by Anthology
"Ah," Burris said. "You see? The FBI's a full-time job. It's got to be efficient."
"Of course," Sir Lewis said soothingly.
"Anyhow," Malone said, "Sir Lewis is right. While every other branch of the government was having its troubles with the Great Confusion, the FBI was ticking along like a transistorized computer."
"A good start," Sir Lewis said.
"Darn good," Burris said. "Malone, I knew I could depend on you. You're a good man."
Malone swallowed hard. "Well, anyway," he said after a pause, "when I saw that I began to remember a few other things. Starting with a couple of years ago, when we first found Her Majesty, remember?"
"I'll never forget it," Burris said fervently. "She knighted me. Knight Commander of the Queen's Own FBI. What a moment."
"Thrilling," Malone said. "But you got to Yucca Flats for your knighting awfully quickly, a little too fast even for a modern plane."
"It had to be done," Burris said. "Anyhow, I've never really liked planes. Basically unsafe. People crash in them."
"But you wouldn't," Malone said. "You could always teleport yourself out."
"Sure," Burris said. "But that's troublesome. Why bother? Anyhow, I'd been to Yucca Flats before, so I could teleport there--a little way down the road, where I could meet my car--without any trouble."
"Anyhow, that was one thing," Malone said. "And then there was Her Majesty, when she pointed at that visiphone screen and accused you of being the telepathic spy. Remember?"
"She wasn't pointing at me," Burris said. "She was pointing at the man in the next room. How about you doing some remembering?"
"Sure she was," Malone said. "But it was just a little coincidence. And I have a hunch she felt, subconsciously, that there was something not quite right about you."
"Maybe," Burris conceded. "But that doesn't answer my question."
"It doesn't?" Malone said.
"Now look, Malone," Burris said. "None of this is proof. Not real proof. Not the kind the FBI has trained you to look for."
"But--"
"What I want to know," Burris said, "is why you came here, to my home? And in spite of everything you've said, that hasn't been tied down."
Malone frowned. After a second's thought he said, "Well... All I know is that it just seemed obvious. That's all."
"Indeed it is," Sir Lewis said. "But one of the things we'll have to teach you, my boy, is how to distinguish between a deduction from observed fact and a psionic intuition. You've been confusing them for some years now."
"I have?" Malone said.
"Sure you have," Burris said. "And, what's more--"
"Well, he's no worse than you are, Andrew," Lou said.
Burris turned. "Me?" he said in a voice of withering scorn.
"Certainly," Lou said. "After all, you've never really become used to mixtures of thought and speech. And, what's more, you've been using telepathy so long that when you try to communicate with nothing but words you only confuse yourself."
"And everybody else," Sir Lewis added.
"Hmpf," Burris said. "I'm busy all the time. I haven't got any extra time for practice."
Malone nodded, comparatively unsurprised. He'd wondered for years how a man so obviously unable to express himself clearly could run an organization like the FBI as well as he did. Having psionic abilities evidently led to drawbacks as well as advantages.
"Actually," he said, "my prescience made one mistake."
"Really?" Burris said, looking both worried and pleased about it.
"I expected the place to be full of people," Malone said. "I thought the elite corps of the PRS would be here."
"Oh," Burris said, looking crestfallen.
"Why, that was no mistake," Sir Lewis said. "As a matter of fact, they are all here. But they're quite busy at the moment; things are coning to a head, you know, and they must work quite undisturbed."
"And this," Burris added, "is a good place for it. There are sixty rooms in this house. Sixty."
"That's a lot of rooms," Malone said politely.
"A mansion," Burris said. "A positive mansion. And my family has lived here ever since--"
"I'm sure Ken isn't very interested in your family just now," Lou broke in.
"My family," Burris said with dignity, "is a very interesting family."
"I'm sure it must be," Lou said demurely. Sir Lewis choked with laughter suddenly and began waving his pipe. After a minute, Malone joined in.
"Damn it," Burris said. "Let's stick to one thing or the other. Did I say that?"
"Twice," Malone said.
"Sixty rooms," Burris said. "All built by my family. And local contractors, of course. That's enough to house sixty rooms full of people. And that number of people is a large houseful, I should think."
"It sounds like a lot," Malone said.
"It is a lot," Burris said. "All in my house. The house my family built."
"And we're grateful for it," Sir Lewis said soothingly. "We truly are."
"Good," Burris said.
"You must have had a large family," Lou said.
"A large family," Burris said, "and many guests. Many, many guests. From all over. Including famous people. General Hood slept in this house, and he slept very well indeed."
"As a matter of fact," Lou added, "he's still sleeping. They call it being dead."
"That's not funny," Burris snapped.
"Sorry," Lou said. "It was meant to be."
"I--" Burris shut his mouth and glared.
Malone was far away, thinking of the sixty rooms full of people, sitting quietly, their minds ranging into the distance, meshed together in small units. It was a picture that frightened and comforted him at the same time. He wasn't sure he liked it, but he certainly didn't dislike it, either.
After all, he told himself confusedly, too many cooks save a stitch in time.
He veered away from that sentence quickly. "Tell me," he said, "were you receiving my broadcast on the way here?"
Burris and Sir Lewis nodded. Lou started to nod, too, but stopped and looked surprised. "You mean you didn't know we were?" she said.
"How could I know?" Malone said. "After all, I was just tossing it out and hoping that somebody was on the listening end."
"But of course somebody was," Lou said. "I was."
"Good," Malone said. "But I still don't see how I was supposed to know that you--"
"I answered you, silly," Lou said. "I kept on answering you. Remember?"
Malone blinked, focused and then said, very slowly, "That was my imagination. Please tell me it was my imagination before I go nuts."
"Sorry," Lou said. "It wasn't."
"But that kind of thing," Malone said, "it takes a tremendous amount of power, doesn't it?"
"Not when the receiver is a telepath," Lou said sweetly.
Malone nodded slowly. "That," he said, "is exactly what I'm afraid of. Don't tell me--"
There was silence.
"Well?" Malone said.
"You said not to tell you," Lou said instantly.
"All right," Malone said. "I rescind the order. Am I a telepath, or am I not?"
Lou's lips didn't move. But then, they didn't have to.
The message came, unbidden, into Malone's mind.
Of course you are. That was the whole reason for Andrew's assigning you to this type of case.
"My God," Malone said softly.
Sir Lewis laid down his pipe in a handy ashtray. "Of course," he said, "you will find it difficult to pick up anyone but Lou, at first. The rapport between you two is really quite strong."
"Very strong indeed," Lou murmured. Malone found himself beginning to blush.
"It will be some time yet," Sir Lewis went on, "before you can really call yourself a telepath, my boy."
"I'll bet it will," Malone said. "Before I can call myself a telepath I'm going to have to get thoroughly used to the idea. And that's going to take a long, long time indeed."
"You only think t
hat," Sir Lewis said. "Actually, you're used to the idea now. That was Andrew's big job."
"His big job?" Malone said. "Now, wait a minute--"
"You don't think I picked you for our first psionics case out of thin air, do you?" Burris said. "Before anything else, you had to be forced to accept the fact that such things as telepaths really existed."
"Oh, they do," Malone said. "They certainly do."
"There's me, for instance," Burris said. "But you had to be convinced. So I ordered you to go out and find one."
"Like the Bluebird of Happiness," Malone said.
Burris frowned. "What's like the Bluebird of Happiness?" he said.
"You are," Malone said.
"I am not," Burris said indignantly. "Bluebirds eat worms. My God, Malone."
"But the Bluebird," Malone said doggedly, "was right at home all the time, while everyone searched for it far away. And I had to go far away to find a telepath, when you were the one who ordered me to do it."
"Right," Burris said. "So you went and found Her Majesty. And, when you did find her, she forced acceptance on you simply by being Her Majesty and proving to you, once and for all, that she could read minds."
"Great," Malone said. "Of course, I could have got myself killed taking these lessons--"
"We were watching you," Burris said. "If anything had happened, we'd have been right on the spot."
"In time to bury the body," Malone said. "I think that's very thoughtful of you."
"We would have arrived in time to save you," Burris said. "Don't quibble. You're alive, aren't you?"
"Well," Malone said slowly, "if you're not sure, I don't know how I can convince you."
"There," Burris said triumphantly. "You see?"
Malone sighed wearily. "Okay," he said. "So you sent me out to find a telepath and to prove to me that there were such things. And I did. And then what happened?"
"You had a year," Burris said, "to get used to the idea of somebody reading your mind."
"Thanks," Malone said. "Of course, I didn't know it was you."
"It was Her Majesty too," Burris said. "Everybody."
"Good old Malone," Malone said. "The human peep-show."
"Now, that's what we mean," Sir Lewis broke in. "Subconsciously, you disliked the idea of leaving your thoughts bare to anyone, even a sweet little old lady. To some extent, you still do. But that will pass."
"Goody," Malone said.
"The residue is simply not important," Sir Lewis went on. "Your telepathic talents prove that."
"Oh, fine," Malone said. "Here I am reading minds and teleporting and all sorts of things. What will the boys back at Headquarters think now?"
"We'll get to that," Burris said. "But that first case did one more thing for you. Because you didn't like the idea of leaving your mind open, you began to develop a shield. That allowed you some sort of mental privacy."
"And then," Malone said, "I met Mike Fueyo and his little gang of teleporting juvenile delinquents."
"So that you could develop a psionic ability of your own," Burris said. "That completed your acceptance. But it took a threat to solidify that shield. That was step three. When you discovered your mind was being tampered with--"
"The shield started growing stronger," Malone said. "Sure. Her Majesty told me that, though she didn't know why."
"Right," Burris said.
"But, wait a minute," Malone said. "How could I do all that without knowing it? How would I know that some of my thoughts were safe behind a shield if I didn't know the shield existed and couldn't even tell if my mind were being read?" He paused. "Does that make sense?" he asked.
"It does," Burris said, "but it shouldn't."
"What?" Malone said.
"Two years ago, you had the answer to that one," Burris said. "Dr. O'Connor's machine. Remember why it did detect when a person's mind was being read?"
"Oh," Malone said. "Oh, sure. He said that any human being would know, subconsciously, whether his mind was being read."
"He did, indeed," Burris said. "And then we came to the fourth step: to put you in rapport with some psionicist who could teach you how to control the shield, how to raise and lower it, you might say. To learn to accept other thoughts, as well as reject them. To learn to accept your full telepathic talent. That was Lou's job."
"Lou's ... job?" Malone said. He felt his own shield go up. The thoughts behind it weren't pleasant. Lou had been ... well, hired to stay with him. She had pretended to like him; it was part of her job.
That was perfectly clear now.
Horribly clear.
"You are now on your way," Sir Lewis said, "to being a real psionicist."
"Fine," Malone said dully. "But why me? Why not, oh, Wolfe Wolf? I'd think he'd have a better chance than I would."
"My secretary," Burris said, "has talents enough of his own. But you, you're something brand-new. It's wonderful, Malone. It's exciting."
"It's a new taste thrill," Malone murmured. "Try Bon-Ton B-Complex Bolsters. Learn to eat your blanket as well as sleep with it."
"What?" Burris said.
"Never mind," Malone said. "You wouldn't understand."
"But I--"
"I know you wouldn't," Malone said, "because I don't."
Sir Lewis cleared his throat "My dear boy," he said, "you represent a breakthrough. You are an adult."
"That," Malone said testily, "is not news."
"But you are a telepathic adult," Sir Lewis said. "Many of them are capable of developing it into a useful ability. Children who have the talent may accidentally develop the ability to use it, but that almost invariably results in insanity. Without proper guidance, a child is no more capable of handling the variety of impressions it receives from adult minds than it is capable of understanding a complex piece of modern music. The effort to make a coherent whole out of the impression overstrains the mind, so to speak, and the damage is permanent."
"So here I am," Malone said, "and I'm not nuts. At least I don't think I'm nuts."
"Because you are an adult," Sir Lewis went on. "Telepathy seems to be almost impossible to develop in an adult, even difficult to test for it. A child may be tested comparatively simply; an adult, seldom or never."
He paused to relight his pipe.
"However," he went on, "the Psychical Research Society's executive board discovered a method of bringing out the ability in a talented child as far back as 1931. All of us who are sane telepaths today owe our ability to that process, which was applied to us, in each case, before the age of sixteen."
"How about me?" Malone said.
"You," Sir Lewis said, "are the first adult ever to learn the use of psionic powers from scratch."
"Oh," Malone said. "And that's why Mike Fueyo, for instance, could learn to teleport, though his older sister couldn't."
"Mike was an experiment," Sir Lewis said. "We decided to teach him teleportation without teaching him telepathy. You saw what happened."
"Sure I did," Malone said. "I had to stop it."
"We were forced to make you stop him," Sir Lewis said. "But we also let him teach you his abilities."
"So I'm an experiment," Malone said.
"A successful experiment," Sir Lewis added.
"Well," Malone said dully, "bully for me."
"Don't feel that way," Sir Lewis said. "We have--"
He stopped suddenly, and glanced at the others. Burris and Lou stood up, and Sir Lewis followed them.
"Sorry," Sir Lewis said in a different tone. "There's something important that we must take care of. Something quite urgent, I'm afraid."
"You can go on home, Malone," Burris said. "We'll talk later, but right now there's a crisis coming and we've got to help. Leave the car. I'll take care of it."
"Sure," Malone said, without moving.
Lou said, "Ken--" and stopped. Then the three of them turned and started up the long, curving staircase that led to the upstairs rooms.
Malone sat in the Morris chair for severa
l long minutes, wishing that he were dead. Nobody made a sound. He rubbed his hands over the soft leather and tried to tell himself that he was lucky, and talented, and successful.
But he didn't care.
He closed his eyes at last, and took a deep breath.
Then he vanished.
16
Two hours passed, somehow. Bourbon and soda helped them pass, Malone discovered; he drank two highballs slowly, trying not to think about anything, and kept staring around at the walls of his apartment without really seeing anything. He felt terrible.
He made himself a third bourbon and soda and started in on it. Maybe this one would make him feel better. Maybe, he thought, he ought to break out the cigars and celebrate.
But there didn't seem to be very much to celebrate, somehow.
He felt like a guinea pig being congratulated on having successfully resisted a germ during an experiment.
He drank some more of the bourbon and soda. Guinea pigs didn't drink bourbon and soda, he told himself. He was better off than a guinea pig. He was happier than a guinea pig. But he couldn't imagine any guinea pig in the world, no matter how heartbroken, feeling any worse than Kenneth J. Malone.
He looked up. There was another guinea pig in the room.
Then he frowned. She wasn't a guinea pig. She was one off the experimenters. She was the one the guinea pig was supposed to fall in love with, so the guinea pig could be nice and telepathic and all the other experimenters could congratulate themselves. But whoever heard of a scientist falling in love with a guinea pig? It was fate. And fate was awful. Malone had often suspected it, but now he was sure. Now he saw things from the guinea pig's side, and fate was terrible.
"But Ken," the experimenter said. "It isn't like that at all."
"It is, too," Malone said. "It's even worse, but that'll have to wait. When I have some more to drink it will get worse. Watch and see."
"But Ken--" Lou hesitated, and then went on. "Don't feel sad about being an experiment. We're all experiments."
"I'm the guinea pig," Malone said. "I'm the only guinea pig. You said so."