by K. B. Webb
“What did you expect me to do, Dani? You’re drunker than a depressed sailor! I couldn’t let you go home alone like that.”
“You’re a fucker, Jason Slade.”
Jasmine raises her hands as if she understands me completely. “That’s what I always say!”
“Hey, Red, you ready to go?”
“Don’t call me that.” I shoot invisible lasers at Lucas’ pretty face, and then at his crotch, but quickly stop. I can’t even imagine doing invisible harm to the beautiful thing in his pants.
I stand up and wobble to one side for a second before Lucas catches me. “Okay, this is going to piss you off, but it’ll make getting you down the hall a lot easier.” With that, he scoops me off the ground, throwing me over his shoulder.
I kick and hit him in the back, but he’s not fazed.
He stops in the kitchen to talk to Jason. “Thanks for the call, man, and sorry about the other night.”
“No problem.” They do the man nod at each other as Lucas heads for the door.
“Bye, Dani!” I wave at Jasmine as I walk by her and flip Jason the bird when he tries to smile at me. He really is a fucker.
Lucas carries me down the hall, only putting me down when we get to my doorway. He has my keys in his hand and unlocks my apartment.
Once inside, I walk past him and straight to my bedroom with Lucas hot on my tail.
“Ya know, you didn’t have to come over. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Thank you very much!” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I trip over the rug in my room. Fucking rug, always getting in my way. Why do I need a rug anyway? Like, who invented the rug in the first place? Stupid rug inventor!
“Dani, you know I can hear you talking right?”
I laugh, “Oh, sorry!”
“Just let me help you get in bed and then I’ll leave you alone, okay?”
“Whatever.” He acts like I’m not capable of putting myself in bed. I am very capable of that. Jackass. I took care of myself just fine before Mr. Self-righteous came along.
“Dani, you’re talking out loud again.”
“Ugh! Damn it!”
He laughs at me and watches as I struggle to get undressed.
I finally get my clothes off and crawl into my bed with only a bra and panties on.
“Why do you have underwear on?”
“You would notice that, wouldn’t you?” He shrugs.
“Well, if you must know, I went shopping today and I don’t like to try clothes on commando. It’s weird.”
“Fair enough. You need anything? I’m gonna sleep on the couch.”
“No, I don’t need anything, and you don’t have to sleep…” I feel the puke rising, and from the look on Lucas’ face, he can see I’m about to blow. He grabs me off my bed and runs full force to the bathroom, placing me on the floor just in time for me to throw up in my bathtub.
After I thrown up the multiple bottles of wine I drank, I lay my head down on the side of my tub. Lucas grabs a rag and runs it under warm water before using it to clean my face.
“Feel better now, Red?”
I nod, scared to speak. “Want to try to go lay back down?” I nod again and Lucas carries me back to my room, this time, putting a trashcan beside my bed before he starts to leave.
I call his name right before he walks out my door, “Lucas?”
“Yeah, Red?”
“I lied.”
“About what?”
“About wanting to be your girlfriend. I do want to be your girlfriend. I’m just scared you don’t want me to be.” I instantly feel like a thousand pound weight has been lifted off my chest when I finally say it.
Lucas says something, I know this because I can hear him, but I can’t make out the words. I’m too tired now to try to talk.
Wine hangovers are a motherfucker.
Fucking, Jasmine. I see the trash can beside my bed and all the small details from last night come flooding in. The pizza. Jason showing up. Lucas showing up. Puking in my bathtub. Oh God, what did I say to him last night? I know I said something, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was.
I make my way out of bed, putting on my hangover clothes, a college t-shirt of my dad’s and shorts, and head to my bathroom to inspect the damage. Surprisingly, there is none. My bathtub is spotless.
I brush my teeth five times before I start to head out to the living room. I need coffee and Diet Coke ASAP. That’s when I smell it. Bacon. And eggs. Who is cooking breakfast in my house?
I am met with the most amazing sight; Lucas wandering around my kitchen in just basketball shorts, cooking. There is a pile of bacon on one plate and eggs on another. He’s flipping pancakes, too.
He can fuck my brains out and cook pancakes; well, he just doesn’t play fair at all.
He turns around to lay another pancake on the stack he has made on the island and sees me. “Morning, sunshine.” I groan at him and sit down at one of the stools in front of all the food he’s made.
He places coffee and Diet Coke in front of me, and then hands me a plate with way too much food on it. “Dig in.”
And I do. The bacon is crispy, the eggs are fluffy, and the pancakes have chocolate chips in them. Everything is perfect, too perfect actually.
“Your mom called you.”
“Oh, shit!” The last thing I need today is to deal with a hangover and Gail.
“I answered it.”
“You what?”
He holds his hands up defensively. “Hey, would you have rather had her calling out a fucking search party for you? No. I just answered and told her you didn’t feel good so you were resting and I was here to take care of you so she shouldn’t worry.”
“Oh.” What am I supposed to say, thank you?
“She said you told her yesterday that you felt sick so she was glad I was here to take care of you. I also told her I would remind you to call her before you went to work.”
I just nod at him.
I don’t really know what we’re supposed to do right now. Why is he still here, in my house, cooking breakfast? I thought we were over.
“Dani, can we talk?” Oh great. Here we go. The usual ‘it’s not you it’s me’ bullshit speech where he asks if we can still be friends. This should be fun.
I shovel more eggs in my mouth. “Sure, Lucas. Talk away.”
He clears his throat causing me to look up at him. I realize he actually looks nervous.
“I do use Nikki and my dad as a way to avoid relationships. I’ve been fucked over before, so I don’t want to have that happen again. I know that I spew bullshit about not wanting to settle down, but I do it so I can be upfront and honest from the beginning. It makes me come off as a prick, I know, but I’m really doing it so I don’t hurt anyone.”
He walks around the island and sits in the stool beside me, so he is facing me. “Dani, you are not like any girl I have ever been with. And yes, I do feel something for you. And I know I’m the one who made this complicated, okay? I know that.”
He pauses for a moment. “I also know that you say we can’t cuddle, but you like to tangle your feet with mine when we sleep. You say that I can’t stay past breakfast, but sometimes, I hang out here all day. You say that this is just physical, but I know that your favorite breakfast is chocolate chip pancakes because your dad used to make them for you every Sunday. You say that you don’t want to be my girlfriend, but then you get drunk and tell me that you do want to. Those are all the things you say. Well, here are all the things I say,” he pulls me so that we’re standing up, and then lifts me on the counter and stands between my legs, “I say that I don’t do relationships, but I have basically been in one for weeks. I say that I don’t want to talk about personal shit with anyone, but I’ve told you more than I have my own brother. I say that I can’t imagine sleeping with one woman for the rest of my life, but watching you cum and hearing you scream my name is my favorite thing in the world.” He puts my face in his hands and wipes away the fe
w tears that have slipped out. “I say that I’m a dick, and I don’t know how to do relationships, but I want you to teach me. I say that settling down scares the shit out of me, but with you, it’s a little less scary. I say that I may fuck this up terribly, but I’m willing to try if you are. So, what do you say?”
With tears running from my eyes, I answer, “I say okay.”
She said okay. That means this is real. She’s mine. I’m hers, and we’re each other’s. It also means I’m a raging prick because two nights ago I fucked a girl who wasn’t Dani, a girl who has lied to me and tried to tear me apart. And I know that if Dani ever finds out about it, she will never forgive me. So I don’t tell her. Instead, I carry her to her room and bury myself deep inside her, trying to forget the shitty things I’ve done, and pray they don’t come back to bite me in the ass.
Sometimes things are too perfect. Everything seems to be going right and, if you’re a guy like me, you anticipate the bullshit. You know that it is coming. The last few months had been like that. Everything was pretty much perfect.
Wynee and Justin had finally gotten their own apartment, and I knew Justin was getting close to finally proposing to her.
Molly and Logan were living together and happy. My brother was the happiest I have ever seen him. Molly’s best friend, Ryan, had come back to town. He had been in the Army and was finally home for good, safe and sound. He was a nice guy and was living with Molly and Logan.
Dani and I, well, we were fucking fantastic. We spent every night together and never got tired of it. She had started taking a few college classes and was loving it.
Thing were good. Too good. And then, it all came crashing down around all of us.
“Lucas, your phone is ringing.” Dani keeps nudging me and, eventually, I hear the sound, too. I glance at the clock. Fuck, it’s almost four a.m.; who the hell is calling me right now? I stumble out of bed, looking for my phone, and finally find it in my pants pocket.
I don’t even look at the caller ID. “This better be good.”
“Luc?”
“Justin, why the fuck are you calling me so early?”
“Luc, Brian showed up at Ricky’s. Molly shot him. He’s—” I can tell he is trying to fight back tears. “He’s dead. We’re headed to the hospital now.”
“Logan?”
“He’s okay physically, but he’s pretty fucked up. I think he’s blaming himself for all of it. He’s gonna need you, man.”
He’s not even finished talking before I begin throwing on clothes and motion for Dani to do the same. She looks at me worried, but jumps out of bed and starts digging through drawers.
“I’m on my way.” I hang up the phone and feel like I might just fucking collapse. After everything Logan has been through, he doesn’t need to deal with this shit, too.
“What’s going on?”
“Molly’s ex-boyfriend showed up. She killed him.”
Tears instantly rush to Dani’s eyes. I don’t think either of us know what to do right now. Know what to expect from all this. It’s too much information to try to take in right now. We also both know that Molly is so fragile anyway; this could destroy her.
We head downstairs and get in my truck. I’m pulling out of the parking lot before Dani even shuts the door completely.
When we get to the hospital, I rush to find Logan. I know Justin said physically he is okay, but I need to see it with my own eyes.
I find him in the waiting room with Wynee, Justin, and Ryan. He has his head buried in his hands and he’s hunched over. He’s covered in blood and I don’t know if it’s Molly’s or Brian’s.
He looks up when I open the door. When he sees me, he instantly steps toward me, hugging me as he breaks down in tears.
He collapses to the floor and I go right along with him. Suddenly, we’re eight and eleven again and I’m holding him while he cries because he can hear our dad hitting our mom. And for the first time since I was eleven, I cry too.
Hours later, Logan is stationed by Molly’s bed, refusing to leave her side. Wynee and Justin went home because Molly asked them to go check on her daughter, Lyric. She asks me and Dani to go home too, but we don’t. We’re sitting in the hallway beside her door. The doctors say Molly will be fine physically. She has some bruises and a few cracked ribs, but all those injuries will heal. The emotional damage though, may never go away.
“Lucas, why don’t we go home and get some rest. Molly’s fine.” Dani rests her head on my shoulder and runs her nails up and down my arm.
I shake my head. “I’m not worried about Molly.” I look up at her and her eyebrows are knitted together. “I’m worried about Logan. She’s going to push him away, Dani. I can see it. I know it’s going to happen, and I can’t do anything to stop it. He’s going to get hurt again.”
“You don’t know that, Lucas.” She tries to smile at me reassuringly.
“Yes, I do! I can see it all over her face. She is blaming herself and she is going to emotionally check out because she thinks it will be what is best for him.”
“And exactly how do you know this?”
“‘Cause that’s what my mom did.” I have never really talked about all the shit my dad did, but right now, I think I need to tell Dani so she understands that I know how this works.
“My dad left because my mom shot him. She didn’t kill him, just shattered his kneecap. It was clearly self-defense. When the cops showed up, we were both covered in bruises and bleeding.”
“What? What happened?” She looks confused and I don’t blame her. Dani met my mom the day we officially started dating. Mom made her cookies and cheesy chicken spaghetti and listened intently as Dani told her life story. I know it’s hard for Dani to believe because Dolly Wade is the sweetest woman anyone will ever meet, but one night, she finally had enough.
“Logan and I were supposed to be staying at friends’ houses. Around midnight though, I decided to walk home. Something was wrong; I could just feel it. When I walked into my house it was dark, but I could hear her screaming in her room. I ran upstairs to help her.” I shake my head, wishing I could erase the image that is embedded in my brain. “He had her pinned on their bed and was just hitting her over and over. She kept telling him she was sorry, but I don’t know why. I ran to my room, grabbed my baseball bat and came back in swinging. I got a few good licks in before he wrestled it away from me. He stood over me holding the bat, and started taking body shots at me. I knew he was going to kill me.” I take my vision away from the blank spot on the wall I’ve been staring and lock eyes with Dani. “You know the only thing I was scared of? Who would raise Logan? That’s it. He needed me, and I was terrified of what he would go through without me.” I remember that night like it was yesterday. He kept hitting me with the bat along my torso and legs over and over. No matter how loud I screamed, he never stopped.
“You said your mom shot him though?”
“She did. She said her mother’s instinct finally kicked in and she knew she had to do something once and for all. She grabbed the pistol my dad kept in his sock drawer and fired. She hit him in the knee, shattering it. A neighbor heard the shot and called the cops. When they showed up, he was bleeding on their bedroom floor, and my mom and me were locked in the bathroom. She was still holding the gun. We both had to go to the hospital and I was there for a few days. She filed for divorce and got Jack to sign over his rights to Logan and me, and he never came back.”
“Does Logan know?
I shake my head and wring my hands. “No. And he never will. He was only eight so he doesn’t remember too much. Somewhere along the lines he got convinced that Jack just never came home one day. When Mom and I were in the hospital, he stayed with friends for a few days. It was summer so he never thought twice about it.”
“You said that your mom checked out though. What did you mean?”
“She went into a depression after she shot Jack. She finally realized how much damage she had done to Logan and me by staying with him for so
long. She just, checked out for a while. She didn’t cook dinners or get us ready for school. Logan would try to talk to her, love on her like a little boy should with his mother, and she would push him away. She said she had hurt us enough already and she was convinced we would be better off without her. It was a really hard few months. I ended up being the parent, and no kid should have to go through that.”
“She’s okay now though, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, she is. She eventually got counseling and that helped a lot. She also takes an anti-depressant every day, which helps, too. She still carries around some of the guilt, I know she does, but she’s let most of it go. When she finally got her shit together again, she worked hard to make up for all the damage that had been done. I still had to help raise Logan though. He needed some kind of father figure in his life, so I took on that role.”
“Lucas?”
I look down the hall and see my mom walking toward us. She has tears streaming down her face.
I know this has to be hard for her, seeing Molly go through something so similar to her situation. I know it has to hurt like hell.
I jump up and hug her small frame to mine while she cries. Then, Dani does something that surprises me; she stands up and holds my hand while I comfort my mom. It’s such a small gesture, but it means so much to me. It’s her way of saying she’s here and she’s not going anywhere. I haven’t had security like that in, well, ever, and it feels so much nicer than I ever thought it would.
After my mom, Dani, and I visit with Molly and Logan for a while, we all three leave. Dani says that if I’m right about what Molly is going to do to Logan, sitting here won’t change anything. I need to make sure I have my shit together so I can pick him up when he falls apart.
She still seems to believe there is a chance I’m wrong, but I know I’m not. I can look at Molly and tell. There is something missing behind her eyes when she looks at Logan now. She used to have this spark every time she saw him, and now they’re just empty.
We get back to Dani’s apartment and I immediately head for the shower. I feel like shit and I know I look that way, too.