Because it’s not Sergei. It’s Jack.
***
“Jack!” I scream, running up and giving him an overzealous hug. He looks a bit taken aback. I never greet him like this, but I’m just so shocked and thrilled to see him, I don’t think I can hold back even if I tried.
“Hi kiddo,” my dad says, clearing his throat. I run to hug him and my mom, who is holding flowers for me. “Fifth best in the country!”
“We were going to see if you wanted to get something to eat tonight, but we understand if you want to celebrate with friends,” my mom says with a knowing wink. “We’ll just do breakfast in the morning.”
“Yeah, anything sounds good, breakfast is good,” I respond, flustered. My parents congratulate Emerson and Ruby while Jack gives me another hug.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I say shyly, not wanting to pull away. “I wanna know all about San Francisco.”
Jack laughs. “Please, tonight is all about you. But I did win a prize at the workshop…a thousand bucks for a programming contest. The second I got home I had my parents book a flight.”
“Wow. That’s…no one’s ever done anything like that for me. Congrats on the contest.”
“Thanks.”
We stand awkwardly for a minute, watching my parents and teammates continue with the formalities. Ruby turns to say hi to Jack, I introduce him to Emerson, and we all stand in a little huddle until Ruby decides it’s time to break things up.
“I know this hallway is a magical place, but I’m gonna change,” Ruby announces. “As much as I love wearing a leotard for hours on end, if I don’t change soon I’m going to need it surgically removed from my butt.”
“Lovely,” Emerson groans. “I’m going too. Nice meeting you, Jack. Goodnight, everyone.”
“Tell me all about this whole Jack thing later,” Ruby whispers as she walks to our room, winking.
“We’ll leave you kids to it,” my dad says, leading my mom down toward the elevator. “I’m so proud of you, Mal. See you for breakfast in the morning?” I nod, and they leave.
“So,” Jack starts. “It’s so weird talking to you right now.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” he laughs nervously. “Maybe because we’re having a conversation in the middle of a hotel hallway.”
“Whenever I watch movies where the characters are being awkward and stupid because they have feelings for each other, I always get so annoyed. Like, wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone could just say how they felt and didn’t drag things out? 90 percent of movies wouldn’t exist if people were just honest from the start. I like you, you like me, bam, let’s get married, or I like you, you don’t like me, too bad, onto the next one, you know?”
“We’re being weird because we are afraid to say we like each other?” he asks, his eyes meeting mine for a split second before darting away.
“I mean, in general, not like…” I am hardcore blushing, trying to get myself out of this until I realize there’s no point. I’d just be going against everything I literally just said. “No, screw it. I’m sick of skirting around everything and being shy and not saying what’s on my mind. I think the video you made was one of the best things anyone has ever done for me and maybe I never saw you as anything more than a friend until that moment because I’m oblivious and blind because you’re like one of the only good guys in the world, but the fact is I like you a lot and please say something because I’m babbling and don’t know what else to say.”
Jack bites his lip. “It’s about time.”
“About time what?”
“I’ve only had a crush on you since kindergarten.”
“You did not.”
“Remember when we were five and in your backyard with that kid who used to live down the street?”
“No?”
“Well, a gigantic bee was swarming around all of us. You and that kid, I can’t even remember his name, were trying to be really tough saying you weren’t afraid of bees but I was terrified and wanted to get the hell out of there. The other kid kept trying to impress you by going near the hive. He even told you he was friends with them and he had pet bees at home. Seriously, what a douche. Eventually a million bees started swarming, and I pulled you away and pushed you to the ground and covered you and I ended up getting stung but you were fine and you kept saying I saved your life.”
“How do you remember this?!”
“It’s the first time I felt, like, wow, here’s someone not in my family and I love her,” he kind of mumbles. “Obviously love back then had a different meaning, but I can’t remember ever not having a crush on you.”
My mind feels like it’s been put through a blender. How is it possible I’ve missed ten years of signs and signals and clues into his affection? Gymnastics, that’s how. I’ve been so obsessed with this sport and my career, my training, my competitions, my preparation…when I look at where I am right now, two months away from the Olympics with a realistic chance at making the team, I don’t regret any of the sacrifices or choices I’ve made. But I do feel tremendous guilt for ignoring the people in my life who matter.
“Jack…”
“Listen,” he exhales. “I don’t know a lot about sports but I know how important it is for you to make it to the Olympics. I know how hard you’ve worked. I’m not like that asshole Max who thinks girls should drop what they love for a guy. But I do like you a lot, so…do what you want with that info.”
“Jack,” I start again. “I like you a lot, and it’s super new for me. And yeah, I’m trying to make it to Rio and I have finals next week and there’s so much to think about and I can’t handle it all at once. You’re like the only constant in my life and I need you to be my friend, the way we’ve always been friends.”
“I get it,” he sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel like…”
“You didn’t make me feel like anything. I like you all on my own. And even though I’m not ready for a relationship or dating or anything right now, I want ‘someday’ to be a possibility.”
“Yeah,” he smiles. “Someday. Take your time. I’ve waited ten years. I think I can wait two more months.”
We’re silent for a minute, watching a couple walk arm in arm back to their room, so in love they’re oblivious to everyone around them.
“I better go,” Jack bites his lip. “I gotta get back to my roommates. Your parents.”
“That sounds creepy.”
“They’re treating me like a son. So, yeah, if we do become something someday, I guess it is pretty creepy.”
I giggle, we share another quiet moment, and I take out my key to swipe into my room. “Goodnight, Jack.”
“Bye, Mal. Congrats again.” He disappears down the hallway, and I wait until he’s gone before I push into my room. Ruby’s sprawled on her bed in jeans and a white tank top, a giant grin on her face.
“You guys lovebirds yet? I’ve been waiting years for this day.”
“How is it that even you knew before me? You, my parents, Jack, obviously…”
“You may seem mature in many ways, young Mal, but in other ways you’re ten years old,” she smiles. “No offense. But yeah, you’re pretty clueless. It’s okay. It’s cute. You’re getting there. So what happened?”
“Nothing, really. Just…we talked. I’m tired,” I yawn, trying to emphasize my point, even though I know I probably won’t get much sleep tonight. Silly brain. “Can we talk about it tomorrow? I need to go to bed. Who schedules a national team meeting at 8 a.m.?!”
“Chill. We’ll talk tomorrow. I’m gonna go get a snack or something…you want something before bed?”
I shake my head. “I’m gonna start packing.”
“K, I’ll be back in a bit.”
She leaves, so naturally, that’s when I realize I’m hella thirsty. I grab a few stray dollar bills, run to the door, and look toward the elevator hoping to catch her, but she’s not there and I’m too lazy to
go downstairs. I’ll drink from the sink.
When I turn around to go back in, I spot her standing outside of another hotel room. I hold my breath, 99% certain of what I’m about to see, but a tiny part of me still holds out for the hope that I’m wrong.
The door opens, and what I fear is confirmed. It’s Sergei.
He reaches down to hug her and she begins speaking animatedly, though I can’t hear what she’s saying because they head into his room. I quietly shut the door behind me, climb into bed, and angrily hug a pillow. Today was a mess of emotions and I’ve been everywhere from crushed to elated in the span of seconds. I’ve dealt with it all, some on national television, and made it through with only minimal scarring…but this is the final nail in the coffin. My best friend is lying to me.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
61 days left
“Congratulations again, ladies,” Vera says, her lips in a tight smile, looking more like she’s addressing guests at a funeral than a room full of potential Olympians. “This is a great accomplishment, and whether you make the Olympic team or not, you should be proud of getting this far. The Opening Ceremonies are exactly two months from today, and though we have a lot of work to do, I’m confident that anyone in this room would be able to represent the United States on a high level.”
The meeting was all business, mostly for parents and coaches. We received national team handbooks, discussed everything related to the Olympic Trials, and got instructions for setting up direct deposit for our national team stipends. $2000 a month to cover training, travel, and other related expenses makes me feel like I’ve hit the lottery, but I know it’s a small consolation after the enormous funds my parents have funneled into my career over the years.
“I still can’t believe this,” my dad sighs, shaking his head as he signs document after document. “I don’t think college acceptance packages have a paper trail this insane. Remind me again why we put you in this sport?”
This is the only time I’ve been able to spend with my parents since they got here, aside from brief hugs and congratulations at the hotel last night. They’re totally overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.
“There,” he says, signing the last form with a flourish. “Go turn this in so we can eat.”
I gather everything, slip it back into the file, and turn it into Miriana Sundstrom, the woman who runs the administrative side of the national team. She gives me a smile, congratulates me, and we’re free.
“Enjoy lunch!” Natasha gives me a hug. Ruby’s already out the door with her parents, off to wake up her brothers so she can get her celebration started. I haven’t said a word to her about Sergei. When she came in two hours after “going to get something at the deli” last night, I pretended like it was a normal amount of time for an errand like that and kept my mouth shut.
I spot Emerson on my way out, legs curled under her and balancing a clipboard on her knees. She’s there with her agent, who meticulously scrutinizes every piece of paper before allowing her to sign it. No idea why. It’s mostly like “I agree to not post stupid things on social media.” And yet someone will inevitably post something stupid on social media.
I feel bad she has no family here, and want to ask if she wants to join us for breakfast when she’s done, but I chicken out at the last minute and I don’t know why.
“Bye,” I utter meekly as we walk past. “See you at the airport.”
She gives me a little wave but doesn’t take her eyes from her paperwork.
“So, how’s your new life?” I grin at my dad once we’re outside. After seeing Emerson’s nonsense family situation up close and personal, I’m almost too thankful for my normalsauce parents.
“Oh, you know. I already have a secret family,” he laughs. “Come on, it’s boring. This is about you, Miss National Beam Champion. Where do you want to eat? Your choice, but preferably somewhere in a one-minute radius. I can’t function a second longer without bacon.
“I tried texting Jack, by the way,” my mom adds. “I think he’s still asleep. Teenagers.”
I’m relieved, to be honest. I’m happy I spoke from the heart last night, but now I’m in one of those hangovers of awkwardness, regretting everything I said and wishing I just kept my mouth shut so everything would be normal.
I find a nearby diner on my phone and we start walking over, my parents chattering excitedly about everything they’ve been dying to say since the meet.
“I knew this was serious, I knew you wouldn’t have been invited to such a big meet if you weren’t the real deal, but I had no idea you were…well, one of the best in the country! The Olympics, Amalia! It feels like a dream.” My dad pulls me into a side hug and I can’t help the smile that spreads over my face.
“I didn’t either,” I admit. “Not until recently, anyway.”
“Do you know many gymnasts train in this country? I googled it. It’s like, a hundred thousand. And you’re in the top five. That’s almost impossible. We’re so proud of all of the work you’ve done to make it happen. The top five.”
“Dad, stop before my ego explodes. You’re gonna really regret it if I go full-out diva on you.”
My parents laugh. “Don’t worry, we’ve already hired a full-time limo driver and from now on, school is optional,” my mom says.
“Please, there are actually girls here who have that as their reality. One girl’s dad flew her and her coaches here on a private jet. She’s not even that good!”
“Well, she might have a private jet, but you have the gold medal,” my dad responds. “That, and you’re a great kid, and I know you won’t make any bad decisions or turn into a nightmare when you make it big.” He gives my mom a glance, and she nods.
“Amalia,” she starts. She pulls a business card out of her purse, but hesitates before handing it over. “An agent approached your coach after the meet. Natasha gave us her card, along with some advice about going pro. We know how hard you worked to get an NCAA scholarship, so we don’t want to see you just throw those offers out the window. But we also know how many incredible opportunities exist for gymnasts at this level.”
She hands it to me, and I stare while my dad continues. Tania Tolino. ProSport Talent. New York.
“We trust you. It will be your decision in the end. But Natasha also told us some horror stories – girls giving away their NCAA eligibility the second an agent approaches them, but then not making it to the Olympics and never hearing another word about endorsements.”
“Look at Ruby,” my dad adds. “Everyone thought she was going to be a star, she signed with an agent when she was 15, and then she got hurt and nothing more came out of it. Well, until now, I’d guess. I don’t want to talk you out of it, but I do want you to use common sense. Maybe wait a bit and see where you end up before you decide. Talk to your friends who have had to make the decision before.”
“I don’t even wanna go pro,” I whisper after a moment. And I didn’t, until about five seconds ago. Now that this little card is making it real, my mind is racing with the possibility.
“Don’t think about it right now,” my mom says, taking the card away. “Enjoy the rest of the day. But know that you’ve done something big here, and now things are going to be very different. Natasha warned us. Whether we want things to change or not, we need to be prepared.”
“You’re a big deal now, kiddo,” my dad pats me on the back.
We’re seated at a booth in the diner and the whole world is bustling around me, forks clanking against dishes, waitresses yelling orders, my parents going over their every thought about last night’s meet, but as usual, I’m lost in my own brain.
Finding Our Balance Page 27