The sun would go down at the beach house and the fireworks would begin. This was the big show. I wonder what the DeVito’s spent on this show, year after year? These were fireworks that you would see at Disneyland. I mean the real big ones. They had a private barge pull up on the water in front of the beach house and away they went. A good half hour of explosions. I remember a special time at that beach house that I would not soon forget. I don’t remember the year, but I know it was the 4th of July. I came into the party at around 3:00 p.m. The second I walked up to the door to get in, I received a wonderful greeting (a hug and kiss on the cheek) from Rhea Perlman. She said, “Come on in, you know where the beer is!” I was about to enter the party, but a woman caught my eye on the outside of the home. It was Shannon Doherty. She seemed upset. Shannon was speaking with an up and coming rock star named Rob Thomas, of the band “Matchbox 20.” At that time of my life, I had a huge crush on Shannon Doherty and I could not wait to meet her.
Back when I lived downstairs from the Hooligan Stew pad, Vinnie Vegas and I had a ritual every Thursday night where I would come up to watch Beverly Hills 90210 I of course, would pine for Shannon and Vinnie had the hots for Tori Spelling. He always gravitated towards the girls who were not perfect. “It makes them more real” he’d say. Real schmeal, give me perfection! We would “assume the position” of grabbing a pillow and laying flat on the ground so we could rub our dicks on the floor while watching the TV. Actually, we just did this to get a rise out of Matt. He would protest in his surfer drawl, “Man, I don’t see why you guys gotta watch this shit every week!” Well excuuuuse me... what’s not to like? Hot girls? Now here Shannon was in the flesh after all these years. Put a fork in me, I’m done!
Shannon seemed deep into conversation with Rob Thomas, so I entered the party and figured I would see her later inside the party. Rob Thomas was not so famous to the DeVito’s. In fact, they had no idea who the hell he was. But I sure knew who the hell he was! The night before, he was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno, performing their new song “2 am.” I was inside the party playing bad ass rock star, when I wandered to the rear of the beach house and saw Shannon Doherty standing in the same place, still speaking with Rob Thomas & Paul Douchette. Paul was the drummer of Matchbox 20. I had three, four, maybe six drinks in me, so I figured what the hell...I want to hang with Shannon and company. So I meandered over to where they were conversing, and I don’t recall how the conversation began, but I think it went fairly well.
I invited Shannon, Rob & Paul to sit at my table located next to the bar. I did not have a table, but it was easy to bullshit them because they were obviously out of place at this party. Now you may laugh at that statement right now, but you will see what I mean later in this story. Shannon had achieved the inglorious, but well deserved reputation of a trouble-maker and had a hard time, no, make that impossible time of getting into A-list parties. Reputations travel fast in Hollywood and once your name is mud, you might be in so deep that you can’t get out of the hole you’ve dug yourself into. As for me, hey, I still had no beef with Shannon, I was probably the only one at the party who wanted her in! I grabbed a table by the bar and told Rob, Shannon and Paul they are welcome to hang out here instead of standing at the back of the beach house where nobody else was located.
I felt at home at the DeVito’s beach home, because I had spent so many 4th of July’s there. Do you know who looked uncomfortable? Yes you guessed it... Shannon, Rob and Paul. They sat at the table like they were uninvited guests. Well actually, they were. Rob was squirming, Shannon was looking all around and Paul was fairly silent. I asked if they would like a drink and of course they accepted without hesitation. This seemed to break the ice and I spent a good hour razzing all of them as I filled my glass with more wine from the bar. You have to remember, this is the DeVito’s house. The wine was top notch and all free of charge, flowing like a spring of fresh water from a mountain. An A-list mountain, and I was on the list!
After an hour of harassment I had relentlessly dished out to the guys in Matchbox 20 and of course Shannon Doherty, I became distracted and I got up to talk with Christopher Lloyd. Chris Lloyd did not know me very well, but he was always really polite and would talk for quite a long time. I knew Shannon, Rob and Paul could see me chatting with Mr. Lloyd, and I ate that up. Who knows what they thought of me, but it was obvious that I had free run of the place, so they had to ride on my coat-tails! Priceless! I returned to the table and Rob asked me if I knew Chris Lloyd. I told him yes (of course, thinking to myself... shit, they bought it!) and continued talking about God knows who! This type of gallivanting continued for another hour. Hey, this was a one time shot, and I milked it to the max! I would see someone famous, walk over to them, offer a cigar, speak to them for a few minutes and walk away. Shannon Doherty did not seem impressed, she actually looked constipated or sick. She did not seem very comfortable at all. Shannon let me down. I thought she would be a little crazy and a fun loving person to be around. I was wrong. She was stuffy and seemed to be full of herself. What a let down!
Well, what do you know? Here comes the hosts of the party, Rhea & Danny DeVito. Rhea walked over to the table, looked at Shannon, Rob and Paul and asked, “Who are you guys with and how did you get in here?” I saw Shannon’s eyes get really big, I could see Paul look the other way and Rob looked straight into Rhea’s eyes and said, we are with your hair dresser. Rhea asked, “What hair dresser? I have lots of hair dressers!” Rhea was never shy and she was not happy with the party crashers. I could not believe it! Rob, Paul and Shannon were not personally invited to the party? That explained why they all seemed very uncomfortable. Rob could not come up with a name of Rhea’s hair dresser and it appeared as if he and the rest of his gang was going to be kicked out of the party. I stood up and walked over to Rhea and Danny and explained that Shannon, Rob and Paul were with me and I was sorry I did not tell her sooner. Rhea accepted my lame excuse and decided to let them stay. I do not think Rhea liked Shannon Doherty very much, but allowed her to stay. I told Rhea that Matchbox 20 was a great up and coming band and they were going to be playing at the Universal Studios Theatre in a month. I told Rhea (without checking with Rob and Paul) that the band would be happy to give them several backstage passes to the next show. Rhea accepted the offer for her kids, shook her finger in a scolding manner, and told us to behave ourselves and then walked away. We hung out and partied like rock stars, and of course, did not behave like we were told to. I talked Rob into giving me backstage passes to the next few shows! As for Shannon, I would never see her again. I hung out with Matchbox 20 several times after that, but the band became too big, and Rob Thomas and company would go on to be fairly famous rock stars so I lost touch with all of them. But that was a certainly a moment that I will never forget, I’m sure it was Shannon that had convinced Matchbox 20 that she knew Danny and Rhea and that they could get into the shin-dig. That may have very well been the final loss of face, out of many, that Shannon Doherty endured and ended her status in Hollywood forever. And I was there!
THE SKYBAR! - Vinnie Vegas
Another example of living the rock star’s life came up rather unexpectedly. Today in Hollywood, there are many exclusive clubs where you really have to be somebody in order to walk right in. And back in the 80’s, it was no different. The biggest rock star of the day was Axl Rose, and anytime he showed up at any given club, it made all the papers. There were other clubs that were more geared towards A-List movie stars and these clubs were impossible to get in for the average “Joe”. One such place was located at what is now The Sunset Tower Hotel which back then was called The Argyle. This 5-star hotel was home to the infamous Skybar. This club was actually the pool area of the hotel, where all the movie stars hung out, and everybody scampered to try and get in. It was notorious as a place where even high-level Hollywood execs could not get into. I’m pretty sure this is where the famous protest of, “Don’t you know who I am?” was first bellowed. And since the paparazzi could n
ot penetrate the perimeter, nobody had any idea of what it even looked like unless you’d been in there. This added to the legendary Shangri-La reputation and mystique of the place. Obviously, a couple of scrappy kids like Vinnie Vegas and Cupkake could never dream of infiltrating this temple, but we did!
One afternoon, Cupkake and I were hanging at a Sunset bar called Dublin’s. This was not a club, it was simply a rare watering hole where all sorts of people popped in for happy hour. Sometimes you’d be sitting next to the pool guy, while other times it was the head of Columbia Pictures. In Hollywood, there wasn’t that much difference between the way the two dressed. We liked the place because we got to know the bartender named Skip really well and he’d turn us on to strong drinks and free shots now and again. Skip would then rest one foot up on the icebox and rail on all the light tippers between glances at his wristwatch. This was the first and only bar I ever became a “regular” in, and you got to know all the other regulars over time.
One day a guy in a suit plopped down next to us and immediately started up a conversation. This guy looked like the typical guy you see in Vegas who wants a bucket of scotch and a tip on where to score a hooker. He stood out in his business suit because nobody wears suits in LA except weenie investment types from Glendale. He had sausage fingers, a bad comb-over and a Chicago accent, but most notably, a wad of C-spots that he was not afraid to flash. He immediately ordered us whatever top-shelf liquor we wanted plus a shot of Jagermeister to be consumed immediately.
How ‘bout Jager you guys? You guys like Jager don’t you? Hey Skip, get these guys a couple of Jagers!”
I’m willing to bet this guy had done a couple of lines of coke in the bathroom because he was loud, sweaty and suddenly our best friend. Well, with a wad of C-spots, he’d be anybody’s friend no matter how obnoxious he was. He said he really wanted to hit the Skybar, so we told him how there was no chance of us getting in. He looked at us with contempt, and scoffed that he could get us into the Skybar come hail or high water. By the way he said it... we believed him!
We had just gone to the bar for a couple of drinks and we had no intention of hitting any clubs, much less the Skybar. Cupkake had on Levi’s and a collared work shirt, and I had my Hooligan outfit of a leather jacket, ripped up jeans and Converse sneakers. There was no way I was getting into this place, no how, no way! Now Cupkake had always had a thing for the Skybar and wanted desperately to get in, but I was being stubborn, drunk as I was. Even in my state I could just picture me being denied entrance, while Drew Barrymore and Matthew Perry laughed at me. I stood my ground for about fifteen minutes, but they finally broke me down. I’m pretty sure that was accomplished with another couple of shots of Jaeger. I was shaking my head to myself as we walked down Sunset, but the die was cast, and it was on!
Of course, once we got there, the doorman took one look at us and shook his head. But our Chicago boy pulled the man aside, and before you knew it, we were led into the private elevator that led to the pool area which was the most exclusive piece of real estate in Hollywood. I was dreading the moment those doors would open and spill us into a world I had no business being in. I was really starting to freak out on the inside. I distinctly remember being very quiet as that elevator rose up to The SkyBar. The front of my face was warm and humming from the effects of the Jagermeister and I was thinking to myself that no good thing could possibly come out of this night. When the elevator stopped, I took a deep breath and the doors slid open revealing the promised land.
I was surprised at how simple this place was after all the hub-bub I’d heard. It was a pool area with all sorts of Ikea-style chaise-lounges and easy chairs scattered about. All the drinking tables had flickering candles on them and a central fire-pit dominated the area. Even though I was in, I wanted to hurry up and find a place to sit and grab a drink so I didn’t look like a buffoon. The last thing you’d want to do in a situation like this was to stand there slack-jawed and give the impression that you didn’t belong in this land of stars. That would not be very Hollywood at all! Additionally, you must understand, this place had the well-deserved reputation of having the
strictest dress code around, so me being there was a complete fiasco. The place was full of beautiful starlets and guys in designer slacks and jackets. I clearly noticed more than a few people look up from their conversations as I walked past. In the far corner, I saw a large Tiki Hut up on a raised platform, and I made a beeline for it. At this point I lost contact with Cupkake and our new friend and never saw them until we left. Every club in Hollywood has a VIP area that is in essence, a club within the club, and I found out later that this was it. But I had no idea at the time, I simply saw a refuge from my awkward embarrassment, a place to duck in and hide. In any other place, this Disneyland looking Tiki-Hut would have been an empty sanctuary that I could seek much needed shelter in. In this case, I was wrong.
This was a place where the few people that were able to get past the velvet rope downstairs, might not be able to get in to. Can you imagine that? Well, in Hollywood, if you are the help, you are never quite sure who exactly you are dealing with because high-profile clients don’t always dress the way you think they would, especially in the music scene. And nobody wants to be the guy who lays an egg by hassling the millionaire, because you might lose your job on the spot. All I can figure is that if I somehow got past that doorman dressed like a ragamuffin, then people must have thought I was someone special. The fact that I had no idea that this was the VIP section of the most exclusive club in LA, meant that I entered the place as if it was TGIF Fridays. With all this, nobody challenged me and I sauntered up to a bar for the most needed drink I’ve ever ordered.
As I waited for the bartender, I noticed a lot of the men in jackets and ties checking me out. They weren’t mad-dogging me; indeed, they were smiling and giving me the “what’s up?” head nod while whispering to each other. The Tiki Room had long tables like picnic benches and eventually one of the guys waved me over to his table. I told him I was going to order a beer and he said, “Nonsense, you’re with us, get over here!” As soon as I sat down, a waiter in a penguin suit rushed over, and my new buddy told the waiter, “Anything he wants, it’s on me!” That should have tipped me off, but I was just happy to be sitting with a drink so I rolled with it. Once again, my
casualness made me look like I owned the place. One of the first lessons I learned by living in Hollywood was to act casual no matter what situation you found yourself in. And in Hollywood, that could be anything! Act like you’ve heard it before, act like you’ve seen it before, and act like you’ve been there before. Do that, and you become LA.
I now noticed a little buzz going on in the Tiki Hut as one by one, people turned around to see what was going on. It was now becoming clear to me that they had mistaken me for somebody famous. You see, in exclusive clubs like that, if you can be seen by everybody with an A-Lister sitting at your table, as if you were long-lost drinking buddies, then you were golden. And I’m sure that is exactly what they were doing. I think they figured I was one of the guys in Guns N Roses but didn’t actually know their names or what they looked like. I can’t blame them though, if you saw the way I was dressed. Seriously, I literally had on ripped jeans, Converse sneakers, a leather jacket and a backwards baseball hat. We ended up playing a game where they yucked it up by asking me vague questions like “So how’s it
going with you guys?” And I’d answer, “Hey things are going good. Real good!” They tried to hide the fact that they really didn’t know who I was, and I was hiding the fact that I was nobody. A true Hollywood moment! I’m sure this goes on more than you would know! Once I figured all this out, I realized that if I left that Tiki Hut, I might not get back in. So I never went to hang out with Cupkake on his dream date. He told me later that he was chatting it up with Jennie Garth, so in the end, it all worked out just fine.
GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS -Vinnie Vegas
One of the intended purposes of living in Hollywood is the fa
ct that people wanted to party there. If we were at the Rainbow, and tried to get girls to come back to our apartment in Reseda, the answer would surely be no. But when you mentioned that you lived in Hollywood, and could be there in five minutes, people really wanted to partake in that experience.
One day a pack of three girls showed up at our Hooligan Stew apartment after a show. It was a typical after-party with me probably wandering around as opposed to sitting down so I could say hello to everybody. I didn’t see them come in, but suddenly there they were, sitting on the couch all in a row. In Hollywood there were lots of runaways and girls “fresh off the boat”. The runaways came in various levels. Some were outright street urchins, while others had some sort of situation where maybe one of the older bikers that hung out on Las Palmas had simmering intentions and was letting her crash at his place for the time being. Another hook-up was a gullible aging rocker who still believed the young girls found him hot. These situations were temporary, so while technically not homeless, these girls led unstable and nomadic lives. These three girls seemed to fall under that category, but they were pretty cute so I decided to get to know them.
Hollywood: Rock Of Ages Page 35