by RR Haywood
‘No,’ you can rely on Dave for a straight answer.
So not the woolly mammoth then, ah yes there were the cave paintings of people killing them with spears. And the sabre toothed tiger, that was wiped out for the Roman games wasn’t it? Actually I think the Roman’s killed off several species for the games.
Hmmm, my argument of being here first suddenly doesn't look so strong.
‘Sod off, we’re staying,’ is the best I can come up with given the circumstances and to reinforce my entirely weak reply I stab her in the neck, ‘ha yeah, see…’
‘One race…’
‘Oh that’s not fair,’ I twist my head to look at the undead bloke now saying the words, ‘crafty fucker…you were in her a second ago,’ I wave my knife in the direction of the now dead undead woman.
‘One race.’
‘Who said that?’ I demand. It certainly wasn’t the new bloke as his lips didn’t move, unless he’s doing a Dave and saying it in my head.
‘One race…’
‘Clever,’ I nod as they all say it at the same time, ‘very cool, but can you do this?’ I give them one finger with some raised eyebrows. ‘Wankers,’ I tut when they return the gesture in perfect timing.
‘Howie, what are you doing?’ Lani shouts.
‘Chatting…now look,’ I say to the faces all peering at me crammed underneath the Saxon, ‘we ain’t going anywhere and you can one race as many times as you want but…’
‘One race…’
‘Yeah I heard it, say it as many times as you want but…’
‘One race…’
‘Alright! I heard you, let me speak for fuck’s sake…I was saying that you can say it as many times as you want but…’
‘One race…’
‘One more time! Do it one more time and I’m telling Dave…seriously….stop fucking interrupting me…you can say it as many times as you want…but…’ I glare round daring them to say it, mouths move, eyes twitch but they stay silent, ‘thank you, but…’
‘One race…’ A single voice from the back somewhere near the front wheel.
‘Dave!’
‘Yes, Mr Howie.’
‘They keep interrupting me, can you come down here please.’
‘Coming.’
‘See,’ I nod at them, ‘now look what you’ve done, yeah…didn’t think I meant it did you…’
‘Howie, what the fuck are you doing?’ Lani demands.
‘Nothing!’
‘Hello, Mr Howie,’ Dave drops down and scrabbles in to nod politely at me then a slow turn to take in the rancid faces all staring at us.
‘They keep interrupting me when I speak, can you kill the next one that does it please.’
‘Will do, Mr Howie,’ he twists to position himself facing them, ‘you heard Mr Howie,’ he barks at the fetid undead, ‘next one to interrupt up gets stabbed…got it?...’ It goes quiet, he looks back at me waiting for me to speak.
‘Forgot what I was saying now,’ I mumble.
‘One race…’
‘Ah yeah, cheers, right so you can say it all you want but we ain’t going anywhere…oh you don’t fucking interrupt me now Dave is here do you? Oh no….lost your bollocks have you?’
‘Can I kill them now?’
‘Not yet, Dave…so yeah, don’t keep trying to wipe us out…we’re staying here and you just keep losing numbers every time you try…’
‘One race.’
‘I’m going in!’
‘No, Dave! That was a reply not an interruption. You don’t have an endless supply of bodies you know,’ I say to the infection behind the eyes of the undead staring at me.
‘They do have a lot though, Mr Howie.’
‘Yeah I know, Dave but at some point they’ll run out.’
‘I said it before, the population of this country was at fifty million…and we’ve killed nowhere near…’
‘Dave!’ I groan, ‘don’t tell ‘em that.’
‘Plus mainland Europe isn’t that far away so they could easily draft in more numbers if…’
‘Dave! I thought you were Special Forces…don’t bloody help the enemy.’
‘One race.’
‘Christ, this is getting stupid, I’ve had enough…’
‘Can I kill them now?’
‘Fill your boots mate, seeing as you’ve just given them a new bloody plan.’
‘One race.’
‘Blah blah, whatever…I’m going up to find my sodding axe.’
‘He’s got it,’ Dave waves my knife at one big bugger at the back, the cheeky sod has my axe in his hand.
‘Can I have my axe back please,’ I hold my hand out, motioning for him to return it but he just stares at me, ‘mate, you can’t keep it, I found it and I’ve been using it…you’ve got lots of numbers on your side and we’ve got a few axes…play fair.’
Meredith joins in. Well I say joins in, more like shreds the axe holding bastard to bits is probably a fairer way of putting it. But he does drop the axe which I retrieve and slide back out from underneath the Saxon, passing Meredith on the way as she crabs under to join Dave in having some fun.
I get round the back to find the others amongst a pile of bodies but still with weapons up and facing out, ‘everyone okay?’
‘Where have you been?’ Lani asks without looking, ‘they just dropped back.’
‘Did they?’ I peer out but the fog is as thick as ever before.
‘Just stopped,’ Blowers says, ‘just like that and they were gone.’
‘Lots of them too,’ Paula whispers, ‘they’re planning something, I can feel it.’
‘Have a nice chat did you?’ Lani asks lightly.
‘Yeah, was a bit repetitive to be honest. Got my axe back though.’
‘Back? Did you lose it?’
‘They took it, but Meredith took it back for me.’
‘She keeps biting arms off, Mr Howie,’ Cookey says, ‘it’s getting really gross.’
‘Nick, she’s your dog…tell her to stop doing it.’
‘My dog? When did she become my dog?’
‘Just now.’
‘Dave’s the one that can take the arms from her,’ he explains quickly.
‘Dave.’
‘Yes, Mr Howie.’
‘Can you tell your dog to stop biting arms off, it’s getting gross.’
‘My dog?’
‘Yes, she’s now your dog.’
‘My dog?’
‘Yes, Dave, your dog…er…if that’s okay with you that is.’
‘Really? She is my dog?’
‘Um, well…do you want a dog?’
‘Yes, I’ve never had a pet before.’
‘Well then she’s your dog mate.’
‘Thank you, is that okay with Nick?’
‘Fine with me, Dave,’ Nick shouts.
‘Thank you, I’ve never had a pet before. Do I have to walk her?’
‘I think she gets enough exercise mate.’
‘Okay, how about brushing?’
‘Yeah, yeah you can do that if you want.’ I realise Clarence is back in the group as he turns to look at me, bewilderment all over his face. I shrug back.
‘I don’t have a brush.’
‘We can…er…we’ll get one.’
‘Can I choose it?’
‘Of course, yes…yes you can er…definitely choose the dog brush, she’s your dog now.’
‘And a collar.’
‘Whatever you want, mate.’
‘We need to find a pet shop.’
‘Will do mate, will do…er, how you getting on down there?’
‘All dead, I’m just taking the arm from her now,’ his voice gets closer as he crawls out the back of the Saxon holding a human arm. He stands up, dusts his clothes off and discards the arm amongst the dead.
‘What are the rules?’ He asks seriously.
‘Rules?’
‘For pet ownership.’
‘No rules mate. ‘ The look of fleeting horror on his face at the pro
spect of a life of responsibility with no rules is clear to everyone.
Paula clears her throat and steps in, ‘er, stop her from biting arms off, and…er…make sure she’s kept brushed, fed and watered and in good health…’
‘Right,’ Dave nods, taking it in with a look of intense concentration, ‘anything else?’
‘Commands,’ Cookey joins in, ‘she should learn some commands, like stay and sit…paw is a good one.’
‘Commands, got it,’ Dave nods.
‘I think that’s it,’ Paula adds, ‘and a general responsibility for her, making sure she doesn't attack anyone that, well, that doesn't actually need attacking.’
‘I understand,’ Dave nods again. ‘Do I have to pick her excrement up?’
We all look at each other for a second. ‘Er,’ Paula seems to think for a minute, ‘well, technically yes but, well I think when we’re out of the fort then no, no you don’t need to but inside the fort yes.’
‘Okay, dog brush and dog excrement bags, and a collar,’ he looks at me as though expecting me to make it happen. ‘I’ve seen people using them, like little black coloured bags or blue bags, you put your hand in one end then pick the excrement up and fold the bag over on itself, they normally have little tie handles.’
‘Got it,’ I say firmly.
‘What about fleas? All these dead bodies about will attract vermin which carry ticks and fleas.’
‘They’ll have something in the pet shop,’ Paula says, ‘flea shampoo or…something.’
‘We need to get that too, Mr Howie.’
‘Will do, right…where have all the zombies gone?’
An uncomfortable silence descends. Staring into the mist knowing full well there could be hundreds of them just feet away. Meredith comes out behind Dave, low to the ground she shuffles her body until her back end is clear and is up, on her feet and staring into the unseen. Hackles up, teeth showing so we know they’re out there.
‘Keep hold of her,’ my voice is low, the game playing and fucking about is done. The tension ramps up. Dave moves next to Meredith and gently takes hold of her makeshift collar, gripping it tight.
If we try and drive off they will do the grounding thing again and lunge under the vehicle. If we stay here we have a stalemate with being unable to move or do anything.
‘Everyone back in,’ I give the order and hold to the side with Dave, Meredith and Clarence covering the others while they clamber inside. We jump into the back and slam the doors closed, treading on feet and toes as Clarence and I head for the front.
‘You driving out?’ He asks me as I get behind the wheel.
‘We’ll try it,’ but as soon as I start the enormous diesel engine that fires up with a thunderous roar they are charging from the front, bursting from the fog and diving under the vehicle to ground us out. The weight of the vehicle, especially laden with so many is huge but they don’t need that many for the wheels to start losing purchase. I gun the accelerator and start forward but they pour into view like ants reacting to the nest being disturbed. One after the other after the other whips into sight and is gone as he or she dives down to squash under the wheels.
My foot stamps down, the engine roars and we jolt forward then turning towards the right.
‘They’re clogging the wheels,’ Nick shouts. I slam it into reverse and try pulling back but we spin round again, then forward but the same thing. More pile in but still we keep shunting forward and back in tight circles.
‘Fucking hell,’ Clarence exclaims, ‘look at them…where they all coming from?’
‘Fifty million…’
‘Not now, Dave!’ Clarence shouts, ‘it was bloody rhetorical.’
‘Bollocks, we’re not going anywhere…everyone ready to jump back out?’
‘Ready,’ Blowers is at the back door holding the latches and ready to open up.
‘Out the back this time, boss,’ Clarence thumbs over the seats and eases his huge frame out.
‘Hard and fast,’ I shout to the back.
‘Ha! That’s what she said!’ Cookey laughs which is nice to hear as he’s been quiet today.
‘Who said?’ Dave asks.
‘It was a joke, Dave,’ Cookey still manages to make the word Dave sound like Sarge.
‘GO…’ We jump down and start fighting but no sooner are we down and slaying the first few and they all melt away, retreating into the fog.
‘Options?’ I whisper to the group round me.
‘Get back in and floor it,’ Blowers suggests first.
‘Too risky mate, we’ve got no idea what direction we’re facing or what’s in front of us.’
‘We’ve got the radar thing,’ he replies.
‘Not good enough mate, anyone else?’
‘Wait them out,’ Paula says, ‘this fog can’t stay for that long…we don’t have a choice. The first option is to drive out, that’s no good. We can’t fight what we can’t see…so we either start walking or we wait here.’
‘Sounds goo….’ my words are cut off by a single runner coming suddenly appearing less than three feet away. It moves so fast that it’s only Meredith’s speed that saves us from being scattered. Another one comes from the right, then a split second later and another from the other side. Running flat out and straight towards us. Weapons up and ready, Lani gets one and Roy the other with his sword.
‘More,’ Dave nods ahead, ‘we need to move away from the vehicle.’
‘Why?’ I gasp then slash out to drive the blade deep into a stomach as Clarence cleaves the neck open.
‘They’ll go over the top of the Saxon and come down behind us, we need open ground and we need to keep moving…otherwise they can plot our position too easily.’
‘Circle then, bunch up but leave room for weapons to swing…Dave, you lead us but keep it sporadic and unpredictable.’
‘ONE RACE’
The words boom round, echoing, resonating and seemingly amplified by the gloom we’re in. Trapped in a small space that moves with us, that’s what it feels like. It feels that they can see us but not the other way, like one-way glass.
All goes quiet. Silence. It’s just our breathing and the tread of our steps as we crunch along the road surface.
‘Barrier,’ Dave reports.
‘Go over it, we want off this road,’ I whisper back. We start navigating the barrier, covering while one climbs over it to get up on the grass verge. Movement flashes and another one zips into sight she aims straight for Jagger and Mo Mo, possibly in some misconception that because they’re younger and smaller they’ll be weaker. She’s dead within seconds, stabbed repeatedly by two very fast and very tough lads who kill without hesitation and better still, they keep form and rank while doing it.
‘Good work,’ Dave nods at them and I wonder if they know how rare it is to get a compliment from the small quiet man.
We start up the gradual bank, cresting the top to find an old wire fence trampled into the earth. As we pass over it they attack again, this time on mass and from all sides. The brutal battle commences and we each step out so we can swing weapons and move side to side without injuring each other. Two minutes, maybe three, and they’re gone again.
The silence returns. Then there’s breathing. Shuffling steps. A whistling noise from the left, another to the right. Low whistles, mournful, sorrowful and powerfully scary due to the lack of vision.
‘My side,’ Blowers grunts and prepares to strike but the woman runs past, right to left in front of us and out of view. Another comes from the other direction, I start forward to attack but she veers off. Then another does the same to Clarence. We all jerk as though getting ready to fight but they skilfully steer away at the last second.
The numbers get bigger, more and more coming until we’re snapping our heads up, left, right and around trying to track those that might actually attack. Meredith barks non-stop, raging at being held by Dave and prevented from chasing them, but with so many out there we’ve got no idea what tricks they have in sto
re if one of us gets isolated.
I see him at the same point as Cookey screams. The young lad freezes in fear but the undead barely breaks the mist and disappears from view as quickly as he appeared.
‘Did you see it?’ Cookey babbles, ‘did you? Did you see it? Oh shit…no…shit no…’
‘What?’ Blowers his by his side instantly, ‘what is it?’
‘Did you see it?’
‘See what?’ Blowers is shaken at seeing his best mate so physically disturbed by something.
‘I saw it,’ I stride over, ‘you don’t like them?’ I ask Cookey. He shakes his head and I can see the blood has drained from his face, his hands shake holding his weapon and his eyes dart back and forth at the fog bank ahead.
‘Can’t be here…you saw it? You saw it, yeah?’
‘I did mate, just relax…it’s okay.’
‘Saw what?’ Blowers asks again.
A sick, evil, mock laugh permeates the air, a gruff phlegmy sound but also clear and distinct that it sends Cookey into palpitations. ‘Oh fuck,’ the lad backs away, ‘no…I can’t….Mr Howie I can’t…’
‘Mate, it’s okay, we’re all here…it’s not coming anywhere near you I promise.’
‘What isn’t?’ Blowers demands.
‘No,’ the lad screws his eyes up and backs away as the figure drifts just into view, the white tendrils of mist forming wispy strands of smoke that reveal and obscure in stages.
‘Dave, with Cookey.’
‘On it,’ Dave gets up close to a truly terrified Cookey and gently pushes his hand through the crook of Cookey’s elbow, holding him close and tight. ‘I’m right here, Alex,’ Dave intones.
‘What did he see?’ Clarence booms out.
‘That,’ Blowers points at the lone figure. How the fuck the white paint has stayed on is beyond me, but it’s there alright. Plastered on in thick layers that are now streaked and patchy, with the grey, lifeless skin showing through. Red eyes burn through the mist, rimmed in black make up. It’s streaked, like a woman crying, but these are thick streaks right down to where the red lipstick that was once so carefully applied around the cheeks, is now rubbing off. Blood, old, dried, scabby and congealed is round his lips and jaw.
‘Holy…fucking….shit…’ Paula utters the words so slowly, taking the view in that clearly sends shivers of fear through her too.