Ms. Fang erased the s from her name on the chalkboard so that it now read Ms. Fang.
“I want all of you to call me Ms. Fang from now on,” she said, “in honor of Benny’s memory.” Ms. Fang pointed to Wendy Crumkin, a very smart girl with glasses and freckles.
“Wendy,” asked Ms. Fang, “what are you going to call me from now on?”
Because Wendy was so smart, she had taken note of what had happened to Benny Porter when he called the teacher Ms. Fang, so she said, “Ms. Fangs, of course.”
Once again, Ms. Fang became very angry, and her pale skin turned an even deeper shade of red than before.
“How dare you disobey me!” she shrieked. Then she pounced on Wendy and sucked out all of her blood.
Wendy dropped dead on the floor.
“Class,” Ms. Fang huffed, her mouth dripping with blood, “what are you going to call me?”
“Ms. Fang!” they all proclaimed in unison.
“Excellent,” she said, satisfied. “Now we can begin our lesson in geography. And Wendy, I’m sorry I had to make an example of you.”
Wendy did not answer her as she was dead now as well.
Okay, there wasn’t much of a life lesson to be learned there, but I guess sometimes bad things just happen for no good reason, and that’s an important lesson in itself.
As soon as class ended, the three Rachels ran to the front of the class and pushed a big red button next to the doorway, which sent an alert to Nurse Hairymoles that something was wrong.
“Do you think Nurse Hairymoles will be able to save them?” Rachael asked Raychel.
“I don’t know,” said Raychel. “They’ve been dead for almost an hour. She would have to be one heck of a good nurse.”
Chapter Three
Nurse Hairymoles
Nurse Hairymoles is one heck of a good nurse. She’s such a good nurse, nobody cares that she’s an evil witch with green skin, a crooked nose, and hairy black moles all over her body.
Her strange looks are not what make her evil. There are plenty of witches in the world with green skin and hairy moles who aren’t all that evil. Nurse Hairymoles is evil because whatever sickness you go in for, she cures right away. The only problem is, she secretly gives you another illness that will make you even sicker the next day, so you have to go back to see her again. Then she cures that problem and gives you a brand-new one. Her nursing business is very successful because of this.
Everyone thinks Nurse Hairymoles is the best nurse in the world, which is true, because she can cure absolutely anything. What nurse do you know who can do that? But everything always evens out in life, so her miraculous nursing talent is balanced by her nasty tendency to make you even sicker with brand-new maladies. There’s a good saying on how to deal with this type of person in your life: you take the good with the bad.
After Ms. Fang’s first class ended, the three Rachels pushed the big red button next to the doorway and swiftly fell through a trapdoor that had opened beneath their feet. After sliding down a long tube, the Rachels dropped into the middle of Nurse Hairymoles’s office. None of the three Rachels spell their name Rachel. One is Rachael, one is Raychel, and one is Frank, which is pronounced “Rachel.” The kids speculate that Frank’s parents don’t know how to read, but more about that later.
The three Rachels—Rachael, Raychel, and Frank—shouted, “Come quick! Ms. Fang bit two kids an hour ago!”
“Don’t you mean Ms. Fangs?” asked Nurse Hairymoles.
“No, it’s Ms. Fang now. And don’t call her Ms. Fangs anymore or she’ll bite you, too.”
Nurse Hairymoles waved her magic wand, and in a flash, she and the three Rachels appeared in the classroom in a cloud of smoke. All the smoke made it hard to find Benny and Wendy, but eventually, Rachael and Frank tripped over their lifeless bodies on the floor and called Nurse Hairymoles to them.
Nurse Hairymoles pulled the two dead kids and the three Rachels together, waved her wand, and zapped everyone back to her office.
Inside it looked more like a haunted laboratory than a nurse’s office. There were cages of newts, lizards, and giant bugs. Tanks of sea slugs, piranhas, and eels. Beakers of slime, sludge, and muck.
Nurse Hairymoles did a quick examination of Benny and Wendy.
“These kids have had all the blood sucked out of them!” Nurse Hairymoles exclaimed.
“Well, duh,” said Rachael and Raychel.
“Can you cure them?” asked Frank, which is pronounced “Rachel.”
“Of course I can,” Nurse Hairymoles said, “but I only have enough blood in storage to save one of them. The other one is going to need new blood from someone else.”
Nurse Hairymoles opened a refrigerator in the room and pulled out what looked like a plastic milk carton filled with blood. She poked one end of her magic wand into the milk carton and put the other end on Benny’s arm. Soon Benny filled up with blood, just like a balloon being blown up. All his color came back, and he opened his eyes.
The three Rachels cheered.
“I’m alive!” Benny shouted. “Thank you, Nurse Hairymoles!” And he gave her a big kiss on her crooked green nose covered with hairy moles.
“Here,” said Nurse Hairymoles, holding out her hand with a purple pill in it. “Take this pill to get your strength back.” Benny took the pill (which secretly contained a vicious flu virus) and skipped out of the room, leaving behind the still-lifeless Wendy.
“Wellll,” croaked Nurse Hairymoles, “which one of you girls wants to donate all your blood so I can bring Wendy back to life?”
“But, if you take our blood, won’t we die?” asked Raychel, quivering.
“Of course you will. But as you’ve seen, I can bring you right back to life as long as I can get someone else’s blood.”
“I see,” said Raychel. “Rachael, will you give me your blood after I die?”
“Of course. You’re my best friend, Raychel. I’d be happy to give you my blood.”
So Nurse Hairymoles put one end of her wand on Raychel’s arm and the other end on Wendy’s arm. Wendy filled up just like a balloon, opened her eyes, took her pill, and skipped away happily.
Raychel dropped dead on the floor.
Then Rachael stepped forward, and the process was repeated. Raychel came back to life, skipped away, and then Rachael dropped dead.
That left Frank, which is pronounced “Rachel,” in case you forgot.
“Well, Frank. Do you want to save Raychel’s life?” asked Nurse Hairymoles.
“To be honest, I don’t really like either of the Rachels. They always make fun of how my name is spelled. But . . . I suppose it’s the right thing to do.”
So Frank gave her blood to Rachael, who came back to life and skipped away.
At this point, there was no more blood left for Frank. Nurse Hairymoles sounded a loud alarm, and all the kids at Scary School lined up at her office. Frank’s best friend, Petunia, gave her blood to Frank, and then Johnny, who had a crush on Petunia, gave his blood to Petunia. On and on it went until every kid at Scary School had given their blood to someone else. Each had saved someone’s life, dropped dead, and come back to life.
Unfortunately, Benny Porter had to run to the bathroom after coming back to life and did not hear the alarm because he was making even louder noises in the bathroom stall.
By the time Benny got out and realized what was happening, he was the last in line. When it finally came to him, Benny gave his blood to Jason and dropped dead once again. That was the second time Benny had died that day. How many people can say that’s ever happened to them?
Even more unfortunately, since there was no one left in line, no one was obligated to give Benny more blood. No one really liked Benny so no one volunteered, and the kids went about their normal school day as poor Benny lay dead once again on Nurse Hairymoles’s floor.
Principal Headcrusher walked in to assess the situation. “Well,” she said, “Scary School policy states that if a student gets drained o
f his blood and there’s no more blood left to save him, then he must be turned into a vampire.”
“Ugh, that’s not my job, is it?” groaned Nurse Hairymoles.
“No, Nurse Hairymoles. His parents will have to find their own Turner that will suit him best.”
“Thank goodness,” said Nurse Hairymoles, “because I have a hot date tonight.”
Principal Headcrusher’s jaw dropped. She did a terrible job of hiding her shock.
“Riiight,” Principal Headcrusher said, forcing a smile. “Well, it’s a stupid rule if you ask me. Deceased students would be so much more useful as food for the Venus flytraps, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes, Principal Headcrusher.”
“But you know how parents are these days, what with wanting to keep their kids alive. Pfff. Whatever.”
And so Benny got to stay home from Scary School for a whole week while he was being turned into a vampire. Then he got to stay home another week while he suffered from a vicious flu.
All the kids were jealous.
Chapter Four
Principal Headcrusher
Two weeks into the year, Scary School had settled into a normal routine. At 7:30 a.m., Principal Headcrusher unlocked the school gates, made a cup of coffee, and entered her office expecting another predictable day of learning, horror, and mayhem. Instead, she found an envelope sitting on her desk with a seal that said ISG.
Principal Headcrusher dropped her coffee and began trembling.
“This is it,” she said to herself, so excited she was frozen in place. She slowly picked up the envelope, opened it very, very carefully using her teeth (since her hands were far too big and clumsy), and read these words:
Dear Principal Meredith Headcrusher of Scary School,
We received your application and are very pleased to inform you that Scary School has been selected to host this year’s Ghoul Games.
More information and surprise visits to follow.
Sincerely,
Franz Dietrich Wolfbark
Ghoul Games Committee Chairman, International Society of Ghouls
Upon reading this letter, Principal Headcrusher did a dance of joy around her office that I dare not describe to you, for it would be the scariest thing I’ve yet written and would give you nightmares for the rest of your life. Some people shouldn’t dance.
The students and faculty were immediately called into a special assembly in Petrified Pavilion.
Petrified Pavilion is a structure of uncommon beauty and gothic eeriness. Constructed completely from petrified wood, it looks as if a great tree has magically risen from the ground in the form of a glorious spherical hall. Though the exterior resembles tree bark, it shines like polished marble. The enormous spherical face of the structure looks like the face of a man, literally petrified in an eternal scream.
Through the open mouth of the screaming face is the school gymnasium and grand hall, but to enter the hall is no simple task. The open mouth of the screaming face is hundreds of feet in the air. In order to gain entry, students and faculty must stand together on gigantic branches that hang loosely on the tree’s side like wooden hands the size of buses. Once students are standing on the hands, permission to enter is verified and Petrified Pavilion lifts its hands toward its mouth, and the students must quickly hop off into the grand hall. From a distance, it appears as though the pavilion is eating its entrants alive.
To make matters worse, perched upon the head of the pavilion are gargoyles, and not the fake stone kinds you’re used to seeing. These are real gargoyles with leathery wings, sharp teeth, and horns. They perch patiently, waiting for naughty kids to try to enter the pavilion when they’re not supposed to.
The gargoyles have been known to fly down and snatch up kids if they get hungry or bored, but they’re only supposed to snatch kids who break the rules and try to sneak into Petrified Pavilion without a teacher. Some of the kids have thought of ingenious plans to get past the gargoyles and enter the pavilion without being snatched up and eaten. It’s even a rite of passage for one of Scary School’s secret clubs, but more about that in future books.
At 8:05 a.m., all the kids and teachers were piled into the bleachers of Petrified Pavilion for the special announcement. When Principal Headcrusher stepped up to the podium and announced that Scary School would be hosting this year’s Ghoul Games, she was expecting the pavilion to burst into thunderous applause and cheers. But there was complete silence.
The awkward silence continued for several minutes as everyone sat on their hands staring at Principal Headcrusher while she stared back at them. Nobody knew if what she said was good news or bad news. They were afraid to react the wrong way, which would most certainly entice Principal Headcrusher to reach out and crush their heads.
Eventually, Benny Porter, who had just come back to school as a child vampire, raised his hand.
“Yes, we have a question?” said Principal Headcrusher.
“Principal Headcrusher, what are the Ghoul Games?” Benny asked.
Everyone let out a big sigh of relief as the tension was snapped.
“Really? None of you have heard of the Ghoul Games?”
Everyone shook their heads.
“Well, it’s very good news,” she said.
Everyone burst into thunderous applause and cheers.
“Yes, yes, it’s very exciting. The Ghoul Games is the biggest event of the year for all the scary creatures of the world. They will be coming to our school to compete against us in many kinds of games. Every student will have to pick a game to compete in against the other ghouls, goblins, and monsters. That’s right, each one of you must participate in a game of your choice. But the reason this is so historic is because this is the first time human children have been allowed to participate in the Ghoul Games. It means our school has finally been recognized as part of the Scary community!”
“What games do we play?” asked Jason. “Do we play hockey?”
“I told you,” said Principal Headcrusher. “You can play any kind of game you want—sports games, video games, board games, mind games, blame games . . . you name it.”
Charles Nukid smiled very broadly when he heard he could play video games. He had been playing Guitar Legend all alone in his room for years and was pretty sure he was the best in the world at it, but never had a chance to show anyone.
Principal Headcrusher continued, “The Games will begin in the spring, so you have the whole school year to prepare. Plus, the school that wins the Ghoul Games receives a Golden Elephant and gets to go on a trip to Albania to meet the Monster King! Assembly dismissed.”
As the kids walked back to class, they couldn’t contain their excitement. They were all trying to figure out what game they were going to play in the Ghoul Games. Sign-ups were just a week away.
“I’m going to play basketball,” said Johnny.
“I’m going to play hopscotch,” said Lindsey.
“I’m going to play dead,” said Penny Possum.
For some it was an easy choice, but for most, they weren’t sure what they were best at and had to do some serious thinking.
Charles Nukid couldn’t wait for spring to arrive. He would finally get to show off his video game guitar skills to the whole school. It gave him a real sense of purpose he hadn’t felt before. Maybe I’ll dye my hair green for the added effect, he thought to himself. Then he shook his head, thinking, nah, that might be against the rules.
Principal Headcrusher stood in the hall smiling as she held her giant hands against her ears and eavesdropped on all the kids’ conversations about the Ghoul Games. It was what she’d been waiting for her whole life.
When she was born, Principal Headcrusher’s parents did not know what to make of her. How could a baby’s hands be as big as her body and as strong as a gorilla’s? Worse, she had no control of her strength in her first few years of life. She almost crushed her own parents’ heads so many times that they had to walk around the house wearing football helmets. Bottles
were impossible, because when she squeezed one, it would immediately explode, sending milk flying everywhere.
The doctors all said she was a perfectly normal little girl except for those hands, so when she was old enough to start school, her parents faced a very hard decision. On one hand, the little Headcrusher needed to go to school and make friends. On the other hand, they certainly didn’t want their daughter to accidentally (or purposefully) crush the heads of other kids or teachers. That wouldn’t go over well at a regular school.
Her parents’ prayers were answered on a summer morning when they opened the door and an abominable snowman was standing there. He introduced himself as Rolf, and told them he was the principal of Scream Academy (also known as the Aaaaaah!cademy). He offered young Meredith Headcrusher a place in his school, which was hidden deep in the arctic mountains. This was a great honor, as she would become the first human child to attend the same school as monsters, vampires, werewolves, zombies, dragons, and ghosts.
At first things were very hard for Meredith at the Aaaaaah!cademy. No one wanted to be her friend because she was so different—not because of her hands, but because she was a human, and humans had never been very nice to monsters, dragons, and other scary creatures in the past. Then, one day, the nastiest bully at the school, Tony the troll, pushed Meredith to the ground and tried to steal her lunch money. When Tony got close enough, she socked him in the jaw, and Tony stumbled back in shock.
Infuriated, Tony rushed toward her, growling and drooling, about to gobble her up, but Meredith instinctively reached out and crushed the troll’s head before he could eat her. Tony the troll learned a very valuable life lesson about not bullying little girls with enormous hands.
When the other kids saw what had happened, they hoisted Meredith up on their shoulders and carried her around the school chanting her name. “Headcrusher! Headcrusher! Headcrusher!” They were so glad that the bully was gone, Meredith became the school hero and was even elected class president.
Scary School Page 2