by Amy Clipston
“Ya, she does. In fact, she gave me the money for the book.” Amanda hesitated. She considered telling Nancy that her mamm was leaving the church, but she decided it was up to her to decide when the community should know about her choice.
“Oh. That’s gut that your mamm supports you.”
Amanda bit her lower lip. “I hope you understand I still want to be your freind. God may be leading me toward a different path, but that doesn’t change how much your friendship means to me.”
Nancy smiled. “I understand our lives are going to be a little different, but I still want to be your freind. I’m really sorry for everything I said about you and your mamm. I didn’t mean it, and it was terrible of me to accuse you of being a bad person.” She hugged Amanda. “Even if you do get your GED and decide to go to college, you need to keep in touch with me.”
“I promise I will. You’re my best freind, Nancy.”
“Best freinden forever.” Nancy touched Amanda’s arm. “Don’t forget it.”
“I won’t.” Amanda smiled and wondered where the possibility of a GED might lead her.
Later that afternoon, Lillian walked past her grandparents’ pasture and studied the horses frolicking and grazing on the other side of the fence. She never dreamt she’d ever leave the only home she’d ever known and move in with her grandparents. Her grandparents had welcomed her with open arms and told her she could stay as long as she wanted. She was thankful for their love.
Yet betrayal and hurt filled her as she considered her mamm. Although she loved Mamm, Lillian couldn’t understand why she would want to leave their beautiful farm and their church district.
Her eyes filled with tears when she thought of the farmhouse where she’d grown up. She’d no longer have the same little bedroom she’d shared with her twin their whole life. How would Lillian cope with being separated from her family?
“Lillian?”
Lillian turned and found Leroy King walking toward her. Her stomach fluttered with delight. “Leroy? I didn’t know you were coming over today.” She touched her prayer covering and then smoothed her apron.
“I was over at your house. Daniel asked me if I could come over and help shoe a few horses. I told him I wanted to learn how, so it was the perfect opportunity. I asked him where you were, and he said you’d gone to see your grandparents.” He lifted his straw hat, smoothed his dark hair, and then placed the hat back on his head. “I hoped to see you.”
“Oh.” Lillian’s heart thundered in her chest. “I’m glad you came.”
“How are you doing?” He leaned against the fence.
“I’m doing okay.” She placed her hand on the rung of the fence and frowned. “Actually, I’m not doing well at all.”
“Was iss letz?”
“Mei mamm made a decision that’s going to change my life, and I’m having a difficult time getting used to the idea.” Lillian felt tears in her eyes, but she hoped she wouldn’t cry.
“What happened?” Leroy’s expression was filled with concern. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“If I tell you, will you promise to keep it a secret? I don’t know when mei mamm is going to talk to the minister and the deacon.”
His mouth gaped. “Your mamm is leaving the church?”
Lillian nodded as a tear trickled down her cheek. “You can’t tell anyone.”
“I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
“That means we can’t live at our haus anymore because my grandparents own it. Mei mamm wants to be with the Englisher. I had a feeling this would happen, but I didn’t think it would be this fast. I’m not ready for my life to change so drastically.” A few more tears sprinkled down her hot cheeks.
He frowned. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m not going with her.” Lillian sniffed and wiped her eyes.
“What do you mean?” He raised his eyebrows.
“I’m living here with mei mammi now. I still want to stay here and be a part of the community. I don’t want to be English.” She wiped her tears from under her glasses. “I don’t understand why mei mamm wants to leave, but her mind is made up. I feel as if she’s abandoning me and she’s also betraying my dat’s memory. It’s so unfair. How can she leave me like this?”
“But you’ll stay in the district, so that means you’ll still go to church and youth gatherings?”
Lillian nodded. “Ya.”
“That’s gut.” Leroy smiled, but his smile quickly turned to a grimace. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I’m sorry your mamm is leaving, but I’m glad you’re staying.” He shook his head. “Does that make sense?”
“Ya, it does.” Her heart warmed, knowing he wanted her to stay in the community. Perhaps her dream of dating him would come true despite her mother’s decision to leave the church. “I just hope people don’t take pity on me. I don’t want to be singled out. I just want to be the teacher and live in the community.”
Leroy shrugged. “You can do that. Your mamm has made her choice, but you can make your own choice. And I’m glad you want to stay because I’m enjoying getting to know you.”
“Danki, Leroy. I’m enjoying getting to know you too.” She nodded toward her grandmother’s house. “I made oatmeal raisin cookies earlier. Would you like to come in for a snack?”
“Ya.” He smiled. “That sounds gut.”
They walked together to the house. She looked up at Leroy and a weight lifted from her shoulders. Although she was hurt by her mother’s decision to leave, she felt a sense of hope and excitement. She was going to be okay, and maybe, just maybe, her dreams would come true too.
TWENTY-SIX
The following morning, Hannah wiped her hands on a dish towel and forced a smile at Andrew as he made his way toward the back door to finish helping with chores. She’d spent most of the night thinking about Lillian and praying she would come home. Her daughter, however, never walked through the door. She knew Lillian’s decision was permanent, and it shattered her heart. During the night she also contemplated how to approach Joshua with her news about leaving the church. She’d considered talking to him during breakfast and then decided to wait until she could get Andrew and him alone in the stable.
She hung up the dish towel and then walked toward the mudroom where Andrew was pulling on his boots. “I finished the breakfast dishes, so I was wondering if I could come outside with you this morning?”
Andrew put his hat on his head and then shrugged. “Sure. Are you going to help Onkel Josh and me with chores?”
“Ya, I can help, and I also want to talk to you both.”
“Oh. Is this about the farm?” Andrew frowned. “Last night I talked to Amanda and I asked her if we can buy the farm from Mammi and Daadi. She told me that we can’t. She said we have to move and we can’t keep the farm anymore.” His lip quivered. “What will happen to Huck?”
Hannah took her son’s hands in hers and wished she could erase the sorrow in his eyes. “Andrew, I’m sorry, but your schweschder is right. We can’t buy the farm from Mammi and Daadi.” At that moment, it occurred to her that she hadn’t asked Andrew what he’d wanted. She’d been so wrapped up in plans for her and the twins, but she hadn’t once considered what Andrew had wanted. “Where would you like to live, Andrew?” She held her breath while hoping his answer wouldn’t break her heart.
Andrew paused as if he were deep in thought. “I told you I’ll always stay with you.” He paused and frowned. “But part of me wants to live with Onkel Josh, and then another part of me wants to be with you. I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”
“Don’t worry about my feelings. What do you truly want?”
He shrugged. “I always kind of wondered what it would be like to ride on a school bus and go to a big school. If we moved into Mr. Peterson’s haus, would I get to go to a school like that?”
Hannah felt the tension ease in her shoulders and her expression relaxed. “Ya, Andrew, you would. You’ll make all new freinden. Doe
s that mean you want to live with Amanda and me?”
“Ya, I do, but what about Huck?” His frown returned. “What would happen to him?”
“Like I told you before, I’ll ask Onkel Josh if you can work with him on Saturdays, and you can take care of Huckleberry.” An idea popped into her head, and she smiled. “Maybe you can work with Onkel Josh and Daniel all summer. What do you think about that?”
He nodded. “Ya, that might work. Let’s go ask him.”
Hannah followed Andrew out to the stable where Joshua was shoveling manure.
His gaze met theirs, and he leaned the shovel against the stall and wiped his brow with a handkerchief. “Is it snack time already?”
“No.” Andrew shook his head. “Mei mamm wants to talk to us about the farm.”
“Ach.” Josh frowned. “This sounds serious.” He adjusted his hat on his head. “Let’s walk outside.”
Hannah walked out of the stable and prayed she could remember everything she’d planned to say.
Josh leaned against the stable wall. “What did you want to discuss with us, Hannah?”
“I guess you already know that Lillian went to live with your parents.”
“She’s staying there permanently?”
Hannah nodded.
“Oh. I didn’t know it was permanent.” He raised his eyebrows. “Why did she move out?”
She cleared her throat in an effort to sound more confident in her decision. “I’m leaving the church.”
Josh’s mouth gaped.
“We have to move out of our haus.” Andrew pointed toward the pasture where the horses were. “I’d like to take care of Huckleberry. Would you please let me come over on Saturdays and help you? Please, Onkel Josh?”
“Are you joking, Andrew? I expect you to care for Huck. He’s your horse, not mine.” Josh smiled at Andrew, and Hannah’s heart warmed. She was thankful Joshua’s demeanor hadn’t changed toward her children.
“Great!” Andrew clapped his hands together. “I’m so froh. I thought that when we had to move, I’d lose everything, including you and my horse.”
Josh leaned down, leveling his eyes with Andrew’s. “You, Lillian, and Amanda will never lose me. I made a promise when your dat died that I would always be there for you and your siblings. No matter where you live, I’ll keep that promise.”
“Danki.” Andrew hugged him.
Josh motioned toward the stable. “Why don’t you go help Daniel with the shoveling? I need to talk to your mamm.”
“Okay!” Andrew ran into the stable.
Josh studied Hannah as a scowl formed on his face. “So, that’s it. You’re leaving the community.” He gestured around the farm. “You’re leaving all of this.”
Hannah could only nod again as regret washed over her and stole her voice. She wiped her eyes and hoped she could stop her tears.
Josh frowned at Hannah. “We have a lot to talk about. Why don’t we go sit on the porch?”
Hannah cleared her throat and was thankful to find her voice again. “That sounds gut.” She climbed the porch steps and sat in the swing.
“So, you’re leaving the church for him.” Josh sat on a porch chair and folded his arms over his wide chest. “You’re going to be shunned for that man.”
“It’s not just for him.” Hannah sat up taller. “It’s for me too. I’ve prayed about it, and this is the path God has laid before me. I’m going to do what I feel is right for myself and also for my family.” She gestured around the farm. “You and Gideon loved this farm. This was your dream, but it was never my dream.”
“What do you mean this was never your dream?” Josh looked confused. “You told Gideon you loved this place.”
“Ya, I loved living here with Gideon, but I always wanted to do something more than raising horses. I loved hosting dinners for the English when I was a child. I was able to host a few before Gideon died, but then my life changed. I would love to work at a bed and breakfast and make dinners for the visitors.”
Josh shook his head. “You never told Gideon or me that you didn’t want to have the horse farm.”
Hannah shook her head. “I never said I didn’t want the horse farm. I love the horses, but it wasn’t my dream. It was Gideon’s dream.”
Josh blew out a deep sigh. “That means you don’t want to run it with me anymore. And it also means that you won’t accept my proposal.”
Tears filled Hannah’s eyes as she nodded. “I’m sorry, Joshua. I’m honored you asked me to marry you, but I can’t. I love someone else. It wouldn’t be fair to you or me if I lived a lie. We’d wind up resenting each other.”
“I was praying I could change your mind.” He shook his head. “I can’t imagine what Gideon would say.”
“I’m going to start a new life, which is my decision. Gideon has nothing to say about it since he left this world.” She stared toward the pasture. “You’ll never understand why I’m making this choice, but I need you to respect my decision.”
“Fine.” He glowered. “I’ll respect it, but I won’t ever agree with it. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t just give me a chance. I would’ve given everything I had to you and your kinner. But I’m tired of pleading with you. Your decision has been made, and we need to discuss what happens now. Once you’re shunned, our business no longer exists.”
“I know.” Hannah glanced toward the sign for Glick’s Belgian and Dutch Harness Horses and tears filled her eyes again. It was Gideon’s dream to own this business with his brother, and Hannah had kept his part alive for as long as she could. Now Joshua would take over, and she knew he’d keep that dream alive even though Hannah wanted to pursue another dream. “You’ll have to buy my half of the business from me.”
Josh nodded. “I know.” He looked toward the front door. “I’m going to see if I can move in here after you’re gone. It would make it easier for me if I were here on the property.”
Hannah studied his frown, finding sadness there. “Joshua, you’ll always be welcome in our haus. You’re family, and the kinner want to spend time with you. That doesn’t have to change.”
“But everything else will, Hannah. I won’t be able to see you all at church.” He turned his eyes toward the pasture. “It will never be the same.”
“You’ll see Lily.” Hannah watched the horses run in the pasture. Her thoughts moved to Lillian living with her grandparents while she, Amanda, and Andrew started over in a new home. Her heart broke every time she imagined not having nightly devotions with all three of her children. How had things changed so quickly in only a matter of a couple of months? She pushed the thoughts away and forced herself to concentrate on the present. “Danki for allowing Andrew to continue to work with you. I know it’s his dream to work here as an adult.”
“He can still do that if he chooses to. His dat started this business, and he’s a Glick.” He turned toward her. “How does Amanda feel about all of this?”
“She’s comfortable with my decision. She wants to get her GED and possibly go to college. I found out recently she’s always wanted to become a veterinarian. She’d never told me before.”
Josh’s eyebrows careened toward his hairline. “Amanda wants to be a vet? Now it makes sense that she likes going across the street to talk to Cameron Wood.”
“I know. I never made the connection until I found her reading a book about veterinary medicine.”
“How do you feel about that?”
Hannah folded her hands in her lap. “I’m going to let her make that choice.”
Josh nodded and pursed his lips. He was silent for a moment, as if taking all of her news in and contemplating it. “I guess your freind is excited that you’re going to leave our community for him.” His frown softened. “He should know he’s blessed to have your love. That’s what I dreamed of for years. It’s going to be difficult for me to let go, but I know I have to.”
Hannah touched his arm. “Danki, Joshua. I never meant to hurt you, but God has chosen a different path for
me. It wasn’t something I ever expected.” She paused. “And now I need to go see your parents.”
He stood. “I need to get back to work. Let me know if you need me to hitch up the horse for you.”
Hannah waved off the offer. “I can do it, but danki.” She watched him lope down the steps, and she hoped her meeting with his mother would be as simple.
Hannah knocked on Barbie’s door later that afternoon. She prayed Barbie would listen to her and not ask her to leave before she finished explaining her decision. She also prayed Lillian would speak to her.
The door opened with a loud squeak, and Barbie frowned at Hannah. “Well, I was wondering when you were going to come visit your dochder.”
Hannah closed her eyes and held her breath to stop angry words from leaping from her lips. “May I come in?” she finally asked.
Barbie pushed the door open, and Hannah followed her into the kitchen where Lillian was rolling out dough.
“Lily.” Hannah’s heart twisted when her daughter glowered at her. “How are you?”
Lillian shrugged and continued rolling out the dough. “I’m fine.”
Barbie stood in front of Hannah and folded her arms over her round middle. “I guess you’re here to tell us about your decision to leave the community and abandon your dochder. I hope you’ve told Joshua. When Lillian came to us yesterday, Eli insisted we not say anything to Joshua so you could tell him yourself. You owed him that.”
Hannah nodded. “Ya, I told him this morning. And I want to explain my decision to you and Eli.”
Barbie made a sweeping gesture toward the kitchen table. “Sit. I’ll call Eli in from outside.”
Hannah sat at the table and watched Lillian cut out cookies. “How are you doing?”
“I told you. I’m fine.” Lillian kept her back to Hannah.
“We miss you.”
Lillian didn’t respond.