JoJo thought about the conversations she had with her father about sex. Decidedly not fun, but she knew it wouldn’t be like that with Sophie and Mark. Mark didn’t know how to be judgmental as a parent. He didn’t have enough practice. JoJo guessed he would simply lay out the facts and talk to her about contraception. At least, after a little blustering about the fact that Sophie wasn’t ready yet.
Deciding she wasn’t ready to have Sophie stop talking to her quite yet, she changed topics. “You really freaked Bay out.”
“You think? What part? Flashing him with my bra or puking at his feet? I’m never going to talk to him or look at him again.”
“Well, that would be a shame. You guys are friends.”
Sophie shook her head, her eyes once again welling up with the tears that seemed endless. “I blew it.”
“Isn’t that the best part of being friends? You can blow it and still be cool.”
Sophie’s eyes narrowed. “Was that code for an apology?”
JoJo took the now-warm cloth off her head and chucked it toward the bathroom. She sat on the bed, facing Sophie, and had this crazy urge to smooth the damp hair off her forehead.
Did she want to apologize? No, that really wasn’t the question. The question was, did she blow it?
“I’m not going to apologize for sleeping with your dad, if that’s what you’re after. I…I like him. I trust him and I haven’t trusted anyone in a really long time. And, well, he’s important to me.”
Sophie closed her eyes. “Then I’m sorry for you. Mark’s not exactly the settling-down type.”
“Maybe not.”
“Which means you’re just going to leave and find the next guy. I know how this works.”
JoJo smiled at that. Such confidence from someone so young. She thought about telling Sophie the truth and considered the thousand reasons why she shouldn’t. Because it was private and personal and a little embarrassing. Because Sophie had enough on her plate without having anyone add their baggage to hers. Because she hadn’t shared anything with anyone since she’d lost Julia.
Until Mark. It seemed like there were a lot of firsts happening for her lately. And the members of the Sharpe family were responsible.
“I’m not going to find the next guy, at least not right away.” JoJo couldn’t really say what had changed by having sex. She didn’t know if suddenly all her fears had been magically lifted. That now she could go on a string of one-night stands if she wanted. Somehow she didn’t think so.
Being a virgin had been more about keeping to herself and less about sex. While she trusted Mark and while she enjoyed making love to him, she didn’t feel fundamentally changed. As if she was ready to open the doors and shout her secrets to the world.
Just to him. And to Sophie. That was all.
“You need to know…I want you to know that what your dad and I did wasn’t something that just happens for me, okay. It was special because—” JoJo took a deep breath “—he was my first.”
That had Sophie sitting up on her elbows.
“Yeah, right.”
JoJo shrugged. “It’s the truth. I had a lot of hang-ups about sex and so I avoided it. But I…I really like your dad. So I did it. For the first time.”
Now Sophie sat up completely, her face a mix of shock and horror. “Really?”
“Really.” JoJo could feel herself compulsively swallowing and her stomach clenched. She was having a conversation she was about ten years too old to be having, but at the same time she was strangely delighted to be having it.
How many times had she been forced to listen to her friends in high school detailing their first time, all while rolling her eyes and putting on her beentheredonethat face.
“Was it… I mean, did it hurt? Oh, God. Oh, gross. I can’t ask you these things. You were doing it with my dad!”
“Sorry.” JoJo winced. “It does add a creep factor. Not that I’m going to tell you details anyway. This is just the point where I tell you when you decide to do it for the first time, it should be with a really great guy. Who you trust more than anything. And you should want to do it for the right reasons. Certainly not because you’re angry at me or your father.”
Sophie’s eyes dropped and JoJo knew she had at least scored that point.
“I was so tired of playing it straight, you know? Always doing the right thing. Study hard, practice hard, perform well. Don’t break the rules, ever. I did everything right and my mom still died and my dad didn’t come home to see me until after she was dead. The guy I like thinks I am a kid instead of someone he wants to have sex with. I thought I could push him into it. I figured all guys lose it at the sight of a bra.”
“Trust me, Bay lost it a little. Not just because you got sick, either. When he opened the door his face was as red as a stoplight.”
Sophie chuckled, then dropped her head into her hands. “Ugh! I can’t believe I have to see him tonight.”
“If he says anything, just play it cool. You feel better and let’s just forget what happened—that kind of thing.”
“If he even speaks to me. He might completely ignore my existence. I wouldn’t blame him.”
JoJo considered the young man she’d gotten to know. “I think he’ll speak to you. I think he’s a good guy. He still talked to you after your dad grilled him about the notes. That shows courage. He let you hide out, even though he knew your dad was looking for you. That shows loyalty. Maybe also a smidge of stupidity, but all the same. I say you two are going to get through this. As friends.”
“I hope so. I really do like him. I mean I don’t know if I was actually ready for…you know. But if I had to trust anyone I think it could be him.”
“So in three or four years you should be golden.”
“Uh, hello? That would like make me the oldest virgin ever.” Sophie winced as soon as the words came out of her mouth. “Oh. Sorry.”
“No offense. I’m pretty sure I was in the running. Now there is a nun somewhere in France who probably holds the title.”
Together, they laughed.
“We cool?”
Sophie nodded. “Yeah.”
“You cool with your dad?”
“Not exactly sure yet. But it’s not about you or anything. It’s still about us. Sometimes I don’t think I get who we are and who we’re supposed to be. Does that make sense?”
It did. It sounded like two people who were in a relationship where they were both trying to establish the rules. Mark wasn’t exactly sure how to be a father. So Sophie didn’t exactly know how to be a daughter.
“Yep.”
“Right. You would know. I mean what are you guys? Like boyfriend and girlfriend. Or employees with benefits?”
That was a very excellent question. “I don’t know. Give me a break. It just happened.”
“Just tell me that he was nice to you. I would hate to think that Mark was a jerk like that.”
JoJo smiled. “He was nice to me.”
Sophie retuned the smile. “You know you keep saying how much you like him.”
“I do.”
“Yeah, but you pause every time. Like you want to say something else but you stop yourself. If you fall in love with him and he breaks your heart, just know I totally have your back. We’re girlfriends, right? We have to stick together.”
JoJo nodded. “Yeah. We’re girlfriends. We stick together. Now you rest. You’ve got to be at the theater in a few hours. Do you need me to get you any cold medicine or anything you think might help?”
“No. I’m not really stuffy or anything. Besides, medicine could make my performance sloppy. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. I’ll come get you when it’s time.”
JoJo got up and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Mark was back and pacing at a pretty fast clip in the living room. He stopped as soon as the door shut.
“Well? Want to tell me what this was about? I practically jogged back here and the door was closed and I could hear you talking, then laughi
ng, so I didn’t feel like I could barge in… This sucks. This absolutely blows.”
“What part? Fatherhood? Concern for your daughter? The sick worry that every parent feels on a daily basis for their child?”
“All of it.” He sighed and sat down on the couch. “Okay, I take it back. I actually kind of like it. Most days. Today was not one of those days. I’ve got Ben hunting down every angle back in Philadelphia. We’re trying to find any spare cousin, relative, next-door neighbor who might be connected to the Andersons, but we’re coming up with nothing. Then she runs off and I don’t know where she is and it was freaking me out.”
“She was with Bay.”
Mark turned his head toward JoJo. “Do I want to know what she was doing with Bay?”
“No.” JoJo figured she could spare Sophie that. If need be, she could have another talk with the girl about being ready, and when she was ready, to make sure she always used birth control. They were friends after all. “But if you’re worried something happened, then you shouldn’t be. She wasn’t feeling well and I brought her back here. I explained to her what happened with us…”
“Not in detail?”
She smiled at his aghast expression. “Yes, I told her exactly the way you went down on me. Will you please give me a little credit.”
“Sorry.”
“Anyway, she is cool with me. She is cool with us.”
“Is she cool with me?”
“Can’t help you there. That’s between you two.”
“I’m so worried. If someone hurts her…I don’t think I could take it.”
“Then we’ll have to make sure no one hurts her.”
“Who is doing this, Jo?”
Thoughts had been going through her head when she was running to the other hotel. Whoever sent the last note delivered it in person, which meant they had followed them to Chicago. “I feel like it’s someone close to her.”
“That’s not a lot. You, me, Bay, the conductor, maybe the producer, the other musicians…”
“Nancy.”
Mark’s eyes zeroed in on her. “You think something is there?”
“I’m throwing darts. I’m just trying to list the people who were with her in Philadelphia, who had access to where you lived and who also knew you would be in Chicago and at what hotel. Nancy falls into that category of people. When did you hire her?”
“A few weeks before this started, maybe even longer. Her other tutor went on maternity leave. So nothing fishy there. Nancy was the only one I interviewed, and I hired her because I liked her off the bat. Calm, no hassle. I thought she would be a good influence on Sophie.”
“Yes, but when was that? In relation to the Anderson case.”
Mark shook his head. “I did a background check on the woman. My kind of background check. There’s no connection between her and the…”
“What?”
Mark tilted his head. “She was adopted. Later than usual, as an older child. I can’t remember exactly what age. Nothing that sounded any alarms. The adoption was sealed. I didn’t think to pry that far. But like I said, she’d been with us for weeks before the first note showed up. Why wait?”
JoJo shook her head. “Don’t know. It’s a long shot. She’s done absolutely nothing to warrant suspicion.”
“But you’re suspicious anyway.”
“We were both suspicious of Bay. You followed up.”
“I’ll have Ben break the seal on the adoption records. We’ll see if anything turns up.”
“In the meantime, Sophie has a show to do and she’s sick. So lay off yelling at her at least for today, okay?”
“She’s sick?”
“Flu probably.”
“I should help her.” Mark stood as if ready for action, but JoJo laughed at him.
“Going to fight the flu now, too?”
“If I have to.”
She walked over to him and rested her hands on his chest. Then lifted herself enough to press her lips against his. It had only been hours and she hadn’t forgotten how completely marvelous it was to kiss Mark.
“Like I keep saying, you’re a good dad. Don’t ever doubt that.”
She started to step away but he wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her closer for another kiss. “And what kind of lover am I?”
JoJo smiled. “Now, that would really be hard for me to answer as I don’t have much to compare you to.”
“Trust me. I’m awesome.”
JoJo laughed. She couldn’t disagree.
“She knows we’re going to be shacking up?”
JoJo turned her head toward the room where Sophie was hopefully resting. “Do you really think that’s a good idea? If you hadn’t let me sleep, all of this drama could have been avoided. It’s called discretion and I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to have some around your teenage daughter.”
Mark bent his head and gave her another kiss. “Yeah. I could have. But here’s the thing, I like sleeping with you. Just sleeping. All the other stuff, too, don’t get me wrong. I don’t know why. It’s stupid because I’m asleep, too, right? But I like it.”
JoJo liked it, too. She must have or she never would have slept so deeply. So soundly. Like there was no one in the world who could hurt her anymore. But it was probably something she shouldn’t get used to.
Sophie wasn’t wrong about Mark. He wasn’t the settling-down type. Hell, she wasn’t the settling-down type. While they shared this attraction she planned to enjoy it, but she had to remember that it was temporary.
Just like every other love she’d had in her life.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“CAN YOU SEE NANCY?”
“She’s in the third row on the left,” JoJo whispered to him. “Stop worrying about it. It’s not like she’s going to pull a gun out.”
For this performance they were standing in the back of the auditorium rather than behind the curtains onstage. Mark was too anxious to sit down. Plus, he was waiting on a call from Ben and might need to step into the lobby. He knew that if he did, they wouldn’t let him back into the auditorium. But at this point getting information was the priority. JoJo stood with him and it helped to calm him. He gave her credit for being more rational in this moment. He couldn’t fly off the handle because she wouldn’t let him.
But every moment the phone didn’t buzz was agony. How stupid he’d been not to dig into Nancy’s past a little deeper.
You didn’t because she wasn’t suspect. She was someone you were even considering dating.
Mark sighed. The voice in his head was always so damn right. When he hired Nancy there had been no reason to do anything more than he’d done. He kept circling back to the thought that she’d been tutoring Sophie for almost a month before the first note showed up.
Why wait if she was behind it?
It didn’t matter. Ben would find something or he wouldn’t. If he didn’t, then they would move on to the next suspect. An investigation of everyone in the orchestra. Potentially someone onstage now, moving a bow in perfect synchronicity, was somehow connected to Anderson.
Mark felt an irrational urge to storm the stage and stop the performance so that he could shake down each person up there. Find out who would dare to harm a hair on Sophie’s head. Instead he stood in the back, his arms folded over his chest as he scanned the crowd. The music played on.
“She’s off tonight,” JoJo muttered.
He knew. Having listened to his daughter play on a regular basis in practice and during performances he knew what was perfection and what wasn’t. What was her all and what was not. He might have even given the maestro permission to yell at her after this performance if he hadn’t known she was struggling with the flu.
She’d been sick while getting ready backstage, not that there was anything left in her stomach. He’d asked her again if she could handle going out onstage. The lights, the heat, the energy it would require. It all seemed too much to ask of her.
But she’d straightened, smoothed her hair,
took a few sips of water and a deep breath and walked to her mark on the side of the stage, waiting to be introduced. The crowd’s applause was loud and supportive. As his daughter sucked it up and did her job, Mark couldn’t imagine being any prouder a parent even while his heart went out to her.
When he’d asked JoJo if he was cool with Sophie earlier, he hadn’t really expected her answer. A simple “yeah, sure,” was all he needed to be reassured that Sophie wouldn’t be slamming any doors in the foreseeable future. Until he screwed the next thing up.
Can’t help you there. That’s between you two.
Mark frowned as he considered what that meant. He thought things had been getting better. They talked, they even laughed. He was completely cool regarding her crush on a kid who was too old for her. He hadn’t even grilled her about what happened while she’d been alone in Bay’s hotel room.
Nor had he gone to the other hotel to have a strong conversation with Bay about allowing Sophie into his hotel room ever again. Even though the kid had lied to him on the phone.
He and Sophie were going to be what they were going to be. He needed to accept that. JoJo needed to accept that, if she was going to stick around for a while. Sophie was probably never going to forgive him for leaving her mother. And he was never going to be grade-A father material. Despite what JoJo said. There were too many things he didn’t know. Too many ways to slip up.
For example, while JoJo had been telling him what a great dad he was, he was wondering if he could get her back in bed for another hour or two. Some dad.
No, real dads had this crazy sick feeling for their kids. Real dads didn’t run away scared from that feeling. Real dads didn’t hate or resent the constant anxiety their children put them through—they accepted it as part of the job.
Real dads went all the way. Full-on love and commitment.
The only thing Mark had ever committed to was his work. Yet, when Sophie made that crack about him leaving, he rejected the idea so fundamentally. He wasn’t going anywhere. Was that the same as commitment?
He looked over at JoJo, who was staring at the stage with intense concentration, her brow pinched together with what he assumed was concern. She’d known his daughter only a few weeks and he could tell their bond was already strong.
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