Beneath The Shadows of Evil... Torn

by Jolynn Raymond

  "I have been doing far more than you think, Alliana. There are many times when you deserved a reprimand and you received none. Any man would have taken you to task for that sharp tongue of yours, but not I. Do not be so quick to judge me. You do not know how I have struggled to be the man you want. You do not know me at all, Alliana."

  "Perhaps if you shared your secrets I would. Perhaps then I could grow to trust you. What was it that Enid was about to speak of that made you fly into such a fury?"

  "The old witch was simply trying to stir up trouble and she paid for her foolery with her life."

  Alliana looked at him quizzically, not believing him for one moment. His eyes had slid away from hers when he answered her. He was hiding something. "No, Mikhal..."

  "Alliana, I refuse to discuss a bitter old woman’s rants. She was simply trying to stir up trouble between us and it seems as though she succeeded. I wish to get you up off these stairs and into bed."

  "I prefer to go to the tower room until you have removed Enid from my chambers. I find the sight of her disturbing."

  "Forgive me, of course you do, sweet. Here, give me your hand." Mikhal helped Alliana to her feet then scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the top step, just out of reach of the sun’s killing rays.

  "You don’t care to see me safely to the chair, My Lord?" Alliana’s words were taunting but there was a hint of a smile on her face. Watching him kill Enid and the ensuing struggle between them that had followed had been terrifying, but he was back to being her gallant Mikhal, and she couldn’t help but soften towards him just a bit. He had after all softened at once when he felt their child in her womb.

  "You are a saucy wench to be sure, dear wife. I will bring you up some furs then call for you later when it is safe to come down. Natalya should be rising soon and I left word earlier that she was to come see you at once. Lucian feels that she is a capable midwife and the both of you attest to her talents, so I see no reason why she shouldn't tend you from now on. Besides, we have little choice now do we. Still, your friend had better be as skilled as she claims Alliana. I won’t risk our child. "

  "Nor would I, Mikhal. I have complete faith in Natalya. I promise we are in good hands."

  "Very well. Make yourself comfortable while I see to things." He kissed her gently on the cheek and left her staring after him, confused by the morning’s developments and not at all sure what to make of him. That he was hiding something she was certain. That he was still a very dangerous man, she was sure, but he was also different. Perhaps Natalya would know what to think. They would have to discuss it first thing.

  Chapter Eight

  Mikhal stood in the corridor outside Natalya’s door torn with indecision. He knew what he wanted, what the Lord and Master in him wished so very badly to do, but still he hesitated. He had promised the woman within a certain amount of courtesy, so although he longed to barge in, to wake her, to tell her to hurry and see about Alliana, still he hesitated. He knew Natalya had had a long night, and only gotten to bed in the wee hours before dawn. That didn’t change the fact however, that Alliana needed her best friend.

  Blowing out an unneeded breath, Mikhal leaned up against the stone wall of the hallway and ran his hand back through his hair as he slowly counted; trying to be patient, but it was simply no use. Every nerve in his body was on edge. He’d become far too carried away with the killing of Enid, and his lust for blood and violence, for wild action, still pulsed through his veins. That he would have killed the old witch, beast or no, was not the issue. There was no question that she deserved what she got and that it was necessary to silence her tongue. The fact was though; that his beast had taken such a delight in the act that Alliana had once more been reminded of the part of him he was trying so desperately to hide. After all the sweet words, gentle touches, reassuring whispers and actions, after all the repression of the indignant man and the outraged demon inside him at her words, he’d gone and thrown it all away in a wild moment of bloodlust.

  He had allowed the primitive side of himself to come roaring to the forefront, and gleefully snuff the life out of the midwife in front of his mate, and it had been no secret that he’d relished in the act, clearly enjoying the violence of the kill, snarling and growling and flinging her about in ecstasy while Alliana looked on. And if that weren’t bad enough, he had then been unable to rein his demon in when the deed had been accomplished. Oh no, he’d gone after his wife like she were yet another bit of prey, lust pounding through his veins, driven wild by her panicked flight, by her scent, by her fear, by her desperation.

  Mikhal shook his head sadly at the memory of Alliana’s face as he’d laid on top of her, his contorted by his demon self, eyes flashing. He had frightened her, frightened their child, caused Alliana to fall, and to reaffirm her belief that he was nothing but an evil vile beast. True, in the end she had softened, had almost seemed to forgive him, but he knew that any real progress he had made the night before was overshadowed by his demented actions. Now he would have to start anew, and try yet again to prove to his wife that he was more than just a wild animal. He needed her to see him as a man, longed for her to know his heart was capable of love, but he’d made that increasingly difficult by showing her just how untamed and unpredictable his demon could be. She’d said it herself many times; evil beings can’t love. It wasn’t the truth, but it certainly appeared so when he couldn’t even control himself.

  Mikhal gave a quite snarl of disgust, at himself and his situation, and placed his palms upon Natalya’s closed door, then, not able to wait any longer, knowing Alliana was shaken and in need of talking to her friend, Mikhal gave a loud knock on thick wooden panel. He waited a moment though it went against his very nature; not wanting to risk Natalya’s ire by storming in on her in her bed, then knocked again until her heard her muffled bid to enter. He smiled to himself, pleased with his own show of patience towards the new Gypsy woman, and then went in.

  Natalya was standing near her bed, clearly befuddled, fastening the ties of her dressing robe with clumsy fingers, and it was obvious he’d woken her from a deep slumber. She looked up with dazed, sleepy eyes, which suddenly opened wide at the sight of the Lord of the castle. He was the last person she had expected in her bedchamber. "Lord Arcos. This is quite a surprise. I was expecting Hannah. Forgive my appearance, I retired very late last night and haven’t had much sleep."

  "No need for apologies, Natalya. You are up now. Summon your servant, and then we must talk." Not one word of apology was said on his part with regards to waking her from her much needed rest. Mikhal didn’t have time to waste over concern for Natalya. Alliana was alone and in distress.

  "Is everything all right?" The stormy looked that filled his eyes told her immediately that no, everything was not all right, and Natalya’s thoughts turned to Alliana at once. Had some tragedy befallen her friend during the night? Had she slipped back into her melancholy, or worst of all, had something happened to the babe?

  Mikhal sensed her apprehension immediately and struggled with whether or not to tell her what had just occurred. On one hand, if he did confess to his crimes, it would help her help Alliana. But he could almost hear Natalya’s reaction and sense her feelings about what he’d done. She would berate him, chastise him for his lack of control, and make him feel guilt for a very part of his being. On the other hand, it was none of Natalya’s business and he, as the Lord of the castle, didn’t need to offer the woman any explanation at all. He could simply tell her to go to Alliana and leave it at that. It was why she had been brought here after all.

  Mikhal sat there, pride waging war with the desire to make his wife love him and feel safe with him, and the man’s heart inside won out. Much could be learned from the woman he’d captured and brought into his home, and he would be a fool not to use her knowledge of his wife to further his gains.

  "Alliana and I had a bit of a disagreement this morning. My inner beast got the better of me and she became frightened. In the end, no harm was don
e to her person, but I fear her feelings are another matter, and she was given quite a fright."

  "I see." Natalya slowly walked towards the cold hearth, wishing for its warmth in the icy bedchamber. Mikhal, seeing what she was doing, suddenly realizing how cold she must be without a fire. He went forward and placed some tinder on the buried coals that still glowed from the night past. He blew steadily, adding more sticks and then two logs, until a large blaze filled the hearth, radiating warmth.

  Natalya watched him in shock and mumbled a quiet ‘thank you’. She could hardly believe that the Master of the castle had stooped so low as to tend a fire, for a woman no less. Mikhal turned, sensing her surprise, seeing the look on her face, and was both angered and embarrassed. His manhood suddenly felt threatened, his worth as Lord in question. He felt as though Natalya would think less of him for performing such a menial task.

  "I’ll have that girl whipped for not tending you properly. She should be here, doing these… things. Not I."

  Natalya saw the thunderous look fill his eyes and searched for the words that would appease him. "I agree the task was beneath one such as you, M’Lord, but may I express my gratitude even so? Twas so very cold and your generosity saved me from catching a chill. As for Hannah, tis my own fault; I told her I would call for her when needed, because I knew not when I would wake."

  Natalya’s words worked the right magic and Mikhal’s face softened. She had praised his actions, seen them as gallant, not demeaning, and he now felt as if he’d done something good in her eyes. Natalya thought about how easily men could be manipulated with just a few words, even mighty Lords such as the one before her, and smiled. Alliana may have every reason to fear him, and Natalya knew Mikhal the Merciless’s past was filled with horrors and the bodies of many a poor victim, but she also knew he was trying to be a better man. He wanted to be looked upon kindly, at least by her and most definitely by his wife.

  "Very well, if you told the girl to stay away, I cannot find fault in her actions. See to it that she serves you well in the future though. I meant what I said about your position here. You are a Lady, and as such, will be waited on by all the servants you deem necessary."

  Natalya thought briefly about her night with Lucian and his lack of manners at times and it was on the tip of her tongue to make a sharp comment about teaching his first in command some manners, when she thought better of it. There was no sense in creating a row between the Lord and Lucian, especially since she was destined to spend so much time with the other vampire.

  "Thank you, Sire. I shall do that. I appreciate your concern towards my well-being. Now tell me, what of Alliana? You seem distressed about her welfare."

  The grimace returned to Mikhal’s face once more as he thought about his deplorable actions of the morning. He scowled, and then stalked over to a chair, sitting and indicating Natalya should do the same. He then proceeded to tell her what he had done, vividly describing the killing of Enid and then telling of how he had stalked his pregnant wife like a rabid predator set on capturing its prey. Natalya listened without interrupting him, taking it all in, judging the expression on his face and noting it was one of regret and guilt, and when he was though she had only one question.

  "And so she waits in the tower room still?"

  "As far as I know; tis where I left her. I took her furs, which she accepted, and offered to send for her servant or to stay and talk from afar, but she refused me, asking me to simply leave. She was calmer, but still distressed. I would like you to go and see to her. Make sure she and the babe are all right. I know she was very frightened by my actions. I… I can’t undo what has been done but will offer any penance she sees fit to gain her forgiveness. It pains me that she won’t listen or speak to me now, but I know she will see you. Listen to her, Natalya. Get her to talk to you. And please, try to make her see that what I did this morning, who I was, how I acted, that isn’t the real me. Not anymore. I know I frightened her and it was never my intent. I wish to make things right. I have to make things right once more."

  "You said she seemed to forgive you. That is a step in the right direction."

  "Her words spoke of forgiveness but… it simply could have been a means to be rid of me.” How could he tell her of the fear he had sensed in Alliana even after they had come to an understanding? How could he let on to Natalya that he knew his wife was still afraid of him in her soul even after he had apologized? The secret of the curse was a heavy weight on his shoulders, one that was far heavier than the Empathy spell itself. If he shared it with this woman before him, he could risk his position as leader of the castle. Word could spread that he had a chink in his armor, that he was vulnerable. Evil Lords who ruled with an iron fist didn’t feel. On the other hand though, was Alliana, his mate, his love, whom he wanted and needed above all else. What was more important? His kingdom or his wife? Could he be both fierce ruler and tender lover? Could he be Mikhal the Merciless and Mikhal the husband? Mikhal didn’t know and the questions were driving him mad.

  Natalya could tell he was troubled, that he was searching for words, and battling with indecision about something, and she too struggled for words to soothe him. Now wasn’t the time for bitter accusations or probing questions.

  "Perhaps the look in her eyes still spoke of her fear. Is that it?” Natalya knew it was easy enough to read Alliana, most of the time she wore her heart on her sleeve, especially when she was upset. Mikhal, thrilled that she had given him a way out of the conversation, nodded his agreement at once.

  "Yes, I could tell what happened upset her deeply. Her words spoke of understanding, but her expression spoke of doubt and a lingering fear. Natalya, after our lovely evening things were better between us, but now I’m afraid I have ruined it all."

  His words were quite a confession, and they both knew it, but Mikhal also knew he had to take a chance. He had to risk his stubborn male pride in order to win his wife’s heart and if that meant laying his self-doubt about himself out for this woman to judge, and asking for her help, then so be it.

  "I’ll go right now and see to her. I’ll talk to her about what happened. I’m certain that given time she will mend. Alliana is strong, both in body and spirit."

  "She is also quite terrified of me because of my past deeds. You don’t think me a monster?"

  A look of uncertainty came over Natalya’s face, causing her brow to crease. She truly didn’t know what to think. Everything about this man spoke of caring and a sincere desire to win Alliana’s heart, but one couldn’t forget that inside lurked a beast waiting to be set free. The man before her had a tight rein on his inner demon, kept the beast caged most of the time, but that very morning, he had failed to control him completely. She would have to wait and watch before she came to any permanent decisions.

  "No, M’Lord, I don’t think you are truly a monster, but I do feel you can be a very dangerous man. I wish I could tell you I have the utmost faith in you, and that you would never hurt Alliana, but…"

  "But my actions of the morning proved that false."

  "Unfortunately, yes. You didn’t harm her, I understand that, I think that even your demon cares for her in its own way, but it thinks its mate should act in a different way, one which Alliana will never accede to and her behavior will always incite the wild part inside you. You try, I know that you try, but…I do believe that you bear watching, and I for one will be keeping a close eye on you."

  In the past, Mikhal the Merciless would have roared in fury at her words. He would have made her bow at his feet so she would learn that she should never, ever question him or insinuate that she would be watching and judging his actions. As if she, a mere woman, could stop him from doing as he wished anyway, but Mikhal let it go. He wanted her friendship, her trust, and most of all; he actually did want her to watch him. His actions that morning had shown Mikhal that like it or not, his demon was still a force to be reckoned with, and if it took Natalya’s vigilant eye to help keep Alliana safe, then so be it, even if it meant a hu
man woman would be judging his actions.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  After Mikhal left, informing her that he would return within a few hours so he could be present when Natalya examined Alliana, Natalya sent for Hannah.

  The girl arrived, bearing a tray heavy with breakfast foods, but Natalya waved it aside. “I’ve no time for that. Help me dress, Hannah. I must see to the Mistress.”

  Hannah was intrigued by Natalya’s statement, and was longing to know just what had happened to the Alliana to make the other Gypsy so very anxious. It was clear Natalya felt she needed to see to her friend as soon as possible. Hannah ignored her own curiosity and did her best to keep busy instead. She helped Natalya dress with a continuous flow of chatter that her new Mistress found somewhat annoying and odd.

  Natalya pondered on Hannah’s tireless ramblings, and thought the girl’s behavior didn’t make sense. Alliana had told her that the servants either disliked her because of her Gypsy heritage, or maintained a respectful distance because of the differences between their stations, but Hannah did neither. Her voice filled the chamber nonstop as she laced Natalya’s gown, set up the breakfast tray she’d said she didn’t want, and went about straightening the room, leaving the Natalya to wonder at Hannah’s odd behavior.

  Her sense of things not quite right was enhanced by the fact that the girl’s hands shook as she poured Natalya’s tea; the cup clattering ever so slightly against the saucer as she held it, but Natalya heard it nonetheless. It appeared that her overly cheerful, endless banter was an attempt to cover up the girl’s unease, but why would Hannah be nervous in the first place? Natalya had never been cruel to her, in fact, they’d hardly spent any time together at all, and it wasn’t like she was some grand Lady to be tended either. She was just a simple Gypsy woman who had been abducted and placed in the castle, not a true Lady at all. Whatever it was, Natalya intended to get to the bottom of it. No good could come of secrets and hidden fears.