Shattered Essence

by NK Morales

  “How the hell are you? What have you been up to? Where are you living these days? Oh my god, it is so great to see you,” I babbled as I clung on to him.

  I noticed it took him several seconds before he hugged me back.

  I’m an idiot.

  “I’m sorry. You must think I’m a lunatic. First I call you an ape. Then I jump on you like an ape. I hope I didn’t kill your dog.” I could feel the blood rushing to my checks I was blushing something fierce.

  Slowly sliding down his body, I unwrapped my legs and put my feet on the ground. I tried to hide my face which I knew was flaming red. “I guess I got a little excited. Please forgive me.”

  I still couldn’t believe I’d jumped on him.

  “Please don’t be. Seeing you again caught me off guard. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. Honestly, it is really great to see you again.”

  Honk. Honk.

  “I guess we should get out of the street. I think we’re starting to piss people off,” I said.

  “Espe, maybe we could get together sometime soon to catch up.”

  I loved how he said my name.

  “That would be nice.” Should I ask him to bring his wife? Certainly as drop dead gorgeous as he was he had to be married, right?

  “Can I call you?” he asked.

  “Anytime.” I reached into my purse. “Here’s my card.” Although I wasn’t going to hold my breath. I was sure he was only being nice.

  He took it and placed it in the palm of his hand and turned, walking back toward his vehicle.

  “Hey, what about your car?” I hollered after him.

  He walked back. “Doesn’t look like anything is hurt.” Drew said as he examined the vehicles. “I don’t see any scratches or dents. I can’t say the same for your bumper. Looks like you obtained a nasty scratch. No dents though,” he concluded as he walked toward me.

  Honk. Honk.

  “Get the fuck out of the street you fucking fuckers!” yelled a balding overweight elderly man from behind the wheel of a brown beat-up pickup truck.

  Astounded I remarked, “Who knew someone that old had enough breath in him to yell such profanities? What an ass!” I started to walk backward toward my car. “I’d better be going before we really piss somebody off.”

  Drew grasped my arm, bent down and kissed my cheek, saying, “I’ll call you soon.”

  “Okay, sounds good.” I opened my car door and sat in the driver’s seat for a minute and watched Drew drive away.

  Holy Moses, I can’t believe I made such an ass out of myself. This was a perfect moment for self-loathing. My hands were shaking so bad I could hardly start the ignition. There was no way I could drive to the grocery store.

  I managed to pull into the nearest parking lot. Taking a few deep breaths I closed my eyes hoping to gain some self-control. I had just leaned back on the head rest when my phone started to ring.

  Crap!

  Chapter 39

  Drew

  Today was one hell of a day. It started with one small insignificant change causing another small change which caused yet another change and so on. Each change built upon itself becoming larger as it picked up more changes, gaining mass and momentum as the day rolled along.

  From the moment I woke up this morning I knew today was going to be a zinger. It started when I got out of bed before my alarm went off. For the first time since I don’t know when, I was well-rested and alert. I was ready to conquer the day. Since I had a few extra minutes I organized my closet. I came upon a pair of pants I hadn’t worn for a while. I found a gift card for twenty dollar to my favorite coffee shop in the back pocket. I figured I’d stop for a cup on my way into work. As I was walking out the door the house phone rang. It was Megan calling to let me know she’d be coming home for Thanksgiving with her new boyfriend. Visiting with her about school put me twenty minutes behind schedule, which resulted in me running late for work. I’d have to forfeit my coffee.

  I was flying down Interstate 5 when my boss called to inform me the morning meeting had been cancelled. This created the opportunity for me to drive to Pacific Beach to get a cup of coffee with the gift card I’d found. When I showed up to the coffee shop I was accidently given Chai tea at the drive thru. I hated tea and had to return to the coffee shop for my coffee.

  I turned right upon leaving the coffee shop. On my way back to the interstate traffic was moving smoothly. From out of nowhere some dickweed pulled out in front of me. I had to slam on my brake to avoid hitting him. Unfortunately, the car behind me wasn’t so lucky and ended up running into me.

  Consequently, had I not gone back for coffee I wouldn’t have gotten into an accident. If I hadn’t gotten in an accident I wouldn’t have seen the woman who haunted my dreams.

  When I got out of my SUV to inspect the damage and check on the driver who rear-ended me I noticed the woman looked familiar. My first thought was it looked an awful lot like Esperanza. In reality I knew it wasn’t possible. What would she be doing in San Diego?

  There were so many times throughout the years I thought I saw her driving down the street. I would see her in the car next to me. I would see her in the aisle at the grocery store. In the crowds of basketball games, football games, even the airport. Every double-take I took turned out to be my mind playing tricks on me. Every face I thought was hers belonged to another stranger.

  Today was no exception. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me again. I closed my eyes for a few seconds to clear my head. When I took a second look she didn’t change. Exiting from behind the wheel of her luxury sedan she was biting the inside of her lower lip. There was no mistaking it! It was Espe.

  I stood frozen to the pavement. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. I was shocked, happy, scared, and surprised. My thoughts and emotions were scattered all over the place. I was trying to find my voice when it hit me. I was standing in the middle of the street like an asshole. Or did she just call me an asshole?

  My first reaction was to greet her. To ensure it was really her. My second reaction was to walk up to her, sweep her off her feet, and never let her go. My third reaction was to turn and leave because she’d tormented my dreams all these years.

  My brain was telling me this wasn’t really happening. It was nature’s way of screwing with me.

  Even after she spoke I didn’t move. All I could think about was her standing in front of me. I tried to find the right words to greet her but my mind went blank. I couldn’t focus. All I could comprehend was how stunning she was. My mind was on a mini vacation in La La Land. I didn’t even care upon seeing her wedding ring that she was married.

  I was given a second chance at closure. I was going to make the best of this opportunity. I wanted to know what had happened to her. Where had she been? What had she been doing with her life? Why did she stop writing?

  Wait! I was the one who stopped writing. Idiot!

  When she jumped on me the electricity running through my body snapped me out of my fog. I finally realized I had said her name out loud. The sound of her voice was as if the angel of mercy had come down from heaven to redeem me from all my sins. The heavens were looking down on me today. I was happier than I had been in years. I felt blessed.

  Chapter 40

  Espe

  I can’t take this right now.

  My phone continued to ring. I thought I’d better take the call. It was probably Josh wondering what happened to me. Maybe talking to him would help distract me from my encounter of running into Drew. Josh always had a way of calming me down.

  I noticed the “Unknown” number a fraction of a second too late. I had already swiped my finger across the front of my phone to answer the call.

  Shit! Not Josh or James.

  “Hello,” I said, grabbing the bridge of my nose. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now. I was freaking out, literally. I even had to convince myself just a minute ago to talk to my own son.

  “Hey Espe, it’s me.”

>   “Drew?” My heart started beating a million miles an hour.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t wait to hear your voice again,” he said.

  Was I dreaming again? I started laughing. I had no idea what to say or what to think.

  “Man, I missed your laugh.” There was a few seconds of silence. “Espe, I’m really sorry about your car. Part of it was my fault. Some guy pulled out in front of me and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting him.”

  I was a basket case and the only thing that came out of my mouth was, “Do you have a dog? Did I kill it?”

  Chuckling, Drew replied, “No, I did not have a dog in the vehicle with me. No dog around for you to kill.”

  Sighing I said, “Thank goodness, I can’t tell you how freaked out I was. As a matter of fact I’m actually sitting in the parking lot next to our little accident. There was no way I could drive home.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Laughing wholeheartedly he said, “I only made it two blocks before I had to pull over and call you.”

  “What a couple of pansies we are,” I said through tears of laughter.

  “Now that you’ve made me laugh I was wondering if you’d meet me latter for dinner and a drink? I’d really like to know what you have been doing all these years. You’re welcome to bring your husband if you want.”

  “I’m not married.” I’d have to put some thought into what I said. “Or am I? Technically I never got divorced.”

  “I’m intrigued,” Drew said. “Is that why you still wear your wedding ring?”

  I was surprised he’d noticed. “Yes and no.” I had to ask, “How about you—are you married?”

  “Divorced seven years. What do you mean by yes and no?” he asked.

  “I’m a widow and only wear the ring to keep men from hitting on me.”

  “Does that mean dinner and drinks are out of the question?”

  “No, not at all. Sounds like fun, how about a drink then dinner?” I was going on a date. Ever since Jake died I didn’t really feel like seeing another man. Not to mention the last date I’d been on was years ago.

  I could tell he was smiling when he said, “That will work.”

  “When and where?” I asked biting the inside of my lower lip. I felt like a teenage girl going on her first date; giddy, nervous, and on cloud nine.

  “Since we ran into each other near Pacific Beach, can I assume you are familiar with the area?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you meet me at Pacific Beach at the corner of Mission Boulevard and Grand Avenue around 7:30 tonight?”

  “Absolutely, see you there.” I was smiling from ear to ear.

  “Looking forward to it. Besos.” Click.

  He said “Kisses.” My heart melted.

  Chapter 41

  Drew

  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about meeting Espe this evening. I wasn’t sure what to expect. As a matter of fact I wasn’t sure what I was doing, or what good could come out of meeting her.

  In truth, I’m checking my sanity. I wanted to know how much of her was like I remembered and how much of her my mind had made up. For twenty-five years everyone I dated, or married, was compared to her. Obviously I had put her on a pedestal. Hopefully this little meet and greet would once and for all confirm my suspicions of how fucked up I truly was.

  How could one week at the age of eighteen define what I was looking for in a woman? How could one week determine what I needed? What I demanded?

  I needed this meeting to discredit her. This dinner was going to help me realize she wasn’t what I’d made her out to be.

  My plan was to have a drink and a nice meal. We’d chat for a bit, then I would discover she was a self-centered vain woman who drank herself to sleep every night. She would be a despicable bitch with a house full of cats. Like fifty, sixty cats. I would tell her how great it was to see her. Give her a hug. Jump in my car and never see her again. I’d laugh myself silly on the way home for letting my imagination get the best of me over the years. Finally, I will have closure.

  On the other hand, I was secretly hoping she was as wonderful as I remembered. She certainly was prettier than I remembered.

  When I arrived at Pacific Beach she was waiting for me. I couldn’t recall the last time someone waited for me. She was wearing a blue and white small checkered sundress with white buttons down the front. Her long dark hair was loosely curled and flowing down her back. She looked good enough to eat. Did I mention her smile made my dick move?

  There was a Bar & Grill on the beach where we started the evening with a drink. During this time I learned about her marriage, the death of her husband, her twin boys and her career. In turn, over dinner, I shared stories of Paige, Megan and my job as a DEA Agent. There were no barriers to our conversation. I hid nothing from her.

  After the Bar & Grill closed we walked along the beach, sharing stories from our lives. It was as though no time had passed since the last time we spoke. After all these years I was suddenly conscious of how dejected and gloomy my life had been. I knew even though I was alive I had never really lived before our reunion. Time had no meaning. All I knew was I didn’t want this moment to end. I felt complete and peaceful for the first time in years.

  Before I knew it, the sun was rising.

  “Would you like some breakfast?” I asked. I reached for her hand for the first time since I saw her yesterday evening. The moment we touched an electric current ran through my body.

  Tonight was the night I fell for her all over again.

  Chapter 42

  Espe

  When Drew reached for my hand I knew I wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

  “Now that you mention it, my stomach is grumbling. Breakfast and a cup of coffee sounds really good right now,” I replied.

  “How about I walk you to your car and you can follow me to this hole in the wall on Balboa. It may not look like much but the breakfast is out of this world.”

  Walking hand in hand I said, “Sounds like a plan.” I was amazed I had stayed out all night. “I can’t believe we’ve been talking all night. Even more surprising, I’m not even tired. Usually I’m asleep by ten-thirty, eleven at the latest.”

  “It has been an incredible evening. One I’m sure I won’t forget anytime soon,” he added.

  He turned me toward him and pressed his lips against mine. It was soft and gentle and he tasted like the ocean. I smiled, breaking the connection. He leaned his forehead against mine. Smiling back, he looked me in the eyes placed his hand on the nape of my neck, then he made contact with my lips a second time. There was nothing tender about this kiss. It was barbaric, demanding, and oh so bittersweet.

  Heaven help me.

  Screw breakfast! I wanted to stay attached to his face.

  In a raspy low whisper he pleaded, “Come home with me.” Chills ran throughout my entire body.

  My body reacted by turning to Jell-O. I was wet and wobbly. All I could do was chomp my teeth together in a biting motion.

  Chomp chomp!

  He responded by rushing me to my car and practically throwing me into the passenger’s seat before settling in as my driver. I quickly handed over the keys. On the drive to his place there were no words spoken. He held my hand tightly and smiled at me every once in a while. I was desperate to run my hands over his body. I hadn’t had sex since before Jake’s death over two years ago. All the pent-up energy was taking a toll on my body. I was like an animal waiting to be let out of a cage. If Drew so much as said one word in his sexy velvety voice I was going to lose it. I was going to strip him naked in front of I didn’t care who and I didn’t care where.

  Chapter 43

  Drew

  Espe’s eyes didn’t move from mine while we walked up the sidewalk leading to my front door. Her pupils were almost black with desire shining in them. Once inside I shut the door looking at her from head to toe. I had this compulsion to eat her alive.

  My body was screaming. I savagely took her l
ips into my mouth, devouring her. Tasting her. I picked her leg up to my waist and slid my hand under her dress. I rubbed my hand up and down her thigh slowly moving higher till I was cupping her firm butt cheeks. I had every intention of carrying her to my bedroom.

  I didn’t make it that far.

  I raised her dress to her waist before sitting her on the kitchen table. I buried my head in her chest, feasting on her scent.

  She smells amazing.

  She pressed her hands against my shoulders pushing me away. Licking her lips she reached for the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms allowing her to remove my shirt. She made a sound like a purr as she buried her head into my neck. My chest started fluttering and my breathing became uneven. Her breasts were pressed against my chest. All I could do was pull her in closer.

  I wanted to lie next to her. Kiss her. Touch her, and lick her. I even wanted to suck her. I needed to have her naked. I needed to be inside her. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, trying to fight the urge to pin her down. If I didn’t control myself I was going to explode in my pants.

  I grabbed the front of her dress with both hands where the top two buttons were undone. I ripped open her dress, sending buttons flying around the room. I was mesmerized from the movement of her chest heaving up and down. The feel of her navy blue velvet bra sent shivers down my spine. I took a glimpse of her round plump breasts. Her flat belly, her swollen lips, and a glow radiating from her cheeks were making it hard for me to breathe. Her matching navy blue panties were sexy as hell, causing my body to ache in places I didn’t even know I had. My cock was howling to be set free.

  I moved my hands over her rib cage and continued moving them up until my hands were covering her breasts. I removed her bra and buried my head in her chest. I took one hard nipple into my mouth. I sucked, teasing her with my tongue. I pulled lightly with my teeth, bit gently, and licked my way to the next one.