Plantation of Chrome
Page 28
“And what do you want from me, Noah? You want me to forgive you? Because if that's what you want from me, then I'm... Noah, you killed a child. A child.”
“I never killed a child!”
Stone's face was stern and shaking, his eyes firm. He clenched his fists so tight it felt like they were dug into themselves.
“What?”
“I was there, yes, I saw them die, but I never put my hand on any of those kids.”
A light glared across Julia's face. “That's what he meant,” she said. “That's how he saved you, isn't it?”
“Frank took my place in hell when it all happened. I know he's already there now, and that I'll join him soon enough and that I'll see him again and...”
“Noah, there's no excuse--”
“No excuse for what we did? No excuse?! You think I haven't thought about that every moment since it happened?!” Stone's eyes were spilling out from their sockets, his entire body shaking as he spoke. He then looked at the little mound of dirt on the ground, calming down. “We were straight out... fresh out the gate, couldn't wait to finally delve into life. We'd had our small moments, moments of brief joy... brief life, but it all crumbled away. And then came our big break and we... we... there is not a shred in my body that isn't regretting that night. There is not a second when I don't think about those five kids, what they could've been if trash like me wasn't littering this world, but mostly... mostly... mostly I wonder if even one of them would've been alive if we hadn't done it.”
“If who had been alive?”
“Everyone, Julia.” Stone lifted up his hat to his head, the broad shadow now covering his eyes. “Everyone would have lived if we just hadn't done it.”
They stood apart for a while, the sun still rising.
“I'm leaving America, Noah,” she said. “I'm moving my store to somewhere in France to start a new life there.”
Stone nodded. “I've thought about leaving, too,” he said.
“I figured you had. I wanted to leave earlier, but something inside of me needed to tell you first.”
Stone looked down at the faint green left in the Pit, then back at Julia's eyes. Her head was askew, her eyes slightly blinking, but then she closed them and left.
Colorful paper littered the ground around him from the new year’s party the night before. Noah Stone stood by the shadows of the harbor and looked towards the faraway horizon. He imagined how a cloud would look, soaring so low that it touched it; the line that separated the sea from the sky. He was standing a distance away from the people boarding the big ship. It had three tall chimneys pointing up, pumping out smoke that joined and merged with the smoke from the rest of the harbor's many big factory columns. Stone looked back at the city, felt its shadow against his body, and imagined how it had grown since he was a little boy.
Men, women and children were walking up the loading ramp and onto the ship. Stone, hands in pockets, looked over the flock of people, his eyes desperate for one last glimpse. He remembered how she had looked that day by the Pit, looking at him, and he'd thought since that day what she had and hadn't told him.
The ramp was slowly emptying, the mass of people slowly dwindling away onto the ship. The dockworkers were looking at each other; some from atop the big shop, some from down below, all looking at each other, nodding and giving signals, yelling and receiving orders. One of the men was about to unbuckle the ramp from the docks when someone started yelling from farther down the pier. She came down, wearing a hat with brown flowers, carrying an urn in her arms, her brother, Stone knew, and as she hurried being the very last passenger, her shoe fell off and slid behind her.
Stone found himself reaching out for her as if to help from within the shadows, but he remained motionless. She took her shoe and put it back on, and as she stood, she looked his way for a brief moment. Stone knew she hadn't seen him, but as he saw her leave up the ramp, a dockworker tipping his little white cap at her, he didn't know if he wished that she had.
The ramp was heaved away and the ship started moving. Two dogs barked at the front of the ship, their bawls mixing with the whistles and bells that went off with the ship's departure.
Stone looked out to see the ship disappear in between the sky and the sea, leaving him. He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. Small drops of rain started coming down, hitting the brim of his hat with wet, heavy thuds, and it made Stone realize that it hadn't rained for a long time.
THE END