by KB Winters
“Jana, look at me.” When I didn’t, I felt the weight of his body over mine and his warm hands pulling my arm away from my face. “You’re gorgeous and yeah you have a scar on the right side of your face, but it’s a small portion of a pretty great fucking face, okay?” I nodded at his serious tone. “And this body is the shit boys and men dream about, having a woman like this laid out before them so wet and needy,” he said as a finger trailed down the length of my body, only stopping when it was knuckle deep inside me. “So ready.”
When he said it like that, how could I resist. “Show me.”
With a naughty grin, Max kissed me. Long and hard and so intense I felt my body flood with pleasure around his finger, and only when he was satisfied that I was a complete pile of neediness did he kiss his way slowly down my body before settling between my legs. “Just relax. And feel.”
I could do that. At least I thought I could, it was too much when he closed his mouth around my clit, kissing and licking, French kissing me down there, my body began to short circuit. No coherent thoughts formed in my mind other than ‘Yes!’ and ‘Max.’ His tongue moved like there were three of them, flicking my clit until it was swollen and aching, sliding deep into me, fucking me with his tongue until my legs clamped tight around his head. “Sorry,” I panted.
“I’m not,” he groaned and held my thighs open indecently. I propped myself up on my elbows so I could watch the sensual onslaught that had every muscle in my body trembling with an unnamed need. His lips closed over my clit and he nibbled and sucked until my body fell back on the bed and went rigid for an eternity before long, body quaking convulsions rocked through me.
I don’t know how long the orgasm lasted or how long his mouth remained fused to my body, but I knew that I never wanted it to end. Ever. “Wow. So much better with a partner.”
He grinned. “Oh you ain’t seen nothing yet.” The words sounded like a promise to me and when he sat up on his knees, fingers grazing over sensitized flesh that made me shiver, he looked like some otherworldly warrior claiming a maiden after war. “It’s going to hurt, Jana. I wish I could make it not true, but it will. But I’m going to do my damnedest to make it hurt as little as possible.”
“I believe you,” I whispered. It was true, I did believe him because he hadn’t lied to me. Yet.
I watched, fascinated as he took the condom I placed on the nightstand and tore it open with his teeth, but watching him slide it over his long, thick—and let’s face it, impressive—length was an erotic delight all on its own. He hissed out a breath when I reached out to touch him. “Not yet. I’m too close to the edge already.”
“Good,” I grinned.
“Damn good, but you’re a virgin and your pussy is already going to test the limits of my control, sweetheart.” To prove his point, Max lined up our bodies and pressed forward until just the head of his shaft was inside me. “Fuck.”
I held my breath at the invasion. “It’s okay,” I assured him and at first it was. But as he sank in excruciatingly slow, inch by inch, I began to feel discomfort. A fullness I didn’t know what to do with, a stretching that was both pleasurable and somewhat painful.
“It’s not, but it will be.” He pressed kisses across my chest and breasts, short, wet kisses that distracted me as he made short, shallow thrusts into me, using my moisture to ease the path. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, flexing his hips until he surpassed that barrier that ended my virginity once and for all.
I sucked in a painful breath as he pushed through it and he froze. “No, don’t stop. Please.”
Warm eyes looked into mine and he pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “Your body needs to adjust. Relax.”
Like I could relax at this moment. But as I prepared a smartass remark I felt my body relax around him and that’s when it really started to feel not just good, but overpowering. “Oh,” I moaned when I pulsed around him. “Okay, please Max.”
“Say it again,” he demanded.
“Please, Max. Show me.”
Those must’ve been the magic words because he sank all the way in until I felt his sac smacking against my body, but the jerk pulled out slowly, leaving me cool and wanting before he thrust fast and deep. Fast and deep was his default, hips pumping furiously while my body scrambled to keep up. Eventually my hips found the rhythm and he grinned down at me. “You’re so beautiful,” he told me, grabbing my breasts with his full palms and squeezing as he pounded into my body.
I didn’t think it would be like this, so intense, so overwhelming. The more pleasure his body brought, the more out of control I felt. My body moved, unsure if it was moving to him or away, only knowing that it needed to keep moving. “Oh, Max. I feel…,” I didn’t know how I felt. I just knew that I felt things. Maybe everything.
“I got you, babe,” he promised and leaned down until his mouth touched mine. His kiss was slow and sensual, a sharp contrast to the raw intensity of the way his body moved inside mine. It was a contrast that my body responded to and when his tongue swept inside my mouth and his cock hit that spot, I exploded. My body shook so hard I was pretty sure I was having an out of body experience, watching our bodies twist and move erotically as one.
My back arched and a low, keening moan escaped as he continued to pound into me, grasping my hips hard enough to bruise as his hips kept up a punishing pace that wouldn’t allow my orgasm to subside. And those strong, golden hips didn’t stop moving until they surged deep inside, spilling into me as his orgasm shot out of him, making him buck and shiver with my name on his lips. “Jana, fuck.” He collapsed on top of me, the weight of his body pressing into me.
I liked his big body on mine, his cock still pulsing and twitching inside me. His lips brushing light kisses over my sweaty, sensitized skin. “Max, that was amazing. Thank you.”
“That’s my line, Jana. Believe me, the pleasure was all mine.”
I laughed, feeling suddenly self-conscious at the way we were still joined. “I don’t know, I think some of the pleasure was mine.”
He grinned and pushed his hips so he slid deeper into my body. “If you only think, that means I need to show you again. Make sure you know for certain.”
Oh. Shit. How did I, Jana Carter, land the world’s sexiest man as my bedmate? I didn’t know, but I learned long ago not question any moment of happiness that came my way and right now, I was positively fucking blissed out.
Chapter 7
Max
I should’ve already left her bed to go to my own, but I couldn’t. First it was because she’d dozed off pretty quickly against me and I wasn’t ready to let go of all that womanly flesh smashed against my body, but then her hand started a slow, hypnotic caress on my stomach that lead to a second round of fucking. Then we’d both collapsed in exhaustion and bone deep satisfaction and I’d been about to screw up my courage to leave while she slept with her back to me. But I looked over at miles of bare creamy flesh and my cock said we were staying.
But now Jana was out for the count and I was feeling damned uncomfortable. She’d been a fucking virgin hours ago, untouched by any man and like a fucking animal, I’d taken her again and again, with no regard for her own comfort. Not that she complained, but she was pumped full of fucking endorphins and that oxy-shit that made everything feel like unicorn dust. I should’ve said no. Just like I should be putting on my clothes and going the fuck home. I couldn’t sleep here with her, not when I couldn’t be sure how I might wake up.
The dreams still came every night. Some nights I could get back to sleep and some I remained sleepless, but the time I’d woken up and pointed a gun at one of the Bitches I’d taken to bed, I knew I couldn’t risk hurting someone else. So I never stayed the night.
Until tonight.
I was a greedy bastard when it came to Jana, taking her over and over again, and even now I wasn’t fucking sorry. Being inside her was ten fucking types of heaven and I couldn’t get enough. She was excited and hot, eager to please and so damn responsive it
was all I could do not to push her limits just to see her respond.
Somewhere in between thinking of Jana’s soft curves and going home, I must have dozed off because I was back in that fucking desert. Only this time the truck had already been hit and I was on the ground, trying to orient myself through the fucking smoke and flames. Shots fired in the distance and I looked to my left and my right, seeing a few of my fellow SEALs laid out, bleeding and shouting in pain but still firing their goddamn weapons. Finger on the trigger, I aimed through the smoke and squeezed that motherfucker, spraying the area.
It was too chaotic and my ears still rung and I couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of me, but still I kept shooting until I heard that fucking click. Out of ammo. Scrambling on my hands and knees, my ass and elbows, I crawled to part of a body, Garcia, and grabbed both of his weapons and kept firing.
“It’s okay Max, shhhh.”
I blinked and looked around the desert to see who that sweet, soothing voice belonged to. But I couldn’t see shit except a pair of black sandaled feet coming my way and I kept shooting.
“Max, it’s all right. You’re okay.”
The images in the desert slowly faded and the voice became clearer. Louder. Jana. My eyes popped wide open and landed on the ceiling but warm, soft woman was pressed into my side as a delicate hand caressed my head.
“You’re dreaming,” she whispered softly, oblivious to the way her tits pressed against my shoulder.
I froze and looked over at her before I sat up. Fast. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”
She winced like I smacked her, using her arms to back away to the other side of the bed. Like she was scared of me. “You were having a bad dream or a flashback or something, I was trying to pull you from it gently.”
“Well I don’t need a fucking mother, Jana.” The words spat out of me like venom and her big brown eyes were shocked at first, but that quickly turned to hurt and anger.
She gasped at my tone but quickly schooled her expression. “Right. Sorry.” Slowly she set her feet on the floor and stood, walking silently to the bathroom and locking the door behind her.
Fuck. I was such an asshole. I sat there on the corner of the bed and stared at the wood grain and the deep green area rug under the bed. I shouldn’t have lashed out at her the way I did, but dammit she shouldn’t have tried to help. She should’ve worried about her safety. I don’t know how long I sat there, but finally she walked out of the bathroom wearing a big thick robe that made her look smaller. More vulnerable. Her blond hair was pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, leaving her scar looking red and harsh and angry. On full display.
I knew what she was doing, and I should let her. But I didn’t. I reached out for her but she stepped away from my touch. “Thank you for last night, Max. It was perfect.” Her mouth smiled but her eyes looked exhausted and filled with anguish.
“I’m sorry, Jana.”
She shook her head at me, her smile much too bright as she fought to hold on to the tears I saw welling in her eyes. “Don’t be. I knew what this was. And what it wasn’t.” She turned and walked out the door before I could say anything, so I followed her lead.
I got dressed quickly and left without saying goodbye.
It was the least I could do for her.
***
“What the hell do you mean, ‘it isn’t that bad’? Were you listening?” I called Dr. Singh early Monday morning to see about switching my appointment this week because I spent the rest of the weekend alternating between guilt and drunken rage over how things went down with Jana. He could fit me in on Tuesday, one damn day early.
“I was listening but maybe you are in no position to see things the way I do.” I appreciated his attempts at diplomacy, but I wasn’t in the mood to be nice. “Yes you still had the dream, but she pulled you out before things got bad.” He glanced down at his notes and I knew what he would say. “You said you don’t remember anything after the pair of booted feet and you usually wake up with an elevated heart and blood pressure rate, cold sweats and panic attacks, right?”
I nodded.
“That is progress. And she is right, pulling you from that memory gently is less traumatic for the dreamer.” He gave me a pointed look that only amplified my guilt. “Your friend is very smart.”
“Who made her a fucking expert, anyway?” I knew I was well into bratty fucking kid status but I didn’t give a damn.
Dr. Singh nodded and crossed his legs, setting aside his ever present notepad. “Military servicemembers are not the only ones susceptible to post traumatic stress, Max.”
I sat back and sighed, raking both hands through my hair. “Shit, Doc. I thought I wouldn’t be able to feel any fucking worse. I was wrong.” Naturally she knew what worked, she’d been dealing with her own trauma since she was sixteen years old. “I am such an asshole.”
The good doctor looked amused. “Being an asshole can be fixed easily Max. It is called romance. What I’d like to discuss for the remainder of our time today is why you reacted the way you did.”
“Shit, Doc, I already told you. I can’t risk hurting someone because of my fucking dreams. My brain. That is not okay.”
“But you didn’t hurt her. Not physically anyway.”
“Thanks for that.”
“Avoiding an outcome isn’t dealing with the issue Max. Maybe it’s a good thing that you have a new lady friend right when you need one.” A soft chime sounded and I shot up out of my seat like it was on fire.
Dr. Singh stood slower and extended a hand to me. “See you next week Max. Sooner if you need me.”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”
“Remember, romance,” he said to my back as I walked out of his office and the damn building like the fucking terrorists were after me.
The sun shone bright even through the overcast day but the chill in the air was typical of Spring. I didn’t really give a shit about the weather but that session with Singh hadn’t helped. It made me feel guiltier, like the worst kind of asshole for my reaction.
And worse, I probably behaved the way every man in Jana’s life had.
I was so fucking tired of my own thoughts, I pushed the engine on my bike on the ten minute drive back to Mayhem, so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t see Savior until I damn near ran right into him. “What are you doing here?”
“Do I need a reason to come see you?”
“Cut the shit, Savior. What’s up?” Not that we weren’t friends, we were. Savior was the only guy I really hung out with in the club because I didn’t come to Vegas looking for a connection. I came in search of my brother and found two dozen others instead.
“Fine, I need you to make a run with me to Santa Fe.”
“What the hell is in Santa Fe?”
“Guns. More to the point, we’re delivering a couple crates to a gun shop who made the purchase through a show.”
I blinked as the words seeped in. “I thought we didn’t fuck with guns.”
“We don’t. At least not illegal ones. These are more on the legal side of the gray area and more important, we’re charging a shit ton of cash for them.”
I shrugged because it didn’t matter to me as much as it should. Savior said they weren’t breaking the law and I believed him. “Fine. When do we leave?”
“Today. As soon as you pack a bag. You heard from Golden Boy lately? Cross said he stopped taking calls.”
“My calls and visits too,” I grumbled. The only topic I wanted to discuss less than Jana was Tate. “I don’t know what’s going on with him but as long as he’s not talking to me, I can’t do shit about it.”
“Call his lawyer, find out what’s going on.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.” I didn’t have the energy to deal with anything right now. I just wanted to sit in front of my big ass flat screen and drink until I passed out. But it looked like I would spend the next twelve hours on the road.
At least I’d be too focused to think about the curv
y blond who wouldn’t let me have one thought that didn’t include her.
Chapter 8
Jana
“I’m not upset with him, Teddy. I’m more upset with myself.” I stabbed at the shrimp scampi I’d made and was no longer in the mood to eat.
She dropped her fork and flicked long red tendrils behind her before she rested her elbows on the table. “Bullshit. You should be upset with him, he was an asshole! You tried to help him and he bit your head off, that’s on him.”
I agreed, mostly. “But I shouldn’t have been so hurt by it. That was an amateur mistake on my part when I knew what it was. I was too relaxed and I let myself forget what it was.” Which was just one night.
“At the risk of sounding like a cracked CD, bullshit. Your feelings are valid dammit. Maybe you weren’t expecting hearts and flowers and shit, but you were expecting common fucking decency!”
I let out a long, surprised breath. “Okay. You’re right. I did expect him to act like a human at least until I locked the door behind him. But that didn’t happen so none of that matters.” I had almost a full week to get used to it and yes, it did still hurt. But I would survive. Dwelling on it now wouldn’t change the past, which meant it needed to stay buried.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t feel anything about it.”
“I know and I have. But you know what, Teddy? I got up yesterday and looked myself in the mirror and reminded myself that as much this hurt right now, I’ve been through and survived worse.”
“Well, shit. What can I say in response to that?”
“Nothing, Teddy. I’m done talking about it. Tell me about your celebrity wedding.” It was a jerk move when she was only trying to help but I didn’t need to keep rehashing the best night of my life followed by one of the most humiliating mornings. I was there. I still feel it. Talking about it wouldn’t change anything, but listening to her talk about work would be less stressful for both of us than watching her stress about my feelings.