by Lauren Dane
He woke up early, as he usually did, even on weekends. Decades of being up for 8 a.m. meetings had pretty much ruined his ability to really sleep late.
But she was there too. That’s what woke him. She stood in his doorway, hugging the doorjamb, looking hesitant.
He pulled his blankets back and she came to him. “Best wake-up I’ve had in ages,” he said as he snuggled her up against his body.
“Yeah?” She climbed atop, grinding her cunt against him.
“Well, I do like to say there’s always room for improvement. You’ve got a good start.” She was glorious in the morning. Her hair tousled and soft around her face. No makeup. She was warm and soft and goddamn, he wanted more.
The shadows from the night before were gone. He knew those memories took up a permanent place inside her, but he was glad she looked better.
“How’d you sleep?”
“Bed is very comfortable. It’s quiet. You have a great house. Thank you for . . . you know, everything.”
He cupped her neck. “Anytime.”
“Yeah?”
He tried to focus on the words, but hello, nearly naked woman grinding herself against his cock. “Careful there, missy, you’re playing with fire.”
She pulled her shirt up and over her head. “I am? Gosh, I sure wouldn’t want that.”
He rolled and she landed on his bed on her back. One quick movement and her pants and underwear were gone and she was gloriously naked on his sheets. Where she should be.
“Now then. Are you being deliberately provocative?” He tugged a nipple between his teeth and she moaned.
“What gave me away?”
He laughed, really liking this side of her.
“Don’t move.” He got out of bed and she watched him, a smile on her lips.
He went to his drawer, the one he’d begun to think of as Raven’s drawer. He kept his toys in it. Things he’d bought with her in mind. The chain he’d bought for her was there and he thought of a good use for it. Just not right then.
He saw what he was looking for and pulled it out, turning.
Her gaze went to the collar in his hand, one of those imperious brows of hers rising.
“Kneeling please.”
She did it immediately and he liked that more than he could put into words. Her hands went behind her back.
After he’d gotten her in bed the night before he’d stayed up very late thinking about the entire situation. Whether or not it was a good idea to continue with the D/s nature of their relationship. The last thing he wanted to do was harm her. Or push any of her buttons related to what he knew was a pretty fucked-up childhood.
But then he’d realized that if he had pushed buttons that way she would have told him. Probably not directly, but Raven Smith did not do things she didn’t want to do. And she got off on their relationship just as much as he did. It wasn’t therapy. It wasn’t a balm to her wounds. She liked it when he dominated her and he liked to do it. All the other stuff wasn’t a part of it. And if it ever became part of it, she’d call a halt to it.
“You see, I was thinking about you. As I often do. And I realized how much it would please me if you wore a collar. My collar. But you’re not a leather-collar type of woman. I wanted something that would be unique. Like you are. He held up the platinum choker.
“You want to collar me? Like a slave?”
He laughed. “No. I don’t want a slave, and if I did, you and I wouldn’t be together. I want you to be reminded of me; of the way you’re mine. All day. Every day. I don’t need the whole world to know it. Just you and me.”
Her eyes glittered. Not with anger. Not with fear.
“I’m not one to make a commitment.”
“Because none of the people before were right for you. I am. You know it or you’d have stormed out of here two minutes ago when I first held up the choker. You like it. When you get these fool ideas about how flighty you are, or how you don’t do monogamy, you can think about what you’re wearing around your neck and know you’re lying to yourself. You’re mine, Raven. Try to deny that. I dare you.”
She sucked in a breath, her mouth opening to speak. He waited.
“No one owns me,” she said at long last.
“No one but you. I said, I don’t want to own you. When I say you’re mine, you know exactly what I mean. And you’re scared. Scared I’ll fuck you over, or run away or whatever. I’m telling you right now that you’re here with me. Like I want. Like I’ve wanted since the first conversation we ever had. I get what I want and I want you. Not to own. Not to harm. But to cherish.”
He held the choker closer to her and she examined it. But her hands were still clasped at her back.
“And if I wear it, what does that mean?”
“I told you what it means to me. What would it mean to you? Hm? That’s not something I want or even am prepared to tell you. You own your own feelings, your own reactions. When I put it on and you’re wearing a declaration of your connection and commitment to me, what would it mean to you?”
She took a slightly shaky breath.
“I don’t know.”
He smiled at her. She was scared and he didn’t blame her. “Yes, you do.”
He stroked a hand down her neck with the backs of his fingers. “Cosseted? Hm? Protected? Safe in the knowledge there’s someone out there who adores you, flaws and all? Confined, but in the best way? All these others who tolerated your refusal to commit, they were one thing. I’m another. We’re another and you know it. Will you wear it?”
She swallowed hard and then nodded.
He slid it on and it felt totally right as he secured the two clasps to hold it. It glittered against her skin, fitting perfectly. It was a lovely piece of jewelry. Something she could wear and no one would think twice over. But she’d know. And he would too.
“Beautiful.”
Her gaze dropped and he tipped her chin up. “Mmmm. Can’t deny it, gorgeous. Beautiful. And mine. Like I’m yours, and that’s good too. Makes me hard.”
“Would you like me to do something about that?”
She knew that he found her attractive, yes, but there was this way she had, she got right to him. It wasn’t coy, it wasn’t practiced, and though she certainly wasn’t innocent, the way she got to him was.
He shoved his pants down and off, kicking them to the side. “Now you can. Suck my cock.”
She gave him one last look. “Can I move my hands? This angle will make it hard to keep from falling off the bed.”
“Yes.”
She bent forward, kissing his belly and over to his hip bone before doing the same on the other side. He watched her back, the shock of how alluring she was ricocheting through him.
With one hand braced on the bed, she grabbed his cock at the root with the other and held him out so she could take him into her mouth. First she sucked slow, keeping him really wet. She licked around the crown, sucking hard and then soft, enough to bring a grunt and a flex of his hips, demanding more.
She slid her fist down, holding the skin taut as she followed, taking him deep. She stretched her fingers out to stroke his balls. Up and down. Over and over. It was so good he let it go longer than he should have. He was right up against climax when he put a restraining hand on her shoulder and stepped back.
He struggled for breath as he looked down at her.
She licked her lips and he grinned. “Goddamn. I’m going to fuck you.”
The choker was cool against the skin of her neck. It was wide enough that she knew it was there. It wasn’t a piece of jewelry she’d forget about, which she guessed was the point after all. It made her feel . . . it anchored her, the solid weight of it, the way it seemed to caress her throat the way he held her throat in his palm at times.
It made her pussy slick, hardened her nipples and her clit. She wanted him to fuck her so badly it had taken all her control not to beg him, to keep sucking his cock the way she knew he liked. Knowing he’d take care of her.
I
t was a big step and one that had scared her spitless. Trusting anyone else to put her needs first and foremost wasn’t something she did often. The number of people she trusted like that, she could count on one hand.
But this man, this reason she broke her rules, well, there seemed to be nothing else she could do. She was still scared enough to shake a little. But she was so sick of being scared and alone.
“I want you facedown on the bed. One leg bent, knee up. I want you open.”
She did it quickly. Placing her hands high, like she knew he’d tell her to.
He hummed his satisfaction and she knew she’d made the right choice.
One cuff slid over her hand and to her wrist where he tightened it. He hooked it to the strap on his bed. A few ticks later and she was stretched. Not painfully so, but certainly very aware she was giving over to him.
The other wrist, same movements, and she had to close her eyes against it. Nothing in her life had ever felt like this. She wasn’t even sure what this was. Only that it kept her from floating. His hands on her, his attention and focus made her feel beautiful and desired. Not as a thing. Not as some white-trash whore as she’d been regarded for many years. But as this man’s woman.
A shiver ran through her as he ran covetous hands from her fingertips, down her arms and back. He stopped at her hips and held on, his fingers digging in.
“You’re so fucking beautiful. It drives me out of my mind to see you this way in my bed.”
She heard the condom wrapper tear and knew he’d be in her soon. Even so, she couldn’t help but arch as much as she could to take him deeper when he finally nudged her open with the head of his cock.
He swore under his breath and she loved it. His fingers tightened on her hips and she loved it. She did it again, taking him deep, and he let go, slapping one ass cheek so hard she could picture the red mark he would have left. It burned against the coolness of the room, burned against his skin when he adjusted, fucking her in earnest now.
His weight pressed her into the bed, limited her range of movement. And she loved that too.
“More,” she managed to gasp out.
He let go of her hip and she waited for the slap on her ass. But he slid a hand between her body and the bed and found her clit. He managed to squeeze her clit with the tips of his fingers as he continued to fuck her deep.
“You can’t come until I say so.”
She wanted to argue. It was ridiculous after all to order such a thing. She’d come when she wanted to, damn it. It wasn’t as if she was a yogi with that sort of mind/body control.
But she knew it would be a lie. Knew she’d do her damndest to make it happen however he wanted it to.
He kept thrusting and she sort of floated awhile, the pleasure flooding her system, lulling her even as it excited. She wanted to come. Wanted him to come. Wanted to please him.
She squeezed her inner muscles over and over and he hummed. “Well now, that’s quite lovely.” And then he growled as she kept it up. His fingers on her clit sped up a little, squeezed just a little harder. “I’m ready. Come around my cock.”
Like he hit a switch, orgasm burst through her with alarming speed. Brilliant. Sharp shards of pleasure seemed to slice through her as she heard him say her name, knew he was coming too.
It went on and on for some time until he pressed a kiss to her shoulder and pulled out gently. The bed moved as he got up, but she was content to keep lying there, her arms up above her head, wrists bound. On display.
All the noise quieted when he touched her. What all it meant she didn’t really know, only that it made things better.
“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” He asked her this as they sat at a diner, their breakfasts piping hot on the table in front of them.
“I promised Erin I’d go out to Bainbridge to a Halloween party thing. They’re doing a costume parade and Miles—Gillian and Adrian’s son—his band is playing. I tried very hard to get out of it, but she guilted me.”
He smiled at her. “Why try to get out of it?”
“It’s exhausting trying to behave all the time.” She poured syrup on her stack of pancakes.
He laughed then. “Oh, gorgeous, you’re something else.”
“Hm.”
“Behave how?”
“They’re all so nice. Perky. Everyone loves everyone else and they’re close and blah. I go because Alexander will look adorable in his little costume and I’m sure Martine and Poppy will too. Rennie tells me she’s too old for that stuff, but she’s old enough to get a little giggly around Miles’s friends who, thankfully, are old enough to think she’s an annoying-little-sister type instead of make-out material.”
“I notice you’re talking about the kids and not the adults.”
“I like children better.” She chewed for a while, sipping her coffee, before she spoke again. “Though some adults do all right.”
“I never really pegged you for an earth-mother type.”
She laughed. “Stop, you’re going to make me choke. I’m not. Not in a million years. But I’m a decent aunt. And Alexander, Martine and Poppy are too young to judge me for anything but the quality of snacks in my cabinets and how many of those tiny board books I’m willing to read.”
“Just when I think I’m getting you figured out, you go and prove me wrong. Do you ever, you know, think about having a child of your own someday?”
“I’m getting older. I come from some fucked-up stock. My family was enough. What kind of person would I be to do that to a kid?”
“I had a child and my mother . . . well, you’ve met her.”
“Your mother loves you. She’s a hard-case bitch with her nose a little too high in the air, don’t get me wrong. But I can guarantee she never left you alone for ten minutes, much less dropped you off at the corner convenience store and didn’t come back for nearly two years.”
He blinked at her.
“I’m sorry. I . . . It’s like telling you stuff has loosened my tongue.”
He took her hand, his fingers tangling with hers. “Don’t apologize. I’m glad you’re sharing with me. I can’t get past that initial moment of rage when I hear how you were treated when you were at your most vulnerable.”
“So I come from a bunch of assholes. There are already a lot of assholes who had kids and fucked them up. I’m not sure I can overcome my DNA to not do the same. I mean, can you imagine me at a PTA meeting?”
He grinned. “I totally can.” He shrugged. “I’ve seen you when you talk about Alexander. I know you love him, and from what I understand, he loves you right back. Seems to me what your situation was had a lot more to do with how they acted, not their biology. Hell, Charlotte, my ex-wife, her parents were really involved when she and her siblings grew up. And she’s a terrible mother. It’s not always biology, Raven. Some people are just, as you so eloquently put it, assholes.”
“Anyway, I don’t know. I have a studio apartment and I like to travel. Having a baby isn’t in the cards for me.”
But he could see her holding a baby. Their baby. He didn’t say that out loud, not wanting to scare her away and also needing to process, yet again, how fast this was all moving. He wasn’t impulsive. He was the type of man who took forever just to decide what to order off a menu. But the way he felt for Raven was apparently outside all the rules in his life. The way he felt for her simply was. He knew it as sure as he knew gravity existed and that he had to pay his taxes.
“Do you . . .” She shook her head and went back to eating.
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“No way, you don’t get to do that. Do I what?”
“Do you want to go with me? To this Halloween thing tonight?”
It was the first time she’d done the asking, and he liked it.
“Yeah. I’d like that. I want to get to know your friends better. I’m sure Daisy and Levi will be there. I know Daisy and Gillian are close. She’s got pictures of Poppy and Miles all over her and
Levi’s house.”
“Okay then. I need to go home for a while. I really need to exercise. I’ve done nothing but eat too much and drink a lot of beer since you came along. My clothes are going to get tight.”
“Want to go kayaking with me and my brother Eli?”
Warily she considered that. “I don’t know.”
“He’ll like you. I told him about you earlier this week. He’s sort of feral himself.”
“Don’t you want to do the brother thing? If you spend a lot of time with me, you’re going to figure out I’m sort of a bitch.”
He laughed, having to put down his cup of coffee before he started to choke.
“Gorgeous, I figured that out weeks ago. I’m still here.”
She pulled her phone out to check her calendar and noted she had several bookings starting in just a few hours and lasting until about an hour before the party. She frowned. She’d told Maggie, the woman who ran the shop, that it was all right to give her appointments, so it wasn’t like anyone had done anything wrong. The business was good. She liked having money in savings. But, she had to admit she liked the idea of spending time with Jonah and meeting his brother.
She looked up from the phone and shrugged. “Apparently I’m going to be inking people for many hours today. I’m sorry. I love to kayak though, so if you want to in the future and feel up to having me along, I’d go.”
“That’s a deal.”
15
“Nope. Wait.” He gave an imperious look her way before he got out and walked around to her side to open her door and give her a hand out.
Then he kept her hand and she didn’t quite know what to do, so she let him.
The place was awash in kids and it made her smile.
Erin was out on the large lawn with them and she looked up, waving. Alexander looked to see what his mother was doing and caught sight of Raven, his little face lighting up.
She let go of Jonah’s hand and bent to grab Alexander up into a hug when he came running her way.
“You’re here, Auntie!”
“Of course I am.” She kissed his cheeks, hugging him again.
“I missed you. We have candy.”