SHIVER: 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror

by Liv Morris

  ***

  Finn rushed down the hall. The woman really was crazy. Still, he didn’t want her to get hurt. Who knew if the guy who did this was still around?

  A blood-curdling scream filled the air. He reached for his gun and sprinted for the psychic’s door.

  Zia crashed into him, throwing her arms around his waist. Her warm body trembled in his arms. “There’s blood. So much blood. Someone was murdered in my office.”

  He gave her a reassuring squeeze then gently pushed her behind him as he cautiously approached her door. “Stay behind me. I’ll check it out.”

  He’d seen his share of blood in his years as a cop, but his concern lay more in the worry that the perpetrator was still in there.

  A single glance inside showed the chaos of the destroyed room. Glass had been shattered and books and trinkets lay scattered around the floor. But what he didn’t see was blood. Not a trace.

  Chapter Two

  Confused, Finn gently pulled the trembling woman into the room. “I don’t see anything. Show me where you saw the blood.”

  Zia shook her head, a baffled expression on her face. “It’s gone now.”

  “What do you mean it’s gone?” Now he really was starting to question this woman’s sanity. The room was a mess, but he didn’t see anything to suggest a murder. “Blood doesn’t just disappear.”

  Zia hesitantly stepped further into the room and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath, as if inhaling the atmosphere of the room. “Something terrible happened here. I can feel it. It feels like pure evil, and the color red is very strong.”

  Oh brother. What a nut job. “Look, lady, I don’t know what kind of hocus-pocus you get up to in here, but I deal in facts. And the fact is, I don’t see any blood. I don’t feel anything evil, either. This was most likely a simple robbery, since both of our offices got hit. Somebody looking for some easy cash.”

  “Oh, really? I thought you were a private investigator. You’re obviously not a very good one.”

  He bristled at the insult. “What are you talking about? You don’t even know me or how I operate.”

  “Whose fault is that?” she mumbled as she bent to pick up a broken plant that had spilled dirt onto her royal purple rug. She stood, the remains of a shattered pot in her hand. “You’re ignoring the clues. Signs that are right in front of you. The upside-down painting, the chair in the ceiling, the books all over the floor. If you opened your mind for one minute, you would see what’s really happening.”

  Distracted by the stretch of bare-skinned leg that she exposed when she bent to retrieve the plant, he tried to refocus on what she’d said. Geez, what had gotten into him? Since when had he been attracted to great ankles? Or ever even noticed ankles? But hers were slim and delicate and had a thin silver chain looped around one.

  Why was he letting a little glimpse of skin get to him? He cleared his throat. “I don’t think an upside-down painting is exactly what you’d call a clue. What is it you think I’m missing? If you have it all figured out, why don’t you tell me just what’s going on here, Madame Zia?”

  “It’s obvious. Something evil happened here last night. My guess, from the amount of blood splattered around the room, would be a murder. And whoever was murdered is trying to send us a sign.”

  What blood? How did she go from scattered files and spilled trash to a murder? “First of all, I don’t see any blood. And I don’t see any signs, except maybe one above your head that’s flashing ‘cuckoo.’”

  She rolled her eyes and put a hand on her hip. “Really mature, Mr. Finney. The signs are all around us. This was obviously the work of a spirit trying to send us a message.”

  Cuckoo? Change that to cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Was she nuts?

  She moved to stand behind a long counter, an antique cash register on one end with a grouping of old glass jars next to it. One of the jars had been toppled over, and multicolored velvet bags had spilled across the counter.

  She had righted the jar and begun scooping the bags back into it when a spooky sound filled the room. A low groan issued from the cabinet above her head, and her hand stopped in midair, a red velvet bag clutched in her palm.

  Another groan, this one an eerie moan followed by a thumping. A shiver ran up Finn’s back, and he automatically held up his weapon. “Get back.”

  Before he could stop her, she turned and opened the cabinet door. A streak of black flew out, and she screamed as it skidded across the counter and leapt to the floor.

  Zia scooped a black cat into her arms and nuzzled the frightened animal against her. “Poor baby. It’s all right, Sam. Are you hurt?” She held the cat out, as if examining it for injuries.

  A black cat? Seriously? “You really might be a witch,” he mumbled.

  She whipped her head up, narrowing her eyes. “Did you just call me a bitch?”

  “No, no. I said a witch.” He waited for the onslaught of criticism, but was instead rewarded with a grin.

  “Oh, well in that case, thank you.”

  “Thank you?”

  “Yes, thank you for noticing. I am a witch. But not the kind you’re thinking. Not the hunched over, wart-covered crone casting evil curses, with a crow, and a bubbling black cauldron.” She shrugged, then grinned. A crooked grin filled with mischief and a naughty twinkle sparkled in her green eyes. “Well, wait, I guess I do have a black cauldron, but it’s a small one. And I don’t have any warts.”

  “Is that why you wear that silly robe? Or are you going to sing in the church choir later?”

  She looked down at the robe. “This is mostly for my customers. They expect me to dress the part.” She set the cat on the floor. “So, no, I’m not headed to Hogwarts or choir practice. But for the record, I do have a lovely singing voice.”

  He watched her bend. The satiny robe displayed a hint of curves, and he imagined the feel of the satin in his hands. What was wrong with him? Maybe she’d cast a spell on him. A horn-dog spell. Why was he suddenly so intrigued by her robe and envisioning what else she had on under it? Or if she had anything on under it? She said she was a witch. Did she drop the robe to dance naked in the moonlight?

  He cleared his throat and shook his head to clear the image of Zia naked in the moonlight. Or naked anywhere. “I don’t believe in all that nonsense. My job involves science and evidence. Not talking to ghosts and magic spells. In my job, I actually help people.”

  She cocked an eyebrow at him. “So do I, Finn. That is the purpose of everything in this room. The herbs, the lotions, the crystals. It’s all to help people. I am a white witch, so I spend my energy on healing and helping my clients find peace.” She lifted a corner of the purple robe. “Even this outfit is a way to help my clients. It makes them feel at ease. Like they’re with a professional.”

  Oh no. Don’t start thinking about that robe again. “How does your outfit and some fancy rocks help people?”

  She shook her head and lowered her voice, as if speaking to a child. “There is a reason behind everything I do. To soothe. To protect. To heal. From reading tarot cards to simply listening is my way of giving comfort and aid. What I do helps my clients find peace or understanding. Do the services you provide offer your clients that?”

  “Of course they do. Suspicions can lead to a lot of nasty outcomes, but knowledge is power. Having proof can offer my clients peace too. I don’t just deal with jealous spouses. My firm helps solve crimes, track down killers, and find missing or kidnapped kids. But we deal in evidence and substantiation of proof.”

  She stepped closer and looked up at Finn, her voice now combative. “Of course you track down leads, but haven’t you ever heard of intuition or a cop having a gut feeling? Don’t put down what you know nothing about. Plenty of psychics have been used to help solve crimes or aid in police investigations.”

  He tried not to look at the way her chest heaved as she argued her case. The zipper of her robe was open just enough to expose the pale crescent of the tops of her breasts as she leaned for
ward. His mind muddled at the lacy black fabric just visible under the robe, and he couldn’t think of a single argument to oppose what she’d just said. What had she just said?

  His phone buzzed in his pocket, saving him from having to form a response.

  The voice of his business partner, Jake Landon, sounded in his ear. “Hey, Finn. What’s on tap for today?”

  “A little B&E, and I’m afraid we’re the ones who’ve been broken and entered.” Finn absently rubbed his whiskered chin as he spoke, and hoped he could find his spare razor in the mess of his office. “Somebody broke into our office last night and trashed the place.”

  “You’re kidding. Have you called the cops?”

  “Not yet. I just got here. They hit the office next door to ours as well. The one belonging to Madame Zia. I’m with her now.”

  “The hot psychic?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” Heat warmed his cheeks, and he snuck a glance at Zia to see if she’d heard the comment. Ignoring him, she’d turned back to the task of cleaning. “She thinks something evil happened here. She claims she can ‘feel’ it. In fact, she’s arguing that it was a spirit or a ghost that trashed our offices.”

  “A ghost?”

  He heard Jake chuckle, and muffled voices in the background. “Who are you with?”

  “I’m over at Sunny’s house. Edna brought by her famous cinnamon rolls, and we’re drinking coffee and having second breakfast.”

  Finn pictured Sunny, the woman in Jake’s life, with her round curves and curly blonde hair, and imagined just what Jake’d had for his first breakfast. Edna was Sunny’s eighty-something-year-old neighbor who thought her substantial viewing of television detective shows gave her the ability to solve actual crimes. “Don’t tell Sunny’s kooky neighbor about this. She’s probably got Ghostbusters on speed dial.”

  Jake laughed. “Too late. Give us ten minutes. We’re headed over to the office now. All of us.”

  “Great.” Finn looked over at Zia as he disconnected and shoved the phone back in his pocket. “I guess one more kook around here won’t hurt anything,” he mumbled. “She’ll probably fit right in.”

  Fifteen minutes later, Jake arrived with Sunny and Edna in tow. Finn had called the police to report the break-ins, and was waiting for them to show.

  He grasped Jake’s hand. “You didn’t have to come down, man. I could have handled this.”

  Jake shrugged. “Are you kidding? I had to check this out. It’s not every day a spirit breaks in to your office.”

  Sunny gave Finn a warm hug. Jake was a lucky man. That woman was a real catch. Always smiling, funny, and a great tush.

  She offered him a mischievous smile. “We didn’t want to miss out on seeing the ghost. We would have been here sooner, except Edna had to get her Ghosthunters kit.” She gestured to her neighbor.

  Edna had already stepped into Finn’s office, holding what looked like a checkout clerk’s scanner in front of her. She wore jeans, floral Wellingtons (Finn hoped that was because she had been gardening and not because she was afraid she might step in ghost droppings), and a black t-shirt with the words “DUDE! RUN!” emblazoned across the front. A canvas messenger bag was slung across her bony shoulders, and wires and cords protruded from either side.

  “Seriously, Edna? What in the world is that?” Finn pointed to the gadget in Edna’s hand.

  “This is an EMF meter. I got a voice recorder too in case we hear the spirit. They were a combo pack. I got ’em both for fifty dollars on eBay.”

  “Well, I’m sure that was money well spent. What’s it supposed to do?”

  Edna waved it slowly around the room, as if it was a metal detector and she was looking for lost coins. “It measures the electromagnetic fields in the room. It detects alternate current patterns and alerts us to the presence of spirits.”

  Finn shook his head at Jake. “I think I’m gonna need some spirits. Of the liquid variety. Can it detect if there’s a spirit of scotch in the room?”

  Edna waved the little meter near the chair hanging from the ceiling, and it went berserk, beeping and flashing lights like she’d just won the jackpot on a ghostly slot machine. Her eyes went wide, and she fumbled in her bag for the voice recorder. “Do you see that?” she called out, her voice taking on a breathy singsong quality. “Hello? Are you here? Can we help you?”

  Sunny moved closer to Jake, her eyes as wide as Edna’s. “Is there really a ghost in here?” she whispered.

  Finn rolled his eyes. “Of course not. Somebody’s cell phone probably rang and set that crazy doohickey off.”

  “If there’s something crazy going on, I knew it would have to involve Edna,” a deep voice spoke from the doorway of the office, and the group turned to see Officer McCarthy of the Pleasant Valley Police Department standing there. “I got a call about a break-in.”

  “Oh hi, Mac.” Edna waved sweetly, having met the officer several other times in her attempts at crime solving.

  He nodded. “Hello, Edna. How’s your granddaughter?”

  Edna laughed out loud. “Very smooth, Mac. Way to slip that right in there.” She turned to Finn. “Mac met my granddaughter, Zoey, this summer when she came here to dodge some reporters. She’s a key witness in a case, and he helped save her life. And he won’t admit it, but he’s also got a thing for her.” She pointed at the policemen. “I know she likes you too, so why don’t you just call her, you big lunkhead?”

  The police officer ignored the rib and pulled a notepad from his pocket. He turned to Finn. “Why don’t you tell me what happened here? Did I hear something about a ghost?”

  Chapter Three

  Zia set the table upright and straightened the velvet cloth that sat atop it. She’d managed to put the majority of the room back together, and had lit a fat white candle for peace and protection. A bowl of sage burned on the table to cleanse the room of negative spiritual energy.

  She’d rescheduled her clients for the day and taken off the purple robe. Underneath she wore a stretchy black top with lace trim and a red pencil skirt.

  Picking up her EMF reader, she slowly scanned the room for any signs of disturbance or spectral beings.

  A knock sounded on her office door and a parade of people entered the room, led by Finney. She was pleased to see the way his eyes popped when he took in her outfit. A warm feeling filled her as she watched him swallow before meeting her eyes.

  Men. They were so easy. Most men thought that going out with her would be exciting, the idea of dating a witch giving them an extra thrill. They were usually disappointed when they realized that instead of a being a wily seductress in black garters, she was usually in bed by nine with a good book, wearing flannel pajama pants covered in cat hair.

  But Finney didn’t seem to have any interest in her witchcraft abilities at all. In fact, he thought it was all nonsense and even made fun of her. She definitely didn’t need that kind of energy in her life.

  So why was she imagining herself in bed reading, but cuddled up next to him? Without the flannel pants. Now that she knew what a fuddy-duddy he was, he’d probably ignore her to read the latest issue of Detectives R Us. Why was she fantasizing about taking off his reading glasses and his shirt, but leaving on the holster and the gun? Maybe he had a tattoo. Whoa. Down, girl.

  She was getting carried away. A guy like that might have a tattoo, but it probably said “Mom” or the Japanese symbol for “boring.”

  “Zia, this is my business partner, Jake Landon, and his girlfriend, Sunny.” Finn’s introductions drew her out of her musings. He pointed to the elderly woman who was perusing her bookshelves. “And this is Sunny’s neighbor, Edna Allen.”

  Edna waved. “We already know each other. I came to Madame Zia for a reading earlier this summer.”

  Finn rolled his eyes. “Of course you did.”

  Edna waved a dismissive hand at Finn. “Don’t make fun. She was spot-on. She told me that I was going to find something this summer. Something I thought I had lost a long time ago
. And something with an element of danger to it.”

  Zia smiled warmly at Edna. “It’s nice to see you, Edna. And I’m curious, did you find it?”

  Edna laughed. “I sure did. And he’s back at my house now working in the garden.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “And he brought danger with him all right, but now the only thing that’s dangerous is that our passion is so hot it might burn my house down.”

  “Eww. Edna, stop it. I do not need that image in my head.” Sunny shook her head good-naturedly at her neighbor. “It’s nice to meet you, Zia. Sorry about the trouble. This is Officer McCarthy; he’s responding to the call about the break-in.” She pointed to the tall, good-looking police officer who had followed them in.

  He was regarding the room, his eyes narrowed as if looking for clues. “It’s hard for me to get a good read on the damage. It looks like you’ve cleaned most everything up.” He sniffed the air and gave Zia a curious look. “It kind of smells like marijuana in here.”

  Zia rolled her eyes. “It’s the sage.”

  Mac shrugged. “Well, it is Colorado.”

  “It’s cleansing the room, and I didn’t call the police. Finney did. I already know what did the damage to my office, and you won’t find any fingerprints.” She looked around the room and held up her EMF meter. “But I am picking up a lot of fluctuations in the electromagnetic fields. I’ve gotten several readings in the two and three range.”

  “Hot dang, you have the Deluxe Pro Detector.” Edna scurried across the room to check out the gadget. “This one has all the fancy functions. Even a flashlight.”

  “Wow. Even a flashlight? Sounds pretty scientific to me,” Finn mumbled, and rolled his eyes again.

  Edna nodded, her fingers twitching as if she were itching to touch it. “It is. And if you’re getting readings that low, there are definite signs of spiritual activity.”

  “I’ve heard anything electronic can trigger those things. Like a computer or even a toaster,” Finn said, the skepticism apparent in his voice.