by Lauren Dane
And then he was mad when he thought she’d been putting herself down. That made her nervous. She knew how to deal with people who liked her well enough to have sex and hang out. But this was more. He was more.
“I noticed that.”
“You are better than I am at tattooing.”
“Ah, but he reacted like a man protecting his woman reacts.”
“I’m no one’s anything.”
Brody shook his head. “You’re wrong about that. This guy is going to show you just how wrong.”
“If you’ll let him,” Erin interjected. “And you should. He’s gorgeous. And he digs you.”
Raven scrubbed her hands over her face.
To her surprise it was Ben who spoke next. “Leave the poor woman be.” He smiled Raven’s way and she shoved back her impulse to snarl. He was being nice and she really should learn how to accept kindnesses from people. Plus he was Alexander’s dad and she never wanted to give them any cause to get in the way of her seeing that boy.
“Creeps me out when everyone is nice to me. Like I’m sick or something,” Raven mumbled, getting up and heading to the ladies’ room.
Erin watched her friend go. “Be back.”
Brody nodded her way and Elise leaned into him, understanding as well.
Erin knew Raven was nervous. She hadn’t wanted to come to Delicious at all, but Erin had pushed it. Knowing. No, wanting her to understand these people could be better friends if she just let them in. Wanting them to know Raven was so much more than what she appeared on the surface.
Erin caught up to her just inside the bathroom. “You all right?”
Raven broadcasted her annoyance in her stance and the look on her face. But Erin had known her a very long time and it didn’t put her off. Raven could be fierce, of course, but she was all façade when it came to Erin and Brody and those she let inside.
“Just had to pee. Been a long time since I needed an escort for that.”
“Don’t be a bitch. I know this is a little much. I admire your restraint. You haven’t snarled at a single person. The sex must be really good to keep you so calm.”
Raven groaned as she turned to wash her hands. “I’m fine. I’m not going to punch anyone. Yet anyway. Stop provoking me.”
“I live to provoke you. God, stop being a joykiller. Let me have my fun.” She softened. “He’s nice.”
“Sometimes.” Raven looked confused by that. “Other times he’s bossy and he likes to tie me up and use a slapper on my ass.” She blurted it and looked quite vexed that she had.
Erin tried not to smile but it was impossible. “I like the slapper.” She shrugged. “I like being tied up too.”
“Don’t you think it’s weird that I do? Am I that fucked up that the first guy who does this to me gets me all hot?”
Erin wanted to hug her, but she also knew it would have made Raven really uncomfortable and on the verge of losing her shit, which she clearly worked so hard to keep together. So she kept her distance.
“You think it makes you fucked up to like being tied up? I guess I’m in big trouble then. Does he do it against your will?”
“No! Do you think I’d stay with someone who did something I didn’t want done?”
“Nope. Which is why I don’t think you’re fucked up. Or, well, I do, but in the way that everyone is fucked up somehow. So why do you think that? Because adults who should have protected you when you were a kid didn’t means you shouldn’t like a little rough-and-ready fucking? Puh-leeze. That’s bullshit. That was abuse. Is he abusing you?”
“No. You said it yourself, he’s a nice man. Mainly. He’s also bossy and annoying. He’s nosy and in my business and doesn’t like being told no. He’s very stubborn.”
“Thank God or he’d have dumped your grumpy ass by now. No matter how cute it is.”
“This is a mistake. You know that.”
“Why? Because he likes you on a deeper level than how you look? Because he demands your monogamy? Because he touches you like he thinks you’re precious? You don’t think it’s obvious to anyone with eyes? I’m checking him out, wanting to see how he is with you and he’s . . . enchanted by you. He listens to you when you talk. He’s got that super alpha male thing where he touches you to be sure everyone in the room knows you’re with him. But not in a douchey way like he owns you. Tell me please, how that is a mistake? Unless being with someone who wants you for longer than five minutes and a few orgasms is a mistake? God, do you have so little value in yourself that you’d think those jerkwads you banged in the past were better than this?”
“Fuck off.”
“Whatever. I know you. No one else but a guy like him would work out. Because he won’t let you put him off with that attitude of yours.” Erin allowed herself a touch of Raven’s hand then. “He values you. Like you should let someone value you. It’s about time you let someone in who isn’t me or a kid.” She went into the stall.
“This is all bullshit. He’s a dude I’m fucking. That’s it. We’re not getting married or anything. It’s just a few weeks.”
Erin sighed, annoyed. Once she finished up she came out and sneered at Raven before she started washing up. “You be quiet. I’m not one of those people who can’t see past your crap. This is already different. You’re not eighteen. This isn’t the first man, or woman, who made you come. Some stuff just is. You can walk around it and say it’s new, and it clearly is. But that doesn’t change what it is. Sometimes you just know from the start.” She turned to Raven as she started to leave. “And you’re not a coward, so stop running away from it.”
9
Jonah hit the button to have the car answer his ringing phone. He was on his way over to Raven’s to pick her up. He’d tried to coax her into sleeping over and she’d refused.
He didn’t get to where he was by taking no for an answer, but he knew strategy well enough to understand Raven had deeper reasons for not wanting to sleep over than how much she liked her own bed. And he was beginning to know her enough to detect the edge of something he’d have to be careful about getting her to reveal to him.
It was Levi, his voice coming through the car speakers. “You have the day off? It’s a Monday. Are you sick?”
“Nope. Taking a vacation day. Is there a problem?”
“I was going to see if you were free for lunch. I have to be at the courthouse downtown in a few hours.”
“Raven and I are heading up to look at leaves and have lunch.”
Levi got quiet and Jonah wished his brother could see how hard he’d just rolled his eyes.
“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you this weekend at dinner. You going to bring her?”
“Are you suggesting she’s not good enough?” Considering how much Levi had gone through with Daisy he’d be surprised if his brother could have the balls to take any other tack with Raven than acceptance.
“No. I’m suggesting she’s not . . . bring-home-to-Mom material.”
“I don’t plan to bring her around until we’ve got some more time under our belt. Not because she’s not bring-home-to-Mom material, as you say. But because she’s going to need some preparation before I expose her to the Warner household.”
“So this is serious?”
Jonah sighed again. “Yes. I didn’t think it would be when I first met her. I thought she was beautiful. I wanted to bed her and get a new tattoo. But it’s more. I can’t explain it all. I’m still processing it really.”
“Why so suddenly now? Why her?”
Agitation rode him. “I can’t do this while I’m driving and I’m coming up to her block anyway. But she’s different. There’s so much more to her than you see at first glance.”
“I’m not attacking you. I’m on your side so don’t take that tone with me. I’m trying to understand.”
“So am I.” He didn’t bother trying to find a parking spot. It was nearly impossible in that part of town and he had no intention of calling her and meeting her at the curb as she’d suggested.
“Let’s have drinks on Wednesday. After the board meeting.”
“Sounds good.”
He found a pay lot and then headed across the street and down the block to her building.
Fifth floor, corner. The place wasn’t bad at all. The building was safe enough, though he’d have preferred a doorman.
He tapped on her door and moments later she opened it up with one brow hiked.
“Ready?” He breezed past her into her place and she closed the door behind him. At least she wasn’t going to push him out and slam it in his face. He knew he was being pushy. Knew it was out of her comfort range too.
“I don’t know that I would have pegged you as this tidy.”
Tidy was an understatement. The place was organized. Everything in its place. Her shelves . . . “Are these organized by color?”
“I told you I’d meet you outside.” She took a book from his hand and put it back and he grinned before hauling her close for a kiss.
“I wanted to come in to get you. I am not the man who will honk at the curb.”
“Mm.”
“Not just color, but alphabetically and by color. I’m impressed by this level of obsessive detail.”
“I like things in order.” She grabbed her jacket and a bag. “I have snacks. Shall we go?”
“Wait. Give me a tour.”
She gave him a very fine side-eye as she sighed. “It’s a studio. This is pretty much it.”
He moved around, peering at her shelves. “What are these?”
“Sketchbooks. Books. Photo albums. The usual.”
He pulled one out and she shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “May I look?”
She licked her lips, chewing on her bottom one a moment. “Sure. They’re just sketches, nothing special.”
But they were special. Page after page of drawings. Sometimes they were of people or landscapes. Sometimes they were clearly ideas for tattoos. But they were all amazing.
“You’ve got a great deal of talent.”
“I’m okay.”
“Prolific too.” He indicated the multiple shelves.
“This is all of them. You know, since I was twelve or so. Some of the earlier ones . . . they didn’t . . . I didn’t keep those.”
“How long have you been drawing?” He led her to the sliders and then out onto the deck. The traffic in the distance was a hum, but not annoyingly so.
“Since I was six or so. We should go.”
“Your only appointment is me. And I’m right here. You’re my only appointment. No rush. Why weren’t you able to keep the ones from before you were twelve?”
“They didn’t let you bring a lot. When you moved to a new place. Later I started keeping them at school, or in my great-grandmother’s shed. But I didn’t know much the earlier years.”
He touched her then, sliding a hand through her hair, which she’d left loose around her face. “Awfully young to have to learn stuff like that. Did you lose her then? Your great-grandmother?”
“She lived until she was a hundred and one. But she”—her voice thinned but didn’t quite break—“she couldn’t care for me after I turned three. She had several strokes and she couldn’t get around well.”
“I’m sorry. Your mother?”
“Couldn’t be bothered. We should go.”
“You keep saying that. I want to know more.”
“Fuck off!” She wrenched herself back, eyes flashing. “I’m not a reality television show. I’m not your dancing monkey.”
“I never said you were. People share, that’s how they build relationships. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to know you.”
She hated how he stood there so fucking calm after he’d rooted through her memories that way. Hated too that the way he’d touched her had calmed her, how hard she’d had to fight the desire to lean in and take comfort.
“So let’s get to know you then.”
“Go on. Ask. I’ve answered all the questions you’ve asked.”
She blew out a breath and tried to go back into her place but he stood there looking so reasonable she wanted to kick him in the balls.
“Look, I said I wouldn’t fuck anyone else while I was with you. But that doesn’t mean you get a full pass into my life. Into my memories. It sucked. Growing up the way I did sucked. It was horrible and I don’t want to talk about it for a reason. You didn’t grow up like that so I get how it’s a story to you, but it happened to me. It happened to me and I’m not giving it to you on demand.”
He moved to her slowly, but he kept moving until he’d gathered her up against his chest, holding her tight.
“I’m sorry.”
She hated how he got to her. Hated how easy it was for him to waltz in and get past all the walls she’d built to defend herself.
“We should end this. You’re looking for something I can’t give you.”
He snorted. “Be quiet. Let’s go look at leaves. Bring your sketchbook. I’ll buy you a glass of wine and lunch and make you come a few times before we go to dinner.”
He turned and did that thing with her hand on his arm, leading her inside.
Of course he had a car that looked like a panther. Sleek. Powerful. Tinted windows. He escorted her to it and opened her door. When he closed it to go around to his side, all sound from outside was gone.
The seats were soft leather and it smelled a lot like he did. It wasn’t necessary but she put her sunglasses on anyway, trying to find some way to filter him out.
“I like the sunglasses.”
Of course he managed to sound suggestive. He drove calmly, but in charge. Easing into traffic like no one better get in his way. And really they didn’t.
“Are you warm enough?”
Despite it being late October, it felt a lot more like November. But she’d worn a sweater and brought her jacket and gloves.
Soon enough though, her seat got warm.
“Jeez, are these heated seats?” She tried not to sound like she’d just eaten an entire bowl of ice cream, but it made her languid. Spoiled like a cat.
“I like luxuries. We established that. So when can I get the next piece done on my back?”
“I like to wait at least two weeks between sessions. I’ll look at it the next time we’re naked to see how it’s coming along. But I want it healed before I do the next part.”
“I like how you made that fun.”
She rolled her eyes, relaxing a little when she realized he wasn’t going to push about her past.
“That’s me. More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Though, to be honest the idea of a barrel of monkeys doesn’t sound fun to me. It sounds like there’d be fleas and bites and shit involved.”
“I do think Raven fun is better than that, yes.”
“Who even thinks that stuff up? Monkeys in a barrel?”
She noted that his mouth quivered as he tried not to smile. It was a seriously sexy mouth.
“Who knows, darlin’. Maybe someone without any idea of what fun is?”
“Probably. Anyway, two weeks. Maybe three, depending on how you heal. Though I doubt your immune system would have the audacity to take more than two weeks.”
He chuckled. “And what exactly do you mean by that?”
“You know what I mean by that. I’m sure your immune system is just as stubborn as the rest of you is.”
“I come by it honestly, I’m told. My mother is just as bad.”
She snorted. She’d heard.
“I figured we’d head up around Snoqualmie. I saw a lot last year when Carrie and I went up. Work for you?”
“I’m just along for the ride. I wore shoes I could hike in, just in case.”
“Hm, a hike. After I wake up in a warm cabin and have hot sex with a willing woman covered in ink. But just as a general rule? Not gonna make you hike without telling you up front.”
“Good to know. I don’t camp much. I like hot showers too much to really get into it. Erin did con me into going to the Sleeping Lady a f
ew years back. We’ve gone several more times. If it comes with a spa and gourmet food as well as some pretty swank accommodations, I can swing that.”
“I lived in the dorms my first year of college. I hated the communal showers. I hated wearing flip-flops.”
Imagining him in cheap flip-flops did a good job eroding her annoyance. “You lived in the dorms?”
“Don’t mock. My parents thought it would be a good experience. I met a shitload of girls. Lots of furtive, very quick fuck sessions before roommates came home. That was the good part. I got an apartment my second year when I worked at the firm part time.”
“I bet you met a lot of girls. I can’t even imagine the Jonah in his early twenties. Though, I do admit to the fairly overwhelming appeal of the Jonah in his forties. I like a man who knows what he’s about.”
“Good to know. I was more reckless then.”
“Who isn’t when they’re twenty?”
“I bet you weren’t.”
“I’m reckless now, Jonah. As for when I was twenty? I was in my own way. I was trying to figure out everything. Trying to raise myself, I suppose.”
“Trying to survive?”
“By the time I was twenty or so I knew I’d be all right. I had some skills that I could pay the rent with. I realized how much I loved to travel around that time, too.”
“Do you ever go back? To Happy Bend, I mean.”
“I went back once. For my great-grandmother’s funeral.”
“How old were you then?”
She licked her lips, trying to ignore the pain in her chest. “Twenty-three.”
“Do you still have family there?”
“I imagine so. I don’t have much contact with any of them. I hear from an aunt from time to time.”
“They never took you in?”
Erin had urged her to share more with people and she was usually right. So she’d give it a shot.
“Sometimes. They were dirt poor, most of them. The aunt I have contact with sometimes, she and my mother are sisters. Were sisters. Whatever. Anyway, she’s been plagued with health problems and a variety of addictions.” Like the rest. Alcoholics and crazy people. She came from such fine stock.
“I lived with her on and off until I was six. She went to jail a few times. Had to move from one run-down, piece-of-shit place to another.”