by Amy Clipston
“I thought you knew. Actually, I thought everyone knew. No one ever talked about it publicly.”
“Who told you?”
“Mei mamm did.” She leaned against the buggy behind her. “I think I was about sixteen or so. I asked her why Aenti Sarah didn’t remarry after Onkel Elam died because she was so bedauerlich. I told her I knew another widow who had remarried and that I felt bad Aenti Sarah was so alone. Mei mamm told me Aenti Sarah didn’t remarry because Onkel Elam was alive, and she felt it would be wrong. She explained he’d left Aenti Sarah and married an Englisher woman who had visited his shoe shop. She was so heartbroken she couldn’t get out of bed for nearly two months after he left.”
Hannah shook her head. “I don’t understand why mei mamm never told me.”
“Why are you asking about this now?”
“Barbie told me Wednesday that Onkel Elam’s situation caused a lot of pain in the community. She said the family went through a lot, and she never wanted that for her family. She implied I’m going to leave the community and cause pain and rumors too.”
Susan shook her head. “What Onkel Elam did has nothing to do with any of us.” She frowned. “But you need to be careful, Hannah. Everyone will be watching you now.”
“I know.”
Susan touched Hannah’s arm. “I need to get back inside, but I’ll be thinking of you. Let me know if you need someone to talk to. You can always come to me instead of your Englisher freind.”
“I appreciate the offer. Danki for telling me the truth.” As Hannah watched Susan march back toward the house, loneliness stole into her. She knew Susan would listen if Hannah needed her to, but deep in her heart she believed that only Trey would truly understand her. She wanted to talk to Trey more than anyone in her community.
Lillian’s hands shook as she approached Elizabeth Beiler, who was married to a member of the school board. Elizabeth was sitting with her sister. Lillian folded her hands in front of her apron. “Hi, Elizabeth. May I please speak to you for a moment?”
“Lillian.” She patted the place on the bench beside her. “Have a seat.”
Lillian sat and heaved a deep breath. Please, Lord, guide my words. “I wanted to talk to you about the school.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth glanced over at her sister. “Would you mind getting me another cup of water?”
“I’d be happy to. I’ll be right back.” She stood up from the bench and walked to the kitchen.
“What would you like to discuss?” Elizabeth turned toward Lillian. “Are things going well in the school?”
“Oh, ya. Things are going wonderfully.” Lillian nodded. “In fact, I’d like to be considered for full-time teacher. Mattie shared that she won’t be returning next year. It’s always been my dream to be a full-time teacher. I love the scholars, and I think they like me too.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth’s smile faded. “That’s very sweet, Lillian.”
“I’ll work hard. I’ll put my heart and soul into the job.” She couldn’t understand why Elizabeth was frowning. Was Lillian not saying the right words, or had they already hired someone else? “Did you already hire another teacher to replace Mattie?”
Elizabeth shook her head. “No, the board hasn’t chosen another teacher yet.”
Lillian folded her hands as if she were praying. “Please give me a chance to talk to the board and tell them how much this means to me. I’ll do my very best.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know if it would be a gut idea for you to talk to the board.”
“Oh.” Lillian cleared her throat, hoping to stop the lump forming there from swelling. “Do they have someone else in mind?”
Elizabeth shook her head, and Lillian stared at her.
“Have I done something wrong?” Lillian’s voice quavered.
“No, Lillian, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Elizabeth shook her head. “From what Mattie has told us, you’re a wonderful teacher, and the scholars love you. But I think there may be some board members who are concerned about an issue with your family.”
“I don’t understand. What has my family done?”
“There has been some concern about your mamm’s behavior lately.” Elizabeth’s smile didn’t seem genuine. “I will mention your interest to my husband, but I’m not certain he will want to consider you. I think they may have to look for another full-time teacher.” She patted Lillian’s hand. “But danki for expressing your interest.” Her sister approached and handed Elizabeth a cup of water.
Lillian stood and studied Elizabeth. She hadn’t expected to get the job on the spot, but she’d never expected to be rejected so quickly, either. “Danki for your time.”
“Gern gschehne. Have a gut day.” Elizabeth turned to her sister and began discussing her children.
Lillian walked out the back door and moved toward the group of young people playing volleyball. In a matter of minutes, she’d watched her dream shatter in front of her eyes, and she was left reeling. She needed to find a way to change the school board’s opinion of her. What was the community saying about her mamm, and what could Lillian do to remedy it?
FOURTEEN
Amanda sat on the backless bench between Nancy and Lillian during the hymn singing later that evening. The benches were set up in Nancy’s family’s barn with the young men on one side of the room and the young women on the other. Amanda glanced across the barn and spotted Leroy King staring at them. She elbowed her sister in the ribs.
“Ouch!” Lillian leaned closer to Amanda. “What was that for?”
“Guess who’s watching you?” Amanda waggled her eyebrows. “I think someone likes you.”
“Who?”
“Leroy King.” Amanda nodded in the direction of the young men. “He’s been staring at you.”
Lillian looked toward the young men and then buried her face in the hymnal. “I can’t believe he’s watching me.”
“Looks like your feelings are mutual, ya?” Amanda smiled.
“You think so?” Lillian’s eyes were round, making her seem younger.
“Ya, I do.” Amanda was used to her sister appearing to be determined and certain of herself. She must really like him!
Nancy leaned over and raised her eyebrows. “What are you two whispering about?”
“Leroy King is watching Lillian.” Amanda nodded toward the young men. “I think he likes her.”
Nancy looked toward the other side of the barn. “Interesting. He’s watching her now.”
Lillian glowered. “Will you two stop being so obvious?”
“Shh!” Someone hissed a few rows in front of them.
Amanda scanned the rows of young men across the barn and found Manny Kauffman looking in the direction of Nancy. “Manny is watching you too. I think you and mei schweschder both have admirers.”
“Ach, I see him. I think you may be right. I was hoping the smile he gave me earlier was special.” Nancy continued to lean into Amanda. “We need to find someone for you now.”
“Don’t be gegisch.” Amanda shrugged. “I’m fine by myself.”
“You’re the one being gegisch. There’s someone here for you. You’re just not looking.” Nancy smiled.
Amanda had been contemplating the conversation she shared with Mike and wondering what it would be like to get her GED. Was she intelligent enough to pass the test? And if she passed, could she get into college? She doubted she could afford to go to college, but she could find out what it took to obtain a scholarship. And what would she study if she went to college, besides what would be necessary to become a vet? The possibilities seemed endless!
She longed to borrow a study guide from the library just to look at it, but she thought her mamm would never understand her curiosity. And she knew Lily wouldn’t since she already seemed set in her ways and satisfied with the Amish lifestyle. Amanda, however, couldn’t stop the questions from swirling in her mind.
Amanda looked toward the opposite side of the barn and spotted Leroy as he got up and headed
toward the exit. He turned back toward them before he left.
Lillian stood. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.” She quickly weaved through the row of young women and then slipped out the door.
“Where’s she going?” Nancy asked.
“I think she’s going to meet Leroy. I saw him leave just before she did.”
Nancy grinned. “Gut for her.”
“Ya.” Amanda stared down at the hymnal.
Lillian’s heart pounded in her chest as she made her way through the barn door to where Leroy stood waiting for her. She touched her prayer covering and pushed the ribbons past her shoulders. “Hi, Leroy.”
“Hi.” He nodded toward a grassy area located past a second barn. “Want to go for a walk?”
“Ya.” Lillian gripped her sleeves as she fell into step with Leroy. “It’s a nice evening, ya?”
“It is.” When they reached the grassy area, he stopped and motioned toward the ground. “Want to sit?”
“Ya.” Lillian sank onto the cool grass and smoothed her dress over her legs. The sky above her was streaked with orange, yellow, and red. “Look at that sunset. Isn’t it schee?”
“Ya, it is.” He smiled at her.
She silently admired his brown eyes and hair. She lost herself in the moment, and the confusion about her conversation with Elizabeth Beiler disappeared. She turned her eyes toward the pond and studied the dark water while she wondered how she’d handle the situation with the school. She wanted the teaching job more than anything, but she didn’t know how to talk to her mamm about the community’s perception of her. How could she bring herself to tell her mamm what Elizabeth had said without upsetting her?
“You seem distracted tonight. Is something wrong?” Leroy’s question broke through her thoughts.
She picked up a smooth stone and rolled it between her fingers while she contemplated telling him what was on her mind. She longed to share with him what Elizabeth Beiler had said, but she worried he’d look down on her and not want to be her friend anymore.
“You don’t have to tell me, Lily. I’ll understand if it’s too personal.”
“No, I’ll tell you.” Lillian cleared her throat. “I talked to Elizabeth Beiler earlier after the church service. She’s married to a member of the school board.”
He nodded. “I know.”
She picked up another stone. “I wanted to find out how I can put my name in the running for a full-time teaching position.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Did Stephen finally ask Mattie to marry him?”
“Ya, he did. But please don’t tell anyone. I’m not supposed to tell. Mattie told me a few days ago.” She tossed the stones and then wiped her palms together. “It’s always been my dream to be the full-time teacher.”
“That’s great.”
She frowned. “I don’t think it’s going to happen.”
“Why not? Have they already found another teacher?”
“No. I wish it were that simple.”
“I’m sorry, Lily, but I’m not following you. What happened?” He bent his knees and folded his arms over them.
“Elizabeth said that although I’m a gut teacher’s assistant, I probably won’t be considered for the full-time job because the community is concerned about mei mamm’s behavior.” She sniffed as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so upset, and I’m also confused. I don’t understand why the community is concerned about mei mamm. What could she possibly have done? She’s doing her best to take care of my siblings and me.”
Leroy grimaced, which caused Lillian to become suspicious.
She angled her body toward him. “Leroy, do you know something about it?”
He shrugged and looked toward the meadow. “I don’t know.”
“Leroy.” She faced him. “If you know something, you have to tell me. I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what it is.”
He looked down at his lap. “All I know is what I’ve heard, but I don’t know if it’s true.”
“What is it?” She folded her hands as if to plead with him. “Please tell me. You don’t have to tell me who said it, but I need to know what it is so I can clear mei mamm’s name and clean up this mess before it gets worse.”
He frowned at her. “A rumor is going around that your mamm is having a relationship with an Englisher.”
Lillian’s mouth fell open in shock. How had the community found out about what happened on Wednesday? She then gasped when she realized her mammi had witnessed the scene. Is Mammi spreading the rumor about Mamm? “Do you know who’s spreading the rumor?” She wanted to know after all.
“I don’t know.” He paused and then shook his head. “Mei bruder Daniel said he saw your mamm hugging the Englisher, but I’m the only person he told.”
“Are you certain he didn’t tell anyone else?”
Leroy nodded. “He’s afraid he’ll lose his job at your place if the word gets around. He likes the job and the salary, so he’s worried my parents will make him quit. He told me last night after he found out the rumor was spreading through the community.”
Lillian ran her hand over her face while the severity of the situation gripped her. “It must’ve been mei mammi who told everyone.”
“What do you mean?”
“She was there beside me when it happened.”
Leroy’s eyes widened. “You witnessed it too?”
“Ya.” Lillian explained what had happened. She told him that Andrew was injured, Mr. Peterson had brought her mother home, and they hugged before he left. She also shared the conversation she’d had with her mother later that evening.
He shook his head. “I know Daniel didn’t tell anyone what he saw because he doesn’t want to lose his job, but the word has spread quickly. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but people are frowning on your mamm’s behavior.”
“I think it was mei mammi who started the rumors.” Lillian wished she could stop the tears from streaming down her hot cheeks, but she couldn’t. “I’m so upset and confused. Mei mamm says Mr. Peterson is only her freind, but she looks at him as if she feels more than friendship for him. Now that rumors are spreading, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to upset mei mamm, but if I don’t say anything, it will only get worse.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Leroy scowled. “I wish I could help you, but it seems like this is something only your mamm can fix.”
Lillian sniffed and wiped her eyes. “You’re right. Mei mamm has to fix it.”
“I think your mamm would want to know what people are saying about her. Then she’ll have to decide what to do. Maybe she needs to talk to the bishop and ask for his help clearing her name.”
They both were silent for a moment.
He turned his gaze toward the sunset in the west. “Look at those colors. Aren’t they spectacular?”
She looked up at the sky, which was a mosaic of bright colors that seemed to mock her glum mood. “Ya, they are.”
She glanced over at him and swallowed a frown. If the rumors continued and the members of the community turned their backs on her mamm, she might lose a chance at being Leroy’s girlfriend. She had to find a way to make things right. Her job and her relationship with Leroy depended on it.
FIFTEEN
Later that evening, Amanda climbed out of the buggy behind Lillian. They stood at the bottom of the rock driveway leading to their house.
Amanda waved at Nancy and her brother, Joe, in the driver’s seat. “Danki for the ride! See you tomorrow, Nancy.”
“Danki,” Lillian called before they started up the long driveway.
Amanda grinned at her. She’d wanted to find out about Lillian’s private conversation with Leroy, but she didn’t want to ask in front of Nancy and Joe during the ride home and embarrass her.
“Is there a reason you insisted on having Joe drop us off here?” She bumped Lillian with her hip. “Did you want to talk to me in private and tell me about your conversation with Leroy?”
; “I do want to talk to you in private, but it isn’t really about Leroy.”
When her twin frowned, Amanda stopped and faced her. “Is something wrong, Lily?”
Lillian nodded. “Ya.”
Amanda’s eyes widened as Lillian shared the painful conversation she’d had with Elizabeth Beiler. “Why did she say there are concerns about Mamm?”
“Leroy told me why.” Lillian took a deep breath. “Mamm hugged Mr. Peterson Wednesday after he brought her home when Andrew was injured. The rumor is now going around the community that Mamm is having an inappropriate relationship with an Englisher.”
“You’re joking, right?” Amanda tried to laugh, but her sister’s bleak expression told her it was no laughing matter. “I can’t believe it. This is outrageous, Lily.” She shook her head. “I had no idea Mamm had hugged Mr. Peterson. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I should’ve told you, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. It was too confusing and painful. I talked to Mamm about it, and I hoped Mr. Peterson would just go away. I wanted to forget the whole scene and everything Mammi had said to me about him.”
“Are you certain Mammi is the one spreading the rumors? I don’t understand why she would do that. We’re all family.”
Lillian grimaced. “I don’t think Mammi ever thought Mamm was gut enough for Dat, and I guess she wants to hurt her.”
“But that goes against everything we’ve been taught since we were little. We’re supposed to love and support each other, and she’s hurting Mamm and us.” Amanda gestured widely with her arms. “You’re watching your dreams disappear because of what Mammi is saying about our mamm.” She kicked a stone with the toe of her black sneaker. The irony of the situation caused frustration to surge through her. If her mammi was spreading rumors about her mamm, she was committing a sin. Her mamm wasn’t sinning by being friends with someone outside of their community, but people were acting as if it were a sin. How was this fair?
Lillian began to walk toward the house with her expression full of determination. “I’m so upset. I have to tell Mamm about the rumors. This has to stop.”