by Robin Roseau
We successfully arrived in the kitchen, Francesca had to offer more support than I had thought would be necessary. She got me seated in a chair, and I said, "Francesca, you were right."
"Should I carry you back upstairs?"
"I'm here. Can I get something to eat?"
She nodded.
I looked around the kitchen. "Someone else was here with you."
"Gia, my eldest daughter. You will meet her later, I am sure." I was slipping. I hadn't heard her leave.
Francesca busied herself in the kitchen. She tried to offer me a wolf-sized meal, but I talked her down to something small. Her definition of small and mine needed a modicum of negotiation as well.
"The lemonade I had earlier. It didn't taste like it was from a mix."
"Fresh squeezed," she said.
"Is it plentiful?"
"We will make as much as you like, Michaela."
I felt marginally better after eating. Francesca puttered around the kitchen, clearly uncomfortable.
"Where is Elisabeth?" I asked.
"Resting. I can send Angel for her if you need her."
"Let her rest. I will behave at least for another few hours."
Francesca's lips quivered at that, but she was able to suppress an outright smile.
"Can you tell me anything more than what Elisabeth did earlier?"
"No."
"Is that because you won't tell me, or you haven't heard anything new."
"Both."
"Is the alpha all right?"
"Yes, the last I heard."
I sat there thinking about everything. "Francesca, where are you in the pack hierarchy?"
"That isn't as simple a question as you may think," she said. "In many ways, I am outside it. In my own house, I am dominant, and no one would question how I run my house, not even the alpha."
"And in pack politics?"
"I answer to the alpha, of course. And to Elisabeth."
"To David?"
"If David gave me an order, it would only be as a relay from the alpha. He wouldn't attempt to command me on his own authority. But at the same time, I command only my own children and my students."
"You're a teacher?"
She nodded.
"I am also outside the pack hierarchy. I do not answer to the alpha."
"That is between you and the alpha," she said diplomatically.
"Earlier, you said the worst case scenario was the alpha might see me out of bed. So you are worried about the alpha's reactions, but not worried about my health."
She looked me straight on. "No. I knew you could argue if I were making my decisions based on your health. You can not argue with my relationship with the alpha."
I almost laughed, but it hurt. "You are more fox than I would have expected."
"I will endeavor to consider that a compliment."
We sat in amiable silence for a while. When I was sure I was done eating, Francesca cleaned up then offered to help me back to bed.
"Francesca," I said. "I would like to apply a very small amount of stress to the boundaries we have agreed."
She narrowed her eyes at me.
"I would like five minutes outside."
"Absolutely not."
"Francesca, the entire house smells like wolf. I am a tiny fox, and wolf is not a scent that normally fills me with a sense of safety. I would simply like to clear my lungs. That is all. Please."
I hated having to ask. But perhaps if they got used to my asking politely, when I didn't ask, they wouldn't expect it.
"One minute standing on the front steps with my arm around you."
"Thank you," I replied. I climbed slowly to my feet and headed for the front door. Immediately she was next to me, but she moved smoothly and didn't startle me. We made it to the front door and out onto the front step.
No one was about. I thought about sitting down on the steps so she could walk further away from me, but I didn't like the thought of standing back up. So I let her support me, and I leaned against her, breathing deeply the fresh September air.
She didn't rush me, and I got my five minutes.
"Thank you," I said finally. "You have been very kind."
She didn't say anything but simply helped me back upstairs and to bed. "Angel will be watching. She will be in a great deal of trouble if she relaxes her diligence and you were to depart without her giving warning."
"You don't play fair, Francesca," I told her.
"I am simply stating fact."
"She does not deserve to be put between the affairs of adults."
"She is old enough to watch you."
"And I am fox enough to confuse her, but I won't. At least not until dinner time."
"I will send my older daughter up before then," Francesca said with a smile. "She perhaps will not be swayed by your artful ways."
"It's not today or tonight you need to worry, Francesca. Tomorrow I go home."
"That is between you and the alpha."
After that, I slept.
* * * *
The other daughter was with me when I woke next. "This really is tiring," I said. "I should not be treated like an errant child who needs a keeper."
"That is between-"
"Yes, I know. Me and the alpha."
"Exactly."
"What are your orders?"
"I am not authorized to allow you to leave this room."
"And you would scream, like your sister?"
She smiled. "No. I would stop you, then call for assistance in a firm voice."
I sat up to a moment of dizziness, but it was the dizziness of too much sleep, not a concussion. I slipped to the side of the bed, and Gia was immediately on her feet and standing in front of the door.
"You take your duties very seriously," I told her. "I will be using the bathroom. I intend a shower, and then I will descend for a small bite to eat. Call whomever you must."
"You will not be leaving this room, Ms. Redfur."
"Call whomever you must. I will be going downstairs."
"Ms. Redfur, if I were to offer you clothes that fit, would you be more agreeable?"
"I would very much appreciate clothes that fit," I replied. "But if I have to do it wrapped in a sheet, I am going downstairs to eat."
She sighed and pointed to a shopping bag next to Lara's dresser. "Two pair of jeans, several changes of undies. Sports bras and blouses."
"Sports bras?"
"Easy to fit without a fitting."
"Will you tell me whoever went shopping so I may offer thanks?"
"That would be me this afternoon."
I smiled. "Thank you, Gia. If I find myself required to use my foxy ways, I will endeavor to avoid doing so during your shift as jailor."
"Mother warned me you would use that word," Gia said. "It is not accurate, and I will not be swayed by it. The alpha told us to keep you safe. We will keep you safe."
"And any other course of action-"
"Is between you and the alpha."
"I will remain reasonably compliant this evening. I will descend for dinner, and I will take a short walk outside."
"Not on my shift."
"Call someone then. That is what will happen." I walked calmly to the shopping bag and brought it into the bathroom with me.
The shower felt good, and Gia had done a good job finding my sizes. There was even a pair of sandals. They would not do for running, but I could walk comfortably in them. I brushed my hair thoroughly and felt reasonably put together by the time I exited the bathroom.
Elisabeth was waiting for me, and there was no sign of Gia.
"Ah, I was hoping you would arrive. Come, you can update me over a bite."
"Is that all you do is eat and sleep?"
"And argue. Don't forget the arguing."
She smiled. "One could never forget the arguing, little fox." I crossed the room and stood in front of her, and she stepped aside from the door. I descended the stairs without assistance and made it smoothly to the kitchen.
Francesca and Gia were there, and the informal kitchen table was set for four.
"Good evening," I said by way of entrance. "Do I have an assigned seat?"
"Wherever you like," Francesca said. I took the nearest seat. Francesca set down a glass of lemonade and the three wolves sat down to join me.
We served ourselves and I asked Elisabeth if she had a status update for me.
"No change. They are still looking, expanding their search."
"Other than the three youths, everyone is unhurt?"
"Yes."
"I would prefer to speak with the alpha this evening, if she should become available."
"She told us we could call any time this evening."
"Do you have authority to show me where they have searched?"
"Yes. Later."
"All right. We can do that while talking to Lara."
"Is that before or after you lose your argument about a walk outside?" Elisabeth asked me.
I smiled. "Elisabeth, we both know you would be much happier if I remain reasonably compliant. We also know I am going to get my walk. Do we need to argue about it?"
"Do you give your word I will not regret it, Michaela?"
"I will do nothing tonight to betray your trust, Elisabeth. That is between now and midnight."
Gia had been paying attention to all this and finally asked her mother, "How does she get away speaking like this? She should do what she is told."
I turned to her. "I make my own choices. Right now, I am not in any condition to outright defy the alpha. That will change. I am very stubborn and respond poorly to strong arm tactics. I am fox, not wolf. And there is no one here to whom I answer. Elisabeth is able to physically restrain me. If I pushed hard enough, she could toss me into that cell I was in a few days ago. But she doesn't want to do either of those, and I don't want her to do those. So we walk a dance."
"She could lock you in your room," Gia pointed out.
"The alpha's room, you mean?"
"Yes."
"Elisabeth, if you do that, what will I do?"
"Go out the window."
"And if you somehow prevented that?"
"You'd find a way through the door."
"And if I couldn't?"
"You would find a way through the wall."
"What if you physically restrained me or locked me in that cell?"
"You would hate us forever."
"And how would the alpha feel about that?"
"You alive and hating her is better than you dead."
"But not as good as me alive and not hating her."
"Exactly."
"Does that answer your question, Gia?"
"You should do what you are told," Gia said.
I sighed. "I am fox, Gia. Not wolf. Your rules and my rules are different. Your rules are based on strength and obedience. Mine are based on trust."
"So the alpha should trust you to do what you're told," Gia said triumphantly.
"The alpha should trust my judgment and my personal choices over my own life. It is my life, after all, not hers. And I should be able to trust that she will keep her promises to me."
Elisabeth shook her head slightly at me. I decided she was asking me not to talk about broken promises. I nodded slightly once.
"You said you would be reasonably compliant," Gia said.
"Yes. Earlier I told Elisabeth I would be reasonably compliant this evening." I turned to Elisabeth. "I believe evening ends at midnight."
She nodded understanding.
"All right," said Gia. "So if we all walked away, right now, you would stay right here?"
"Probably not. I'd probably go sit outside."
"But we could trust you to do nothing foolish?"
"You could trust me to be easily found and engaged in nothing I believed was potentially dangerous to my health."
"You said until midnight?"
"If I am unattended outside at 12:01 AM, I will make my own choices. I will have fulfilled my agreement."
"You would run away, just like that?"
"Probably not. I don't think I'd get very far."
Elisabeth snickered.
"But I might try to steal a car," I added. "Or I might climb back upstairs and go to bed. It would be my decision, not anyone else's."
She thought about it all. "You should do what the alpha says."
Stubborn wolf.
"Why don't you make her promise to behave until the alpha returns?" Gia asked.
I laughed, and Gia turned a dark look at me.
"I'm sorry, Gia. I shouldn't have laughed. Elisabeth would absolutely love to get me to make that promise. She would need to threaten to put me in the cell before she'd get it, and even then, I might count on escaping during a bathroom break rather than give it."
"You are like an ill behaved pup," Gia said. "And you should be treated like one."
"David tried that," I said coolly. "How did that work?"
"You told them what they wanted to know."
I looked at Francesca to see if she wanted to interfere. She looked at me calmly. I turned back to her daughter.
"Gia, why do you think I came here in the first place?"
"Because the pups were kidnapped."
"Yes, they were, but what was the purpose of my coming here? I could have simply run away. Why did I come here?"
"To tell the alpha about the pups," she said eventually.
"So do you think David hitting me got the answers to come out of me faster than they would have if he had asked me politely what I knew?"
She looked down. "Probably not."
"Probably." I sighed again. "Elisabeth, how long was I unconscious?"
"Nearly an hour."
"How long would it have taken me to start answering questions if David hadn't hit me."
"I imagine a few seconds."
"I was going to ask for something to cover me up and some water. So a few minutes. Instead it took over an hour. Do you think that time mattered?"
"Yes, it mattered. We may have been able to track them if we'd gotten there faster."
I turned to Gia. "I made a fatal mistake, one I have to live with. I should have called the alpha as soon as I saw what was going on. Instead, I tried to help, forgetting I had a phone. It was the worst mistake I have ever made, and I am guilt ridden over it."
"How long between when you found them and when the other wolves arrived, Michaela?" Elisabeth asked gently.
"I'm not sure. Maybe twenty minutes or so. They were nearby. But I also wasted time approaching cautiously. I am fox, not wolf, after all. If I had called at the first yips, you would have had forty minutes or more."
"No one would have called at the yips," Elisabeth said. "No one is going to fault a fox for caution. So twenty minutes. You were fourteen miles from our compound, and there were no direct roads. If you had called the moment you saw them, by the time we shifted and ran there, it would have been too late. If you called after you failed to free them, it would definitely have been too late. And Michaela, I would have tried to free them before calling. Other than the caution in the approach, you did exactly what I would have done."
I felt tears in my eyes. "It wasn't enough."
"No," she said. "Sometimes your best isn't enough."
I looked away for a while, calming the tears, then turned back. "I'll behave until morning if you let me walk around outside this evening."
"I'd love to walk with you if you stay close to the house."
"Thank you." I turned to Gia. "Your company would be nice, if you wanted to join us."
"I don't understand you," she said. "And I don't understand why Elisabeth doesn't make you behave. She could."
"She couldn't."
"She could! She is big and you are tiny."
I shook my head and decided she wasn't going to understand. Instead I addressed Francesca. "I was worried I would be a bad influence on the pack, but I realize the pack will never understand me enough for me to be any influence at all."
I got my walk before we talked to Lara. I think Elisabeth didn't want Lara to have an opportunity to disallow it, and she definitely didn't want to fight me on it. We stepped outside with Elisabeth hovering closely. Francesca chose to stay inside, but Gia and Angel both joined us.
We didn't go anywhere. I sat on the steps for a few minutes, enjoying the evening air and listening to Gia and Angel talking a little ways away, thinking I couldn't understand. Neither of them understood the situation, but I decided they were good girls.
"Elisabeth, when I decide to leave, please don't use those two as my jailors."
"They aren't jailors."
"I don't want them in the middle of this. I am in no shape to defy you right now, but you know tomorrow I will be, and they shouldn't suffer when I leave."
"Michaela, please," Elisabeth said. "Do not do this to me. Give it a few days. I will give you all the freedom you want if you agree to stick to the immediate area of the house."
"My freedom is not yours to give, Elisabeth. It is my freedom. Not yours, not Lara's. Until we can agree on that point, there is no room for other discussion."
"I can lock you in that cell, Michaela."
"You can, and I'm not in any shape to evade you if you do it tonight. But I've been betrayed enough by this pack, don't you think?"
"We're only trying to protect you, Michaela. Why can't you understand that?"
"I do understand that, Elisabeth. But if I am not free to leave, it's not protection, it is imprisonment. I do not choose imprisonment as the price of protection, especially when I feel I am able to protect myself."
"So tomorrow you're leaving unless I lock you in the cell tonight?"
"I don't know, Elisabeth. I don't know how I will feel in the morning. And I haven't talked to the alpha. I haven't seen the map of where they are searching."
"You have promised to behave until morning," Elisabeth said.
"Let's call it sunrise," I said. And with that, I climbed from the steps and stepped out onto the grass, three wolves following me around, and everyone wondering what tomorrow would bring.
* * * *
Afterwards, from Lara's bedroom, we called Lara. Elisabeth had given me the map, which she had annotated with where the searching had happened as of the last conversation with the alpha. She and Lara talked for a while, Elisabeth taking the phone to the bedroom across the hall. I couldn't quite here what Lara said, but I heard everything Elisabeth said.