“It’s been a long day,” she said.
“A week at least.”
She smiled again, then grew serious. “Our living together--it could become--awkward.”
Was she looking for an excuse to back away again? Or was she giving him an opportunity to do the same? He turned on his side to face her and tamped down the old feelings of pain and abandonment. “If you let every difficulty keep you from reaching for what you want, Zoe, you’ll never truly live.”
“I was thinking of you.” She ran her fingertips along his shoulder, her eyes tracking the movement. Her light, caressing touch raced through him to the bottoms of his feet. She focused on his face, her eyes dark, her pupils nearly swallowing the pale blue irises. Her voice sounded husky as she said, “Turn out the light.”
His heart stuttered then beat hard against his ribs. He leaned back and extinguished the bedside lamp. For a moment, the darkness was profound until his eyes adjusted to it.
She kissed him, her lips parted in invitation. All the nights he had lain awake, craving her, rolled over him like a tank. With a groan, part relief, part need, he crushed her close. Hungrily, greedily, he tasted her passion in the eager sweep of her tongue against his, and in the way she molded herself against him.
His hand shook as he ran it up beneath her t-shirt. Her skin felt like warm silk, her breast full and soft. Her nipple beaded beneath his palm and she groaned. He wished he could see her expression as he touched her. He strived to be gentle, but felt starved for her touch, for the feel of her body against his own.
He tugged her t-shirt upward and she wiggled free of it and pressed her breasts against his chest. Her bare skin brushing against his felt like heaven. When he rolled on top of her, positioning himself between her legs, she slid her hands down his back, cupped his buttocks, and rocked against his erection in a way that nearly sent him over the edge. He had to slow things down. But sweet Jesus, he didn’t want to. He slid downward, latched onto her nipple, and sucked.
Zoe’s breathing caught and she thrust her fingers into his hair. The sweet, empty ache inside her grew with every touch, every kiss, until she thought she might fly apart at any moment. She couldn’t touch him enough, couldn’t get close enough. His lips against her stomach, his breath on her skin, his tongue dipping into her navel, all had her nearly sobbing with need. When he dragged the sweat pants and panties down her legs, she couldn’t wait to be free of them.
Then he was on top of her, kissing her, trembling against her as he touched her between her legs, his fingers so wonderfully, carefully gentle. That he trembled with wanting her fired her blood and made the empty, writhing need inside her grow in intensity.
She ran her hand down his chest, over the flat muscular plane of his stomach and beneath his shorts. The size and heat of his erection was both startling and arousing. He groaned her name, his voice a low rumble against her ear that vibrated along her nerve endings and raised goose bumps on her skin.
“Come inside me,” she managed, the words a breathy, pleading whisper.
He shook free of his sweats, and leaned over her to reach in the nightstand. The wispy crackle as he tore open the condom sounded loud, underlining the huge, terrifying, wonderful step she was taking, they were taking. With his first push of entry, the sweet intimacy between them caught at Zoe’s heart and she drew him down to her, her lips seeking his. The wanting, the needing, tangled into a surge of love and desire so strong she could barely breathe. The quick burning pain of his possession seemed nothing compared to the closeness she shared with him.
“God, Zoe, tell me I’m not hurting you.” His lips skimmed her cheek, her brow, and came back to her lips.
“You’re not.” Not yet. She cut off the thought and ran her hands up and down his back urging him closer. He moved deep inside her, triggering an answering thread of renewed need. He groaned her name again, his voice ragged. His slow, gentle rocking movements quickened. She clung to him and turned her lips against his throat, tasting the heat of his skin. She lost herself in the play of his muscles beneath her hands, and the damp brush of his taut belly against hers. Her breathing grew labored as she gave herself to him, moved with him, moved against him. At the first pulsing wave of his release, pleasure erupted inside her, so sweetly satisfying, she gasped his name.
****
When his breathing had returned to normal, Hawk searched for and found Zoe’s lips. “The next time we do this the light stays on,” he said, his tone adamant as he slowly eased out of her though he was reluctant to move.
Her hands ran up and down his back in a caress. “Maybe.”
“No maybes. I want to see you when I touch you next time, Zoe.”
“Maybe we can work our way up to that, a little at a time.”
“You just trusted me enough to make love with you. How can you do that, and not trust me enough to let me see you while I’m doing it?”
“In the dark, I can be as beautiful as any other woman for you.”
Pain grabbed him by the throat. “Oh baby---” He rested his cheek against hers and swallowed against it. “You are beautiful, Zoe. Every time you walk into a room, I get hard. I’ve been going around for weeks in that condition.”
“I have too, I mean, not hard, but, you know.” Her voice was just above a whisper. Her lips parted and warm touched his shoulder.
An instant response shot through him and he turned his lips to hers. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.”
He eased away from her and off the bottom of the bed. Closing the bathroom door, he turned on the light and moved to the toilet to discard the condom. He froze. “Oh, shit.” A dropping sensation hit his stomach worse than a three thousand foot parachute jump. As the prophylactic hit the water, he drew several steadying breaths, a thousand thoughts and emotions bombarding him as he watched the useless thing circle the toilet bowl and disappear down the drain.
He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door, leaving the light on. She had gotten under the covers, and as he crossed the threshold, she drew the sheet up over her breasts. Two long steps put him at the foot of the bed. The pale light from the bathroom etched one side of her face and shoulder, leaving the rest in shadow. She looked so young, so small. Responsibility lay like a weight upon his shoulders. “We have a problem, Zoe.”
CHAPTER 14
“Are you on the pill?”
Hawk’s face was in shadow and she couldn’t read his expression, but his tone held a note of--forced calm.
“No, I’m not.”
“The condom broke, Zoe.”
She stared at him, trying to take in what he’d said. Shock hit her and her facial muscles stiffened. She struggled to control her scattered thoughts and count days. “I think it will be all right. But I guess, if we’re going to do more of this, I’d better call in the morning and see about some kind of backup birth control.”
“Jesus--” He rubbed both hands over his short hair. “I’m sorry, honey.”
She swallowed as the bathroom light played upon his long lean body, highlighting the muscles of his stomach, and the precarious grip the towel held on his hips. Even with anxiety still curling her toes, she wanted him all over again.
Completely unself-conscious, He whipped the towel free and climbed into bed. “You don’t have to worry about diseases or anything. We get checked out all the time. And I don’t take chances.” He gathered her close. “Nothing like this has ever happened before.”
“You don’t have to worry either.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
Heat flared in her face when he continued to look at her. “I just haven’t met anyone I’ve wanted to--“She searched for the right words.
Hawk had no such trouble. “Lower the barriers for?”
“I guess you could put it that way. There was only one other time.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of pressure and responsibility you just dumped on me, along with a pretty big compliment.”
She chuckled. “I’m
sure you can handle it.”
“Will you tell me what the guy in college did?”
Her stomach muscles tightened. She wasn’t ready to share one of the most degrading moments of her life. “Why? There’s nothing that can be changed about it.”
“Because it’s important to the way you are with me now, Zoe.”
Surprised by his pushing for more, instead of the reverse, she remained silent. Was she ready for the emotional intimacy he was shooting for? She didn’t know. She turned on her side and guided his arm around her waist. Hawk slipped his arm beneath her neck and tucked his legs beneath hers, his body, adamantly male, molding to hers from behind. She caught her breath at the instant shock of desire that pulsed through her.
Silence settled between them. Unable to relax, she caressed his arm with her fingertips. She couldn’t share the whole terrible, embarrassing, painful story. “Once he saw my scars, he couldn’t--function.” Her voice came out just above a whisper around the knot in her throat.
His lips moved against her shoulder. “If a few scars could make such a difference in the way he felt, he didn’t deserve you, Zoe.”
“You haven’t seen them yet. You may feel the same.”
“We can find out right now,” he started to rise.
She grabbed his arm. “Not yet, Hawk.”
He subsided. “It isn’t going to happen. Trust me, Zoe.”
She drew a deep breath. She had trusted him enough to make love with him. Why couldn’t he be satisfied with that like other men would be?
“You’re not going to chicken out on our date this weekend are you?”
“No.” She’d resigned herself to his seeing everything this weekend. But, it was going to be hard. Really hard.
“It’s only two days.”
“Are you trying to pick a fight?”
“No.”
“Then, give it a rest.”
He chuckled and the sound vibrated against her back.
“All right. I’d rather make love with you than war.” His hand cupped the lower half of her abdomen and he nuzzled her neck. “It feels good to hold you like this, Zoe.”
Desire swept through her and she placed her hand over his. Her voice a husky whisper, she said,” It feels good to be held.”
She turned to face him. The pale yellow light touched the ridge of his brow, the slope of his nose, but she couldn’t see his eyes clearly, or their expression. His hand swept down her back to cup her buttocks and guide her against him. His fingers lingered on the ridge of a scar on her backside and she held her breath as he traced its rectangular shape.
“Did you know in some African cultures they mark their bodies with scars because they believe it shows courage?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“They also believe it adds to their beauty, and in certain areas of the body, it enhances sexual pleasure.”
His fingertip continued to caress the ridge sending prickles of awareness down over the curve of her bottom right to the very core of her. Her heart beat so fast she couldn’t catch her breath. “Are you just shining me on, Lieutenant Yazzie?” she managed as she stroked his back.
“No, I’m not.” He kissed her, the pressure of his lips soft, tempting. “I’ll never lie to you, Zoe.” His erection rested against the inside of her thigh as he pushed closer. “Does it feel like I’m lying to you?”
“No,” she said in a tone strangled by renewed need. She molded the soft curve of her belly to the muscular tautness of his and drew his lips back to hers.
He turned pressing her back on the mattress and every inch of his long torso aligned with hers. She caught her breath as the course hair on his chest rubbed her breasts and the tempting length of his erection brushed against her intimately.
“I’ve been lying here every night since you moved in, wanting you and feeling guilty,” he said as his lips caressed the underside of her jaw.
“Why guilty?” She ran her fingers over the short hair at his nape.
“It’s a matter of trust, Zoe.” He drew back to look down at her.
She traced one high cheekbone with her thumb. She wanted him. Now that she had finally taken this step, she refused to allow her family to interfere with that. “I trust you to take care of me, in every way.”
He groaned and kissed her hard. “You know what I’m talking about,” he said, his breathing unsteady.
“I’m not thinking about anything but you and me right now. My family has no place in this bed between us.” She traced the curve of his ear with her tongue. He shuddered and rocked against her.
“Your mom will take one look at us and know, Zoe. Moms have a sixth sense about these things.”
“My sex life is none of her business,” she whispered and blew in his ear.
He turned his lips to hers, the sweep of his tongue hot and torrid. “I’ll lock up the firearms, just in case.” He breathed as his body once again took possession of hers.
****
“I’m fine, Mom,” Zoe said as she cradled the phone between her shoulder and ear. She tugged at the knot in her shoestring. I made love with Hawk and it was more than I ever expected. That was probably more information than her mother would ever want to know. She dropped the shoe on the floor and sat down on the couch.
“And Brett?”
“They’re trying another medication tomorrow or actually adding another medication to the one he’s on. His heart rate is remaining steady and his blood pressure. He’s turned over on his own once, so I’m hopeful he’s close to waking up.” Please God!
“And Hawk?”
“He’s fine, Mom. He’s taking me parasailing tomorrow.”
“Don’t you have to do that on the water?”
“Yes. I’ll have to wear a bathing suit.”
Her mother’s silence stretched across the distance. “How do you feel about that, Zoe?”
She chose her words carefully. She wasn’t ashamed of having a relationship with Hawk. But she didn’t want her mother to think he had waited for her to leave to move in on her daughter either. That wasn’t the way it was at all.
“I’m a little---nervous about him seeing my leg. I don’t want him to pity me or go all super protective.”
Clara chuckled. “He’s taking his job to look out for you seriously, huh?”
She turned to look at Hawk as he entered the living room. “Yes, he is.” God, she sounded sappy.
His white t-shirt stretched across his chest, delineating the contour of the muscles there. He paused at a table just inside the front door and picked up his wallet and change. Khaki shorts hugged his taut waist and sculpted buttocks in just the right way. Looking over his shoulder at her as he stuffed his wallet in his back pocket, he caught her watching him. His pale gray eyes focused on her with a look that left her tingling and breathless.
“He’s been staying at the hospital with me.” Just in case something bad or good happens. She swallowed against the sudden tightening of her throat. “And we’ve been doing some remodeling here at the house. We’ve almost finished the rec room walls. Some of the team came over and helped us hang the sheetrock.”
“Zoe---” Her mother’s tone stopped her breathless rush of words.
She placed a hand against her midriff where her heart had fallen. Her mother knew. She had never been able to hide anything from her. Something in her tone had made it all clear as glass. She swallowed. “Yes.”
“Be careful, honey.”
All the concern and unconditional love expressed in those three words had her eyes stinging. “I’m--I will, Mom.”
“I’d like to speak to Hawk.” Clara’s tone changed just as quickly to protective mom mode. Zoe had heard it before.
Tempted to tell her he wasn’t available, she stalled instead. “How are Sharon and Katie Beth? How are both of them doing with the new baby?”
“Sharon’s doing well after the surgery. She’s been a little weepy but she’s doing well and Katie Beth’s in little momma mode right no
w. How long that will last, none of us knows. She doesn’t like diaper time at all.”
Zoe laughed. “And Ali Marie?”
“Growing like a weed and eating well. She gets up twice a night, so right now none of us are getting much sleep, but that will change soon enough. She’s a beautiful baby. She looks a lot like you did. Now quit stalling and hand the phone to Hawk.”
Zoe bit back an oath and motioned to Hawk. Biting her lip she handed him the receiver, then watched his expression. His yes and no answers gave her no clue what her mother was saying, nor did his expression. He hung up and his lips quirked upward.
“What did she say?”
“She just wanted to be certain I was going to look out for you on the water.”
“She knows.”
“If she does, she didn’t say anything to me.” He tugged her close and brushed her lips with his own. He smelled of soap, toothpaste, and a woodsy scented cologne mixed with his own clean scent.
His hair was still damp from his shower as she smoothed the dark strands with her fingertips.
“Besides, you said last night you weren’t going to let your family interfere with our being together.”
“I’m not.”
“Then what are you all worked up about?”
What was she worked up about? Was she worried her mother would be disappointed in her for sleeping with Hawk? Or was she more worried about her saying something to him about it? The latter, definitely.
“My family is way too protective of me. I don’t want them giving you a hard time if or when they find out we’re sleeping together. I’m not really worried about anything they might say to me.”
“I’m a big boy, Zoe. You don’t have to run interference for me.” His hand caressed the rounded curve of her buttocks.
She tiptoed to better mold her small frame against him.
“But it sure feels good when you’re covering me,” He murmured against her ear, his warm breath making her shiver. He dipped his head to kiss her again and for a moment she forgot everything but the pleasure he gave her each time he kissed her.
“I have to meet Derrick in fifteen minutes. When’s your doctor’s appointment?” he asked, his tone husky, his gray eyes alight with feelings.
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