BEING SHOT, YOU… WRIGGLING RUFFIAN
RUBBISH!’
‘Look what you’ve d-d-done!’ moaned
Toothless. ‘Those Hysterics are going to be so m-m-
mad!’
Mad those Hysterics certainly were, as mad as
fire, and Hiccup set off down the mountain like a little
bolt of lightning.
‘We’ve got a head start,’ panted Hiccup, skiing
faster than he ever had done in his entire life.
‘But it’s not going to be enough,’ gloated One
Eye with relish. ‘You’ve got half the mountain to ski
down, and they’re going to catch up.’
Sure enough, a horribly short time afterwards,
Hiccup could hear the Hysterics beginning their pursuit
behind him.
Five of the Hysterics were howling the Hysterical
Howl like a pack of insane high-pitched wolves, and the
sixth, the one with the Axe, was screaming more
personal insults.
‘How DARE you assault MY Royal Buttocks,
you midget Hooligan Assassin! We Hysterics are the best
Hunters in the entire world, and when I get hold of you
I shall chop you with my Chopper and feed you to the
53
Doomfang, I shall
shoot you full of
arrows and use you
as a colander!’ yelled the
Hysteric with the Axe.
‘Charming!’ grinned One Eye.
‘Fond of visitors, are they, the Hysterics?’
Hiccup headed straight for the
woods, thinking they would find it harder
to shoot him in there.
Now, skiing through a thickly forested area is
dangerous hard work, and the first rule you should
follow in normal circumstances is to go SLOWLY.
These were not normal circumstances, and
Hiccup screamed through that forest, madly twisting
and turning, far too fast for safety.
‘B-b-be careful!’ warned Toothless helpfully.
‘M-m-mind the trees!’
‘Oh thank you, Toothless,’ panted Hiccup
sarcastically, as he swerved violently this way and that,
‘I never thought of that…’
Dragons have quicker reflexes than humans,
so One Eye and Toothless followed with ease. But the
Hysterics weren’t doing too badly either. Hiccup did
hear one crash, as one of the Hysterics didn’t turn in
time and smashed into a tree.
But that left five Hysterics still chasing after him,
and from the sound of their spine-creeping Hysterical
Howls, getting closer by the second…
‘You cannot get away!’ screamed the Big Brute
with the Axe. ‘When I get hold of you, I shall tear you
limb from limb and use your wishbone as a toothpick!’
Meanwhile, down at the bottom of the gorge,
Gobber had woken from his nap, and ten of his young
pupils had returned from their hunting trip.
56
Gobber had harnessed five Sabre-Tooth Drivers
to the sleigh, and was waiting for the return of Hiccup
and Fishlegs.
‘I shot ninety Snowpeckers,’ boasted Speedifist
to an impressed Wartihog.
‘That’s NOTHING,’ crowed Snotlout. ‘I got two
hundred and four… easy-peasy lemon squeezy, it was
like shooting fish in a barrel. Even Hiccup the Useless
and his ridiculous Fishlegged friend must have got a few
today, they can’t be THAT pathetic.’
‘WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THOSE
NUMBSKULLS?’ roared Gobber, beginning to feel a
little uneasy. For Hiccup was the son of the Chief, Stoick
the Vast, O Hear His Name and Tremble, Ugh, Ugh, and
Stoick had a nasty temper and wouldn’t be too pleased
if anything had happened to his only son.
‘Maybe they got ambushed by Snowpeckers?’
sneered Snotlout.
There was a shouting from the gorge, and down
it like an erratic snowploughing rocket came Fishlegs,
arms whirring like windmills. Fishlegs was going so fast
he couldn’t possibly stop. He went on past the sleigh,
past the open-mouthed Gobber and the boys, and on
and on for fifty metres until he eventually came to a
stop, and collapsed on the ice.
57
Gobber ran after him, with a very nasty feeling
now in the bottom of his stomach, and picked
Fishlegs up.
Fishlegs looked terrible, purple and sweaty and
trembling.
‘HICCUP?’ shouted Gobber. ‘WHERE is
HICCUP?’
‘Hysterics…’ gasped Fishlegs. ‘A…a…a…cchoo!
Hysterics…’
Gobber turned as white as a Semi-Spotted
Snowpecker.
Up above, Hiccup shot out of the cover of the
trees like an arrow from a bow.
Directly below him was the gorge… he could
see the little speck of Gobber’s sleigh, and little dots
moving around it. The other boys must have made it
back, then…
Hiccup knew that if he skied down the gorge,
he would never make it. The Hysterics were so close
behind him now they would shoot him or catch him
before he reached the bottom.
He had to make a split-second decision.
Instead of heading towards the gorge, he set his
teeth grimly and pointed his skis to the right, down the
slope that led directly to the clifftop.
58
‘What are you d-d-doing?’ shrieked Toothless.
‘This w-w-way issa two hundred metre cliff! You
going to d-d-die!’
Behind him, the Hysterics burst out of the
woods. When they saw where Hiccup was going, they
didn’t even bother to start shooting. They just swooped
after him, shouting out jeeringly:
‘Where do you think you’re going, Hooligan
SCUM?’
‘Say hello to Valhalla for me, because that’s
where you’ll end up!’
59
They could see the edge of the cliff now, where
the snow ended, and it was just an endless drop into
nothingness.
‘Stop!’ shrieked Toothless. ‘S-S-STOP!!’
‘Why?’ asked Hiccup. ‘I haven’t got any choice.
You think those Hysterics are going to give me a big
warm hug and let me go?’
‘N-n-no!’ screamed Toothless. ‘But you can’t ski
off a c-c-cliff! Issa long way D-D-DOWN!’
‘That’s why I need your help, One Eye,’ said
Hiccup to the great Sabre-Tooth Dragon, who was
bounding alongside.
‘And what makes you
think,’ sneered One Eye, ‘that I
WANT to help you? I hate Humans.
One less of you little pink slave-drivers isn’t
going to trouble ME.’
‘That’s true,’ said Hiccup, ‘but if I die, the
next Chief of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe will be…’
Hiccup had run out of slope. He launched
himself off the cliff, throwing his weight forward, skis
wide apart. One Eye followed, unfolding his great wings.
‘Will be who?’ said One Eye urgently. ‘Will be who?’
For one moment Hiccup soared up into that glorious
infinity of blue sky like a bird.
&nbs
p; And then he plunged DOWN.
61
yelled Hiccup
as he fell.
Hiccup screamed
towards the ice at a hundred
and fifty miles per hour.
Gobber the Belch, watching from
below as the precious son of his Boss was about
to fall to his death, screamed as well.
In three seconds Hiccup would smash into the
ground and that would be the end of him.
After one second Hiccup was pretty sure One
Eye would save him.
After two seconds he wasn’t so sure.
And in fact the great Sabre-Tooth Driver Dragon
was only just in time. For vital milliseconds his hatred of
humans held him back…
But then he folded back his wings and dived
after Hiccup.
62
A Sabre-Tooth can dive more swiftly and
beautifully than a peregrine falcon. One Eye caught
Hiccup around the waist with his great talons in the nick
of time, and then swept upwards, wings stretched out
like a great white kite. Hiccup gave a whoop of joy.
Down below, the watching boys cheered, and
started the Hooligan Hurrah. Gobber practically fainted,
such was his relief.
‘Snotface Snotlout,’ said One Eye, as he spread
his wings wide. ‘Is he the tall red-headed boy with a
face like a pig?’
‘That’s the one,’ crowed Hiccup happily.
‘Then you’re right,’ replied One Eye, soaring
even higher. ‘Perhaps you are one Human worth
saving…’
Up on the clifftops, the Big Brute of
a Hysteric with the Axe was so angry he
snapped his ski-poles like twigs. His
furious voice floated up to them:
‘YOU’RE NOT SAFE
YET! YOU’RE NOT SAFE
EVER!’ screamed
the Big Brute,
completely
beside himself.
‘WHEREVER YOU GO I SHALL FIND YOU! I
SHALL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE
EARTH, TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN,
IN THE GOD-LIKE HEIGHTS OF THE SKY!
I PROMISE YOU, YOU HOOLIGAN COCKROACH,
THAT YOU WILL REGRET THE DAY YOU SHOT
AN ARROW IN THE BOTTOM OF NORBERT THE
NUTJOB!!’ and then the sound became too faint for
them to hear any more.
‘Remind me,’ Hiccup said to Toothless as they
flew along, ‘not to come back to Hysteria any time
in the next twenty years…’
‘E-e-ever,’ replied Toothless passionately. ‘Not
come back EVER.’
Sabre-Tooth Drivers are so bulky and muscular,
they can only fly short distances, so One Eye dropped
right down and placed Hiccup in the sleigh of a very
relieved Gobber the Belch. Gobber took one look at the
Hysterics on the clifftops, shaking their fists and howling
the Hysterical Howl, and judged it might not be a good
idea to stick around. He loaded Fishlegs and the other
boys back on to the sleigh and, cheering and singing, they
followed the flying Sabre-Tooth all the way back to the
little Isle of Berk.
64
4. IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH FISHLEGS?
Hiccup did not sleep well that night. Every time he
dropped off, Norbert the Nutjob found him in his
dreams, screaming, ‘I will GRIND YOU INTO SAND!
I WILL CHOP YOU WITH MY CHOPPER!’ and
Hiccup would wake up again, burningly hot and sweaty.
The following day, Toothless woke up in a furious
temper because he still wasn’t back in Hibernation Sleep.
He’d done everything he should have done the night
before. He’d taken lots of exercise, drunk a milky drink
at bedtime; all for nothing. On the dot of five o’clock the
next morning, his greengage eyes opened up, SNAP, like
a scallop opening its shell, and that was it for the day, no
more sleeping.
And that was it for Hiccup too.
Toothless crawled up from his place at Hiccup’s
feet, like a small, enraged hot-water bottle. He stormed
up Hiccup’s body, digging his sharp little claws into
Hiccup’s tummy as he went, up to Hiccup’s forehead,
where he sat and hissed furiously.
‘Toothless a-a-awake AGAIN… ’Snot fair…
’Snot fair… WHY Toothless awake? Everyone else
a-a-asleep…’
67
It is not much
fun being woken up
at five o’clock in the
morning by a dragon
sitting on your head
and hissing angry
smoke rings straight
up your nostrils.
‘Well I’M awake now too,’ grumbled Hiccup,
coughing sleepily. ‘Could you blow those smoke rings
somewhere else, I’ve already got a sore throat…’
‘Oh you,’ fumed Toothless, blowing out great
clouds of furious smoke. ‘You’re j-j-just a H-h-human,
you don’t count… us d-d-dragons s-s-sensitive… we
n-n-need our sleep.’
‘Thank you, Toothless,’ said Hiccup through
a huge bout of coughing, ‘but we don’t have to get up
now, you know, we can just doze for a bit…’
Hiccup turned over on to his other side and
snuggled the furs more cosily around his shoulders, so he
could snooze for a bit longer.
But once Toothless was awake he was AWAKE.
The little dragon made a half-hearted pretence of
snuggling down next to his Master, and then he bounced
up again.
68
‘Toothless get UP now…’ he said, flapping
around Hiccup’s head, tweaking his hair and blowing
raspberries in his ears. ‘Issa l-l-lovely morning…
come on… come on… Toothless h-h-hungry…
Hiccup make Toothless b-b-breakfast…’
And when that didn’t work, Toothless stood on
Hiccup’s shoulder, held his ear lobe tenderly with one
claw, and shrieked right down his ear hole, ‘MAYDAY
MAYDAY! Toothless need to make p-p-pee-pee
RIGHT NOW!’
Hiccup sat bolt upright like he’d been shot
with an arrow. ‘Oh jumping jellyfish, not right now,
Toothless, not on the bed again… hang on there,
Toothless, just hang on…’
Hiccup jumped out of the bed in one hop, on to
the freezing cold stone floor, and threw on four layers of
furs, with Toothless flapping round his head squawking,
‘RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW, Toothless need pee-
pee RIGHT NOW.’
‘Just hang on!’ begged Hiccup. He had to take
his mittens off to undo the big bolts on the front door,
Toothless shrieking, ‘Right now! Right now! Right
now!’
Hiccup dragged open the door, and the day
outside was still as dark as night-time and very, very cold,
69
so cold that the air was like an icy bucket of water being
thrown in your face.
Toothless flew out, still shrieking, ‘Right now!
Right now!’ and squatted down on the snow a metre
out of the front door.
‘Well done for hanging on, Toothless,’
said Hiccup, b
anging his hands together to warm
them up. Toothless squatted down, a look of pretend
concentration furrowing his horns, but nothing seemed
to be happening.
After a while Toothless got up. ‘Toothless NOT
need p-p-pee-pee after all…’ he said decidedly.
Hiccup clapped his mittened hand to his forehead
in frustration.
Sometimes being the owner of a dragon was
VERY HARD WORK.
There was no point going back to bed now that
he’d got up so Hiccup fixed himself breakfast, and while
he did this he had plenty of time to think.
Hiccup was worried about Fishlegs. Why had
Fishlegs attacked those Hysterics? It was very out of
character. Normally Fishlegs would only have to get a sniff
of something like a Hysteric and he would snowplough as
quickly as possible in the opposite direction. OK, maybe
all that falling over had set off his Berserk tendencies, but
still, it was a bit peculiar…
70
And Fishlegs hadn’t been looking too well, lately,
either. Lots of sneezing and shivering, and that couldn’t
be caused by being a Berserk. It was almost like there
was something WRONG WITH HIM…
An hour or so later, the door was flung open so
wildly it nearly fell off its hinges, and Hiccup’s father,
Stoick the Vast, stomped into the room looking for his
breakfast, like a six-and-a-half-foot earthquake, yawning
so wide you could see his tonsils. Stoick the Vast was
exactly what you might expect a Viking to be – loads of
beard and not a lot of neck, masses of muscles but not a
lot going on in the BRAIN department.
‘Made some porridge, have you, son?’ he roared.
‘Excellent, excellent.’ Stoick didn’t bother putting the
porridge into a bowl. He simply removed the cauldron
from the fire, sat down at the table, and drank the
porridge straight from the pot.
‘Father?’ said Hiccup.
‘Mmm?’ said Stoick absent-mindedly, as he
tipped his great head back and drank the last dregs of
porridge, a lot of it running down his beard in a sticky,
lumpy river.
‘I wonder if you can help me… I’ve been
worrying about Fishlegs…’ said Hiccup.
How to Train Your Dragon: How to Cheat a Dragon's Curse Page 3