Breaking Free

by Teresa Reasor

  “You could turn it over to NCIS and let them follow the insurance fraud trail. There has to be a trail of some kind.”

  “Greenback said he and Brett were arguing about something and Flash told him to mind his own business. I think Brett was trying to talk to him about this. That’s complete conjecture on my part, but the whole thing fits.”

  Flash was the one who’d attacked her that night. She flinched away from the thought. “He invited me to go to Vegas with him after the break in. Why would he do that?”

  Hawk froze and his gaze searched her face. ”A guilty conscience. He probably never expected you to show up here. What were the odds?”

  Was that why he had told her about Hawk’s mother as well? She looked up to find Hawk watching her.

  “You didn’t go?” he asked.

  “No. Of course not. Brett was waiting for his release from the hospital and they hadn’t settled on the exact day. I didn’t want to leave him.” And she hadn’t wanted to leave in case Hawk came to her.

  “Was that the only reason?”

  Zoe slid one of the drawers more firmly shut. “No, you know it wasn’t.” Her voice dwindled away.

  When he reached for her, she hadn’t the will or the desire to resist. For countless moments, Hawk studied her features one-by-one with a look of such raw desire it stole her breath.

  “What we have isn’t a fling, Zoe.”

  “No.” She couldn’t bear it. She had to touch him. She cupped his face in her hands.

  His pale gray eyes took on a feverish hue. He pulled her close and buried his face against her throat. “After the way I treated you---I don’t deserve another chance.”

  “You can’t keep punishing yourself for what happened with your mother.” She breathed in the scent of his skin and smoothed the thick hair at the back of his head. “You taught me how to break free of the past and reach for the things I want. Now it’s time you allowed yourself to do the same.”

  His arms tightened around her almost painfully. “I want you, Zoe.”

  Emotions coiled tight inside her released.

  He pressed his lips to hers, their pressure harsh with need. His arms loosened, and as his tongue found hers, the kiss became, by degrees, more tender. Zoe ran her hands beneath the t-shirt he wore to stroke his back. The thrusting pressure of his arousal pushed against her.

  A high-pitched ring tone cut through her desire laden concentration. Breathing hard, Hawk drew back to remove the cell phone hooked to the waistband of his cut offs. He flipped the phone open and identified himself in a brusque tone. The look on his face triggered knots of anxious tension along her shoulders, and her arms tightened.

  “What is it?” she asked as soon as he hung up.

  “We’ve been called up. I have to report to duty right away.”

  ****

  How did the married members of the teams do this? Five years had dulled the memory of what it was like to walk away from a loved one for him. A week without seeing Zoe had seemed an eternity. How was he supposed to endure six months, or longer?

  The other members of his team, including Flash, had already bugged out. Weighted down with gear, Langley strode through the living room and out the front door. Trish and his three children followed close behind. Cutter slapped Hawk’s back as he meandered through in their wake and walked outside.

  Hawk pressed a house key into Zoe’s hand. “Try and convince Cutter to move into the house with you. There’s more room there and I’d feel better knowing you were sleeping in a bed rather than on his couch. The utilities and things come out of the bank at the first of each month. And the car will be there in case you need it.”

  “Brett may not agree to that.” Her eyes looked dark against a face pale with stress, but she hadn’t cried.

  “Sleep in my room. If I can think of you there, it will make me feel closer to you.” He swallowed though he hadn’t enough saliva in his mouth to do so.

  She nodded. “I will.”

  Jesus. Why hadn’t he fallen at her feet and told her what a fool he’d been? “There’s not enough time for me to say the things I want to, Zoe.”

  “I know.”

  “I’ll email or call as soon as I can. If you don’t hear from me right away, don’t worry.”

  She nodded.

  He grasped her hands and bent his head to kiss each one. His throat ached. “You’ll be careful.”

  “I’ll be fine.” Her arms went around his neck. “Do whatever you have to to come home, Adam. No matter what it takes. Okay?”

  “No matter what it takes.” His arms tightened. The curve of her breasts pushed into his ribs, as she tiptoed to align her body with his. He breathed in the vanilla scent of her shampoo then drew back to look down at her. She shed no tears, but the struggle to suppress them showed in the careful composure of her features.

  “It’s only six months, maybe less.” Was he reassuring her or himself? “We can call, email. Hell, I’ll even write.”

  She nodded again.

  He kissed her once, twice. His chest tightened painfully, his gut tangled with emotions stronger than any he’d ever known.

  “Will you wait for me, Zoe?”

  “You know I will.” Her voice sounded choked.

  “Hawk, man, we got to go,” Langley spoke from the door.

  “I’m coming.” God, he didn’t want to. He pressed his lips against her forehead then drew away. “I love you.” The words sounded as choked as hers. He swallowed in an effort to clear his throat of the softball size knot there.

  Her composure slipped, and her eyes grew glazed with tears. “I love you, too.”

  “You don’t have to come outside.”

  “I’m coming.”

  Trish and the children huddled in a tight knot close to Langley’s car. The girls, Anna and Jessica, clung to Trish. Tad stood a little apart, his thin shoulders hunched.

  Hawk waited until Lang had embraced Trish and the children before doing so himself.

  Brett shook the hand he extended, his features taut. “Watch your six, LT.”

  “Roger that. Watch over your sister for me.”

  “Consider it done.”

  Zoe stood at the car. Once again she’d managed to compose herself. “I can take care of myself.”

  Her tone brought a smile to his lips. “I know. He’s going to have a hard time adjusting to not being with his unit, Zoe.”

  She gave a brief nod. “I know. He’ll be back soon.”

  Hawk embraced her one last time. “I’ll call as soon as I can.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  His lips clung to hers. If only this kiss didn’t have to end--If he didn’t have to quit holding her-- He got into the car and started it. Putting it in gear and pulling away was one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

  CHAPTER 26

  Brett tossed the remote control onto the coffee table. “I can’t stand this one minute longer, Zoe.”

  Zoe drew a deep breath. She didn’t want to go where he was leading the conversation. She had to get him out of the house or he’d explode and she’d have to respond to that and she’d end up in tears. They’d both end up feeling bad. “Why don’t we go for a drive? We’ll go to the beach and you can get some sun.”

  “God damn it! It’s been two days, Zo.” He rubbed his hand over his head, roughing up his fine blond hair and then fingering the scar on his scalp left from the surgery.

  “Tell me where you want to go, Brett, and I’ll drive you.”

  “It isn’t that. It isn’t about that. It’s about you. I love you. You know I do. And Hawk is one of the best friends I’ve ever had. But seeing you like this, watching you pace the floors and--grieve---”

  Zoe slumped into one of the dark blue chairs. Worry weighed on her like an anchor, dragging her down, and draining her reserves. She’d tried to hide the worst of it from him, but evidently she’d wasted her time, he knew her too well.

  “Do you think it’s any easier when it’s you, Brett?�
��

  “Jesus, Zo. I don’t want to hear about it. If you tell me, I’ll think about it and it will make it---We try not to think about how you guys feel. Hell, how we feel. If we did, we wouldn’t be able to do what we do.”

  “Compartmentalize.” The word sounded so cold. Hawk and her brother were anything but that.

  “Yeah. Thinking too much can get you killed.”

  Doc’s agony over his girlfriend and what he’d viewed as his failure came to mind. “I hope Hawk doesn’t think of me for even a moment then.”

  A frown creased his forehead and bracketed his mouth. “You always said you’d never marry a guy in uniform.”

  “Things change when you care about someone.”

  “Jesus, it’s weird. You slept with my boss. What were you thinking, Zoe?”

  That I’d finally found someone who could love me despite my flaws and imperfections. Brett’s deprecating tone made what they’d had sound cheap. Hot color stormed her cheeks and her anger ignited. “Are you being an asshole because you’re upset about that, or because you’re bored and just want a fight?”

  His mouth fell open then he laughed. He leaned back and tilted his head back against the top of the chair. “All right-all right. I’m bored out of my skull.” He rubbed the top of his head again, making his hair stand up. “But it’s more than that and you know it.” His brows furrowed. “I should be with them, Zo.”

  “You will be soon.” She picked up the stack of photos with labels stuck to the back. “Let’s work on your cards,” she suggested. She had been over the photos so many times she could recite the names of the weapons in the pictures herself. Learning about the weapons and equipment had helped alleviate some of her anxiety.

  She held up the first one.

  “Nine millimeter Sig Sauer handgun,” Brett said.

  She raised the next one.

  “Closed Circuit Daegar UBA.”

  Reaching the twenty-fifth card she paused as he hit a blank spot. Zoe watched as his eyes narrowed in concentration.

  “M-m-m 88 sniper rifle,” he said. He looked away but not before she saw the fear in his eyes.

  “What does UBA stand for?” she asked so he wouldn’t have time to dwell on the stumble.

  “Underwater Breathing Apparatus.” He shot her an impatient look. “Don’t humor me, Zo.”

  “I’m not. I just think you should concentrate on how much you’ve accomplished in the three weeks you’ve been out of the coma and not dwell on these little glitches. Think of your brain as a computer. And you’re running a program that still has a few bugs to work out.”

  His jaw tightened. “Bugs huh?”

  “That sounds creepy, doesn’t it? Bugs in your brain,” Zoe wrinkled her nose. ”Ewww---”

  Brett rose and moved to the couch to sit next to her. “I know I’m being a pain the ass. I just can’t seem to get past this. And not being able to remember what happened doesn’t help any.”

  From her own experience, it was better that he couldn’t remember. Especially if it had been, in some part, caused by one of his teammates. “Lots of people don’t remember the moment they suffer a trauma, Brett. It wouldn’t help you heal any faster even if you could.” She stacked up the cards and set them aside.

  Brett laid a hand on her arm, and she glanced up. A look passed between them and she knew he was remembering the flashbacks and nightmares she had suffered. She returned to their conversation. “Maybe the doctor will release you to take a class on post. You could take one you’ve already aced and review, and test yourself. You only seem to have problems with picture identification. You know what each thing is used for and how to use it. You just stumble over the name. That will come back once you’ve imprinted that information back into your memory.”

  “I suppose so. I just can’t afford for this thing to linger on, Zo. I need to be on top of things so I can return to my unit.”

  He put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him and hugged him tight.

  Even after being in a coma, he wanted to go back. Why? Why would he want to put himself in harm’s way again?

  She wanted him to get better, but if he got better he’d be sent back overseas. If he didn’t get better he’d lose a part of himself, a sense of his worth. She’d felt less than worthy for so long. She didn’t want that for her brother.

  He had to make his own way, whether it put him in danger or not. She had to accept his decisions, just as she had to accept Hawk’s. “I understand,” she murmured her arms tightening around him. Pain sparked a need for Brett’s comfort, as much as he needed hers.

  “I know you do. I’m sorry I’m being a pain in the ass.” Brett brushed her forehead with a brotherly kiss and gave her a squeeze. “How about you take me to the base so I can do some target practice? Maybe I’ll work off some of the mad I’ve got going if I shoot something.”

  There was only so much she could do for him. He had to work things out for himself. And shooting wasn’t so physically taxing he’d wear himself out. “All right. Call the base and schedule it and I’ll take you.”

  An hour later, Zoe pulled into the parking lot he directed her to in front of the shooting range. Brett got out and she dipped her head to watch him as he walked around the car and paused at the driver’s window.

  “I’m trusting you with my baby,” he teased as he patted the side of the candy apple red Mustang.

  Zoe rolled her eyes. “Men and their toys. Call me when you need a ride home.”

  “I may be able to catch a ride. I’ll call you and let you know.”

  “I’d rather you called me, Brett.”

  A smile crept across his face. “All right, Mom.” Shaking his head he turned and walked down the concrete sidewalk toward a group of buildings, a navy blue gym bag swinging in his grip.

  Zoe turned to back the car out and her cell phone rang. She put the car back in park and rifled through her purse for the phone.

  “Hey, Zoe,” Marjorie’s voice came across sounding strained. “Would you have time to meet me for lunch?”

  “Sure, I can do that. I’m on North Island and it might take a few minutes. Where would you like to eat?”

  “I’ll meet you half way.” Marjorie named a seafood restaurant close by. Zoe grabbed a notepad from her purse and wrote down the directions.

  It took only fifteen minutes to reach the place. It was early and the restaurant had plenty of empty tables. Zoe paused at the hostess’s desk to allow her eyes to adjust to the change in light. Marjorie, her face partially obscured by sunglasses, rose from her seat in the corner and motioned to her.

  A sinking sensation struck her midriff. Something had happened.

  A waitress preceded Zoe to the table and, after she was seated, gave her a menu.

  “Thank you for coming, Zoe.” Marjorie’s hands shook as she rearranged the candle, a glass dish lined with packets of sweetener, and the salt and pepper shakers.

  “I just dropped Brett off at the base, so I was free.”

  “I’m leaving Derrick.”

  Relief and sadness tangled together inside Zoe and she reached for Marjorie’s hand. “He’s hit you again, hasn’t he?”

  “Yes.” Marjorie’s hands clenched into fists on the tabletop.

  “I’m so sorry. Do you need me to take you to a doctor?”

  “No, I just---I need---” Her lips trembled and it was several moment before she regained her composure. She clung to Zoe’s hand, her grip almost painful.

  “I’m afraid to go home and get my things,” she said.

  Why would she be afraid, he was gone wasn’t he? “He shipped out yesterday with his unit, didn’t he?”

  “Yes, but he came home sometime this morning. It was some kind of homeland security thing he couldn’t tell me about. They flew back this morning.”

  Why hadn’t Hawk called her? Was something wrong? Zoe’s anxiety spiked and she bit her lip. She dragged her attention back to Marjorie when she spoke.

  “I went over to a
girlfriend’s house to spend the night. I was upset about him going wheels up.” Marjorie’s lips quivered. “When he came home and I wasn’t there---He met me at the door when I came in at eight to get ready for work---”

  “You don’t need to go back to the apartment without police protection. I know you don’t want to report this, but you really need to take out a restraining order and have him picked up, just to be sure. The police will call Derrick’s commanding officer and have him detained there if he’s on post.”

  Marjorie nodded. “Will you come with me?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “I love him so much, Zoe. But I’ve been so afraid.”

  Zoe moved to sit next to Marjorie and placed an arm around her. Marjorie trembled against her. Anger built inside Zoe in a wave. Damn Derrick Armstrong for doing this. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. Do you think you can eat something, or would you rather go to the police station now?”

  “I don’t think I could eat anything. You’ll stay with me, won’t you?”

  The fear in the woman’s voice, the way she trembled, triggered feelings of pity and protectiveness. “Yes, I will.”

  The waitress returned with filled water glasses to take their order just as she and Marjorie got to their feet.

  “My friend is feeling ill and we’re going to have to leave,” Zoe said.

  “Oh. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “No, we’ll be okay.”

  Zoe gathered her purse from the back of her chair and slung it over her shoulder. She looped her arm through Marjorie’s and guided her out of the restaurant. “You can leave your car here in the parking lot. We’ll come back for it after we go to the police station.”

  “All right.” Marjorie began to cry. Zoe hunted for some tissue in her purse and handed it to her. She got Marjorie settled in the car and went around and got in. Murmuring words of encouragement and comfort, she pulled into traffic and turned onto Broadway where she knew police headquarters was located.

  ****

  Hawk swore beneath his breath as he hung up the phone. Damn, Flash. He’d gone AWOL before they’d reported for the shortest deployment on record. He’d either known he was suspicious, or something had happened to him.