“Because I enjoyed that kiss, and I don’t accept apologies for things I truly enjoyed.”
The brazenness of the statement pulled a reluctant laugh from the dark rattling in closet of his mind. Even though he didn’t mean to, a chuckle surfaced. “Whether you accept it or not, I apologize. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because you’re helping us, and you’re a fellow soldier.” He continued to struggle with his action. Whether he intended to kiss her or not, simply acting without her permission crossed the line.
Challenge flared within her eyes as she lifted her eyebrows. “I don’t know, I think you should have done the kiss a lot earlier. There’s this thing called chemistry.”
Joss was unlike any woman he’d ever known. Not that he could count many women on that list. Chemistry? Was she worried about something? His touch didn’t harm anyone, not like Garrett’s. Not if he didn’t exert force. Had he done something wrong?
She laughed aloud, and finally slid her graceful touch away from his face allowing him to breathe a little deeper. Taking advantage of the sudden freedom, he took a step back.
“What’s so funny?”
“You are.” Nothing malicious existed in her simple statement. “We have chemistry, honey.”
Was she referring to the chip? He hadn’t mentioned the chip to her, not even in passing. At least he didn’t think they had. It wouldn’t have mattered, even if they had. His chip had been deactivated.
Tilting her head, she studied him. “You seem so very distressed.”
Not quite snarling, he glared at her. “I don’t enjoy being the butt of a joke. Especially one I don’t understand.”
She held up her right palm to face him. “I swear to you, you are not butt of a joke. I simply find your shyness endearing. Maybe shyness is the wrong word. Maybe it’s the simple innocence of you is what I find so endearing.
Her answer didn’t mollify him. In fact, it seemed to make it just a tad bit worse. “I am far from innocent.”
“Good Lord.” Eyebrows arched and her lips puckering in disapproval, she planted her hands on her hips. “I’m sure you are far from innocent. However, you don’t seem to understand what it means when two people have chemistry together. Do you?”
“I understand chemistry. Science. I understand pheromones. I also understand that one individual’s pheromones may react with another, or a person may react to those pheromones and it increases the chances for physical attraction and compatibility.”
Her humor evaporated, leaving her to simply stare at him, mouth agape.
“Whether we have…compatible pheromones… Or not. It does not, nor could it ever, excuse my actions. One might be a basic hormonal response, the act of actually reaching across and kissing you and —”
“And doing it damn well, I might add.” Joss’s interjection only fanned the flames of his temper.
“It doesn’t excuse what I did. I don’t care how well I did it.” Only he didn’t care, he cared very much. A sense of pride filled his veins. She’d enjoyed his kiss. He’d adored hers. They needed to end this conversation. “I need to reach out to the team. Stay here.”
Pivoting, he stormed through the room to the communications chamber, punched in his codes then shoved the door open. Leaving it ajar, he paused at the computer station and planted his hands on the table. He could have just reached out to Simon mentally, but he needed the distance—
Joss caressed the path along his spine and sent a fresh wave of lust crashing through him.
Jerking, he glanced over his shoulder and locked gazes with her. “What the hell are you doing? I told you to stay in the other room.”
“I don’t take orders from you, big boy.” The smile tilting the corners of her lips grew more playful by the moment. “Not to mention I’m the one with the info. No way I am staying out of any conversation that involves you going in to retrieve them. I was a part of the problem, and I will damn well be a part of the solution.” The entire time she spoke, her hand rested against his spine, and he couldn’t find a way to make his thoughts move in the correct order.
“Can you give me a little distance?” All he wanted was a little time to get his thoughts under control and his lust leashed. When he reached out to Simon, the last thing he wanted the telepath to see was Joss in his thoughts.
“I don’t know,” she murmured, narrowing the distance between them until he could feel her breath on his skin. “I think we need to be closer.”
His thoughts stuttered.
So did his heart.
He was doomed.
* * *
Joss didn’t think she’d ever been so amused by man’s reaction to her. Because while he was apologizing stammering over it, he was also tense and stiff very much aware of her presence.
It was adorable. “Drake,” she said careful to modulate her tone, because she didn’t want to scare him off. “Look at me.”
“I have been looking at you. I’m captivated by you.”
A rush of emotion tingled in her belly then spread across her body at his raw honesty. “Are you?”
“Of course I am. How could I not be?”
Understanding his reticence had to come from another place, and not just from their kiss, Joss ran her fingers along his spine. She noted how the tension seem to ease then stiffen once more where every place that she touched. “Am I hurting you?”
Surprise flared in his eyes. “No.”
Too swift an answer. Far too swift. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
As far as she knew that was the first blatant lie he’d ever told her.
“Yes, you are. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, or what I did to make you afraid. I enjoyed that kiss, and I know you did, too.”
“Enjoyment isn’t the issue.” The gruffness in his voice sent another thrill to skate over her skin.
“Then what is?”
Despite his back still being toward her, he kept his head turned so that their gazes remained locked. She got the sense that he wanted to be anywhere but there, yet he didn’t try to run away. The man was a living, breathing contradiction.
“It’s a very complicated situation.” Was he explaining it to her or to himself? “And I have power over you.”
If not for the absolute straight face and very sober tone he possessed when he said that sentence, she might’ve laughed in his face. As it was, she was extremely tempted to laugh in his face. “I’m sorry, power over me?”
He nodded once. “I kidnapped you. I held you prisoner. Both against your will and, yes, I understand that both is implied in the description. I’ve cost you your job. I’ve introduced you to a world of darkness. I have power over you.”
He was serious. He really thought… Oh my God. A warm feeling flooded her center then spread out words like a radiating star. He genuinely cared that he might be overtly influencing her… “You are the most adorable man I’ve ever met.” She didn’t bother to hide it. To be perfectly blunt, she never experienced such a sensation with regards to someone else’s actions and how they affected her.
“You’re confusing me again.” A hint of mild accusation went a long way toward freeing the laughter that had been clawing its way out since he declared his power over her.
This time, she gave into it. “I think you have only yourself to blame for the confusion.” She laughed. “You are a thoughtful man. Maybe I didn’t give you credit for that when we first met.”
Finally, Drake turned away from the communications panel and faced her. “Why do you find me so funny?”
“I don’t know. It may have something to do with the fact that you are sweet, gentle, and even though you’re attracted to me, you care about my feelings and why I might be having them.”
“I know what it is like to be used.” The solemn admission evaporated her humor. Nothing light or amused inhabited his eyes.
“Will you tell me? Can you help me understand
?” Eager to continue touching him, she allowed her hand to glide over his bicep and down to his forearm before easing herself onto a sitting position on the desk. As she suspected, he turned to face her following her motion. His lips told her he couldn’t, but his actions said he was as desperate for her as she was beginning to feel for him.
“I told you about the future,” he said in a somber tone. “You didn’t believe me. What would you have me tell you now? What would you have me say that you would believe?”
He wasn’t wrong. Trying to wrap her mind around the concept of time travel proved an elusive proposition. “You’re right, I didn’t believe you. I’m not sure I’m ever going to believe time travel as an answer.” Lifting her chin, she met his gaze and stared into those deep, dark brown pools. “I don’t want to know about how you got here, I want to know about you.” To emphasize, she pressed her hand to his chest just above his heart. The steady thump of it vibrated against her palm.
“There’s not much to tell. I was born and somehow ended up in one of the crèches.”
“What’s a crèche?” He was so very sad. The depth of depression welling from within him threatened to drown her. But she refused to give into it. She hadn’t given into her own, so she wouldn’t give in to his. It was a damn good thing she was a strong swimmer.
“It’s where they sent orphan children, as I told you.” He gave a tiny shrug. For a flicker of a second, it was though she could see the lost little boy and his eyes. “Some of us knew where we came from, most of us didn’t. I think it was easier for those of us who didn’t. Granny ran our crèche. She was strict, but fair. Her only goal was to help us achieve our majority.”
Didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out not all of them did. “Do you know when you got there?
“Too young to remember. I think I was a baby, definitely younger than three.”
So very young, making it unlikely that he would have memories of where he came from. “What happened? Can you tell me that?”
Another little shrug. “I was a boy. I learned. I knew to keep my head down and not challenge the officials when they came to inspect the crèche. I did my studies. I respected Granny’s rules. Then I hit puberty. “He stretched out his right hand and it hovered below his chest level. “At the onset of puberty, I was just this tall. I grew to my current height over the space of about three months. I got stronger and stronger. I tried to hide it, at first.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen, I think. Just barely.” He released a great sigh and then he brought his hand over to cover hers on his chest. The light weight of it warmed her. “It proved impossible to hide what I’d become. At the next inspection, I was conscripted.”
She could only imagine what they conscripted them for. “You were a child.”
“I don’t know if you can understand this, but the world I came from only valued you for what you had to offer them. The separation of wealth, of personal freedoms, and even of basic human rights… It created a society where the caste system determined everything about you. Most… To use your word ‘enhanced individuals’ were for the yoke. You did the work you were told to do, kissed the boot you were told to kiss, and never ever disobeyed.”
Bile burned in the back of her throat, but she had to know. “Why the gold tattoo on your face?”
“To make sure no one ever doubted what I was.” The quiet pain in his statement stabbed in her heart.
“A scarlet letter kind of thing?” The very idea went against everything she defended. People were people, and no one deserved to be called out for their differences.
“You see the world is a beautiful place. You see all the possibilities. The potential. It’s a very pretty bubble that you live in, Joss. Sometimes I wish I could live there to, but I know the seedy, dank underbelly. There’s always been a separation between the haves and the have-nots. A separation between black-and-white, foreign and familiar, small-town and big-city. In some ways those separations… Those very differences, they enhance the world, they give it texture. They also breed fear, misunderstanding, and ultimately hate.”
Sucking in a deep breath, Joss leaned away from Drake, but she didn’t move her hand. Instead, she stared at the ceiling and tried to collect her thoughts. She wanted to argue that sure some people were assholes and they could be cruel. But the whole world wasn’t one giant bully waiting for an excuse. There were more people willing to give in to save and to protect than there were to destroy and to take. But did it really matter? “It only takes one.”
“In this case, yes,” Drake said with a heavy sigh. “I served as best I was able. From the moment of my conscription, I was trained. They thought using my strength meant quelling protests easier. It also meant capturing enhanced easier.”
Shock struck her mute. When he told her he’d been in her position before, she hadn’t quite understood. He’d been used to hunt his own kind.
“Yes, I hunted and captured sixty-seven souls. Most preferred death to capture. Of the sixty-seven I captured, twelve made it to the turning point.”
Joss felt sick.
“Of those twelve, most were dead within the year. That happened when I was eighteen. Then I captured Michael.”
Michael. The man he wanted to find, the one most likely being held in the Cavanagh building.
“Like me, Michael had worked for the establishment. Unlike me, Michael also worked with the rebels. He was a double agent, I don’t know when he was turned or if he worked for them all along. Michael never talks about that. I wouldn’t know for some time that Michael allowed himself to be caught.”
“He wanted to meet you.” Absolute certainty settled within her.
“Yes, he’d apparently seen me after I’d… After I… Brought in the bodies.” This big, beautiful black man with his stunning gold tattoo and velvet-gloved mannerisms possessed the most sensitive of souls. Not questioning the need or the desire, she slid forward and wrapped her arms around him again. Hugging him as tightly as she could, she buried her face against his neck.
“You’re not alone.” Holding him seemed to be the only way to reinforce the sentiment. “I promise, you’re not alone.”
“Joss, I’m responsible for their deaths.”
She couldn’t resolve him of his guilt, or the responsibility. “Did you have a choice?”
“I refuse to say I was only following orders. I knew it was wrong. I felt like a prisoner, despite all my strength, and I did know how to escape it. When they told me to do stuff I simply did it, even when it made me sick.”
Never had she wanted to take away someone else’s pain as much as she did in this moment. Those long nights after coming home from deployment when she considered eating her gun, she believed she’d experienced the depth of despair.
How wrong she’d been.
“So how did Michael turn you?”
For the first time since he began telling her this history, Drake laughed. The deep baritone sound rumbled across her. “He dared me.”
With her cheek pressed to his shoulder and her face tucked against his neck, she couldn’t quite read his expression. “Dared you?”
“Yes,” Drake said with another rumbling laugh which vibrated beneath her cheek. “He dared me to break the cell door, then he dared me to break the shackles, and then he dared me to prove that I was stronger than the chains keeping me there. May not seem like much, but Michael was the first man to ever talk to me like I was a person and not a tool since I’d been conscripted. He told me he was going to walk out of there, and he was going to take out as many of them as he could. He asked me to come with them, and he promised he would get me out.” Drake sighed. “When I asked him what I had to do for that promise of freedom, he told me all I had to do was accept it. I had to fight like hell. I could choose to be a warrior, or I could stay where I was as it killed my soul, one death at a time.”
“You went with him. “
“Yes, and I have never ever regretted that decision. He didn’t expec
t me to keep fighting alongside them afterwards, and if I told him I wanted to go and try to carve out a life somewhere in the corners of our corporate run hell, he would’ve let me go and wished me luck. But once I found my courage, I refuse to put it down.”
Lifting your head, she nuzzled a kiss to his jaw. “Drake, I swear we will get him back.”
“Thank you, but you know I’m not going to make you help us.”
Sometimes, men were just dense. “I know, but I dare you to kiss me again. I dare you to kiss me like you mean it. And then I dare you to be with me, touch me and let me touch you. I dare you to live.”
Challenge flared in his eyes. “I know what you’re doing.”
She grinned. “I know what I’m doing, too. What do you say, big boy? Double dog dare you… I double dog dare you to—”
Damn if he didn’t take her up on that dare. The moment his mouth glided over hers and his lips took possession, she felt the imprint on her soul.
Michael might’ve gotten them away from his captors, and someone else may have sent him back in time, but Joss was bound and determined to pull him out of the darkness.
She was a woman with a mission, and she always got her man.
Chapter 12
Joss was so fucking perfect for him. A wealth of emotion pummeled him when she’d wrapped her arms around him. The open acceptance of his confession, followed by her dare? Yes, the sensation of falling might never end. It didn’t matter what waited for him at the bottom, at her invitation, he leaped. Indulging himself, he gripped her hips as they tangled their tongues together.
The scent of her arousal seemed to wrap around him. Drunk on the taste of her, he nudged her thighs apart and glided his hands down to her ass. Squeezing the sweet roundness of her bottom, he caught her lower lip between his teeth. Sucking on it gently, he opened his eyes, wanting to see her expression.
Releasing her lip, he didn’t move away and rested his forehead to hers. “I have to ask you to forgive me,” he whispered, proud he was coherent enough to even form the words. “Are you sure?”
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