“Thanks, Charmaine. That’s awfully sweet, but I don’t think so.”
“Well, it’s the least I can do. Don’t make me feel guilty for breaking y’all up,” she whined. “If you don’t go with me, you have to go back to him. So he fucked somebody else. You were there. You know it didn’t mean anything. If it’s not your thing, just don’t do it again.”
“I’ll think about it, Charmaine. You’re a good friend, you know that?”
“Sure am, hon. Let me know if you change your mind about coming with us. It will be a blast. Skiing, partying with hot European guys and some cute baseball players I met last week.”
“Baseball players?”
“Yeah. It’s the off season.”
“Okay. Well, Merry Christmas if I don’t talk with you before.”
“You too, hon.”
Marley said goodnight and hung up the phone. She was relieved the conversation had ended on a positive note. She didn’t blame Charmaine. Or James. If she blamed anyone, it was herself.
The thought of meeting James’ parents for the holidays made her blanch. She contemplated Kimberly and Charles’ brightly decorated home, all ready for Christmas. Colorful stockings hung cheerily over their fireplace. The tree was decked with silvery icicles, glass balls, and handmade ornaments complete with handprints. There were even holiday towels in her guest bathroom.
The festive environment that should have brought her cheer instead depressed her. Christmas Eve was the next day. She would only dampen any celebration Kimberly and her little family would have. What in the world was she going to do?
* * *
James’ voice rang hollow, even to his own ears. His family, caught up in the festivities of the evening, didn’t seem to notice he was less than enthusiastic as they sang Christmas carols.
Of course, when he had shown up without Marley, they’d been disappointed. But he played it off as though even though he and his girlfriend were in a fight—he was fine. His parents didn’t pry into his personal life. If he said he was okay, they took him at his word.
His younger sister, Anna, being a typical teenager, was too involved in her own life to be concerned with his. She’d spent the whole drive home from the Christmas Eve church service trying to convince her parents to let her pierce her nose. When she tried to get James on her side, he refused to get in the middle of the argument. He had enough drama in his life.
Now he and his father and Anna stood around the piano. His mother glided her fingers masterfully across the keyboard, making it look effortless.
Music had always been a part of life in this home. Usually it brightened his mood. As a child it had given him comfort. He and Anna had been musical children, always learning to play one instrument or another.
But tonight he feared nothing would be able to lift his spirits. Breathing deeply he plowed through the last round of ‘O Come All Ye Faithful.’ When the song ended, his dad clapped him on the shoulder. “Good to have you home, son. You staying the night? You know your mom has a delicious breakfast planned for tomorrow morning. Macadamia nut French toast. Your favorite.”
“No. I think I’m going to head home soon. Got a lot of work to do,” James replied with a lie.
He wouldn’t be doing work. He’d probably go home and watch television by himself, maybe drink himself into Christmas Day. Ever since Marley left he’d been depressed. He’d missed work. Milton was driving him crazy pestering him to come in, but it didn’t matter.
Nothing seemed to matter except Marley. He’d gone to Kimberly’s hoping to find her, but she wouldn’t see him. Why would she be so cruel? Not only did she leave without a word, but she refused to explain her behavior.
He tried to figure out what went wrong by talking with Charmaine and Kimberly. They both told him that the ménage was what had sent Marley over the edge. It had made her jealous. But if that was the case, why would she have arranged it? That baffled him. He’d never understand women.
If he’d known Marley would have a problem with including Charmaine, he never would have gone along with the scene in the first place. And for her to have just disappeared from his life so easily, with no explanation—it was clear she’d never cared for him at all. She had wanted the money, and now she’d moved on. Probably to bigger and better prospects. Had she been using him the whole time?
That made sense. It was the only thing that made sense. He’d been a fool to fall for her. He should have known better.
An elbow nudged him in the ribs. His mother was speaking to him. “Where are you tonight, James? Definitely not here with us.” She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead, as she’d been doing since he was a boy. His father and sister had gone into the kitchen for some more pie.
“I’m sorry, Mom. You’re right. It’s this girl.”
“The one you were going to bring tonight?”
“Yes. I can’t get her off my mind.” He made a wry face.
“She must be pretty special, then.” She patted his arm. “James, all couples have fights. And if you care for her as much as I think you do, you should try to work things out.”
“Yeah. It’s just that I don’t know where she is. She’s not returning my calls.”
“It is Christmas Eve. You don’t think she’d be with her family?”
“No, I don’t. She’s had a rough life. She’s not close with her mother and she lost her brother in the war.”
“Oh, that’s awful.”
“Yeah. I might have one idea where she might be…” he said hesitantly.
“Well, go find her.”
“Are you sure? What about opening presents? We haven’t done that yet.”
“Take yours with you. We’ll open ours and call you tomorrow. Maybe come back by, and we’ll have leftovers. I have to be sure you’re eating well,” she teased.
“Hey, I may take you up on that.” He smiled.
“I hope you will. Heaven knows your father and I don’t need all this food, and Anna eats like a bird these days.”
James agreed to stop by the next day for some leftovers and more pie. His mom told him she’d save a piece of French toast for him.
He bent to pick up his presents from under the tree, inhaling the scent of the massive Douglas fir. The tree sat nestled in the corner of the living room, twinkling with hundreds of tiny lights in magical colors. He thought about the measly little desktop tree he’d set on the coffee table in his penthouse.
He hugged everyone and made his way to his car. As he drove, he began wishing he had gotten Marley a real tree.
She’d asked him to go with her to pick out a tree, but he’d been too busy working to find time. Now he wished he had made time. He imagined her face shining in the dim glow of a Christmas tree. She would have loved it. Marley found the greatest pleasures in the simplest of things. He could only imagine how happy a tree would have made her.
Why hadn’t he dropped everything and gotten her one?
Would she be here with him tonight if he had? He doubted it.
The more he thought about Marley and how grateful she was for all the things he’d done for her, the more confused he became. In many ways, she was uncomplicated and easy to please. If all she needed were the simple things in life to make her happy, why had she left him?
As he drove, these questions pinged around in his head.
Chapter Eighteen
Knowing James would be spending Christmas with his family, Marley decided to spend the evening at the only home she knew. The one she shared with James.
She called Ken and asked him to let her know when James left. “I have a surprise for him,” she said. It wasn’t a fib, exactly. I did have a surprise for him. It just didn’t turn out like I’d planned.
Once she got word that James had left the building, Marley came over. She gave Ken a generous Christmas bonus, courtesy of a cash advance from the credit card James had given her, then made her way up to the apartment.
Crossing the threshold, she realized how much she’d
missed the place. She loved living here with James. Yes, this was the perfect place for her to spend Christmas, even if she was alone and would probably be packing her things soon.
She’d figure out the rest later. Her brain was mush from rehashing the situation with James over and over in her mind until she was dizzy from it all. A soothing glass of wine and the crackle of a fire in the fireplace was what she needed. She needed to relax.
A bottle of red wine and a glass in hand, she made a nest for herself on the couch and clicked on the fireplace. Not quite as traditional as a wood-burning fire, but the gas flames were a lot less trouble than climbing to the penthouse with an armload of logs.
Staring into the flames, she thought of Paul. They had always spent Christmas together. A dull ache throbbed in her heart. She would never spend another holiday with her brother. Yesterday, feeling desperate, she’d called her mother. Apparently, Mom had taken up with some boozehound she’d met at the local bar and planned to spend Christmas with him. Marley was all alone.
She had just switched on some holiday music when James walked through the door.
“Marley!?” His voice was a mixture of surprise and elation. He scooped her into his arms, but her body remained stiff.
“Hi, James. I, uh, didn’t think you’d be home.” She shifted uncomfortably in his grasp.
“I was at my parents’ house, but I wasn’t good company so I left. All I could do was think about you. I’m so glad you’re here. I hoped you would be, but I feared it was wishful thinking on my part.”
“Yeah.” She looked away.
He held her by the shoulders. “Marley, what’s wrong? Why haven’t you been returning my calls? Why wouldn’t you see me when I went over to Kimberly’s the other night?”
“I’m sorry, the other day, with Charmaine… it got me so confused. I got so jealous. It tore me up to see you with her.” Tears welled in her eyes. She willed them away.
“But that whole thing was your idea. You instigated it.” He threw his hands in the air. “Why in the world would you do something like that if it was going to upset you so much?”
“I know and I’m sorry. It sounds crazy. The idea came to me because I felt like I could never repay you for all the things you have done for me, all the things you’ve bought for me. I tried to come up with something I could do for you, something I could give you.” She sniffed. “The man who has everything.”
“But Marley, you don’t have to repay me. Not for anything. I do things for you because I care about you, because I want to. Not so you will give me things in return. Your submission is more than enough.” He reached out to stroke her cheek, but she stepped away.
“No, let me finish. I don’t feel like I deserve you. I know the reason I’m here—to be the plaything on your payroll.” He tried to protest, but she held up a hand. “The only thing I know is sex, James. That’s all I have to give—so that’s what I did. Tried to give you the sexual experience all men fantasize about.”
“Thank you, Marley. And it was great. I’m not going to lie. But mostly because having sex with you is always outstanding.”
“What about Charmaine?” she asked.
“What about her?”
“She’s easily the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. She has an insane body. And she’s so charming.” She found a tissue in her purse and blew into it.
“Doll, I hardly noticed Charmaine. I only want you. Surely you know that.” He whisked her into his arms.
Marley gave in and pressed against him, her frame shaking with breath-altering sobs. “This, this relationship or whatever we have, feels so one-sided.” She beat her tiny fists on his broad chest. The force of her blows wavered, the protests of a defeated opponent.
“What we have is a relationship. Why do you say it’s one-sided?”
“Because you have all the money. And I have nothing.”
“Is that what this is about? My money?”
“Partly.”
“I don’t understand. It bothers you that I have money? I thought you liked my money.” He scrunched his face, looking perplexed.
“I guess I do like it, but I don’t like feeling like a whore. It sucks for my self-esteem, and I know you deserve better. You should be with a woman more your class.”
“Oh, Marley. Don’t feel like that. When this first started, I thought it was kinda refreshing that you needed my money, and I needed you. It seemed like a win-win situation. Then I loved seeing how much you joy you got from me taking care of you. There is no shame in wanting to be pampered.”
She pulled away. “Oh yes, there is. Maybe you don’t know, because you’ve never been poor.” She spit out the last word out as if it tasted sour on her tongue.
“Okay, that’s fair. As for class, that’s ridiculous. We don’t have a class system in this country. Hell, if we did I wouldn’t even belong in a lot of the places I go. You are every bit my equal, Marley doll. Why can’t you just enjoy that I’m wealthy, and let me spoil you?”
“Because I have nothing I can give you back and you deserve more. You don’t need to be with a prostitute,” she sniffled.
“First of all, if it wasn’t for that part of your life, I never would have met you. So I don’t regret that. I’m sorry you had to sell yourself. You are better than that, but if you hadn’t gone through that, we might never have met. And that would be a tragedy, my dear. Do you have any idea how amazing you are, Marley? How different you are from anyone I’ve ever known?”
She shook her head.
“Doll, for all the ugliness that you have seen, the hell that you have lived in your short life, you have a bigger love for life than anyone I’ve ever met. I have no idea how you do it, but you can make brushing your teeth seem like a trip to the amusement park. You always have a smile on your face. You find pleasure in the simplest things. As for what you can give me—you give me your submission. I treasure that. Something I take very seriously.”
She eyed him skeptically. “But that’s nothing compared to giving somebody a car.”
“It depends on how you look at it. Marley, cars and clothes—those are just things. Things cannot share a life with me. Things cannot make me happy. And things will not give me companionship when I’m old and gray with a pot belly.”
She smiled in spite of herself. “A pot belly?”
“It’s been known to happen.”
She touched a hand to his taut stomach. “I don’t believe it,” she said, a hint of flirtation creeping into her voice.
He cradled her hand with his. “Marley, there is something you could give me. Something that would mean the world to me. You may not be able to now, but I hope that someday you will.”
“What is that?”
“Your love.”
“My love?”
He grazed her brow with his lips. “Yes. I’ve been meaning to tell you, Marley, but I am not good at discussing my feelings. But yes, doll, I’ve fallen in love with you.”
“You have?” She stood stock still, his words sinking in.
“Yes. I can’t believe you didn’t suspect.” He chuckled.
“Well, I… no. I didn’t. You never want to sleep with me. You always go to your own room after we play. I thought…”
“That’s because I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I asked you for an arrangement and I didn’t want to be presumptuous, to ask more of you than you were comfortable with. I did enjoy that night you came into my room and stayed, but I assumed you only needed the satisfaction I’d denied you earlier.”
“No, James. I wanted you. Not just an orgasm, but you. I love you, too.”
He crushed her to him. “You do? Marley, my doll, you’ve made me incredibly happy.”
She looked up into his brown eyes as his lips descended onto hers. A blissful surge of love filled her heart. She leaned into him, maintaining the soft, warm kiss until James broke away. His eyes shone with a new sparkle. “I almost forgot. I have some presents for you.”
Marley’s hear
t raced and she grinned from ear to ear. “Presents? But I didn’t get you anything.” She considered for a moment. “Except the three-way that I ran out on.”
James went into his room and returned with two beautifully wrapped packages. “Let’s just forget about that. From now on, it’s just you and me in the bedroom. Deal?”
“Deal.” They sealed their pact with a kiss, and he handed her the gifts.
“Will we sleep in the same bedroom?” she asked.
“If you like,” he said.
“I would love that, Daddy. I get lonely sleeping all by myself.” She pouted.
“Good to know.” He tapped his chin. “When you are a good little girl, you may sleep in Daddy’s room. And you will have to pay for running out on me. Don’t think you’re going to get away with that. But since it is Christmas, I’ll give you a punishment holiday. You can make up for it later.”
“Thank you, Daddy.” Marley tossed the black ribbon aside and ripped into the cream-colored paper. Inside she found a small rectangular box. Opening it, she discovered a black circular necklace. Fashioned of the most supple of leathers, it had a ring on one side and a small silver heart on the other. She looked at him quizzically.
“It’s a collar.”
“A collar?” She tried to remember what he’d said about collars.
“Yes. I’d like you to wear it. It will mean you are my little girl and that I am your daddy. In the BDSM world it’s a symbol of commitment. It means you are mine.”
Her heart leapt at the idea of belonging to him. There was nothing she wanted more. All the blood seemed to rush to her head and she experienced a tingle between her legs. Overcome with emotion, she didn’t trust herself to speak, so she simply nodded her assent.
James fastened the collar around her neck and watched her open the other present. A pair of jet-black fishnet stockings. He laughed. “Okay. Those are really for me.”
“I love them, Daddy. Super sexy.” She raised an eyebrow. Then repeated how she wished she’d gotten him something.
“Hey, the last gift you got me caused us both a lot of trouble.” He pinched her cheek. “I think you should leave the gift giving to Daddy.”
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