As she said the words, Natalya closed the thick drapes surrounding the bed, shutting Mikhal off from his wife. He gave a low rumbled growl in his chest, both the man and demon furious to have her taken from them even in this tiny way, unable to completely quell his feelings. His sharp eyes watched as Natalya’s form moved to the foot of the bed, a rounded form behind the curtains, moving about, talking to Alliana; doing her work, all of it something he felt he should be a part of, but still he sat.
Alliana had been truly distraught at the thought of him seeing her like this. She thought she was bloated and ugly, undesirable, but he couldn’t fathom how or why. He’d made it abundantly clear that he wanted her, but still a part of her doubted it, or at least had in that moment. Natalya had said it came with her pregnancy. He knew little of such things and would have to place his trust in her. Hopefully Alliana would not be prone to these wild emotional ranting in the future, for he didn’t understand them and they made him feel as if he weren’t in control.
On the other hand, she had spontaneously thrown herself into his arms when she had gotten her wish, and that was definitely something he liked. It was something he liked very, very much. He supposed he could learn to take one with the other.
At that thought, Natalya pulled back the drapes and turned to smile at him. “All through. Everything is fine, M’Lord. The babe is growing very rapidly, tis unusual, and Alliana’s small hips could be a concern at the time of birth for a babe this size, but her body is strong and she is carrying him well. Both will bear close watching but there are no indications that signal real trouble.”
“There is no bleeding, nothing to make me concerned; in fact, I truly don’t see the need for her to remain abed day in and day out. Walks would do her well as will fresh air. The stronger Alliana is, the better able she will be to deliver when her time comes. I don’t wish for her muscles to become weak because of lack of movement. You have a very healthy wife and child, Lord Arcos and I wish for them to stay that way.”
Mikhal was no longer looking at Natalya though he was hearing every word she said; instead he had eyes only for his wife who was sitting up in bed, the dried streaks of her past tears on her cheeks, smiling at him. He could tell by the look on her face that she was as thrilled as he was that their son was doing so well, and he needed to share the moment with her if she’d allow it.
“Thank you, Natalya. I wish for some time alone with my wife now.” Thinking of how Alliana needed to ask her husband for permission to go to the village, Natalya quickly turned and left the chamber, crossing her fingers that Alliana would have success.
Mikhal went to the bed and sat on the side, not too near Alliana, but close enough to hear the pounding of her heart as she reacted to his nearness. His brow creased for a moment, as he was hit with the pain that she was still so very skittish around him. He had hoped they could share this joyful moment, and that they could be joined by the knowledge that she and their son were both healthy, but though there was a bond created between them because of the child, but Alliana’s fears still held her heart captive.
He searched her face, eyes gentle, soft, trying to tell her of the emotions that were building inside him. He wanted her to share his happiness, to fling her soft body into his arms again, but she simply looked down and bit her bottom lip, her nervousness so very apparent.
“Alliana, I am thrilled that you and our son are well. He will prove to be a strong boy.”
“Yes, M’Lord.” He sensed her fear rising and wondered at her reaction. He’d done nothing but take her hand in his.
“Why so formal, sweet? Tis something troubling you? I... I shall apologize again for my actions of the morning.”
Alliana finally looked up at him, her eyes met his and the earnest expression of regret and sorrow she saw within those blue depths made something she didn’t want to admit to stir in her breast. He looked so weary. So tired, as if he’d been without sleep or had a heavy burden on his shoulders, and Alliana knew she was the cause. Part of her screamed that it served him right if he was suffering because of his behavior, but part of her was melting just the same, because a tiny bit of her heart was finally beginning to believe in his sweet words.
She thought about how happy he’d looked just moments ago when he’d come to the bed, bursting with pride and joy over the news that she and the babe were well, and how he looked now, when he felt she was distressed. These were the emotions of a man who cared for a woman, not the callous actions of an unfeeling monster, but still... still there was the demon who had come forth just that morning.
“You are so quiet, love, what is troubling you?”
Alliana didn’t have the heart to berate him for his actions yet again, so she decided instead to forge ahead with her and Natalya’s plan to gain permission to travel to the village. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, then opened it again, not sure where to start. What she was about to do would hurt him as well, but it must be done. She closed her eyes for a moment, digging deep into her soul for the remembered pain of all he’d done to her, then opened her eyes and looked up at him, a frightened expression on her face.
Mikhal reacted immediately to her fear and he reached out to stroke her cheek, she grabbed his hand and held it there, squeezing tightly, summoning up all the old fear that still lay inside for her performance.
“Tell me Alliana, tell me what is wrong. I am so very sorry, sweet. Please don’t be frightened of me.”
“Tis not you, Mikhal. It’s what Natalya said.”
His expression turned troubled though he was flooded with relief that he was not the cause of her fear. Natalya had declared her fit and well. “I don’t understand you, poppet.”
“I am afraid that my body will be too weak for what I must do when my time comes. Natalya said I am small, and he grows so large within me.”
“She also said that you were strong.”
“I get no stronger lying in bed day in and day out.”
“Then I shall take you on walks every evening. I told you I would, Alliana. T’will be fine. You will be fine.”
“I want more, Mikhal.”
Mikhal’s eyes narrowed and the stroking of his hand upon her cheek turned into a soft grip as he raised her eyes to his. “What is it you speak of, wife?”
Alliana was a jumbled mix of emotions inside. She felt true fear over the impending birth of the baby and extremely nervousness about playing the coquette with her husband so he would concede to her wishes. He was no fool, and she was well aware of that fact. On the other hand, he certainly did tell her often that he desired her and though she hated that he did; she should at least use his desire to her advantage. There was no turning back now anyway; she had to follow through with this.
“Alliana, tell me what you have in mind? I can see in your eyes that you know exactly what you wish to do. If it is a reasonable request I shall grant it.”
Alliana bit her lip and lowered her eyelashes, then raised them again and put on a trembling smile as she ran a thumb over the hand gripping her chin. His hand tightened, almost imperceptibly, but she felt it. He had reacted strongly to just that little bit of a touch and though she was still frightened and unsure, she knew she should pounce on the opportunity his desire and need for her affection presented.
She raised her other hand and gripped his, pulling it from her face and then holding it in both her small ones, close to her heart. He could feel the strong beat, feel her heat, and his body began to react immediately to the connection of their mating bond.
“What are you up to, wife? We both know you abhor my touch, yet here you are, holding my hand.”
“Did I not walk arm and arm with you last night?” Again she lowered her lashes then looked up with huge green eyes, her fingers putting light pressure on his hand as she ran a thumb up and down, breathing in and out so her breasts rose and fell beneath his touch.
“Alliana...” There was a hint of warning to his voice. Granted it was mingled with the rising desire he
couldn’t hide, but the warning was there nonetheless.
“I just... Mikhal, will you allow me to go to the village with Natalya? We wish to travel there during the day and deliver food and staples to the serfs.”
He looked away, unable to meet her gaze, and put his hand on hers to still the stroking that was driving him mad.
“Please, Mikhal.”
“No. I won’t allow it, tis far too dangerous for you to travel. The road is rough and there are other dangers as well.”
Mikhal tried to pull his hand away but Alliana had gripped it tightly while she asked her question, and now she was looking at him with those innocent eyes, and he couldn’t think straight. He growled and looked away, angry; knowing at once he was being manipulated, then looked back at her, only to see the most beautiful green eyes he’d even seen looking at him full of a pleading that couldn’t be ignored.
“Stop it, Alliana. The idea is preposterous. You shan’t leave the walls of the castle no matter how you try to manipulate me. There are many courtyards in which you can stroll. They will have to suffice.”
“I am trapped like a beast behind these cold stone walls that block out all the sun.” The anguish in her voice was genuine, and it didn’t come solely from her desire to retrieve the medallion. Mikhal heard her desperation, felt her longing, yet still held fast.
“You make the courtyard I took you to sound like a dungeon. It is filled with light during the day.”
“Mikhal, I need to roam, I need to walk free. Please try to understand.” This was no ruse any longer. Something that had been forced down inside Alliana for far too long began to yearn to be free, and the pitiful look that overcame her face was there in earnest. Mikhal saw her true need, but hardened his heart to her eyes that sought to batter his defenses.
“No. My decision is final. You will not travel to the village.”
“But Mikhal, you don’t understand.” By now her voice was a wail and she yanked her hands from his, pushing him back, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and rising as quickly as she could with as much grace as she could muster despite her swollen stomach.
“I understand enough.” Mikhal followed in her wake, grabbing her arm and spinning her to face him. “I understand that you shall stay here, safe within these walls.”
“These walls have been like a prison since the day you made me your wife. All the grandeur my home provides cannot replace what is in my soul. My heart needs to be free. I shan’t run, Mikhal that is not why I ask. I know my place is here with you. I swear I don’t want to run. I ask because to roam free is part of my very being.”
He shook his head, stoic in his decision but she went on, determined to make him understand. Her heart was in this for real, and it shone in her eyes, making him feel her true desperation.
“All of my life I was a free spirit. A girl who ran wild in the woods; one whose family traveled day after day, never staying in the same place for very long. As the wagons rolled I would run through the fields and forests, go where I pleased, do as I wished. Mikhal, I miss the sunshine, I miss the smell of the fresh air; I miss the wind upon my face. I miss ... I miss being me. I know you hate the Gypsy I was raised as, Mikhal, but it is who I am in my soul and I need to be free of these walls, if only for a little while.
“Alliana, I can’t let you go.”
“But Mikhal, you won’t be. Not really. I’ll be here.” She put her hand to his heart and pressed her palm against his hard chest. “What I spoke was the truth. I know my place is with you. You are my husband and I carry your child. This is my home. If you were able, I would ask you to take me, but you can’t, and the walks at night simply aren’t enough. Please let me see the sunshine. Let me talk to my people, let me be human. I beg this of you. Please, Mikhal, I ask for so little else.”
“Tis not safe.”
There were tears of frustration in her eyes now and Mikhal knew Alliana wasn’t simply having a temper tantrum to get her way as Marishka so often did. These trips outdoors meant everything to her but... how could he allow it?
“I will be safe. I shall walk with Natalya when we arrive, she won’t leave my side. I’ll be very careful, and I promise to rest when I tire.”
“There could be pestilence in the village.”
“Natalya would have spoken of it, she would have heard of anyone who was sick. You are looking for reasons that do not exist.”
“I can take you there at night. I can protect you.”
“Mikhal, you know they are terrified of you. Do you honestly think anyone will speak to me, will even look at me if we go together? Besides, I wish to go during the day. My life is during the day. I wish to do good for those people, to let them know their Lord cares if they are starving and cold. I can show them that you are the good man you claim you are, but I can’t do it at night with you by my side. Let me go during the day. I shall have your name to protect me.”
He knew she was right, knew he had terrorized the people in the village far too many times to suddenly ride in and proclaim that the reign of horror was over. Besides, his people still needed to feed and those in the kitchen couldn’t be the sole source forever. There was the matter of her physical safety though.
“I’ll not have you riding on that rough road, being bounced about like a sack of grain.”
“Mikhal we shall pile the carriage with soft pillows and quilts so I feel nary a bump, and take an army of servants to watch over us. I shall be perfectly safe. Who would dare harm the ladies of the castle? The only ones I can think of cannot show themselves while the sun is shining.”
The thought of her leaving the castle, of going beyond the these walls of safety when he couldn’t go after her, chilled his blood, but the desperation he felt dwelling inside her and the pleading look in her eyes was too much. Giving a fierce growl, he finally nodded his approval and Alliana leapt at him, flinging her arms around his neck, much more jubilantly than she had earlier.
“Oh thank you, Mikhal. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Her words were peppered by kisses to his face and for the very first time since he had been cursed with the Empathy spell, he didn’t feel disgust, fear, or loathing coming from his wife as she held him and pressed her lips to his.
His arms tightened around her and his hand twined in her loose locks, tugging back, holding her head in one place as he captured her lips, deepening the kiss, molding her form to his. Alliana responded, her happiness overriding her usual feelings of hatred, and she allowed herself to be swept up in the moment. It had been far too long since she had felt joy, far too long since she’d had something in which to look forward to.
His lips were soft yet demanding as they urged her to open for him and accept the sweeping of his tongue across hers. It danced and entwined, caressed and teased, and then he drew back and nibbled on her lip, tasting her, savoring this precious moment of unguarded passion and happiness.
Her body was warm and rounded, and pressed to his so delightfully. Her scent filled his nostrils and made him long for all of her, the little sigh that escaped her lips when he drew back from his heady kiss and trailed his mouth across her jaw line and then downward to her neck stirred his passions, but he stayed gentle. He had been given another chance to show he could indeed restrain the beast inside, and Mikhal had no intention of letting the lust roaring through his veins cause the unwanted demon to rear his ugly head.
He whispered her name as he kissed her neck, and the words were filled with longing and love. “My Alliana.” He kissed his mark of claim and felt her melt against him as his arms tightened around her, then lapped at the twin punctures, heating her body to the core, stirring the flames deep inside her. Alliana felt the fire raging through her and opened her mouth in a silent protest, not sure if she was asking him or herself to stop what was happening to her.
Pleasure roared through her, liquid molten gold that turned her knees weak, at just the touch of his rough tongue on her mating mark, making her cling to him as he bathed the bite that made her hi
s. She wanted to stop him, had sworn she would never allow him to touch her again, but it felt so wonderful, so right. The joy of the moment combined with the pleasure he was awakening in her and she simply couldn’t fight it or herself.
He was he husband; he cared for her. She knew he did. He had shown it in a hundred tiny ways since pulling her from the icy stream that night so long ago. Yes he had fallen back and made mistakes, yes he had shown he still had the very real part of himself that was evil hidden inside, but now, she couldn’t justify pushing him away.
His arms felt so right and she longed to be loved. She had been so alone, so very alone in this cold dark world, frightened for far too long, and here he was, offering her warmth and love. Her husband, the man who would care for her for the rest of her life, the man who would cherish her, the man...
“Alliana, look at me and tell me to stop, love. I will, I swear, just look at me and tell me. I shan’t do something you will hate me for. I wish for you to be certain of this.”
She opened her eyes; heavy lids fighting the languid feeling that had taken hold of her body, and gazed up at him. He looked so vulnerable then, so afraid she’d say the words that would stop him from giving them both what they wanted, and Alliana knew she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t steal these wonderful feelings from him or from herself. A crimson blush stained her cheeks, then she bit her lip and shook her head, there would be no stopping him, no denial of what she wanted, had wanted for so long. She wanted to be loved; she needed to be loved.
Glancing down shyly, then eyes sweeping back up again, ready to tell him yes, oh yes, she happened upon her reflection in the polished glass that hung near her wardrobe and froze, all the warmth in her body fleeing in an instant.
In the glass she was alone, alone like she had felt since being brought here, and in that moment she felt as if someone had thrown her back into the icy waters of the stream.
Reality hit her then, and it made her feel ill. She wasn’t holding a man; she was in the arms of a demon, a thing. A man was warm, not cold, a man had a heartbeat, not a dead lump in his chest, a man breathed warm breath upon your skin when whispering sweet words, a man you could see, but not this one, not the one who had claimed her as his. Her husband was a demon, and seeing her reflection standing alone where there should have been two, was too real to be denied.
Beneath The Shadows of Evil... Torn Page 14