opposite of his mom, who couldn’t stand on her own and be a helpmate, so when he found a woman who could contribute and pull her
own weight, he wasn’t exactly sure how to act. He knew what to expect from a woman like his mom, but with Kaye he didn’t.
As Caleb packed up his trailer, getting it ready to travel, he recalled his talk with Kaye yesterday. That had been the first time he’d ever shared with a woman what had happened to Sawyer and himself. But as he’d talked about it, the memories had no pain with them. When he’d prayed the other day down by the river, God had started a healing. As he’d tackled each ugly memory, he’d discovered it hurt less to relive the incident. He felt such a freedom that he couldn’t put it into words, but he knew a new path was opening for him.
“Lord, as I go to the rodeo, be with me.” The verse in Mark came to mind, for with God all things are possible.
This was possible.
* * *
At six o’clock the next morning, Caleb loaded Razor in his trailer. Kaye, Joel and Gramps stood watching him.
“You want another cup of coffee?” Gramps’s words broke into the silence. Breakfast had been a tense affair, everyone on edge, not knowing what to say. “You got one of the travel mugs for coffee?”
The sky was cloudless and the temperature was already in the seventies, so why did it feel so cold? Kaye wondered.
“I’m good. I’d like to get on the road. I want to be in Oklahoma City by midafternoon to get Razor settled. He likes to have a few hours to settle in before we work.”
Gramps laughed. “He sounds like a spoiled horse.”
“I’m afraid so, but then again lots of cowboys depend on Razor being on top of his game.”
Kaye wanted her brother and Gramps to leave so she could talk to Caleb privately. Joel seemed to understand.
“There’s something I need to show you in the barn, Gramps.” Joel pulled at his sleeve.
“What?”
Joel nodded toward his sister and Caleb.
“Huh, yeah, I wanted to see that thing.”
Gramps walked with Joel into the barn.
Once alone Kaye stood there, searching for the words, praying Caleb would make the first move.
“I talked to my brother last night,” Caleb began. “I think he’s going to sign up to compete at the charity rodeo. You can meet him.”