And all at once, everything else I was supposed to be doing, including saving the world, seemed unimportant.
Chapter Twenty-Eight: It’s Ancient Greek to Me
“I’m the king of the world!”
Because, really, what else is one going to scream when they’re riding on a unicorn?
Boo giggled from her perch in front of me. “You are very strange, mighty Conquer of Burp,” she said between pats to the indigo section of our ride’s mane.
“It’s Jessie.”
“Yes, Jessie, mighty Conqueror of Burp. I will remember it all when I introduce you to the others,” Boo said, nodding. “And you, gentle Floof, with fur of snow.”
She said more, but it was all lost to me as I watched the technicolor sparkles dancing off this majestic beast’s hooves as we trotted through what seemed to be a fairy tale forest. Maybe they were arctic fireflies, or sprites, but this area twinkled like a window display the day after Thanksgiving.
Fluff kept looking around, sniffing for any more party crashers, but so far the three of us and the unicorn seemed alone.
“Our camp is just through there. I can’t tell you how pleased I am to show you the hospitality of the Meliae!”
Wait, I knew that word. I’m pretty sure it was important, too, although perhaps not as important as a unicorn. Squee!
The unicorn slowed to a halt in front of a curtain of vines. I could hear water crashing in the distance. Maybe we’d arrived at the waterfall of wonders to complement the magic hot tub.
Boo and Fluff both dropped to the ground. I hesitated, stroking the unicorn’s mane one last time before sliding off as well. “So soft, so silky.”
The unicorn in turn bumped his nose against my hand.
“Abraxas likes you. You must be very pure of heart,” Boo said with a smile.
I wasn’t entirely sure who gasped louder as we stepped through the curtain. Fluff may have had Sasquatch lungs on her side, but I’m sure I gave her a run for the money. “Who moved the Parthenon to Canada?”
Somehow a full-sized Greek structure sat smack dab in the middle of this clearing. The sky seemed different here as well—kinda swirly, for lack of a better word. The trees surrounding the building shifted and swayed, and unlike the magic forest I’d just gotten used to, I was pretty sure these trees moved on their own accord, and they definitely didn’t look like they all came from the same biome. Tropical palms stood, mixed with dogwoods and pines, and something straight out of an African safari stood lone and proud on the horizon. “Holy horticulture wet dream, Batman.”
A particularly gnarled tree twisted its branches toward us. I jumped as the bark peeled open and a woman stepped out of the trunk. Holy crap! Was that an honest to goodness Greek goddess? Where was Gary when you needed him?
“Greetings and salutations, strangers. What brings you to the grove of the dryads?”
How do you even answer that kind of question? The woman appeared to be Poison Ivy’s more glamorous cousin. She had big eyes and a waterfall of curls all the way down to her waist nicely framed by a sparkly toga straight out of Clash of the Titans.
“Great Olivia Sose, mistress of the grove, I have brought guests,” Boo said, doing a single cross-armed bow thing. I should probably pay attention and do that, too . . . maybe. I repeated the gesture, and this Olivia lady smiled at me.
“As the trees have told us, child,” Olivia said, stepping closer. She turned her luminous eyes upon me, making me want to bow all over again. “Welcome to the grove, Jessie Flores. We have been waiting for you.”
“You have?”
♦ ♦ ♦
More of the trees opened to reveal equally stunning women in all manner of ceremonial dress. A tall woman with a severe bob and piercing pale eyes in particular glared at me. It couldn’t be a good sign that she wore lacquered armor and a samurai sword just to come over and say hi.
Fluff seemed to feel the same way as she inched behind me.
Olivia motioned to the armed guard. “This is my dear sister from the east, Sayuri. She has been waiting to meet you as well, Jessie.”
“The pleasure is . . . all mine?” That came out way too awkward. “I’m sorry, I’m just a little overwhelmed.”
“She’s a child,” Sayuri said with a sneer.
“Jessie is a mighty warrior. She is the Conqueror of Burp,” Boo stated. Olivia beamed while Sayuri just raised a brow. “It’s true!”
“Burp. You mean one of the undisciplined children running free in our lesser cousins’ village?” She turned to me, her gaze like icicles. “I congratulate you on defeating an unbloodied whelp.”
And that pretty much broke the spell of awe that had been tying my tongue. “Listen, I’m glad Boo is okay, but I’m more than happy to head back and—”
Olivia seemed to be stifling a giggle while Sayuri glared. Note to self: don’t go into a career in diplomacy after college.
Boo squeezed my arm. “Please. Jessie, Conqueror of Burp is not only brave, but she is a maiden with hair of flame! I saw it with my own eyes.”
Even frosty Sayuri paused to ponder this. Oh crap, that’s why the word Meliae had sounded so familiar. With all the unicorns and Sasquatches and jet lag, I had totally forgotten the whole reason Gary and Phil approached me in the first place.
“Very well,” Sayuri said with a sigh. “Perhaps we should invite this slayer of Burp in then.”
“I didn’t slay him. I just kicked him in the nuts.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t helping.
Olivia took my hands. “I see kindness deep within you, Jessie Flores, as well as bravery. Please allow me to formally welcome you to our grove and our gathering. Tonight, you dine with the dryads as my guest.” She gave a pointed look to Sayuri, who rolled her eyes before storming off. “You must excuse my dear sister, but she is grown from different soil than I am. Sayuri is of a mindset that all other virtues pale before strength. She can be a bit . . . trying to new friends.”
“It’s all good. To be fair, it’s been a really long day,” I replied.
Olivia smiled warmly and gave me a squeeze. If I wasn’t dropped in the middle of Greek Myths Gone Wild, I might have felt some genuine comfort.
“I really do need to get back, though.”
Olivia wasn’t letting go so easily, however. She nodded toward the building. “It would be a grave insult to refuse our hospitality, and you don’t seem the type to be intentionally rude. Unless my instincts about you are incorrect—”
“Um . . . no, but I don’t want to worry my friends either.”
“Fortunately we have attendants for such purposes.” Olivia turned and called into the forest. “Oh, Mr. Keyne! Mr. Keyne, I have a task for you.”
What were we getting next—a minotaur, a cyclops, maybe one of those frisky goat-boys? I held my breath as a . . . lumberjack strode into view. He looked like an everyday dude in jeans, flannel, and with that cool stubble that only seemed to happen in the movies.
Olivia sized him up appreciatively. Considering every other figure I saw striding around the grove looked distinctly feminine, this Mr. Keyne must’ve been really popular.
“Dear servant, this young lady has an entourage looking for her. Can you please send word that she is safe? Acanthus and Ivy will shadow you to ensure your safety, as our giant cousins are somewhat on edge.”
This Mr. Keyne person bowed deeply to her. Was I supposed to say something? Olivia’s eyes danced to the left and for a moment I saw a flicker of gold flash in Mr. Keyne’s expression. Why did I have a sinking feeling that I was missing half the conversation? He turned to me and bowed even deeper. “Mistress Flores, I live to serve you,” he said in one of those rich voices better suited to narrating movie trailers.
“I just need to get a note to Gary and Phil—”
“And Boosh and Yoosh!” Fluff added. I nodded in agreement.
“But of course, Mistress Flores, and our esteemed chieftainess from the east. I shall give your messages and your regards and then return in
all possible haste.”
“Thank you, Mr. Keyne.” Olivia motioned for us all to head for the temple proper as Keyne wasted no time in heading out. A pair of women in cloaks drifted silently past us after him. I guessed they were his bodyguards. “Now, let me show you the glory of our grove, young Jessie, Conqueror of Burp.”
“I really have got to get a better title,” I muttered under my breath.
♦ ♦ ♦
“I understand if this is all overwhelming,” Olivia said, leading us onward. “You are in the sacred grove of the Meliae, children of the first gods, a sanctuary to all who worship nature. Throughout its history it has served as fortress, meeting place, and as a theatre devoted to the arts. We began our journey at Colophon, but have been both everywhere and nowhere since. . .”
Olivia kept talking with the smooth voice of a narrator from the Discovery Channel. She talked of sacred trees and spirits, but I only heard a bit, gobsmacked as I was by my surroundings. Sweet smells drifted from campfires, leaves rustled, and the birds sang sweetly from their perches. I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone burst into song at any minute.
Olivia waved over some women in green robes and hoods. Not seeing their faces was kinda creepy, but they did offer us cups of water. “Drink of the spring of Uranus!”
Good thing the cup was only halfway to my mouth, because I’d have surely spewed at hearing those words. I was tempted to decline, however, Fluff sucked down hers like it was going out of style. When in Rome. . .
Fortunately, the water suffered only from bad marketing. It tasted colder and cleaner than even the expensive bottled stuff, and we downed our cups in seconds. The green-cloaked servants swept away our empties without a word.
“Thank you!” I called after them.
“They live to serve, Conqueror of Burp,” Olivia said with a smile. “Now, I won’t bore you with more pontificating—”
“I’m not. . .” The look on her face said she didn’t buy my protest for a second. “I’m sorry, I’m just overwhelmed.”
Olivia smiled even brighter, if that was possible. “Honesty becomes you, child, never forget that. I can see it in your eyes that you have traveled far and rested little. Come and enter our sanctum so that we might remedy that.”
♦ ♦ ♦
Pillows. I had never seen quite so many pillows before in my life.
Fluff, being a child, did exactly what all young children do and cannonballed straight into them. As Fluff flopped onto a particularly squishy purple puff, I felt an overwhelming urge to yell “Geronimo!” and join her.
“Please, rest for a while—while Mr. Keyne finds your companions,” Olivia said, leading me to the edge of the pillow pit. “I think you’ll find it easier to pay attention after you’ve had a moment to compose yourself.”
Who was I to argue with a tree lady? I dropped onto a big red beanbag-looking thing, and man, did I sink right into it. The mystical hot tub might have been nice, but this was cozy and soft and didn’t involve being naked in front of Gary.
Fluff rolled around nearby, cooing and generally being adorable, so all in all it was frightfully easy to take a catnap under the stars. I mean, the world wouldn’t end in twenty minutes, would it? Even chosen ones needed a little R&R.
As I yawned and took my time out, I could hear some ethereal singing in a foreign language. It might not be particularly catchy, but the hymn in the distance mixed with the pillows was better than cold meds for knocking me out.
♦ ♦ ♦
I sank deeper into the cushion, and it seemed as if it would never end. Vaguely I became aware that falling asleep wasn’t supposed to be literal. The sinking sensation—like cresting the top of a roller coaster hill—hit my guts, quickly turning into freefall.
My eyes snapped open to see nothing but the void of space all around. What the hell? So, I did the only logical thing: I screamed.
For a moment time froze. I think I was still falling, but while I could perceive stars and galaxies, my body was frozen mid-fall, like a photograph. What the heck was going on? Did I accidentally dream I was in a K-Pop video again?
And there came that falling sensation again. Floating . . . sinking . . . tumbling . . . and hurling through a void was not my idea of comforting. Couldn’t I just go back to happy dreams about Wyatt and what his six-shooter might look like?
Wait, why did I say Wyatt and not Tony?
“ENOUGH!”
The words rang in my head as outer space warped and shook around me.
“ENOUGH!”
“Yeah, I’ve had enough!” I screamed back. “Didn’t you get the memo that in space no one can hear you scream?”
Huh. Apparently, sarcasm made you fall faster. Good to know. Now to wonder how vomit behaves in zero-G.
“Do you think yourself worthy? Do you think you are chosen?”
I managed to straighten out my freefall a bit, waving my dream arms around. “I’m not chosen! I’m nauseous.”
“You think you have the resolve to claim the ancient power of your ancestors? What arrogance—”
“Oh, shut the hell up already!” Wow. Dream Me had anger issues.
This had to be some sort of anxiety mixed with the magic from the hot tub and my unicorn ride. Come on, happy place, find that happy place, Jessie. I was in some Greek temple, right? So, I tried to imagine myself as Wonder Woman just as a bright light filled my vision. Oh crap! And now I was falling straight toward a star! The heat, the same heat from when my hair got cranky overwhelmed me, searing me from all sides.
“Stop it! STOP!”
I slammed into the star and, rather than immolate, saw the source of the heat. I’d seen this before, maybe in a dream . . . maybe in my comics. It was like a supernova with a human figure inside, impossibly bright light radiating from it. Was that supposed to be me in the fire? Like the Phoenix—
“Like an Icon.”
Suddenly the name shiny one made a lot more sense. I reached my hand toward the figure in the center of the flame. The heat became unbearable. Was this it? Had I finally reached whatever tipping point I needed to go from wonder-hair to total badass magical girl?
“NO!”
Apparently, the deep space void I’d been drifting in had other ideas for this nightmare. Just as I was about to touch the flames, I was yanked away, back into the cold, dark void.
♦ ♦ ♦
“No!” I yelped as my eyes snapped open. The sinking sensation hit me all at once and I curled my knees to my chest and rolled to the side to stave off the worst of the nausea.
“Did you have a bad dream, child?” a sweet voice, Olivia’s, asked. I was back in the grove of the Meliae—assuming I’d ever left. She helped me sit up. “The mind sometimes wanders to unusual places when confronted with the strange while awake.”
I nodded, probably a little too emphatically. “I guess that makes sense. I was falling, falling into a star, and then the darkness pulled me back. It wasn’t . . . pleasant.” I finally could focus on Olivia. Her bright eyes glimmered and flickered like the stars in the sky. “How long was I out?”
“As long as you needed to be, child. I only roused you as it is time for supper, and your friend will be eager to see you.”
“He actually found them?” I rubbed my eyes, yawned, then looked down at myself, doing a double take almost immediately. My hair was now well past the middle of my back. Olivia stifled a little laugh as I gawked at my amazing, colossal hair.
“The magic in these woods can have an effect on those who are sensitized to it,” she said, as if they explained my sudden Rapunzel spurt.
“Um, yeah.” I shook my head at this new development but realized perhaps I was freaking out more than was warranted. I mean, yeah, my hair had grown, but it wasn’t like it had gained sentience and tried to take over the world . . . yet. “You said my friends are here?”
“Come. The young wizard is already inside the temple. The others will join us later. They are currently deep in preparation for the upcomi
ng summit.”
“Gary!” I called out the moment I saw a white robe and skunk stripe in the distance.
It wasn’t him, though. A woman with hair nearly as bright as my own pulled back her hood, revealing a pale pink stripe that swished through her oxblood red mane of hair. “Sorry, M-my bad,” I stammered as she stared at me with eyes of solid plum.
She cocked her head and smiled, showing off rows of needle like teeth. As any episode of Star Trek will tell you, alien eyes and dagger teeth were almost never a good sign. Thank goodness my shirt wasn’t red.
“No worries at all, sugah,” she replied with a deep Southern twang. “If anything, I’m pleased as punch to see some fresh meat around here.”
“Jessie, Great Conqueror of Burp, please meet one of our younger sisters, Dionaea Scarlett,” Olivia said. “Though, do be careful . . . she is known to bite.”
Dionaea clutched her hands to her chest. “Oh, Olive, dear, I don’t even know if I like her yet, so don’t you be gettin’ her hopes up.” She stuck out her right hand, adorned with dagger nails and tons of bling, and looked at me expectantly “The pleasure’s all mine, Burp Girl.”
This Southern belle certainly had a way with words, not to mention other things, as I could make out what appeared to be a tight leaf bikini under her sheer robe. As I unabashedly stared at her midsection, a thorny vine snaked its way around her torso, pulsing in a way that made a blush creep up my cheeks.
I realized I should probably say something and not just hold her hand—her soft, strong hand with beautiful, long fingers that could scratch furrows down a person’s. . .
I forced that thought to derail and let go. Whoa nelly, I thought feelings like this weren’t supposed to happen until college!
Dionaea fluttered her eyelashes again. “Come on, Burp Girl. I think your boy toy is already at the table.”
“Please don’t call me Burp Girl.”
Second String Savior Page 23