He knew it was crazy. He knew that he and Angela didn’t know enough about each other, yet nothing had ever felt so right. But he’d thought that about Mary and he’d been wrong. Eight years in different foster homes had taught him how hard things could get.
“Gee, you’re being quiet,” Nancy said. “Normally you politely tell me to mind my own business. Something must be different.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He wanted things to be different, but he wasn’t sure.
“I talked with her tonight while you were gone,” she said.
“What?”
“I know, it’s incredibly nosy of me, but I couldn’t help myself. I went over, armed with cookies, and had a nice talk with Angela. I like her very much, despite the fact that she told me you two were only friends. You had me going there, Shane. I thought the baby was yours.”
“It’s not and we are just friends. She needed a place to stay and I offered mine.” At least, that was how it had started.
“Interesting. And this from a man who values privacy above most things.”
“I know, but this is different.”
“Why?”
A reasonable question from a close friend, but one for which he had no answer. “I wish I knew.”
“From what I could pry out of her, you’re both single, you’re both intelligent and you’re both attracted to each other.”
That got his attention. He stared at her. “She said she was attracted to me?”
“No, and even if she had, I wouldn’t tell you. It’s a girl thing. I’m basing that statement on what I’ve observed about both of you. You both glow when you talk about the other person.”
He could feel himself glowing right now. Angela wanted him? He’d known that she’d liked their kiss nearly as much as he had, but with all that was going on in her life, he hadn’t wanted to push her too far, too fast.
“How do you feel about her baby?” Nancy asked. “You’re not the father.”
“I know, and it doesn’t bother me.” He told her about seeing the photo from the sonogram. “It was the most amazing thing—to look at a simple picture and know that very same child was growing inside of her.”
Nancy gave him a quick smile. “I think the two of you are going to do just fine. Just don’t wait too long to say something, Shane. I think it would be very sad if the two of you missed out on each other because you were both so busy giving each other plenty of time.”
She had a point, but he also had to be careful. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He bent and kissed her cheek. “Tell Jerry that he’s a lucky guy.”
“I share that piece of information with him every night.”
Shane waved goodbye and let himself out the front door. Usually after he and J.J. spent time together, he stayed to talk with Jerry and Nancy, but tonight he wanted to get home. As he crossed the driveway and walked up to his front door, he saw a light glowing from inside. That’s what happened now that Angela was in his life—she kept a light on for him. It was small gesture, but one that pleased and touched him.
He used his key to unlock the front door, then stepped inside. “It’s me,” he called.
“Thank goodness.” Angela walked in from the kitchen and laughed. “I’ve been alone with a plate of cookies for far too long. I keep telling myself to freeze them, but one by one they’re disappearing inside of me. For some reason I can resist my own baking, but someone else’s is usually beyond tempting and I give in. How was your evening with J.J.?”
She was casually dressed in leggings and a dark red long-sleeved sweatshirt. Gold heart-shaped earrings caught the light and twinkled. Her mouth curved up in its usual welcoming smile. In that moment he knew that he wanted to pull her close and hold her. He wanted to kiss her and touch her and make love with her. He wanted his feelings to be real. What he wanted was a sure thing. But life wasn’t usually that accommodating.
“We had a great time. Pizza and video games. It was a guy’s paradise.”
“Ah, I see. So for a change of pace, you’ll be happy to watch a period movie with me on public television, right? It starts in about fifteen minutes. Of course there’s also a basketball game on. What a dilemma.”
Her green eyes danced with amusement. No matter what the circumstances, she brightened his day. He suspected her good nature was a testament to her strength of character. She’d gone through far more than most people, and yet she’d kept her sense of humor. She was the kind of person who would always survive with dignity and courage intact.
He wanted her—of that he was sure. But for the rest of it… he still had questions. His past had taught him to be wary. Yet when he looked at her all he could think about was being with her.
“Who are you?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly. “Who is this woman who has invaded my life, my thoughts and my world? I can’t stop thinking about you…wanting you. Am I crazy? Is that wrong?”
Her gaze never wavered from his. He’d thought she might retreat or act nervous. She did blush a little, but she also took a step toward him and stood tall. “If you’re crazy, then I am, too, because I feel exactly the same.”
Seven
This wasn’t happening, Angela thought with a combination of joy, trepidation, and, embarrassingly enough, lust. It couldn’t be. Had Shane really just admitted that he couldn’t stop thinking about her? Had she really invaded his world as much as he’d invaded hers? She pressed her hands together, wanting to believe it was all true, but part of her was afraid. To be so close to something she wanted, and then to lose it—she knew she would survive, but it wouldn’t be pretty.
It was probably just hormones and a lack of sex, but was that so bad? She liked Shane. She really did. Maybe more than liked, but she would worry about that later. However, before they could act on any mutual desire, she had to ask him how he felt—about Tom and about the baby. No matter what that truth cost her.
“Shane there’s something I have to talk to you about,” she said softly, not quite able to meet his gaze.
“All right. Talk to me.”
She took in a deep breath. “One of the reasons I fell in love with Tom was the way he treated me. From the moment he met me, he thought I was special.”
“I remember. He thought you were a princess.”
She nodded. “I had been taking care of my brothers and sisters for so long, and before them I’d been looking after my mom before she passed away. I couldn’t remember the last time anything had been about me. Tom changed all that and for a while it was wonderful. But it wasn’t what I needed.”
She risked a glance at him. He was watching her intently, but she didn’t see any judgment in his expression. “Go on,” he told her.
“It took me a long time, but I finally saw that instead of picking a man who would be there for me through my future, I picked someone to make up for my past. Between that mistake on my part and Tom’s inability to grow up, I suspect we were destined to failure.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that,” Shane said. “You had no way of knowing what you were doing at the time.”
“I know. I’ve learned that over the years. I made the best decision I could at the time. And that’s my point. I can’t regret marrying Tom, because he gave me my child. I can’t regret the baby. I keeping wondering if this new life is going to be the best thing he ever did.”
Shane moved toward her and gently touched her cheek. “You don’t have to explain this to me. I understand completely. One of the things I like most about you is your ability to forgive Tom his weaknesses and to focus on the good in the man. You’re even working on forgiving yourself. That’s what matters. That and the fact that you’ll love your child, regardless of how she came to be.”
Her eyes burned with unshed tears. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Don’t thank me. If I didn’t think that, I wouldn’t be worth bothering with.”
He continued to stroke her face. The touch was light and gentle, and very, very sensual.
&nbs
p; “I remember being happy when I was young,” he said. “Before my parents died, I mean. Most of the memories are pretty blurry, but what I can see is a lot of laughter. They were very much in love and I was the bright spot in their universe. I always wanted that same joy when I had a family of my own. But I was always afraid.”
“Why?” she asked, searching his gaze. “I’ve told you a dozen times, you’re a natural father. You’ll be great with kids.”
“It’s not that,” he admitted. “It’s not what I had, it’s what I lost. When my parents were killed, I was devastated. I’d lost everything, and I was only nine. Life got ugly really fast.”
“I’m sorry,” she told him as she pressed her cheek into his hand. The warmth of his touch connected them, she thought. She wanted to move closer and hold him, but sensed he had to finish what he was telling her first.
“After that I got cautious,” he said. “I didn’t want to lose anyone again, so I didn’t get too close. That way there was nothing to take away. I thought if I planned everything, if I made sure I had backup plans and contingencies, then I would never be caught off guard again.”
Of course, she thought. It made perfect sense. “What happened instead is that you spent most of your time alone. Until Mary, and then she let you down, too.”
“I want to believe,” he admitted. “I want to care, maybe even love…”
But he didn’t. Angela told herself she understood. “Everything has happened so fast,” she murmured.
His fingers continued to stroke her cheek. “I need you, Angela. It’s been a long time since I’ve needed anyone.”
Need was a start, she thought. After all she wasn’t a hundred percent sure either. She stared at the handsome face which had become so dear and so familiar. Okay, she was ninety-eight percent sure, but he didn’t have to know that. They could be lovers for a while and see where that went. After all Nancy had said Shane was already acting out of character. It was a hopeful sign.
“I need you, too,” she admitted.
Shane dropped his hands to his sides and shifted uncomfortably. “At the risk of being a clod, how are you defining ‘need?’”
She smiled. She knew exactly what he meant. “Oh, I was thinking naked and in bed. What about you?”
His groan was audible. “Thank goodness. I want you so much. I have from the beginning. Not just from the kiss but from the first time I saw you.”
His words thrilled her. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
He reached for her, then paused. “What about the baby? I don’t want to hurt either of you.”
Angela threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. “Thank you,” she murmured. “Thank you for being so warm and caring. This is one of the reasons I feel so safe with you.” She raised her head and stared at his handsome face. “I’m perfectly healthy and the baby is going to be just fine. It’s possible that in the last few weeks of pregnancy things will change, but for now, it’s perfectly safe.”
“So you’re saying we shouldn’t waste any time.”
She laughed. “Something like that.”
He cupped her face, then lowered his head and kissed her. The touch of his mouth against hers was welcome and familiar. He was as she remembered—the feel of his lips, his scent, his heat. And her body responded to his closeness and his touch. She felt a warmth start low in her belly and flow into her most feminine place. She felt her breasts swell and pucker. Even as she brought her arms up and wrapped them around his neck, she marveled in the rightness of the moment. She and Shane had only kissed once before. Yet being with him this way was a homecoming.
“I want you,” he breathed against her mouth, then slipped his tongue past her parted lips and invaded her.
In that moment Angela found herself caught up in a wild, tumultuous storm. She felt buffed from all sides as incredible waves of passion crashed through. As he stroked against the inside of her lower lip, then teased her tongue with his, she found herself unable to do anything but cling to his broad shoulders and drown in the pleasure he created.
It was just a kiss, but it was also the portal into a new world. She ran her hands up and down his back, reveling in the muscles that clenched and bunched as she touched them, sensing he wanted her to learn him as he would learn her. They had chosen each other, perhaps for the night…perhaps longer. Regardless, she still needed to know everything about him.
His tongue plunged inside her mouth again and again, leaving her breathless and shaking. Then he cupped her face and rained kisses on her cheeks, her forehead, her closed eyes, before nibbling his way from her jaw to the collar of her sweatshirt.
“I want you,” he breathed between kisses. “I need you, Angela. Let me touch you and be inside you.” He raised his head and stared into her eyes. “Please.”
She had never felt such absolute power—and such incredible humility. They were united souls, broken apart and left to wander unfulfilled until they found each other again.
“I need you, too,” she told him. “I need to be yours, in every sense of the word.”
With that he took her hand and led her down the narrow hallway and into his bedroom. Once there he turned on the overhead light.
She had a brief impression of a large four-poster bed and an oversize dresser. No rugs broke the stretch of hardwood floor, no pictures relieved the stark white of the walls. The comforter was beige, and there wasn’t a throw pillow in sight.
“You aren’t much for decorating, are you?” she teased. “Would it kill you to put up a poster or two? Just something for color.”
“I never saw the point,” he told her. “I did this room myself. Mary never stayed here with me. We never made love in this house or in this bed. I want you to know that because I don’t want there to be any ghosts.”
She faced him and put her hands on his waist. “If you can understand and let go of my past, then I can certainly do the same.”
“I’m glad.”
He reached for the hem of her sweatshirt and pulled it up. Angela hesitated for a split second. Although she was barely showing, her body was still different from the way it had been before she’d gotten pregnant. Would Shane want her once he’d seen her naked?
But he was tugging on her shirt and unless she wanted to explain about her personal insecurities, she couldn’t stop him now. Besides, she doubted that he would understand. Most guys never quite got the whole female-body-image-fear-thing women carried around in their heads.
She raised her arms and let him pull the sweatshirt over her head. He tossed it onto the dresser.
Next he knelt in front of her and carefully unfastened her shoes and took them off, along with her socks. He pulled down her leggings, easing them off each foot. She stood in front of him in panties and her bra and it was all she could not to dive under the covers and pull a blanket up to her neck. A picture of his neighbor flashed into her brain. No doubt Nancy had been radiant from the day she’d been born. At least Shane hadn’t had an intimate relationship with her, so he wouldn’t be comparing the two of them.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“Nothing.” She pressed her lips together. She’d never been a very good liar and Shane didn’t look the least bit convinced. She sighed. “Just that I’m a little self-conscious about my body. I mean, it’s okay most of the time, but I’m pregnant now and I’m, you know, worried you won’t like it.”
Her voice had lowered as she’d spoken until the last few words came out as a whisper. She also found herself staring intently at the top button of Shane’s shirt. It was really a fascinating item, she told herself as she tried to avoid his gaze.
“How can you doubt that you’re beautiful?” he asked, then took her hand in his and pressed it against his groin. “How can you doubt that I want you?”
The thick length of his arousal surged against her palm. He was certainly…ready. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “So how long has it been, Deputy
?”
“A lifetime,” he said, picking her up into his arms and lowering her onto the mattress. “I’ve been waiting for you since before I was born.”
As lines went, it was a darn good one, she thought dreamily as he claimed her mouth with his. She liked how he pressed against her, too, his body hard to her soft. He was all unyielding planes and masculine strength. One of his large hands splayed across her body, between the gentle rise of her belly and the bottom of her bra. As his tongue swept the inside of her mouth, she vaguely wondered which direction he would move first. There were so many possibilities with each.
Then, slowly, so very slowly that she thought she would die, he moved his fingers up until he cupped the curve of her left breast. He brushed the underside, teasing her until her nipple was as hard as a pebble and literally aching with need. He angled his head and kissed her deeper, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted him to touch her bare breast, to stroke the sensitive tip, to rub it and squeeze it, to lick it with his tongue and drive her mad.
As least he could read her mind, she thought as he reached underneath her and searched for the fastening on her bra. When he found it, he undid the hooks one by one. Then he slid the undergarment down her arms and tossed it away.
The night air was cool on her overheated skin. Her nipples puckered even more, making them hypersensitive. His hand returned to cup her curves, then his thumb brushed against the ready peak.
A million dots of light burst free inside of her. Angela surged against him, pulling his tongue deeper as they kissed, sucking on him, all the while willing him to keep touching her that way. He continued to read her mind. He stroked her over and over again, taking her nipple between his thumb and forefinger and teasing it until she thought she would die or climax. If he’d even lightly brushed against her feminine place while he was doing that, she would have lost herself in release. She could feel the tightness in her body, the need coiling low. Her skin had never been this sensitive, her body never this attuned to another’s touch.
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