by MC Lee
After an uneventful breakfast, Jack had just climbed to his feet when Sean ordered him to sit back down. He dropped back onto his chair and looked at his handler expectantly.
“I’ve cleared your calendar this morning,” Sean said. “You have a session with Dr. Clarke starting in ten minutes.”
Jack felt his heartbeat race. Dr. Clarke was the Center’s psychiatrist, an astute and persistent woman who assessed him at least twice a year and was well trained in breaking down walls and ferreting out hidden truths. It was always a tense game of cat and mouse whenever he had to see her, and he wasn’t looking forward to another session, especially when he was desperately hiding a secret. When he looked at Sean he made sure his expression was carefully schooled and he wasn’t telegraphing his tension.
“I’ve already had my evaluation. Why do I need to see Dr. Clarke?”
Sean’s face was equally impassive. “Because your guardian wants you to.”
“Have I done something wrong?” Jack asked.
Sean frowned. “Seeing Dr. Clarke isn’t a punishment. It’s a chance to talk to somebody about things that might be troubling you.”
It’s a chance for the Center to dig around in my head, Jack thought, though he didn’t dare say the words out loud. He’d learned long ago that the things he told Dr. Clarke were not confidential. In fact he strongly suspected Sean and his guardian listened in on the sessions. He’d certainly never shared anything private with the psychiatrist, no matter how subtly she pressed him or how overtly she asked.
Sean jerked his head. “Go on. Don’t keep her waiting.”
Jack stood and cocked his head expectantly. Without his security pass, he wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry.
Sean reached into a pocket. “Here.” He held out a pass attached to a lanyard, which Jack slipped over his head. “It’s not full access yet. But it allows you to move between the rooms you need.”
Jack nodded and walked out, then made his way to the second-floor office that Dr. Clarke used while working at the Center. Jack had often wondered what else she did—her work here was surely not enough to keep her busy all the time. Then again, he had never set foot in the two other buildings that made up the Center’s compound; for all he knew, they were filled with operatives just like him.
He knocked on the closed door and waited until he heard her voice invite him in. Then, with a deep breath to steady his nerves, he pushed the door open and walked inside. Dr. Clarke was sitting in an armchair by the window, and she waved him into the seat opposite her. This time she didn’t have her notebooks and files with her, and her welcoming smile actually looked genuine.
“It’s good to see you again, Jack,” she said pleasantly.
“Ma’am.” Jack gave her a noncommittal nod.
“I want to talk to you about the things you’ve recently found out about yourself.”
Jack froze, his eyes searching her face for clues. He had half expected her to pursue this line of questioning. As soon as Sean told him his guardian had set up the interview he had run through all the likely possibilities. But he had anticipated a much more subtle approach, not this head-on, seemingly open invitation to talk about a secret that had been hidden for thirteen years.
“You must have thought about your parents in the past,” she said, her expression revealing absolutely nothing.
“Yes, ma’am,” Jack replied.
She waited for him to continue, but Jack wasn’t about to disclose anything voluntarily.
“You knew your father was an operative for the Center?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“But you were not aware of his relationship to your guardian?”
“No, ma’am.”
Dr. Clarke’s head tilted to the side. “And how do you feel about that?”
Jack couldn’t decide which answer to give her: that it was totally beyond belief that his guardian had kept him in the dark about their relationship for so many years; that he didn’t know what purpose it served to keep the secret; or that he felt humiliated his guardian found him so worthless he refused to acknowledge they were related by blood. In the end he abandoned all those answers and tried out a lie.
“I understand he had his reasons for not sharing the information.”
Dr. Clarke didn’t exactly snort her disbelief, but it was as close to a true reaction as Jack had ever seen from her.
“Try that answer again, Jack,” she ordered.
“I don’t have anything more to add,” Jack said, his tone carefully modulated. If his guardian thought he could sit back in his office and eavesdrop while Jack bared his soul to the Center’s shrink, he had seriously misjudged how deep Jack’s resentment ran.
“We have all morning, Jack,” Dr. Clarke said quietly. “I suggest you consider cooperating.”
Jack turned his head and stared at the pinhole on the wall above Dr. Clarke’s desk. Although it wasn’t obviously wired for sound and there were no cameras, he had always suspected the room was bugged. And even if it wasn’t, Dr. Clarke would be reporting this session straight to his guardian as soon as it was over.
Jack sucked in a breath, waiting until he was sure his voice wouldn’t waver, and then he turned back around.
“If my guardian wants to know how I feel about it, he can ask me the question to my face.”
Her jaw twitched, but otherwise Dr. Clarke’s face remained impassive. “This session is for your benefit, Mr. Palmer.”
Jack’s muscles clenched so hard it felt as if they’d gone into spasm. “Don’t call me that!”
Dr. Clarke inclined her head. “I would have thought you’d be happy to finally have your own name.”
“His name,” Jack ground out.
“And your father’s name,” Dr. Clarke said.
“You think that makes it better?” Jack said furiously, all pretense at detachment suddenly abandoned. “It’s because of what they were to each other that he’s punishing me—”
“You see it as punishment?” she cut in.
“What else?” Jack snapped. “What possible goddamned reason could he have for lying to me all those years? For denying me a name?”
She shook her head. “I’m not here to answer questions, Jack. I’m here to encourage you to ask them.”
TWO HOURS later Jack was feeling wrung out and exhausted. After his initial loss of composure, he had ruthlessly suppressed his emotions and reined in his temper. He had spent the rest of the interview carefully avoiding her pointed interrogation while giving her enough to convince her he was cooperating. He knew he had slipped up more than once and revealed too much, but on the whole, he felt as though he had controlled the interview and its outcome.
At the end of the session, he stood up, startled when the phone on Dr. Clarke’s desk rang shrilly. She picked it up and listened, then murmured a reply before hanging up.
“Sean wants you to meet him at your uncle’s office.”
Jack didn’t try to hide his distaste. “I would prefer it if you didn’t call him that, ma’am,” he said icily.
She regarded him silently and then gave a sharp nod. “As you wish. Although we’ll have to examine that response very soon.”
Jack didn’t doubt it. But for now he was happy to ignore the word completely.
As he trudged up to the fourth floor, he wondered whether he was about to get raked over the coals for the disrespect so blatant in most of his answers to Dr. Clarke’s questions. He didn’t really care what they did to him, but if they decided to discipline him by extending Leo’s banishment…. He wasn’t sure how he would handle it.
His guardian waved him in, and Jack crossed the floor and came to stand in front of the man’s desk.
“Assume the position, Jack.”
Jack jumped when Sean’s order sounded close in his ear. He straightened up and linked his hands behind his neck, tensing when practiced hands frisked him thoroughly. His mind was racing, dread building steadily, when Sean finished and stepped around to face him.
“We’d like you to explain this.”
Jack glanced down, his heart leaping in his chest when he saw the photograph of his parents clutched tightly in Sean’s hand.
Chapter Five
“YOU TOSSED my room.”
Jack managed to make it a statement instead of an accusation. At a nod from Sean, he lowered his arms to his sides, clenching his fists tightly.
“Where did the photograph come from, Jack?”
Jack’s lips clamped together, almost unconsciously.
“I won’t ask again.”
It wasn’t necessary to see the forbidding look on Sean’s face; the silent threat behind his words came through clearly.
“I can’t tell you, sir,” Jack said.
“You’re refusing to answer the question?”
“I don’t know where the photograph came from.” It was the truth. Even though Jack had his suspicions, he actually had no proof who had put the picture into his room.
Sean’s gaze was hard, but Jack met his eyes without flinching. He remained still as Sean reached out and pressed a button at the side of the desk. When he heard the door behind him open, he turned his head to watch as two of the Center’s security guards walked in with the woman from the dining room between them.
The weight of Sean’s gaze was heavy, but Jack had been expecting this play, and he showed no reaction when the woman walked up to stand beside him.
“I take it you two have met?” Jack’s guardian said.
“No, sir,” Jack said quickly. “Apart from one evening in the dining room, I’ve never seen….” He turned his head and addressed the woman. “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know your name.”
“And you don’t need to know it,” Sean said. “I found you in the same room together—”
“I was only bringing something to remove a stain,” the woman cut in. “There’s nothing more to it than that.”
“So, you two didn’t speak?”
“No, sir,” Jack lied.
Jack’s guardian leaned forward in his chair, and his gaze swiveled between Jack and the woman. Jack focused on a point just above his guardian’s head and kept his own head held high. Beside him, the woman shuffled her feet, but Jack guessed she was just playing up the role of the nervous employee.
“You’ve been with us a long time,” Jack’s guardian said, addressing the woman.
“Almost seventeen years.”
“You knew my wife.”
Whatever careful detachment Jack had been able to maintain was totally blown by those words. His head jerked down sharply, and he stared at his guardian, then turned and looked at the woman. She kept her eyes on Jack’s guardian when she answered the question.
“Yes, I did.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the room as his guardian waited for her to elaborate, but the woman held her nerve and didn’t add anything else. In the end it was Sean who broke the stalemate with a single word—“Dismissed.”
The woman nodded curtly and turned, walking out of the room without a backward glance.
“Have her reassigned to Block C. I don’t want to see her in this building again.”
Sean nodded at the order, and Jack pulled in a breath, waiting for the inevitable reprimand. When it didn’t come, he returned his gaze to his guardian, whose flinty stare sent a shiver crawling down Jack’s spine. He watched as his guardian picked up the photograph and stared at it, then slowly and deliberately tore it in half before throwing the pieces into the garbage.
Jack gasped as the only tangible connection he’d ever had to his parents fluttered out of sight. Though he’d only had it a matter of days, it had already come to mean so much.
“You have a class in five minutes,” Sean said. “Don’t keep Instructor Wallace waiting.”
Jack just stood there, his incredulous gaze swinging between Sean and his guardian. He knew he should say something, anything, but he couldn’t get his brain to function.
At a curt gesture from Sean, Jack managed to drag his eyes away from his guardian before turning and walking unsteadily out of the room. He paused outside to pull in a few calming breaths, and his head jerked when the door to his guardian’s office opened and Sean walked out.
“You’re going to be late.” He crooked his finger. “Come on. I’ll walk you down to the classroom.”
Jack fell into step beside him, still feeling shaky. He could feel the emptiness spreading through him, freezing everything inside. He had to make a concerted effort to speak. “Who was that?”
Sean slid a sidelong look at him. “One of the Center’s staff.”
“I’ve never seen her before.”
“She isn’t usually assigned to this section. It seemed a little too coincidental that within days of her showing up here, you received a photograph.”
Jack swallowed and asked a question he felt sure Sean would refuse to answer. “She knew my parents?”
Sean stopped, and Jack did too. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, afraid Sean would see how much they shook, and forced himself to look directly at his handler.
“I don’t expect to find any more prohibited items in your room,” Sean said, unsurprisingly ignoring the question.
Jack knew he should let it go, but he found himself asking another question that in normal circumstances he would never have asked. “Would you have let me keep the photograph if I’d told you about it?”
Sean inclined his head. “That isn’t my call. Everything else that concerns you is. Step out of line again and you’ll answer for it. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
“Yes, sir,” Jack replied, forcing the word past his tight throat. He didn’t know why it hurt; after all, he had expected Sean to shut him down.
Sean led the way downstairs to the classroom, and Jack was grudgingly grateful that he provided an excuse for his lateness. Like everybody else at the Center, Instructor Wallace, who taught surveillance and communications, was totally uncompromising, and Jack had no doubt he would have sent through a demerit within moments if Sean hadn’t vouched for him.
He slid into a chair and bent his head over his latest assignment. It was impossible to pretend he wasn’t shredded by what he’d just seen, but he couldn’t afford to let his attention drift. Instructor Wallace had an uncanny knack for calling on him at the exact moment his concentration wavered. So it was only ninety minutes later that he was able to consider the reasons for his guardian’s wholly uncharacteristic leniency in letting the discovery of the illegal photograph go unpunished.
He had come no closer to figuring it out when he walked into the basement kitchen to join Sean for lunch. Most days they ate together, preferring the informality of the large kitchen. Sean had already put a plate of food together, and he gestured wordlessly to the seat beside him.
Jack didn’t relish the thought of another interrogation, but he couldn’t refuse, so he crossed the floor and sat down. As always the staff shuffled to the other end of the room, getting as far away from Jack and Sean as they could. After all these years, Jack recognized most of the faces, although he had never exchanged a word with a single one of them. He couldn’t help wondering, as he had countless times before, whether any of them knew who he was.
“How did your session with Dr. Clarke go?” Sean asked.
“Fine,” Jack said. He wasn’t about to elaborate. He didn’t want to admit, even to himself, that he had lost control and revealed way too much.
Sean nudged him, and he looked up. “You’re not getting away with that. Answer the question properly.”
“I presumed you were listening in.” Jack didn’t try to disguise his resentment, though he regretted it a moment later.
“You are on thin ice,” Sean snapped. “Adjust your attitude right now!”
Jack dropped his gaze to his plate and quickly pulled himself together. Riling Sean was never a good choice. “The session was fine, sir,” he said, making an effort to moderate his tone. “We discussed what I’ve re
cently learned about my background.”
“Do you feel another session is necessary?”
Fuck no, Jack thought, hoping like hell his reaction wouldn’t be read on his face. Out loud he said, “No, sir. I believe we covered all the ground.”
Sean let silence fall, and Jack kept his eyes lowered. He couldn’t stop the movie that ran in a nonstop loop through his head—the way the photograph of his parents had torn raggedly, the pieces fluttering into the wastebasket, and the unyielding look on his guardian’s face. His chest constricted tightly, and unaccustomed tears welled, catching him off guard. He closed his eyes, fighting for control, and only opened them again when Sean cleared his throat.
“I’ll overlook the illegal photograph this time,” Sean said, as though reading his thoughts. “I understand this is hard for you. But we’ll be reviewing the Center’s policy on contraband after dinner.”
Jack bit his lip and nodded. Every time he thought there might be something behind the harsh exterior, he was reminded he was nothing more than an operative bound by unrelenting rules.
“You’re in the classroom with Instructor Wallace again this afternoon. Better not push your luck by turning up late twice in the same day.”
Jack slid from his chair and had almost walked out of the kitchen when Sean called his name. He turned reluctantly to find Sean standing right in front of him.
“Your guardian has been pleased with your progress. Don’t do anything to jeopardize that.”
Jack shook his head, afraid his voice would quiver if he tried to speak.
“Go on, scoot,” Sean said.
He barreled into the classroom with ten seconds to spare, ignoring Instructor Wallace’s frown as he slid into his seat.
“That’s cutting it a little too close,” Instructor Wallace said sharply.
Jack sucked in a breath, waiting to see which way Wallace would jump. This near the deadline, he could go either way.
“I’ll excuse you this time, but I expect better from you going forward.”
Jack’s breath hissed through clenched teeth, and he murmured his thanks. Instructor Wallace was a stickler for the rules, but he was scrupulously fair and had never deliberately tried to catch Jack out.