It’s a form of wordplay that’s probably been around as long as the first alphabet. The trick is to rearrange the letters of a word or phrase to form a new one. That’s the easy part. What’s more remarkable is when the new phrase describes the original in some way. Like these historical examples. . .
PRESIDENT CHARLES DE GAULLE
becomes. . .HE’S LARGE AND ILL-PERSECUTED
FRENCH REVOLUTION
becomes. . .VIOLENCE RUNS FORTH
ENGLAND’S QUEEN VICTORIA
becomes. . .GOVERNS A NICE QUIET LAND
THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA
becomes. . .WHAT A FOREIGN STONE PILE!
DISRAELI
becomes. . .I LEAD, SIR
THE VERSAILLES PEACE CONFERENCE
becomes. . .ALLIES CONVENE HERE; PERFECT CASE
NICHOLAS THE SECOND, CZAR OF RUSSIA
becomes. . .ZEALOUS ANARCHISTS DO SCORN CHIEF
TOWER OF LONDON
becomes. . .ONE OLD FORT NOW
JEANNE D’ARC, MAID OF ORLEANS
becomes. . .AS A MAN, REJOINED OLD FRANCE
SAINT GEORGE AND THE DRAGON
becomes. . .HA! A STRONG GIANT ENDED OGRE
FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
becomes. . .FLIT ON, CHEERING ANGEL
PERSHING’S AMERICAN ARMY
becomes. . .RACE IN, SAMMY, GRASP RHINE!
VENETIAN GONDOLIERS
becomes. . .RIDE IN LAGOON EVENTS
ROOSEVELT’S ROUGH RIDERS
becomes. . .GOV. R’S TRUE HERO SOLDIERS
CATHERINE DE MEDICI
becomes. . .HER EDICT CAME IN: DIE!
DANTE GABRIEL ROSSETTI
becomes. . .GREATEST BORN IDEALIST
THE MONA LISA
becomes. . .NO HAT, A SMILE
The death of George V was timed so that it would make the better morning newspapers.
THE ANCIENT CITY OF KING SOLOMON?
* * *
The ancient ruins of once-rich Great Zimbabwe are the largest in Africa south of the Sahara. The Europeans who discovered it in the 19th century couldn’t believe that “mere African savages” could have built it. So who did?
The ruins of Great Zimbabwe lie in an isolated position near the Limpopo River in present-day Zimbabwe, central Africa. They’re so impressive that when Rhodesia (formerly Southern Rhodesia) became independent, the country took its new name from these amazing remains. Because by then, the answer to the secret—who had built this colossal edifice?—was known.
WHAT A RIDICULOUS IDEA!
But for over a century of fascination to Europeans—during which so many probed, dug and in fact demolished so much archeological evidence—only one thing seemed clear to them: no way could this remarkable achievement have been built by, in their words, “mere African savages!”
JUST GREAT
The enormous buildings are the largest ancient ruins south of the Sahara. The “Great Enclosure” is over 100 yards across and nearly 300 yards in circumference. The walls are about 36 feet high and up to 20 feet thick. Within the enclosure is a tower, 35 feet high and 20 feet wide at the base—and it’s solid, with no spaces within! (There’s still a mystery as to its use.) All around the Great Enclosure are other stone complexes. Over a million granite blocks were used in the building, all closely fitted together using no mortar.
FRANCE-SIZED
Eventually it was found that Great Zimbabwe was the center of an enormous ancient kingdom, with some 200 other areas of stone buildings and monuments that made up a once-thriving nation about the size of France. Estimates showed that the population of the complex could have been around 20,000.
Turkey’s Sultan Mohammed VI started his coronation day in jail, where he’d spent 53 years.
DIGGING FOR TREASURE
Even though there are rivers nearby, the “city” wasn’t built near them—a major inconvenience in the African climate. But it was apparently built right on top of very rich gold and copper mines—pretty good alternative reasons.
The area was fabulously wealthy in its time. Amazingly, artifacts from India and China have been found there, evidence of enormous trading power, via the east coast of Africa.
WHO DONE IT?
The various theories were weird and wonderful. Could this be the fabled site of King Solomon’s mines? Did the Phoenicians, via where the Suez Canal now is, move down the east African coast? They certainly had the building and trading skills. What about the Arabs? They’d been building trading cities down the east coast for centuries—did they also spread inland? What about that preacher, Prester John, the fabled white ruler of Ethiopia?
IT’S A DATE
The dating of Great Zimbabwe suggests that the major building was carried out around A.D. 1100, which rules out King Solomon and the Phoenicians for a start. Prester John has since been proven never to have existed, and the walls have since been shown not to be Arab-built.
As one of Sherlock Holmes’s favorite sayings goes, “Once you have got rid of the impossible, what is left, however improbable, must be the answer.” Could it have been those “mere African savages,” after all?
THE LOCALS
The major tribe in the area today is the Shona. A simple understanding of the Shona language (something the early explorers didn’t seem to think of) shows that “zimbabwe” means “houses of stone”—which would have been a pretty logical indication. A look at the history of the Shona shows that the tribe came into the area around A.D. 500, and has been dominant there ever since.
Victoria’s first act as queen was to get her own bedroom.
RUINING THE RUINS
Of course, the early Europeans couldn’t comprehend such a thing and, in their desperation to reach the expected original (i.e. non-African) ruins—and, of course, to get at some of that gold and copper—they carved through and destroyed a lot of archaeological evidence that might have told them the full story much earlier.
TAPPED OUT
Great Zimbabwe and the surrounding lands were in fact developed and built by the Shona. They probably reached the height of their economic strength around A.D. 1500. After that, with its gold and copper resources tapping out, trade with the Arabs (who handled the Shona’s import-export trade with Asia) declined and eventually fell away altogether.
INDEPENDENCE DAY
Until the 19th century, its story had been lost. But now it’s at least partly known again. And when the “Rhodesians” gained their independence, they were more than proud to rename their country Zimbabwe, reflecting on their peoples’ former glory.
CHIEF SEATTLE’S SPEECH
It is the most stirring and often quoted of native American speeches, supposedly delivered by Chief Seattle in 1854. In it he refers to the earth as his mother and the rivers as the blood of his ancestors. He also expressed his grief at having seen “a thousand rotting buffaloes on the prairie, left by the white men who shot them from a passing train.”
Yet these words were never spoken by that famous chief. They were, in fact, the invention of a Hollywood screenwriter by the name of Ted Parry who gave them to a Seattle-like character in the 1972 movie Home. Since then millions of people have associated the speech with the real Seattle.
The world population in 8000 B.C. was just 8 million. In 2020 it will be 8 billion.
MY HEROES!
* * *
In 1800, Spain controlled all of the present United States west of the Mississippi, and everything south of it to the bottom of South America—except for Brazil, which belonged to Portugal. Less than 25 years later, all of Latin America was independent. How did an entire continent-and-a-half change hands so quickly?
The colonists of Latin America had a few chips on their shoulders, and we don’t mean nachos. For one thing, the Creoles—the colonists who were white but had been born in the New World—were feeling shut out of their own government. Most of the power was held by royalists (supporters of the European kings and queens) who’d been born in Europe.
If you weren’t whi
te, you had it even worse. Native Americans toiled for a living on farmlands stolen from their ancestors. Most blacks were slaves. The economy was in lousy shape. Dinero was tight, and local industries were suffering under high taxes and high shipping costs. All in all, the colonists were getting a little caliente under the collar. There had been a few attempted rebellions here and there during the 18th century, but they fizzled out pretty quickly. By the turn of the century, the successful revolutions in the United States and France gave colonists new hope.
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
In 1807, Napoleon sent French troops to occupy Spain and Portugal. While Spain was otherwise engaged, the colonists decided to take advantage of the distraction. Over the next several years, rebellions broke out from one end of Latin America to the other.
A SIGN FROM HEAVEN
Paraguay achieved a shaky independence in 1811. That same year a revolution in Venezuela started out well. But in 1812, when a violent earthquake hit hard in areas held by Venezuelan rebels, but left the royalists’ territory mostly untouched, a lot of revolutionaries took it as a sign of God’s disapproval. From then on things went from bad to awful. Morale hit an all-time low.
The people of India and the Mayans were the only ancient people who knew about zero.
HERO NUMERO UNO
Enter José de San Martín, the lesser-known of two great leaders of Latin American independence, but a very important hombre in his own right. San Martín knew that for independence to last, it had to happen throughout Latin America, not just in one state. In 1817 he led an army of Argentines and Chileans across the Andes, and after a year of fighting took Chile from the royalists.
OLÉ FOR OUR SIDE!
Using his new position of power, he then tried to negotiate peacefully for a new government in nearby Peru. The lengthy negotiations failed, and San Martín’s troops were on the move again. This time the royalists ran away, and San Martín and his men were cheered by the populace as they marched unopposed into Lima in 1821.
UP NORTH IN SOUTH AMERICA
Meanwhile, the tide was also turning in the northern end of the continent, thanks to the other hero of this story, the extremely famous Simón Bolívar. Bolívar had been a leader of the failed rebellion in Venezuela, and after its final defeat in 1815, he had fled to Jamaica. But the fearless Bolívar had just begun to fight. He gathered an army in Haiti and returned to Venezuela in 1816. In just three years he liberated not only Venezuela but also the lands that are now Ecuador, Colombia, and Panama. In 1819 these became a single nation called Great Colombia. It was later split into smaller countries, but Bolívar became its first president.
AT LEAST THEY DIDN’T CALL IT SIMONLAND
In 1823, the new government of Peru invited Bolívar to come over and take charge—of the whole country. Who could turn down an offer like that? Upper Peru later became an independent country in 1825, under a constitution that Bolívar himself drew up. The new nation was called Bolivia in his honor.
LET’S HEAR IT FOR OUR HEROES
The success of San Martín and Bolívar inspired more revolutions throughout Latin America. Mexico and Central America declared their independence from Spain in 1821, and Brazil severed ties with Portugal in 1822. Even though Bolívar’s dream of a unified Latin American nation never came to be, he and San Martín helped bring an end to imperialism in the Americas. Except for Canada, of course, but that’s another story.
In 1864, the top U.S. income tax rate was 3%.
WHY DO THEY CALL IT THE DARK AGES?
* * *
Do you know when the Dark Ages were?
Don’t feel bad; not even the experts agree.
The Dark Ages started around the late 5th century, when Rome fell, and ended sometime between the 8th and 11th centuries, when the Middle Ages semi-officially started.
CASTING SOME LIGHT ON THE DARK AGES
There are two main reasons for calling this period the Dark Ages:
1. Less is known about this time than other eras, because fewer books and writings survived. Ergo, we’re in the dark about the age.
2. That era always seemed barbaric and chaotic to historians. Most of the folks living then were illiterate and half-starved. The phrase “Dark Ages” describes the way people were living: in the dark.
To put things in perspective, remember that Rome had ruled most of Europe for around 800 years. When it collapsed, so did all the organizations that ruled Europe, the Middle East, and North Africa in its name. With no more administrators or armies to keep order, everything came apart. Food couldn’t be distributed, and most money was worthless. Barbarian invaders smelled easy pickings and moved in. As if the barbarians weren’t bad enough, a plague that started in Constantinople in 542 spread throughout Europe, and by 594 had killed half the population of Europe.
BACK TO BASICS
People moved away from the cities, abandoning the niceties like roads, baths, sewage systems, and other municipal services. They spent most of their hours scrambling for food, and had no time for learning, art, or any of the finer things in life.
Most scholars prefer “Early Middle Ages.” Calling such a big chunk of centuries “dark” implies that nothing worthwhile was going on. That’s not true. Christianity was spreading, monasteries and churches were being built, feudalism was forming, and—as we’ve already pointed out—there were plagues, invasions, and famines. Sounds like it was a great time to be alive doesn’t it?
In 1978, Emilio Marco Palma became the first person born in Antarctica.
NEW WORLD ORDER
* * *
King Tut never smoked a cigarette. Mark Antony never gave Cleopatra a box of chocolates. Montezuma never ate pork chops. Were they all health fanatics? Well, not exactly. . .
During the lifetimes of ancient folk, tobacco did not exist in Egypt, cocoa had never been seen in Rome, and pigs didn’t live in Mexico. In fact, many of the plants and animals that cover the globe today weren’t widespread until the voyages of Columbus redrew the ecological map of the world.
THE PRE-COLUMBIAN MENU
Before 1492, no Englishman ever ate corn, and no Native American ever rode a horse. There were no wheat fields waving across the Great Plains. You couldn’t get your Italian grandmother’s recipe for tomato sauce because no one in Italy had ever seen a tomato. You could look your entire life, but you wouldn’t find a banana in Guatemala, an orange in Florida, or a peach in Georgia. If you ordered fish and chips in London, you just got fish because there were no potatoes.
TRAFFIC JAMS ON THE ATLANTIC
Columbus’s voyages of discovery changed the world by creating rush hour on the Atlantic Ocean. Explorers, conquistadors, missionaries, and settlers moved back and forth between the New World and the Old. They carried plants and animals from their homelands to the Americas, and they brought what they found in the Americas back to Europe. Farms and kitchens on both sides of the Atlantic would never be the same again.
WILD INDIANS START HORSING AROUND
When European settlers came to the Americas, they wanted to feel at home, so they brought a lot of home with them. First and foremost, they could not have conquered and settled the New World without their single greatest import—the horse. Mastery of the horse gave Europeans the advantage of speed and mobility. It’s not a coincidence that the last Native Americans to be conquered were the Plains Indians of North America who adopted the trusty horse after the Europeans arrived.
As a Member of Parliament, Isaac Newton only spoke once. He asked for an open window.
Cattle, pigs, goats, sheep, and donkeys—not a one of them existed in the Americas before they arrived from Europe. The new settlers also brought their own crops, and plenty of them. They imported wheat and other small grains like oats and barley to the fertile plains. They brought bananas, sugar cane, rice, and citrus fruits to the American tropics. Before European colonization, there was not a lot of coffee in Brazil. In fact, there was none.
AMERICA’S APPLES WERE A BUNCH OF CRABS
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br /> Fruits such as pears and peaches were unknown in the Americas, and the only apples were wild crab apples. Colonists introduced popular flowers like the All-American daisy and vegetables like cucumbers, cauliflower, cabbage, and onions. Even that old Southern staple, black-eyed peas, originally came from the Old World. Settlers also brought the dandelion, which keeps gardeners busy on weekends as they pull them out of their lawns.
THOSE A-MAIZE-ING NEW WORLD VEGGIES
Native Americans had their own collection of unique crops that Europeans had never seen before they got off the boat in the New World. The crops that made the greatest impact on world history were corn, the potato, the tomato, and tobacco.
But there were other New World crops, including the lima bean (Can you believe anyone liked lima beans enough to take them home?), sweet potato, pineapple, avocado, cranberry, and squash. Even though Halloween had been celebrated in the British Isles since ancient times, they never had a decent jack o’lantern until the Europeans got pumpkins from Native Americans. Plenty of flowers were also distinctively New World like zinnias, marigolds, dahlias, sunflowers, and the poinsettia.
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges into History Page 34