Caused their jet to crash. Caused Ben’s death.
He was responsible for a man’s death. Responsible for thrusting Emily into widowhood.
The truth of it could easily send him spiralling down faster than their jet had if he thought about it for too long. And he couldn’t allow himself to spiral, not here in this warm but barren cave; there was no alcohol to block the memory, no whisky at hand to ease his conscience.
When Jake had thrown the truth at him on their first morning out here, it had hit him harder than any punch in the face that he’d ever received. He took a long breath, breathing out slowly as his AA sponsor of two years had shown him to do.
The therapist that neither his father nor Justin knew anything about.
“I still can’t believe the co-pilot’s gone,” he managed.
Parker was silent for several moments before speaking. “The fact that Ben—according to Jake—was already unconscious and couldn’t protect himself when the jet went down says to me that perhaps you injured him in some way. Maybe you fought and he hit his head or something. Ask Jake.”
Hugh recoiled at the thought of asking that. But he didn’t have to. He now remembered everything that had happened in that cockpit. Everything he’d previously forgotten, from the moment he’d asked Emily to refill his glass.
And now that his memory had returned, every part of him wished to hide away in drunken oblivion.
With a trembling hand he ran a hand through his matted hair.
“Hugh?” Anxiety peppered his father’s voice. “You’ve gone quiet.”
“Just thinking. I’m fine.” But he wasn’t fine, how could he be after what he had done? He’d have to be a sociopath not to care about the hurt he had caused, and he wasn’t that. He hated the fact that he’d let the demon drink get the better of him. He shuddered and closed his eyes. God in heaven. He frowned down at his hands. He rarely thought of God or faith, even though one of his friend’s back in London was into the whole church thing. But right now Hugh felt the desperate need to pray, to pray to whoever was out there to do something that would make them go back in time. Right back to the beginning of this trip. Just back enough time to ensure that all this hadn’t happened.
But even as he felt the urge to pray he couldn’t. He didn’t feel worthy to bow his head and expect to be listened to or be rescued. The others did, but he didn’t. And why would God listen to him after what he’d done? He let out another breath. Deep down he knew it should have been him who had died, not Emily’s Ben. He squeezed his eyes shut, when would he be the person he strived so hard to be? When would he finally be able to say no to the alcohol? His lack of self-control had landed all of them in this snow cave, in God-only knew where in Austria. He hadn’t helped build the cave, he’d just caused them to need it. God, he hated himself sometimes....
“What if Justin and Jake can’t find the women?” He kept his tone deliberately neutral, not for a moment wanting to betray the fear clawing his gut. This was the first time any of them had been separated since the crash. The first time two members of their group had gone out on their own.
“Do you care, Hugh?”
Hugh could see the pale shadow of his father’s eyes in the dim light of the snow cave. It was an impressive structure, but he could only feel shame that he had not taken part in its creation. Instead, he had been the catalyst for the group needing it in the first place. Otherwise they wouldn’t be alive.
“You know I care,” he said softly in answer to his father. “I know the others don’t think that I care, but you and Justin are my family. You should know...” he trailed off, not wanting to say anymore. Already he could hear the little lost boy he had been years ago coming out in his voice, the need, the desire to be thought well of, to be held in high esteem.
Parker gave a deep sigh. “I know you care, Hugh. But you’ve got to get a hold of this drinking problem of yours.”
Hugh swallowed. “I can stop anytime I like.” He almost believed the lie as it fell from his lips.
Almost.
“No you can’t, or we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
Hugh closed his eyes. “I never wanted to go on this trip,” he whispered. “I never wanted this situation, never asked for it.”
“What did you expect when you burst into that cockpit?” Parker bit out. “At the very least you must’ve known that you’d distract the pilots.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that at all. I was too–” He broke off, unable to finish.
“Drunk.” Parker finished; the word toneless. Hugh pressed his lips together. But he was attending AA classes, he just hadn’t admitted it to Justin and his father yet. His AA sponsor, would accuse him of being too hard on himself, Hugh knew, too impatient, but it had been six months since he’d been attending AA. Wasn’t that enough time to see progress?
“You still awake, Hugh?”...
“I’m still awake.”
“I wish I could’ve stopped you from going into that blasted cockpit but I didn’t realize your intentions before it was too late. What were you thinking?”
Hugh squeezed his eyes shut, grateful that it was too dim in the cave for him to be able to see his father’s face. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I wasn’t thinking.” Once that fiery liquid began to pump through his system he was King of the World. Or the cockpit, in this case.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he admitted to Parker.
“Tell Jake that.”
Hugh’s eyes snapped open. He knew their flight captain couldn’t stand him and he didn’t blame him, but he was surprised to learn that Jake had a problem with his father. “He’s blamed what I did on you? Why?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Hugh.” Parker gave a hopeless sigh. “Just pray. Pray that those women come back in one piece.”
Chapter 19
––––––––
Nina gasped as she fought against the cruel currents trying to pull her down. She couldn’t believe what was happening. Ten minutes ago she had been walking out with Ange and Emily for a walk, and now she was neck deep in water so cold she could barely breathe.
In the back of her mind she knew she was drowning. The water, punishing in its frigid iciness, rendered Nina temporarily immobile. Unlike any coldness she had ever experienced, it made it impossible for her to move her arms or legs. Like needles it bit viciously into every part of her body, numbing her, paralyzing her, suffocating her so she couldn’t breathe. Gasping, she tried to fight the tidal wave of water pulling her relentlessly deeper into its depths. Water invaded her ears, clogged her nose, and pummeled her body. Swim, Nina. Kick. Breathe. The words reverberated through her mind; survival instincts kicking in, and made her heavy and lethargic arms and legs move. It was an uphill struggle; the soaking weight of her now damp clothes hampered movement, and the frigidity of the water made her movements sluggish. It took everything she had to break the surface of the icy water and raise her head for a dizzying and euphoric few seconds.
“Neen!”
She heard the noise, heard her name being called but it seemed to come from a million miles away, almost from another place or time, and then the water dragged her under again.
“Grab my hand, Neen. Grab it.”
Disorientated and still under the water, her mouth and eyes full of it, Nina could hear the words hovering somewhere above the surface of the water. Closer this time. Much closer to her. Was that Ange’s voice she heard? Dizzy with weakness, Nina struggled to fight her way back up to the surface of the water.
“Fight, Nina, swim. You can do it. Come on.”
Yes, it was Ange, Nina realized dazedly, and felt a sudden burst of hopeful energy. With a cry she broke the surface of the water again, but still unable to see clearly, she could only flail a heavy arm out blindly.
Angela grabbed her wrist and held on.
Gasping, Nina sought to stay upright as Ange took her other wrist and struggled to pull her out of the water. It seemed to take forever, but
it probably only took minutes. The cold water, which had drenched her clothes, added extra weight. When she finally landed on the icy solid surface of the lake beside Ange with a soft thud, her body jerking as she coughed and shivered violently.
“Stay back,” Ange warned, and it took Nina a moment to realize that Ange was speaking to Emily.
Emily. The one who had caused she and Ange to be out here.
“I said stay back, Emily,” Angela hissed angrily....
Panic seized Nina when, through bleary eyes, she saw that Emily wasn’t listening. The ice continued to crack around them, but Emily was beyond reason, and with a sob, Emily charged into Angela, causing both of them to tumble on to the lake, just a stone’s throw from her. Emily quickly gained ground first, and sat atop Angela as she had her earlier.
“I said you didn’t have to come with me,” Emily panted, bitterness twisting her expression. “You should’ve stayed in the cave. Now you’re trying to come between me and Ben.”
Still shivering, Nina used her last bit of strength to scramble forward and grasp Emily’s shoulders. With a grunt she dragged Emily off Angela. It was then that Nina heard their names being called, and she and Angela looked toward the sound.
It was Jake and Justin. They were calling out to her, telling her to hold on, that they were coming, but she could barely move.
She almost wept with relief at seeing them. How had they known they were out here? How had they known they had left the cave?
Both men were coming towards them, but the slippery surface of the ice slowed their progress. At seeing them, Nina almost wept in relief. They were shouting something, but she couldn’t hear what....
Emily shifted, and Nina’s head whipped back to her. Angela was on top of Emily now and trying to wrestle the bat from her while Emily tried to strike Angela with it. Then a scream erupted from Emily as the bat slipped from her fingers.
It struck the ice with a deafening clunk right where the ice had already began to crack, right beside Ange and Emily.
And Nina watched in horror, a shocked scream trapped in her throat as this time, it was both Angela and Emily who plunged into the icy depths.
...
Weak with exhaustion, Jake tried to maintain his footing on the frozen lake as he and Justin struggled to reach the women. For every step they took, the slippery surface forced them back two more. “Get Nina,” he panted to Justin who struggled beside him. “I’ll get the other two.”
Ahead of them, soaked from head to toe, Nina leaned over the edge of the hole Angela and Emily had plunged through. Nina’s hoarse shouts were desperate as she called Angela’s name. Justin caught her around the waist and dragged her back. “Ange is in there,” she screamed. “We’ve got to get her out.”
“We’ll get her,” Justin panted, his face pinched and his eyes bleak and he put his arm around her shoulders. “You’re okay, you’ll be okay. And we’ll get Angela We’ll get her too. Come on. Step back, Nina.”
Unable to believe what he’d already witnessed, Jake peered down into the glistening black depths as Justin dragged Nina away. “Emily! Angela!”
He received no response.
The hole was large, two or more people could fall in easily. The cricket bat had gone with the women too. He looked around desperately but saw no stick or branch to aid him. He began calling again, stopping abruptly when Angela suddenly broke the surface of the water, coughing and spluttering.
“Ange,” Nina shouted in relief from where she stood further back with Justin.
Jake grabbed for Angela’s wrist, grasping it before the water could drag her back under. “Hold on,” he ordered hoarsely. “Hold on, Angela.” He took her other flailing arm and hauled her up, her soaking ski suit adding a ton of extra weight. When he finally managed to pull her out, they both fell backward on the surface. She landed on top of him, knocking the breath out of him....
“Ange.” Jake heard Nina’s shout somewhere in the distance. She started to move toward them, but Justin urged her to remain off the precarious lake.
Jake got to a sitting position. Angela lay on her back still, her eyes had closed, “Angela.” He tapped on her cheek gently. “Angela, come on, stay with me.” He scanned the frozen lake warily; all too aware of the unpredictability of their location. Ignoring the pull of overused muscles, he lifted Angela into his arms and began to carefully edge off the lake. It took a while, and both Justin and Nina encouraged him with navigation until he finally reached them and settled off the lake and onto firm snowy ground.
Then he froze.
Emily.
“Em,” he managed, his voice hoarse and rough. “We need to get Em,” he told Justin.
Justin looked around, eyes becoming frantic. “I don’t see–”
“Here.” Carefully Jake transferred Angela into to Justin’s arms before turning back.
“What–?” Justin looked at him in disbelief as he gripped Angela. “You’re not going go back on that thing?”
“What choice do I have?”
Nina’s eyes grew wide with horror, and she reached out to stop him. “You can’t–”
“I’ll be alright,” he insisted, and hoped he would be. Not waiting for them to say anything else, but immediately turned and edged back onto the lake.
As soon as his foot landed on one area of ice, a chunk to his left foot broke off and cracked, leaving a gaping hole where he would have made his next move. He shifted onto another area of the lake, playing hopscotch as he gingerly mannered his way back to the hole.
When he reached it he paused and looked back.
Justin had laid Angela down on the ground. Both he and Nina were bent over her.
A crack sounded and Jake turned back to the hole. On a deep breath he carefully squatted down and peered into the hole that Angela had surfaced from. Emily lay down there still, but he saw nothing but rippling, dark waves now. Where was she? Why couldn’t she come up as Angela had? He began shouting her name again.
He only heard the echo of his own disbelieving voice.
Come on, Emily, he pleaded silently. Please don’t do this. Not you, too.
He grunted when something cold and solid connected with the back of his head, making him jerk forward onto his hands and knees. “What the–?” he began angrily, then realized Justin had hurled a snowball at him. It hit the surface of the lake to his right and skidded across the frozen surface of the lake....
“Get off that thing,” Justin screamed. Back on his feet, he stood cupping his gloved hands around his mouth, his eyes bulging in his face. “Can’t you see the whole thing’s breaking?”
Jake’s eyes rounded in shock. Justin was right. Swearing, Jake jolted into action. All around him the lake was cracking; loud popping noises that were eerily similar to that of the avalanche.
Impending destruction.
He leaped onto a solid piece moments before the piece he’d been squatting on cracked and fell away under his foot.
“Hurry,” Justin shouted.
“I’m trying.” Teetering on one leg like an out of practice ballerina, Jake hopped and maneuvered across the lake, pieces of ice breaking off a split second after he leaped from it.
How he made it safely across to join the others on solid snow again was beyond him, but too numb to analyze it, he focused on the two women. Nina seemed okay, though she continued to cough and shiver. He frowned down at Angela. She looked to have lapsed into unconsciousness, her head resting on Justin’s rolled up ski jacket.
“CPR,” Justin managed wearily. “I should’ve done it before,” he said with self-disgust.
“It’s okay, I can do it–” Jake began.
Justin shook his head. “It’s okay.” And he immediately began to administer it.
After a few minutes Angela began coughing then, her face turning to the side as she gurgled up water. “Ange.” With a soft cry of relief, Nina moved to lean anxiously over her.
“Give her some room.” Justin nudged Nina back, then carefully
helped Angela sit up. Soaked from head to toe, she shivered violently.
“What’s going on?” she managed, her voice slurred.
Justin picked up his rolled ski jacket, unrolled it, and wrapped it around her.
Angela’s gaze swung around, her eyes unfocused. “Where am I?” Her words were slurred and faint.
Nina laid a hand on Angela’s cool forehead. “You’re at the lake, but we’re on our way back to the cave now. You’ll be warm and dry soon.”
Angela looked at her blankly. “Cave...what cave?”...
Nina paused. Ange sounded as if she’d been drinking vodka shots. She threw a confused glance at both men....
“She needs warmth and dry clothes,” Jake said, his eyes hooded. “So do you,” he said to Nina. “Let’s get out of here.”
“The guys think she might have hypothermia,” Rita murmured an hour later. Her hands lay pressed against her cheeks.
Nina kept her eyes steady on Angela’s still form. “Surely it’s too early to tell?”
They were back at the cave now. It seemed like it had taken ages for them to get back to the cave, but in reality it had probably only taken about half an hour. Jake and Justin had taken turns carrying Ange, who had remained drowsy and unresponsive.
She had had little choice but to remove all her wet clothing once arriving back at the cave. Now, standing in a mismatch of clothes that the others had given her while her own dried, she couldn’t help but feel ridiculous in Neil’s oversized t-shirt and trousers, and Rita’s socks. Likewise they had removed Angela’s wet clothing and dressed her what bits and bobs the others had been able to provide. Now Angela lay stretched out on her sleeping platform, her face slack and her eyes tightly closed.
Spiral and Torn Books 1 and 2 of The Salzburg Saga Trilogy Page 14